


Glimpses of Together

by Knight of Flames (beetroot_of_doubt)



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blind Ignis Scientia, Canonical Character Death, Drunken Kissing, Episode Ignis DLC, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 152,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetroot_of_doubt/pseuds/Knight%20of%20Flames
Summary: For a moment, Ignis considered saying damn the consequences. It would be so easy to take those outstretched hands and be swept up in everything that was Noctis…But whatever happened between them would only ever be temporary and it would have to be kept secret. His love could ruin Noctis…and that was something he couldn't allow.
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 75
Kudos: 259





	1. Chapter 1

Ever since they were first introduced as children, Noctis had always had a particular soft spot for his oldest friend and companion. They shared almost everything, and although Ignis had almost always followed the etiquette that had been drummed into him the Prince most enjoyed when that wall of formality came down and they could play together as he thought other, non-royal, children must do.

Following the demon attack and the flight from Tenebrae, Ignis had always been there for him, taking his responsibilities as the Crown Prince’s companion very seriously and going well beyond, tolerating his surly moods and reticence to speak to anyone as the child he was struggled to process all the things that had happened to him. He hadn’t had the emotional maturity to be able to communicate why he felt so sad and angry all the time, but Ignis’ kindness and patience, along with the occasional stern word helped him begin to move past the terrible things he had experienced. 

He was constantly grateful for Ignis’ presence in his life, and as they both passed into being teenagers Noctis began to notice his friend’s body getting taller, at first making him lanky and awkward until he’d begun training with the Crownsguard. He’d gained an elegance of movement and musculature that the Prince found incredibly distracting as a horny boy entering puberty. Not that he even got to see much behind the suits, but those spontaneous products of his imagination whenever he was alone in bed, or mortifyingly, sometimes even in Ignis’ presence, he couldn’t deny his affections for his friend were no longer that of a sibling.

Being still a horny teenager, Noctis had experimented with himself and with toys, all the time imagining that it was Ignis’ hands caressing him or his cock fucking him. Sometimes he thought of what might happen if his friend found him pleasuring himself and decided to join him, the pretend thrill making climax all the sweeter. It was a fun fantasy, never one he intended to ever happen in reality, until one night I kind of did.

The whole day he’d been desperately frustrated knowing Ignis was going out with someone other than him. He’d been tempted to sneak into the Amicitia estate that night and smother Gladio in his sleep when he’d proudly declared success for cajoling the Advisor into a blind date, but settled instead for the less drastic option of pinning hopelessly in his room. 

It did not take long for his thoughts to drift from who this date was and what sort of pretty girls Ignis liked to whether his friend would go back to her place and stay the night and eventually ending on the constructed mental image of Ignis, naked and aroused, with Noctis taking the place of his blind date.

He got himself so worked up that he forgot to keep his voice down as he cried out to his imaginary lover, riding the edge of his release before tipping over into orgasmic bliss, sighing Ignis’ name once more. One hand lazily pumped his cock to draw out the pleasure, the splash of his come peppering his stomach and over his chest. Astrals, that had been a good one. Maybe feeling jealous was worth it if that intensity was the result. 

Opening his eyes, he noticed the room was lighter. Someone had opened his door but it was now closing quickly. He couldn’t help but look at who had walked in on him and was mortified to meet Ignis’ gaze before his door clicked shut again. Fuck!

What was Ignis doing back so early? How long had he been standing there? It was obvious, even at a glimpse what Noctis had been doing, but had he been watching? Was he horrified by his Prince coming with his name on his lips?

For a moment Noctis thought about chasing after his Advisor to…to what? Explain? Apologise? …Confess? What on Eos could he say that would make this whole mess disappear? Ignis was probably repulsed by him now. What if he decided to resign and never see Noctis again?

Tears of despair and frustration welled up as Noctis scrambled off the bed to clean himself up and shower, scrubbing hard as if trying to wash away the shame as well as his semen, leaving his skin pink and tender.

After towelling himself dry, he threw on a loose t-shirt and some shorts before slipping out into the corridor, padding down to Ignis’ door on bare feet. He stood outside, working up the nerve to knock, having decided that he couldn’t just leave talking about this until morning, he’d never be able to sleep with the fears from the unknown buzzing around his head. Better to rip off the band aid early so they could both deal with the fallout. 

There was the sound of movement from inside and it took a little while for Ignis to come to the door, blushing scarlet when he saw who it was. 

“Y…your Highness!” He looked flustered and seemed to have been in the middle of changing, the top few buttons of his shirt were undone and he was already wearing his pyjama bottoms. He glanced nervously up and down the corridor to check if there was anyone else nearby, relaxing a little when there was no one in sight.

Noctis could also feel his face heating up, not only in shame but because Ignis was adorable when he was flustered. “Specs, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to see that; I don’t blame you if you hate me now. I’m disgusting and I’m sorry if you feel violated in any way, I’m just so, so sorry.” The words poured out and at some point tears had begun to fall and he sobbed out his apology.

“Come inside, Highness.” Warm hands drew him in, firmly wrapping around him as he clung to Ignis’ shirt and left damp patches against his chest. He was guided into the room and held quietly until he was completely drained.

Eventually, Ignis sat him down on the end of the bed and fetched a glass of water which he gratefully gulped down, somewhat soothing his raw throat. 

“Do you hate me now?” Noctis mumbled, unable to look at his Advisor and flinching away as Ignis sat close beside him, their shoulders bumping together.

“No, Noct, I could never hate you. This whole situation is my fault, I should never have intruded into your personal space without knocking. Please forgive me for causing you such distress.” Ignis was calm and his voice was soft. Putting two fingers beneath Noctis’ chin, he guided the Prince’s face up to look at him, a blush was still evident on his cheeks.

Their faces were close and the touch was reassuring, making the Prince’s heart pound. Ignis’ gaze was intense and flickered briefly down to Noctis’ lips. The scent of Ignis’ aftershave was intoxicating and for a moment, he was sure his Advisor was about to close the distance and kiss him…

“Noct…” The Prince shivered as the fingers from his chin lightly traced down his neck before setting more platonically on his shoulder and Ignis moved back. “You should not feel ashamed for doing something as natural as masturbating, and the use of toys for pleasure is quite common. I certainly do not think any less of you for it.”

“So you didn’t hear…?” Noctis shifted uncomfortably, clasping his hands together in his lap.

“Hear what? I was listening to music,” Ignis gestured to his phone on a chest of drawers, the ear buds still connected. “As soon as I saw you were indisposed, I only wished to give you your privacy.”

He hadn’t known his Advisor to walk about wearing headphones, but he’d only caught a glimpse behind the closing door so he probably hadn’t noticed. “Oh. Why were you coming to see me? You had a date this evening.”

Now it was Ignis’ turn to shift uncomfortably. “I came back sooner than planned. I should never have succumbed to Gladio’s mithering. He does not know my type at all.”

The question of what was Ignis’ type danced on the tip of the Prince’s tongue. He was burning to know the answer but managed to hold the words back, they’d both felt awkward enough this evening.

“Since I had some free time, I was coming to see if you wanted any help with your schoolwork this evening.”

“Erm, no. No, I’m good, thanks Specs.” Noctis laughed, running a hand through his hair a making it stick up at odd angles. The tension had eased a little and he felt like he could breathe again.

“I apologise again for causing you embarrassment.” Ignis picked up the glass and fetched the Prince more water. There he went again, putting everything on himself to make Noctis feel better.

“Well, I am pretty embarrassed…but it’s not your fault. I’ll lock my door in future.”

“That would be prudent.” Ignis chuckled.

“I was worried you’d want to leave me.”

“I shall always be by your side, Noct, never fear about that.” The smile Ignis wore completely disarmed him, full of love and admiration.

“You’re stunning…” The whisper slipped out before the Prince had even register the thought.

“Pardon?”

“Err, it’s stunning, how patient you are with me, I mean.” Noctis tried not to notice the pink tinge across Ignis’ cheekbones. It was just warm in here, that was all. “I should get an early night!” He declared abruptly, jumping to his feet and scurrying to the exit. “Lots to do tomorrow. Err, night Specs. Enjoy your free time.” He slammed the door harder than he’d intended in his hurry to leave and fled back to his room, locking himself inside for the rest of the night

After their talk, life went on as usual and Ignis’ treatment of him never seemed to change, for good or ill. Noctis had to push away thoughts that his friend maybe liked him back, if that almost kiss indicated anything. It often made him snappy and irritable, particularly at his Advisor, after he’d noticed something that Ignis did which could be interpreted as overly affectionate towards him, but then kicked himself for projecting his own feelings.

Being a stupid idiot with the emotional processing capability of a loaf of bread, he’d spent plenty of time tormenting his Advisor in many small ways as some kind of petty revenge for not openly returning Noctis’ affections. He acknowledged to himself later that it was childish, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if his behaviour had driven Ignis away, but there he stayed, and it only made Noctis love him all the more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> This is my first fiction writing smut and there will be more in later chapters so I hope I've done a reasonable job of it.


	2. Chapter 2

A few years later, after Noctis had moved out to his own apartment, he was surprised to find himself summoned to see the King along with Ignis and Gladio, none of them quite sure why there were there. 

“You have any idea what this is about Noct?” Gladio crossed his arms, looking up and down the otherwise empty corridor with irritation. 

Noctis shrugged, kicking his heels against the wall behind him. “I dunno. Must be something important I guess.” 

“It is irregular for all three of us to be required.” Ignis frowned, folding his arms across his chest and holding his chin in thought, and Noctis had to tear his eyes away from his Advisor’s fingers and the memory of how they’d felt against his face instead. 

Before they had time to ponder anymore, the door in front of them swung open and they were ushered inside to find the King with only Clarius by his side. His dad looked tired, even more than usual, as he gestured to the three to sit on the opposite sofa. They did so in silence, Noctis in the middle, Gladio on his right and Ignis on his left. The servant who had let them in topped up the King’s tea before bowing and exiting, leaving the five of them alone.

“This all seems a bit solemn dad.” Noctis gave a nervous laugh, trying to break the tension in the air. “What’s all this for? I don’t think I’ve fucked up recently.” He received a sharp dig in the side for his choice of words as both Ignis and his father chastised “Language!”

“Noctis, you are aware that we have been in communication with the Emperor of Niflhiem about brokering a peace deal.” His dad sounded as tired as he looked. “There is good news in that it seems like a compromise can be made, however, there is a condition which requires your consent.” 

“Mine?” Noctis blurted out. “What? Why?” His dad raised a hand to stem the tide of questions he had. 

“As part of securing the peace, the Empire desires a marital union between royal houses on both sides of the conflict, and since Tenebrae is an Imperial protectorate, it has been proposed that you marry Princess Lunafreya Nox Fleuret.” He felt Ignis noticeably stiffen beside of him and he couldn’t help but flick his gaze towards his Advisor, but Ignis’ expression was completely neutral, almost aggressively so. 

“What if I don’t want to marry Luna?” He asked, any hope for choosing his own partner in life slipping away with his dad’s kind but pitying expression. 

“Then the Empire will not agree to peace.” 

“Sorry bud, looks like you don’t gotta choice.” Gladio’s deep voice rumbled beside him. 

Noctis hung his head, very conscious that Ignis had not moved for a good few minutes. He was a little worried he wasn’t breathing he was so motionless. 

“I see…Then I agree to marry Luna.” This didn’t feel right. He’d known for years that his marital status would probably end up as a political bargaining chip, but being aware of the possibility and being told it outright were very different things. 

“I’m sorry you do not have more agency regarding your future Queen, Noctis. I tried to negotiate around the idea of marriage, but for the good of the Lucis I was left no other choice.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure you did everything you could dad. I need to let this sink in.” The news had made him agitated, and he picked at a loose thread on his t-shirt.

“That is understandable. The official announcements won’t be made for a few days so you can take some time for yourself.” The King smiled kindly and took a sip from his tea. 

“Yeah, ok. Come on guys.” Despondent, Noctis stood, Gladio rising beside him. Strangely, Ignis stayed still as a statue until the Prince’s hand on his shoulder jerked him back to life. 

His Advisor quickly rose, dipping a quick bow and uttering “Majesty,” before leaving the room in Noctis’ wake. 

“Congratulations Noct, I guess.” Gladio clapped a hand onto the Prince’s shoulder as they hurried down the corridors of the Citadel, Noctis setting the pace. 

“I need a drink after that.” He grumbled, intent on making it home and drowning this strange mix of emotions with alcohol. “You guys coming?” 

“Much as I’d like to, I promised I’d be home for a family dinner this evening. Astrals, Iris is going to be jealous.” Gladio chuckled, enjoying the prospect of teasing his little sister. “At least you’ve known Lady Lunafreya since you were kids. She’s not a stranger.” 

Noctis muttered something in response when waving Gladio off, then turned his attention to Ignis who had been uncharacteristically subdued as they’d walked. 

“You wanna come drink with me, Specs? I don’t really want to drink alone.” 

“Hmm? Of course, Noct. We shall stop by the shops on the way back to your apartment.” 

They bought beer and wine to drink, probably more than necessary Noctis thought, since Ignis almost never drank to excess, and it wasn’t as if he was the one being bartered like a piece of meat. 

Getting in, Ignis insisted that they have something to eat first before starting to drink, but Noctis saw how his Advisor poured himself a glass of wine before beginning to cook. Not that this was wholly unusual for a Friday evening but today was a Tuesday. And when they sat down to eat, Ignis barely seemed to touch his food, having a second, then a third large glass of wine while he ate. He took off his jacket and had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, face flushed by the time Noctis had finished his first beer. 

“Specs, are you doing ok?” He asked, concerned, when his friend finished off the bottle of wine then stood to fetch another. “You almost seem to be taking the news of my betrothal worse than me.” The half-hearted joke fell flat as Ignis looked at him over the top of his spectacles, something of a hungry look in his green eyes which made Noctis’ heart race. 

“You asked for drinking company, so here I am, as company, drinking.” With a little effort, Ignis uncorked his second bottle, the muscles in his bare forearms flexing in a way Noctis found very distracting. 

“I’ll have some of your wine with you. Shall we sit on the sofa?” He opened up the cupboard to get out another large wine glass, he wasn’t going to catch up with the head start Ignis had with his beer, but as he never normally used them forgot they were on the top shelf. 

Struggling a little to reach, he felt Ignis come up behind him, pressing him forward into to counter. “Here Noct, allow me.” His voice was low and breathy against the Prince’s ear, and as one long arm reached up to easily take a second glass the other slid around him for support, holding his back against a firm chest for a few moments longer than absolutely necessary. Damn Ignis was flirty when drunk! Was this why he almost never let himself go in company? 

“Th…thanks.” Noctis stuttered, watching Ignis retreat to the living space before filling his glass from the new bottle and gulping down most of it. 

Making his own way towards the sofa, his wine topped up, he saw Ignis had stretched out across the cushions, his long, lean form taking up all of the space. 

“Make some room.” He nudged Ignis’ legs and took another deep draught of wine. 

“There’s plenty of room if you lay on me.” That made Noctis choke mid-swallow. Coughing to clear his airways again, he saw Ignis undo the top couple of buttons on his shirt, wearing a lustful expression that the Prince had only fantasised about. 

“Are you serious?” He put his glass down and knelt alongside his friend, his eyes fixed on the stretch of skin now revealed to him below the silver skull necklace. 

“Certainly.” He watched as toned muscles under the skin flexed when Ignis propped himself up on one arm, the other moving to cup the back of the Prince’s neck. “This may be my last chance.” He murmured, before pulling Noctis in for a searing kiss. 

When they parted, both were breathing deeply and Ignis’ glasses were slightly askew. 

“Ignis, kiss me again.” Noctis gasped as he was pulled onto the sofa, settling between Ignis’ legs before their lips met again, hands seeking skin for exploratory touches as they made out. 

It didn’t take long before their erections were very noticeable and Noctis rolled his hips to gain some friction, moaning against his Advisor’s mouth. 

“You are beautiful Noct.” Ignis whispered, fingers sweeping through dark hair. “May I make love to you?” The Prince could barely believe his ears, something he had wanted for so long was finally happening. 

“Yes! Iggy, I want you.” Through the lust filled, alcohol haze it took them a little while to make it to the bed, touching and kissing the whole way. Their clothes were discarded until they were down to their underwear, before the Prince pushed Ignis back onto his bed and straddled him, kissing down his lover’s body until some other need than sex became more urgent.

“Sorry, I’ll be back in a minute. Stay there.” He managed to escape to the bathroom, almost drawn back in by Ignis’ pout before he shut the door, desperately trying to think unsexy thoughts so he could relieve himself and get back to the man of his dreams. 

It took a while to take care of that need as every few moments the thought of Ignis laying on his bed, practically naked and desiring him, made his erection very persistent. Then he’d found some condoms and other supplies out of his bathroom cabinet so when he rushed back into his room, muttering apologies, he found Ignis asleep. 

“Fuck!” He cursed under his breath, having forgotten that alcohol also normally made his Advisor sleepy. Well he couldn’t wake him now and it was definitely rude to masturbate over the sleeping form of the person who not long ago wanted to fuck you. Stupid bladder! 

Sighing, he fetched a blanket from the spare room to cover them both, the duvet trapped underneath Ignis’ body, and climbed into bed beside him. Still, it was good to know that Ignis wanted him too, and it had done an excellent job of taking his mind off of the engagement, at least for a little while. Gently removed Ignis’ spectacles and placing them on the bedside table, he allowed himself to kiss his Advisor’s forehead before cuddling up as close as he dared, the sound of slow, deep breaths lulling him to sleep. 

Light filtered through the curtains when Noctis woke, though glancing at his alarm clock told him it was still early. Laying in front of him, expression peaceful, Ignis still slept. For once Noctis did not mind the early start if he was allowed to glimpse the object of his affection in such a calm state, and especially knowing what they’d intended to get up to last night. It was a shame that Ignis had fallen asleep before they really got going. 

Propping himself up on one elbow, his shut his eyes again as his head span. Water, he should drink some water, and get some for Ignis as well. 

He sat up slowly, trying not to not disturb his sleeping advisor, but Ignis had always been a light sleeper when he wasn’t drunk. He rolled onto his back and groaned, blearily opening one eye before frowning at the strangeness of the room. 

“Mornin’ sleepyhead.” Noctis rested a hand lightly on Ignis’ partly exposed chest and leaning across to give him a kiss, one that he responded to eagerly before he suddenly pushed the Prince away and scrambled to get to his feet. 

“Noct! What…?” Ignis swayed when he managed to get his feet under him, leaning heavily on the edge of the bed. His normally sharp green eyes were bloodshot and wide with alarm, looking alternately between the topless Prince and his own very limited clothing. 

“Don’t you remember?” Noctis felt slightly hurt. He’d known that Ignis had drunk more than him, but he’d not thought enough to forget his actions. “You kissed me, then we kissed a bit more,” he could feel a blush rising and he smiled shyly. “You said you wanted me, and I wanted you as well, but you fell asleep before we did anything.” 

By now Ignis was red in the face as well. “For Shiva’s mercy, I thought that had been a dream.” He groaned, reaching out for his spectacles and putting them on.

“I hope it wasn’t.” Noctis bit his lip, suddenly feeling very nervous. “You don’t regret what happened, do you?” 

Ignis paused in pulling on his clothes, creased and rumpled from where they had been discarded in a pile on the floor. The pause lasted too long and he refused to meet Noctis’ eyes. 

“I’ll fetch some water; we’ll be dehydrated.” Then he fled the room, leaving the Prince alone in bed with his confusion and disappointment.

Getting a couple of glasses of water seemed to be taking a long time, and when Noctis plucked up the courage to venture out of his bedroom, he found Ignis sat at his kitchen table with his head in his hands. The scent of fresh coffee drifted from the cup in front of him alongside two large glasses of water, one of which he sat down next to.

“Erm, Specs…?” Noctis couldn’t find the words to start. This was something they should talk about. Ignis had been more than receptive last night, he’d even initiated the whole thing, but now the inhibition reducing properties of alcohol had subsided, he seemed to be ashamed. 

His advisor looked up; his eyes even more bloodshot than before. “Your Highness, please have something to drink. I shall prepare breakfast shortly and then leave you in peace.” The use of his title automatically put distance between them and made Noctis shift with discomfort. 

“Why can’t you stay?” Reaching out, he put his hand over one of Ignis’, able to enjoy the warmth for a moment before the contact was gently but firmly removed.

“Highness, you are engaged.” Came the reply, as if that explained everything.

“Not by choice. I would choose you, if you wanted me.” Noctis’ thoughts flicked back to the kisses the night before and how passionate his advisor had been. Surely no one could kiss like that without feeling something for him.

A confusion of emotions flickered across Ignis’ face, settling on something like grief. “The fact remains to be seen that you will be married soon and your reputation as a future monarch cannot be tarnished by an affair. Please forget my inexcusable actions last night, I was drunk, it shall not happen again.” 

Noctis winced. He was already feeling rough with the hangover and Ignis’ words were like a slap to the face.

“What if I don’t want to forget those kisses? Don’t I get a say?” He was aware of he was being selfish but couldn’t summon up the ability to care right now. Ignis had always been very conscious about his position as the Prince’s companion and now Advisor, and always put his duty before personal concerns, but he deserved love too. 

“If I indulged myself…if you were mine, I could not bear to watch you marry somebody else. The peace is far too important, for everyone. I can support you and Lucis better if we are not romantically involved.” 

“We both know that it will be a sham marriage. I can talk to Luna, I’m sure she would understand…”

Ignis slapped his hand on the table, interrupting, “No, Noct, it would never work. I’m sorry, it’s already too late for us.”

Silence fell. 

“Well…” Noctis fought hard to stop his voice from cracking. “If that’s what you think, you can go now.” The dismissal was clear. 

“I’m sorry, Noct.” He made a half-hearted attempt to reach out but drew back when Noctis turned away from him.

“Please leave.” Ignis stood up, bowed to his Prince and left the apartment, he hadn’t even finished his coffee.


	3. Chapter 3

Through the weeks of wedding planning and peace talks, the relationship between the Prince and his Advisor had become strained. 

Ignis was still there to support Noctis in every capacity, but he maintained an emotional distance, focusing on his duty above all else. He could not allow himself to slip up again, regardless of the feelings the Prince held for him. 

Later one night, Ignis was working through the minutes from the week’s meetings that he had attended on behalf of the surly Crown Prince. Each had to be summarised down to just the salient points to have any chance of filtering through Noctis’ brief attention span, especially as Ignis now left them on his kitchen table instead of talking him through them. Sometimes it seemed that Noctis had only absorbed the contents because it was Ignis speaking to him, anyone else was quickly brushed off with platitudes.

The phone rang beside him, its bright light and cheery music startling him. “Scientia.” He answered automatically, righting his mercifully empty coffee mug after he’d caught it reaching for the device.

“Hey Specs, sorry, I didn’t wake you, did I?” He was surprised to receive a call this late, let alone from the Prince.

“No, I was preoccupied with Citadel paperwork.” He said, glancing at his watch. 02:27. How had it got so late? Pulling off his glasses, he rubbed his tired eyes. 

“Could…could you…? No, it’s stupid, forget I called.” Noct sounded so small on the other end of the line, Ignis felt something his chest squeeze with concern. 

“Please tell me what’s wrong, Noct. I will help you in any way I can.” Chastising himself, he couldn’t help let some of his affection bleed into his voice.

“Erm…I was having trouble sleeping and thought…I thought you might keep me company for a bit, like you used to.” Tension hang in the air, the Prince holding his breath, clearly taking Ignis’ lack of immediate response as a negative. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, you were quite clear a few weeks ago. I wasn’t trying too…I’m just tired and, and lonely and I thought of you. I should shut up! Sorry Ignis. Sorry.” Noctis was freaking out and babbling, then after his last apology he hung up.

Ignis stared at his phone, bemused. He’d know Noct had been having some trouble with his sleeping pattern lately, napping more during the day and being restless at night. It was probably stress related, but this was the first request like this he’d had since the Prince’s night terrors had subsided. Immediately, he dialling the Prince’s number and listened to the tone for a long time, as if Noct was unsure whether to answer. When the call finally connected the other end was quiet. 

“Please don’t put the phone down before I have had a chance to reply, Noct.” Ignis hoped his smile could be hear down the line. “If you wish for company, I shall come over immediately.”

“B…but your paperwork…” Noct stammered.

“Can wait.” Ignis interrupted, “You are more important.” Standing, Ignis grabbed his keys and stayed on the call until he got to his car. He could not let himself be with the Prince as a lover, but if they could get back to how things had been before, surely the two of them would be happier than they were now. 

He spent some time sitting with Noct until he fell asleep. As the Prince began to drift off, he’d reached out and slipped a hand into Ignis’, the rough callouses scraping against the palm of an unusually gloveless hand. 

Ignis had remained there for a while, listening to Noct’s slow breaths and savouring the feel of his cool fingers. When he’d finally torn himself away, he couldn’t resist kissing the sleeping Prince’s forehead, then relocated to the spare room for a few hours sleep before he was required to be at the Citadel again.

When the suggestion of a road trip before the wedding was brought up, to allow Noctis to explore a little of their kingdom and freedom before being restricted by duty once again, the Prince jumped at the chance. Gladio would have to come along certainly, and Prompto would throw a monumental sulk if he wasn’t invited, not that Noctis would be able to do without him anyway, but Ignis’ response was the one the Prince was most anxious about, fearing he would say no. 

“Of course I shall be joining you, your Highness. How on Eos would the three of you survive without me?” This was their chance, away from the court and politics, where their friendship could be repaired.

“So, you’ve got my back?” Noctis grinned, and Ignis’s heart beat so loudly he was scared the Prince would be able to hear it pounding.

“Always.” 

They took their time travelling through Leide, having plenty of time to reach Galdin Quay. Noctis insisted that they help anyone who asked which led the party down some interesting little diversions. They took hunts for cash to replace what they’d needed for the Regalia’s repairs and camped most nights despite Prompto’s whining about everything except the food. 

It didn’t take long living in such close proximity to discover some of each other’s more irritating features, like Gladio’s snoring. 

“He’s like a buzzsaw with no off switch!” Prompto grouched after several restless nights, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. “I dunno how you guys manage.”

“Perhaps you may find these useful.” Ignis smiled and pulled out a spare set of ear plugs from the Armiger, handing them to the gunslinger before returning to his can of Ebony, leaving Prompto gaping at him. “Noct and I absolutely swear by them.” 

When they final made it to the sea and found there was no ferry, Noct had looked a little relieved. Ignis and the Prince had been growing closer again, the awkwardness between drifting away little by little. He was not going to complain about having more time with Noct before the wedding and relished being able to bask in his presence outside of some of the court-imposed formality.

Occasionally Gladio or Prompto would give him a curious look when his behaviour towards the Prince was more affectionate than was proper, and he’d have to pull back and remind himself of his duty. 

“Hey, Specs?” Ignis glanced up from his black notebook at the Prince’s back, the fishing pole bending from tension on the line. 

“Yes Noct? And turn the line towards the fish.” The prompt was out before he was really aware of it; Noct had been doing so much fishing now they were at the sea that both Prompto and Gladio had gotten bored, preferring to laze about on the beach instead of waiting at the jetty; the former preferring to photograph the view and build sandcastles, whilst the latter sunbathed and flexed for the admiration of passing young women.

“I know. I know.” Noctis shifted his weight to his other foot, following the instruction. Ignis could almost hear him rolling his eyes and he smiled to himself. 

“After the wedding, you’ll still stay with me, right?” 

Ignis frowned, closing his notebook with a snap and tucking it away in his top pocket. “Noct, I thought we had already discussed this.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re my Advisor, the Sword to Gladio’s Shield, indispensable to the future King, but is that what you want?” Noct’s attention was so focused on his line that he jumped when Ignis came up and put a hand on his shoulder, losing the fish in the process. For once, it didn’t seem to annoy him.

“I could not think of anything better than being by your side, your Highness.” Noct turned to look up at him, his gaze intense though perhaps a little red in the face and Ignis couldn’t help but gaze back, his expression softening. 

“You should top up your sun cream, your Highness, your face seems to be catching the sun.” Pulling a bottle from their supplies in the Armiger, he handed it to Noct and quickly retreated to a safe distance. Once again, he’d almost been drawn in by the temptation to kiss his Prince senseless, but he could not allow himself to be selfish again.

The night they finally had enough funds to stay at the Quay’s hotel, Ignis found himself unable to sleep despite the soft bed and plump pillows, thoughts about Noctis churning away now they had arranged some transport for tomorrow and were one step closer to his wedding. 

Rolling over, he was used to seeing midnight hair of the Prince beside him, given their typical tent arrangement, but today he was sharing with Prompto. The suite they were using had two bedrooms and the blonde was eager to sleep without the need for earplugs for one night. 

Having lain awake for what felt like a small eternity, Ignis softly got up and padded into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and stared into the mirror. His reflection, slightly blurry without his spectacles, stared back, for once looking as tired and as stressed as he felt. 

“I cannot have him.” He whispered to his reflection. “He is the future King of Lucis and I am…I am of no consequence. If I am selfish then so many will suffer the consequences and I should not encourage his affection for me. This marriage is necessary and I shall endure this heartache to stay by him.”

A soft knock on the bathroom door made him jump. “Iggy? Ya gonna be talking to yourself in there for long? I gotta pee.” Prompto’s sleepy voice came from the other side of the door.

Ignis dabbed his face dry with a towel and stepped past the young man, heading back to bed with a mumbled apology for disturbing him.

The next morning, Ignis was wide awake early as usual. Groaning, he dragging himself out of bed to get ready before anyone else was up and disappeared into the Mother of Pearl’s main space to seek out coffee and peruse the newspapers. Upon seeing the headlines though, his cup dropped from his nerveless fingers and shattered on the floor. After apologising profusely and starting to clean up the mess himself, he was shooed away by the staff and took a step outside. 

He stared out over the calm ocean, one of the papers clutched in his hand. Suddenly, everything had changed, their plans sundered before his eyes and Ignis felt lost. 

Taking enough time to still his shaking hands, he made his way back towards the suite and slipped through the door to find his travel companions all waiting for him. His gaze rested on the Prince and he almost lost his nerve to speak.

“What’s that look for?” Noct seemed a little testy this morning, no doubt anxious about their anticipated crossing to Altissia.

Ignis couldn’t look at him anymore and turned to Gladio, offering the paper he’d brought with him.

“It’s in all the papers.” His voice was subdued and he could not look at his Prince when Noct demanded to know what was going on. The sound of horror he made when Prompto read out the headline hurt him to hear. 

“Is this your idea of a joke?”

“I need you to calm down so I can explain.” Ignis managed to focus on calming Noct with his words and with reason, but struggled not to flinch back as the Prince advanced towards him.

“I’m as calm as I’m gonna get.” Ignis attempted to meet Noct’s eyes, wishing there was some way he could cushion the blow.

“There was an attack. The Imperial army has taken the Crown City.” He dismissed the hurt of Noct gliding past him to Gladio and the paper, his mind turning over as the Shield read out the article. 

“We had no way of knowing.” He sighed, turning away as he pieced things together.

“What? Knowing what?” The Prince demanded and not for the first time this morning Ignis wished that he was still asleep in bed, and this was all just a horrible nightmare he would wake up from.

“That the signing was last night. That Insomnia…”

“But the wedding! Altissia!” 

“I know, that was the plan.” Ignis found himself over emphasising the words. He was still reeling himself, but couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that if he’d been more alert, less distracted, he could have spotted…something, so they could have done…anything! “How could all the headlines in the Kingdom be wrong?”

“…Lies.” Noct’s despair broke his heart. He only wanted to comfort his Prince, hold him, soothe him in any way he could, but he knew Noct would push him away. That empty, hollow feeling inside would not be able to leave him until they knew for certain, so Ignis latched onto the decision to return to Insomnia so they could see for themselves. It was the only plan they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've switched primarily to Ignis' perspective for this Chapter. We'll be sticking with him and his internal conflict for a bit longer as we see how our boys deal with some of the main events from the game.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days went by like a fever dream. First back to Insomnia, then to Hammerhead, all of them suffering with their grief. Although he was a wreck on the inside, years of practice in presenting a controlled face to the world allowed Ignis the ability to chivvy the Prince and the rest of his entourage in at least a productive direction. 

It took some time for the sombre silence of camp to begin to be broken again with moments of laughter and joy, as the grief finally settled in and ebbed from the forefront of their minds. No one could live with those sorts of feelings dominating their thoughts for long. The key, Ignis felt, was purpose, and as soon as searching for the Royal tombs and recovering the Crystal became Noctis’ quest, his mood seemed to improve a little. 

Unfortunately for Ignis, seeking physical contact with him also seemed to lighten Noct’s mood. The touches individually were nothing serious, a casual brush of fingers when Noct handed him his Ebony, brief hugs when they successfully completed a hunt, close proximity when the Prince deigned to help him with cooking, leading to a shoulder bump or a soft hip check. Although Ignis permitted himself to enjoy the practice, especially since it seemed to help calm Noct, he worried what it might lead to.

A couple of weeks after the fall of the Crown City the four were preparing their camp, though Noctis and Prompto were playing more Kings Knight than actually helping. After pitching the tent, Gladio stretched and said, “The river’s not far. I’m gonna get clean while we still have light. We need firewood Prompto, your turn.” This prompted a groan from the youngest of the team who reluctantly dragged himself off of the camping chair and followed Gladio into the wooded surrounds.

“Noct?” Ignis called, connecting the gas bottle and lighting the portable stove. “Would you come over here and help me with dinner?” 

“Augh, but I already helped with breakfast this morning.” Ignis looked over his shoulder at the Prince slumped in his chair, the breeze catching Noct’s dark hair, ruffling it gently as their eyes met. Ignis felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach, something that had been happening even more frequently of late. 

The world paused for a heartbeat, then Ignis managed to tear his gaze away so he could find the right ingredients for tonight’s meal. He hadn’t missed the small smile Noct gave him as the gaze was held for just a fraction too long. 

“That does not prevent you from helping me now.” There was a rustle of clothing and footsteps behind him and by the time he stood up straight again with a variety of ingredients in his hands, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him and the warmth of a body pressed against his back.

Ignis stiffened. Given all the casual touches, small smiles and emotional turmoil recently, he had feared something like this would eventually happen. 

Putting the ingredients on the side, he covered the Noct’s hands with his own. Chastising himself for savouring the contact he tried to gently extricate himself but Noct’s fingers only gripped his shirt more tightly.

“Please Specs, just let me hold you.” The words were muffled against the back of his jacket.

It was so hard, permitting the contact and trying to pretend that this embrace didn’t make his heart pound with joy. He could feel Noct’s breath on his neck. Ignis’ eyes widened and he had to bite his tongue to stop himself giving a sigh as soft lips made contact with his skin. 

“What are you doing, Noct?” He managed to keep his voice steady but his body betrayed him with a shudder of pleasure as those lips brushed his neck again. 

“Given everything that’s happened, I want to hold on to what’s precious to me and I’m tired of waiting for you to make a move. I still want to be with you, Ignis, and I think you still want me too.” 

“Noct, you cannot be serious. You are still grieving and you’re latching on to me as an emotional support, that is all.” Hating himself for dismissing Noct’s feelings so callously, Ignis managed to disentangle the fingers from his clothing and pulled away.

He turned to see a frown furrow the Prince’s brow. “I know what I feel for you. It’s not displacement! I’ve felt this way for so long... I love you!” The smile that lit Noctis’ face as he reached for the advisor’s hands made Ignis’ heart leap. “I’ve finally said it, I love you, Ignis Scientia!” 

For a moment, Ignis considered saying fuck the consequences and return Noctis’ love. There was no guarantee they would survive this journey to take back Lucis, why not seize what little pleasure they could find amidst this nightmare. He knew his feelings would never fade, and it was quite clear the Prince had been waiting for him for a long time. It would be so easy to take those outstretched hands and be swept up in everything that was Noctis…

But, chimed in his logical side, if they did succeed and Crown Prince Noctis ascended the throne of Lucis, he would need a Queen and an heir. Ignis would have to gather suitable candidates for the King to select his new wife, and their union would result in children. Whatever happened between the two of them out here would only ever be temporary and it would have to be kept secret to prevent any backlash or outcry against the monarchy. He might be seen as controlling the King for his own gains, or even be forced from his position. His love would ruin Noctis…

There was only one course of action he could take. Ignis pushed away the outstretched hands and stepped back. 

“Noct…I can’t…your intended bride is missing, but there is still hope. I am not worthy of that declaration.” He couldn’t make eye contact, preferring to look off to the side instead.

“Iggy, that ship has sailed. The treaty was never real, there won’t be a wedding. I’m completely yours!” Noct stepped closer again, slowly reaching to cup Ignis’ face in his hands and Ignis did not have the strength to repel him. “I’ve always been yours. If anything, I’m not worthy of you.” 

“Please, your Highness…I have a duty, to you and your position, that I will always fulfil to the best of my ability, but it cannot be this…”

“Specs, no! I can’t bear it when you distance yourself!” Ignis tried to look away, but Noct’s hands on either side of his face prevented him. That look of hope on the face of the man he loved which slowly shifted into a look of panic. “Ignis…please…that night you kissed me you wanted me too, right?”

Ignis balled his hands into fists so tight he could feel his fingernails biting through the layers of his gloves. Looking down at his beloved Prince he said, “Your Highness, that evening was a mistake. There is no way you and I can be anything more than Prince and Advisor.” 

Noct didn’t say another word. His normally pale cheeks were flushing red with humiliation as his hands dropped from Ignis’ face and he turned away. Noct took a few steps before breaking into a run, though he didn’t get far enough away to prevent the sound of a choked sob from reaching Ignis’ ears.

“Hey, what was all that about?” Prompto called. He was returning to camp with an armful of firewood, just in time to watch his friend run off in distress.

“Nothing to be concerned about.” Ignis bit the inside of his cheek, the pain letting him focus on something other than the lump rising in his throat and the unshed tears in his eyes. He could not have hurt Noctis more if he’d ripped out his still beating heart and stamped on it. He was despicable.

Turning to start chopping an onion, he continued. “We just had a little disagreement, that’s all.” Though his hand on the knife remained steady, the lead weight on his chest was trying to crush him.

“Disagreement?” Prompto sounded surprised. Ignis heard him drop the wood by the campfire and beat of his erratic footsteps as he skipped over to the stove. “That didn’t sound like a little disagreement.” 

“How much did you hear?” Ignis asked quietly, his focus on slicing the onion in front of him. He could see Prompto out of the corner of his eye, swinging his arms and bouncing slightly on his toes. The movement indicating even the normally effervescent young man’s agitation. 

“I heard enough to know that he still loves you, Iggy.” The sound of the knife on the chopping board stilled. “And that you’re pushing him away again. But, from the looks of you now, you don’t want that either.” 

Ignis took a deep, shuddering breath and harshly rubbed his eyes against his sleeve. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Prompto. The onion is making my eyes sting.”

“Noct told me that you’d rejected him before, because of the wedding.” Ignis was taken aback, though he really shouldn’t have been surprised that the Prince spoke to his best friend about his feelings. It was an intimacy he had shared with Noct before that damn engagement, before he gave in to his selfish desire and had to distance himself for the sake of duty. 

“He and I both have our responsibilities, and romance does not factor into any of them.” Prompto jiggled his arm and earned himself a stern look.

“Y’know, you’re really good at being all stoic and stuff except where Noct’s concerned. It’s obvious you fancy the pants off him.” 

Ignis could not respond to that statement, his emotions were running too near the surface and if he opened his mouth all his heartbreak would come rushing out. Also, if he didn’t finish preparing dinner then they would all go hungry, he could not afford to dally like this. Duty, that is what he needed to focus on now, doing his duty to take care of his friends.

He took a deep breath and returned to chopping. “Why don’t you go and make up the fire, I’m sure Gladio will be back from bathing soon and I wouldn’t want him to catch cold.” The onion finely sliced, Ignis scraped it into the waiting pan and began to prepare the next ingredient.

“You don’t need to be ashamed about your feelings Iggy, and you know he adores you.”

“Please, Prompto, no more. For everyone’s good, this is the way it has to be.” The sizzle of the onions seemed to get unbearably loud, or was that just the sound of blood roaring in his ears.

“It’s makes both of you miserable. Why do you need to lie…?” 

“Enough!” The blonde gunslinger looked stunned. Ignis almost never shouted, he was always the calm one, always so controlled. Clearing his throat, Ignis pushed his spectacles up his nose and returned to food preparation. Much quieter, he said “Tend to the fire, I have to prepare dinner.”

Hearing Prompto’s footsteps move away, Ignis allowed himself a long breath. Of course it was making him miserable. He had devoted his whole life to the Prince, and part of that meant sacrificing his own happiness for the Noct’s own good. 

“It’s enough to be his companion,” he told to himself. “I can be by his side and take care of him. I can see him smile and tend to his wounds. That is enough for me. In time, he’ll fall in love with someone else and be happy. His feelings for me will just be a memory…”

Noctis returned late for dinner, making them all wait to eat. His eyes were red and puffy, and he’d positioned himself as far away from Ignis as was practical, refusing to look at him. 

Dinner could easily have been described as melancholic. Prompto kept glancing between Ignis and Noct as he hunched over his own food, Gladio for once had the sense to not push things and even the Chocobos were subdued.

Ignis stayed up late that night. Once the others had gone to bed, he busied himself with tidying the camp as the fire began to burn low. In the light of the embers and the moon, he turned off the lamp and finally just let the events of the day wash over him. 

Unbidden, his thoughts drifted back to when he’d first realised that Noctis might reciprocate the love and desire he felt. 

Ignis had had a blind date for his evening off, set up by Gladio, of course. She was nice, and they’d had a pleasant conversation, but he knew any other relationship would never work while he pinned after the Prince. Excusing himself as soon as it was polite, he’d returned home to the Citadel though clearly much sooner than anyone expected him back. 

His room had still been just down the corridor from Noct’s back then, and as he’d made his way back, he thought he could hear the Prince calling for him. At the time it hadn’t been unusual enough of an instance that he didn’t even question it. Noctis sounded distressed? Perhaps he’d had a nightmare again.

Opening the door to Noct’s room without knocking, he noticed the lights were low and the place smelt slightly musky. The Prince was lying naked on his bed, eyes closed, his jaw slack and his head thrown back exposing his pale throat. His dark hair was mussed, strands sticking to his forehead. His legs were spread and lifted slightly allowing access for a dildo which was pushed fully home. One hand lay on the bed grasping at the covers, presumably having previously been grasping the dildo’s base before pleasure overcame him, whilst his other hand gripped his throbbing cock. Ignis could see it pulsing as spurts of semen came forth, landing on the Prince’s slender stomach and chest. 

“Ignis…” His name left the Prince’s lips as a whisper, almost a prayer, and for a moment he was captivated by the sight. Damn, it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen! Never had he thought in his wildest dreams that the Prince might return the feelings he’d been hiding…but Noctis was the Crown Prince, and the same sense of duty that forced Ignis to keep his feelings a secret now stopped him from doing what he most desired. 

He’d wanted so badly to go to the bed and kiss those lips that gasped his name, replacing that dildo with his hardening cock, bringing his Prince to climax again and again so he could watch that blissful expression up close. Astrals, he wanted Noctis to cry out in ecstasy as he worshipped every inch of that creamy skin. And he wanted the Prince to hold him afterwards, sharing kisses and words of love, promising to each other that they would never be apart. 

But duty came first. Duty to the Crown, duty to the Kingdom, duty to the Prince he was sworn to advise and protect. He couldn’t allow himself to be selfish. So Ignis had quietly backed out the room, hoping Noct would be too wrapped up in his release to notice the intrusion. But he hadn’t been fast enough to miss those breath-taking blue eyes opening, and that slack expression of bliss begin to change into one of horror. 

Ignis had fled back to his room, eternally thankful that there was no one else in the corridor who might have noticed his prominent erection, and hurried into his connected bathroom. Locking the door, he’d hastily undone his trousers and released his throbbing cock, stroking himself to the sight he’d just witnessed. It had not taken long for him to come, and he’d bitten down on his fist to stifle any sounds that might have otherwise escaped. 

When he’d returned to his senses, he felt shame for his actions. Such lack of control of his desire was intolerable. And when cleaning up he’d somehow managed to drip onto his trousers, condemning them to be handwashed to hide the evidence. 

When there had been a knock at his door, he’d panicked a little, scrabbling for his pyjamas instead of semen stained trousers and hid everything incriminating in his bathroom before greeting the last person he’d expected to see.

“Y…your Highness!” He had felt so nervous about the Prince coming to confront him. Surely he’d be angry at Ignis’ intrusion? But instead, Noct had dissolved into a mess of tears and apologies, and all of his concerns had melted away in the need to reassure the young man he loved.

“Specs, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to see that; I don’t blame you if you hate me now. I’m disgusting and I’m sorry if you feel violated in any way, I’m just so, so sorry.” 

“Come inside, Highness.” Noct had clung to Ignis’ shirt, leaving damp patches against his chest, and he’d let the Prince cry it all out. 

Once he seemed to be done, Ignis had fetched him glass of water.

“Do you hate me now?” Noct had flinching away as Ignis sat close beside him, and stared at the empty glass he’d just drained. Ignis had simply felt sad that this was Noct’s expectation of him. 

“No, Noct, I could never hate you. This whole situation is my fault, I should never have intruded into your personal space without knocking. Please forgive me for causing you such distress.” Ignis had managed to appear calm but his heart beat quickened as he’d guided the Prince’s face up to look at him, and had been unable to do anything about his blush. 

Their faces were close and it would not have taken much to kiss his Prince. Just a little taste of something he had never thought he’d be able to have. It had taken all of his control to move his hand from such an intimate position to a more platonic one and pull away.

“Noct…” What had been most important was reassuring him, not Ignis indulging himself. “You should not feel ashamed for doing something as natural as masturbating, and the use of toys for pleasure is quite common. I certainly do not think any less of you for it.” 

“So, you didn’t hear…?” Why had Noct needed to mention that? Ignis had known he’d have to lie to save his Prince from even more embarrassment and prevent himself from confronting his feelings.

“Hear what? I was listening to music,” He’d gestured to his phone on a chest of drawers, thankfully the ear buds had still been connected from a call he’d taken while he’d made his way home. “As soon as I saw you were indisposed, I only wished to give you your privacy.” 

“Oh. Why were you coming to see me? You had a date this evening.” 

“I came back sooner than planned. I should never have succumbed to Gladio’s mithering. He does not know my type at all.” Damn it! His answer had skirted a little too close to the truth. It was so easy to let his guard down around Noct. Quickly, he’d made up a reason for his presence at the Prince’s door, diverting attention away from the question he could see Noct was pondering.

“Since I had some free time, I was coming to see if you wanted any help with your schoolwork this evening.” 

“Erm, no. No, I’m good, thanks Specs.” Noctis had laughed and run a hand through his hair a making it stick up at odd angles, making Ignis’ heart warm.

“I apologise again for causing you embarrassment.” Ignis fetched the Prince more water, giving himself a few seconds to calm his school-boy crush response. 

“Well, I am pretty embarrassed…but it’s not your fault. I’ll lock my door in future.” 

“That would be prudent.” Ignis had chuckled.

“I was worried you’d want to leave me.” He’d stilled, caught off guard by Noct voicing his fear.

Ignis had been unable to prevent his smile from displaying all the love he felt for the young man before him. “I shall always be by your side, Noct, never fear about that.” 

“You’re stunning…” 

“Pardon?” He’d blushed again at the compliment, responding more out of surprise than feigned deafness.

“Err, it’s stunning, how patient you are with me, I mean. I should get an early night! Lots to do tomorrow. Err, night Specs. Enjoy your free time.” 

Ignis had sat down heavily after Noct’s escape and sunk his head into his hands, much like he did now. 

There was no one to see out in the wilderness when Ignis began to sob, muffling the sounds of despair with the sleeve of his jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer chapter this one, just to really torment Ignis. 
> 
> I promise there is some comfort on the way to soothe all this hurt.


	5. Chapter 5

It was almost strange how quickly things returned to normal sort of rhythm. Ignis drove them around the country, Prompto constantly chattered to fill silence, Gladio kept reading his dreadful romance novels and Noctis stared out at the scenery. They camped, they hunted, they did errands for anyone who crossed their path and all sense of closeness had disappeared between the Prince and his Advisor. 

Noctis would listen carefully to his strategies and indicate appreciation for his advice, but there was no more small smiles or brief touches, and barely any eye contact. Their distance before felt nothing in comparison to the chasm that separated them now and Ignis burned with regret.

Whenever they had to pair up for sleeping, Noct now always called dibs with Prompto instead of himself, and when they laid out their sleeping bags in the tent, he’d always put at least one of the others between himself and Ignis.

Ignis managed to hide behind a mask of formality but he yearned for snatches of contact, desperately hoping that no one else would notice.

When the Prince was injured in combat, Ignis was the first to his side, pulling him to his feet with a potion in hand. Several times he’d taken blows himself in his single-minded determination to reach Noct. It was difficult to tell, but it seemed that Noctis brushed him off even faster when he was hurt as well, like he was disgusted with Ignis’ lack of regard for his own safety.

He told himself over and over that this was for the best, this was how he was raised, to put his Prince’s wellbeing before everything else, but Astrals was it hollowing him out inside. 

Things got even worse when Gladio left on his soul-searching journey, as Noct and Prompto appeared to bond even closer together and he constantly felt like an unwanted third wheel. Despite Prompto’s attempts to include him, Noctis’ inclination to ignore his presence unless necessary made him feel lonely and isolated. The gods only knew how he managed to remain stoic under these conditions. 

Another effect of the lack of Gladio, there was even more emphasis on him to protect the Prince and he found he was pushing himself more, becoming reckless with his own health to safeguard the others.  
Often, he’d collapse onto his bed roll as soon as having finished with clearing up from dinner, physically and mentally exhausted. A few times he was sure he must have passed out without changing or removing his spectacles, but had woken the next morning to his clothes having been neatly folded and his spectacles placed carefully on top. 

“I must be starting to lose my mind. Am I undressing in my sleep?” He muttered to himself the third time that had happened. He’d had no memory of undressing himself the night before and his clothes were folded in a different manner to how he normally did it. Maybe Noct…? No, the Prince had never folded an item of clothing in his life. It couldn’t be him, could it?

It was only in the mornings after camping that Ignis tended to have a little time to let out some of the pent-up frustration, the other two normally sleeping in later. He’d found himself alternating between using nearby trees and small, fast moving animals as target practice for his daggers and pushing his body with acrobatics to keep his skills sharp and to give himself a quiet outlet, not wanting to disturb the sleepers in the tent. 

Noctis had noticed how drained Ignis was looking, despite the copious amount of Ebony he’d been consuming. He’d pulled back from any unprofessional contact, perhaps a little out of spite, the embarrassment of rejection still stinging, but it really scared the Prince how much Ignis was being affected by it. And worse, he didn’t know how to reach out without his friend shying even further away.

Ignis had always been prone to overworking, never complaining about the myriad of tasks he took upon himself, but he’d always had Noct there before to tease him and make him laugh, lightening the burden a little. Unfortunately, there seemed to be precious little laughter coming from Ignis these days, even his quick-witted puns had become few and far between. He would have been better at reading Ignis if he’d not being finding it so damned hard to look him in the eye. Every time he did, his thoughts were dominated by their argument. 

“Your Highness, that evening was a mistake.” The words played themselves over and over in his mind, his own special form of torture.

Noctis made the decision to stay camping in the Vesperpool instead of immediately pressing on, using the monstrous fish in the region as an excuse to put off any more hunts and allow Ignis at least some form of rest.

For the first day of fishing, both Prompto and Ignis had accompanied him to the lake. Several times he’d heard his Advisor take a breath to speak but left any words he had unspoken. Each time made Noctis tense up, losing him fish and snapping more than one line.

“If you’ve got something to say Specs, spit it out.” He snarled, aggressively respooling his line, annoyed with himself for letting such a tiny thing get to him.

“My apologies, your Highness. I did not intent to distract you.” 

“Yeah? Then maybe stop sighing up a storm back there and let me concentrate.” He attached his last Stinker Malboro lure and cast into the water.

“I only wish to please your Highness.” Ignis sounded deferent, as he always sounded now.

Noctis began to reel back his lure, tempting something to bite but somehow managed to get the fresh line tangled in the weeds a little way out. At another intake of breath from Ignis, he whirled around, throwing his rod to the ground.

“You know what, I’m done for today! Just go back to camp Ignis. If it’s such a hardship for you, in future you don’t have to bother watching me fish, I’m fine with Prompto.” He shouted, narrowly preventing himself from stamping his foot like a toddler.

A curious expression flickered across Ignis’ face as he stared at his Prince. “I…As you wish, your Highness.” His Advisor bowed, retreating from the angry Prince and disappearing back towards the haven.  
Noctis growled his frustration, sitting down at the water’s edge and pulling off his boots.

“What’cha gonna do now Noct?” Prompto asked nervously. He’d stayed quiet for most of the day, though his anxious reactions to his companions had been getting on Noctis’ nerves as well.

“I’m going to get my lure back. We can’t afford for me to buy more gear right now.” Noctis pulled off his t-shirt and cargo shorts before lowering himself into the water. Thankfully the stretch to where his line had caught was only chest deep so he waded out to retrieve it. 

“Erm, Noct. Now it’s just the two of us, I kinda wanted to talk to you…about Iggy.” Prompto sat down on the boards, crossing his legs.

“What about him?” The Prince snapped, fingers fiddling with the snarl of fishing line.

“You didn’t have to shout at him just now. He’s seemed really, I dunno, lonely recently. Couldn’t you guys maybe talk to each other, about your feelings?” 

Noctis sighed, freeing his lure and wading back towards the jetty to reel it in properly. “What’s there to talk about? You heard him yourself. ‘There is no way you and I can be anything more than Prince and Advisor.’” He tried to imitate Ignis’ accent and make Prompto giggle. 

“Well, you’ve both been giving mixed signals since your fight from what I can see.” 

Noctis frowned, pulling himself up out of the water and perched, dripping, next to his friend. “I’ve been acting how he wants me to act. No mixed signals from me! He’s my Advisor and nothing more. He’s got what he wanted!” It came out sounding defensive and his insides squirmed uncomfortably.

“Come on, we both know that’s not true dude.” Prompto leant back on his hands, giving his friend a concerned look.

“What? How is that not true?”

“He’s getting stupid around you, even more than normal. You know he’s more than fast enough to dodge a sabreclaw when he’s paying attention, but he was nearly gutted by one last week because you’d been hurt and he just had to be the one to get to you first. He’d never been that desperate before you fell out.” 

“It tore his favourite shirt, and he healed my cut while he was bleeding.” Noctis bit his lip, trying not to remember how nice it had felt to have Ignis touch him again, how it’d made him yearn for more. But it had also made him angry that Specs had been hurt on his account, so he’d pushed him away, demanding his Advisor see to himself first in future.

“Exactly! I love you dude, but even I’m not so senseless to throw myself into some beastie’s teeth just because you’ve got a scratch!” 

“You’ve gotta be good for something, right?”

“Hey!” Prompto playfully shoved his arm with his indignant cry. 

“I dunno, he’s always protecting me. I’m the Prince…it’s his job.” The thought made him uneasy. Maybe if he actually believed Ignis was only doing his job, that there was nothing else driving his actions, his heart wouldn’t feel so heavy.

“More like he’s finding every reasonable excuse in being your ‘Advisor’ to touch you again. And you’re no better! You ignore him most of the time but I know you wait until I'm asleep to take care of him.”

A vibrant blush appeared on Noctis’ face and he spluttered, making Prompto laugh. “Not like that dude! I just mean undressing him, cos I’m certainly not doing it and he’s been dead to the world recently.”

“He hates his stuff getting all creased, and he might break his specs if he sleeps while wearing them.” Noctis mumbled. He’d tried to be respectful and not intentionally grope his sleeping friend, but getting shirt and trousers off a limp human form was difficult. The first time he’d been terrified Ignis was going to wake up, but it seemed that he was so exhausted that any manhandling didn’t rouse him at all. And it had been nice to hold him again…just for a little bit. To pretend things were different.

“What he said hurt me, Prom…and I know him well enough to know he’s hurting too. I just don’t know what he wants from me.”

“I don’t think he ever wanted to hurt you. Y’know Iggy’s brain works a bit different to everyone else. Maybe he thought he had a good reason. I mean, man, it’d suck if you’ve both been moping ‘cos you just didn’t communicate.” 

“I did communicate! I’ve told him that I love him! I’ve told him I’d choose him! All he says is ‘it can’t happen’. He’s not even giving me a chance…I don’t know what else to do.” Noctis’ shoulders slumped and his kicked his feet, water splashing in his wake.

Prompto let out a frustrated sigh. “Well, make him explain himself then!”

“I’ve tried Prompto! He just shuts down, starts ‘Highness’-ing me and pulls away.” Noctis gestured wildly and slapped his hands down onto the boards.

“Aghhh you’re both so stubborn! Why can’t Gladio be here to knock your heads together.”

Noctis grumbled something that contained the words “good for nothing Shield.”

“Dude, you’re gonna have to say something first otherwise…”

“I’ve tried!” Noctis groaned, laying back and pulling at his hair in frustration.

“Then try again!” They both stared at each other, huffing indignantly. 

“…I’ll think about it.” Noctis finally conceded, and was engulfed by Prompto’s enthusiastic hug.

The pair returned to the haven with the couple of small fish that Noctis had managed to catch that day, finding Ignis busying himself with taking inventory of their supplies. 

Prompto greeted Ignis with enthusiasm, begging for him to whip up some kind of spicy fish curry for dinner instead of grilling them like Noctis preferred. Ignis had paused, glancing over at Noct.

“It is his Highness’ decision.” He deferred; his posture was different than normal, making him seem smaller, less noticeable.

“Go on Specs, give our chocochick what he wants. Whatever you cook, it’s always good.” It was the first compliment he’d given his Advisor for some time. Ignoring Prompto’s protests about the endearment, he focused on Ignis’ face and the hint of a smile on his lips.

“As you wish, Highness.” 

“And I’m sorry, about shouting at you earlier. You’d not done anything wrong and I shouldn’t take out my frustration on you.” Ignis seemed surprised. Prompto had disappeared from sight, no doubt to give them a modicum of privacy.

“There is no need to apologise, your Highness.” 

“No Iggy, I do need to. You’re my oldest friend. I’m sorry.” Noctis stepped closer but halted more than an arm’s length away, even though his first thought was to reach out.

“Oh, erm, thank you, Highness.” The light reflected off Ignis’ spectacles, making it hard to see his eyes, but that ghost of a smile was still there. Noctis decided to push a little further, his pulse quickening.

“Can you please call me by my name again?” The curve of Ignis’ lips disappeared and Noctis felt a little bit crushed.

“That would be improper, your Highness.” His Advisor’s voice was soft and he turned away, leaving the Prince to scowl at his back. 

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Advisor.” He couldn’t help but bite back, noticing the slight wince though Ignis’ shoulders. Throwing himself into one of the camp chairs, he pulled out his phone and opened King’s Knight for something to focus on, suddenly frustrated again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calling Prompto a chocochick is one of my favourite things about this chapter ^w^ I can manage a bit of cute along with the suffering right?
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Ignis was initially nervous when their group, reunited with Gladio, arrived in Altissia, though that eased when they entered the city proper without being identified on sight. 

Prompto was desperate to find where Lady Lunafreya’s wedding dress was on display and the Prince chose to indulge his best friend. Ignis however had mixed feelings. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be confronted with the item of clothing made specifically for Noct’s bride. 

Turns out he didn’t have much of a choice as Prompto grabbed his sleeve and dragged him through the crowd that had gathered in front of the large window.

“That’s the dress. My word.” Ignis gasped. It really was beautiful. And with Noct dressed up in his royal raiment, they would have looked every bit the perfect King and Queen, once again reminding Ignis of what he could not have.

“Everyone looks so happy because of this one dress.” Prompto sighed, dropping Ignis’ arm and elbowing his way forward for a closer look. 

“Yeah.” Noct almost sounded sad, and Ignis found himself staring at the Prince’s reflection in the window instead of the garment it protected.

They’d received word earlier that Lady Lunafreya was alive and safe in Altissia. It was something they had celebrated, but Ignis had struggled to express much joy and had retired to bed early that night.

“That settles it, you gotta make it happen. After we tie up all the loose ends, let’s think about the ceremony.” Gladio slapped the Prince’s shoulder, making him stumble and Ignis instinctively reached out to steady him, catching Noct’s warm body in his arms. He hoped that Noct would not be able to feel how his hands trembled from the accidental embrace.

“A ceremony…” Noctis caught his gaze in the window, blue eyes sparkling and not looking away. Despite the public setting it felt for a moment like it was just the two of them. It felt…intimate. “…I think I might like that.” He felt the Prince’s fingers skim his exposed wrist and Ignis flinched away, taking a few steps back, his heart pounding. Too close, he’d got too close. 

That night when he closed his eyes, he could still feel Noct’s warmth and smell the scent of his aftershave. The way those dark blue eyes captured his, he never wanted Noct to look at anybody else like that. 

He’d been experiencing spikes of jealousy for the future Queen of Lucis ever since Noct became engaged. He’d never wanted to hate Lady Lunafreya, by all accounts she was a strong, kind and compassionate woman whom the people would love, and she would love Noct, but he could not deny that some small, dark part deep inside of him had wished she had remained missing. 

Really, he was disappointed it had only taken a few months for him to be on the verge of falling apart, but he had no one but himself to blame for his current predicament. 

With the distance imposed by formality and tradition, how could he have ever though just being near Noct would be enough? Especially as his dreams so often replayed to him the Prince’s declaration of love. It would be easier to leave Noct altogether rather than face the ruins of their non-professional relationship day after day. All he knew was that he could not continue like this.

Despite the late hour, Ignis re-dressed and slipped out of the hotel room, Gladio’s snores following him down the corridor. 

At the reception, he asked for some note paper and an envelope, then made his way into the now quiet seating area before beginning to write. 

It took some time, and he read and re-read the words, over and over to make sure they could not be misinterpreted, then once happy, he signed his name. Neatly folding the paper, he sealed it into the envelope, wrote Noctis’ name on the front and then slipped it into his pocket. He hoped it would be enough. 

When the time came for the diplomatic negotiation with First Secretary Claustra, Ignis could not have felt prouder of Noct, demonstrating the intelligent and understanding King he would be. 

The rite to summon the Tidemother was scheduled for the morning after the negotiations to allow as much time for people to discretely leave the city under the cover of night, and the three of Noctis’ retainers were expected to help from midnight until the job was done. 

A horrible sense of foreboding led to Ignis pacing outside of the Prince’s room. Several times he’d gone to knock before pulling his fist away at the last moment. 

He checked his watch nervously, 11:15, not long before they would have to leave, negotiating the confusing, many-tiered mess that was the floating city. If he was going to say something, now was his chance. He knocked.

“Oh, hey Specs. Didn’t expect you’d come calling.” Noct avoiding his eyes, his words affecting disinterest but he was fiddling nervously with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Noct, I…” Ignis stuttered to a halt. Why now, of all times did his lose his ability to speak? His pause dragged on and Noct began to look confused.

“What are you here for? Shouldn’t you be evacuating some people soon?”

“I…I wanted to say that…you handled the negotiations beautifully this afternoon.” 

“Oh, thanks. Well, if that’s all I need to get some sleep.” Noct began to shut the door but Ignis slammed a hand on the wood, stopping the movement and surprising them both at the abruptness of his action.

“No. That is not all. Your father would have been proud of how you handled yourself.” Then, in a smaller voice, he added. “I am proud of you.” Noct finally met his eyes, a slight blush colouring his cheeks and Ignis’ heart leapt. 

“I wanted to be close by tomorrow, for the rite, but I understand that our support for the citizens was your only bargaining chip. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but please promise me something, Noct.”

“What is it?” 

“I have a horrible feeling about tomorrow…” 

The Prince cut him off. “What? You mean intentionally poking Niflheim with a stick by performing the rite wasn’t going to make things a walk in the park?”

“Don’t be facetious, I’m concerned about you. Prompto, Gladio and I will re-join you as soon as we are able but I fear we will not be fast enough to aid you. Please promise me you won’t do anything needlessly reckless tomorrow.” Ignis reached out to take Noct’s hand and was overjoyed the Prince did not slap him away. “Please stay safe.” He whispered, stroking his thumb over the Prince’s knuckles.

“I…ah…Specs? Erm…when the rite’s done, could we…could we talk? We’ve not talked properly for…for a while and…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently…and…” Noct stumbled over his words, so far removed from the elegant phrasing he had managed earlier in the day.

“Promise me you will stay safe and I will do anything you ask of me.” Ignis’ stepped closer, on the verge of entering the Prince’s rooms. Noct looked almost taken aback and his face flushed.

“I promise. I promise I won’t do anything stupid tomorrow.” Ignis squeezed Noct’s hand and quirked an eyebrow at him. “N…Now, you’ve got to promise to stay safe as well, so we can talk.” 

“I promise you Noct, as always, that I will be by your side.” 

Resisting the desire to kiss his Prince’s palm, he pulled out a slim envelope containing the letter he had written the night before and offered it over.

“I ask you not to open this unless something terrible happens. It is merely a precaution in case…well, just in case.” 

“Okay.” Noct hesitantly took the envelope, his eyes burning with curiosity. 

Ignis checked his watch again, he had to leave now or be late, something that would reflect badly on their future King if his entourage were tardy. 

“I must go now, your Highness. I look forward to meeting with you tomorrow.” He gave a small smile, his stomach crowded with butterflies as Noct gave one of his own before he turned away, hearing the door click shut behind him. 

As Ignis joined up with Prompto and Gladio to begin the evacuation, he prayed to all the gods to keep Noct safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chaper is going to be longer to make up for this being a short one. 
> 
> I hope you're still enjoying :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter references the events of Episode Ignis, so on the off chance that you are not already familiar with the DLC, consider yourself suitably warned. Tags have also been updated as suitable.

This was the day Ignis lost all faith in the gods.

As his gut had warned him yesterday, things were going badly. He’d been separated from Prompto and Gladio by a twist of fate and Noct was not responding to his calls. He had to get to the Altar! He had to keep Noct safe!

Pushing himself hard, Ignis raced through the city, killing MT’s wherever they blocked his path. Tired didn’t cover how he felt, he’d not slept since the night before last, but adrenaline kept him going. Noct was the only thing that mattered.

Joining forces with Ravus was a necessity. He didn’t trust the Imperial General, but Ravus’ motivation to protect his sister was one that struck a chord within Ignis.

Upon finally reaching the wreckage that had been the Altar of the Tidemother, Ravus ran ahead while Ignis was distracted by something white and limp in of the corner of his eye. A dog? What was it doing out here?

Ignis almost turned away, there was nothing he could do for the poor creature, and his Prince was so close. A whisper at the back of his thoughts made him look back towards the animal which was now glowing. He gasped, and there was a bright light, blinding him, driving him to his knees. 

“Only at the throne can the Chosen receive a power greater than the Six, to purify all by the light of the Crystal.

“The King of Kings shall be granted the power to banish the darkness, but to cast out the Usurper and usher in the dawn’s light, the life of the Chosen will be forfeit.

“Many sacrificed all for the King, so the King must sacrifice himself for all.” 

The light dwindled, and the dog had vanished. Ignis slumped forward, his hands out to catch himself and he gasped in shock.

“Was that a vision of what is to come?” He asked himself, shaking his head to try and dislodge the image of Noct, skewered to Insomnia’s throne by his father’s sword, unmoving…lifeless. 

Getting back to his feet, he harshly shoved down the emotions the vision had brought. He could not afford to fall apart, Noct needed him now! If that indeed was the future to come and Noct was the prophesied Chosen, then that was something Ignis would have to process later. 

Running to the Altar, he found Noct and Lady Lunafreya lying together, the golden light of the Oracle fading. Was he too late? Was it all for nothing? 

No! He could see Noct was still breathing, a gentle rise and fall of his chest although he was unconscious. Lady Lunafreya however, was deathly still. 

Ravus was on his knees at his sister’s side, scooping up her body he cradled her, not caring that Lady Lunafreya’s blood was staining his clothes.

“Please, sister, please don’t leave me.” The once proud General keened, utterly broken, his most important person now gone from this world. 

Ignis stumbled towards his Prince, bone-tired, his usual grace missing as pieces of rubble shifted below his feet. Crouching down, he took Noct’s wrist and checked his pulse, then looked him over for any injuries. Some superficial cuts and scratches, nothing more. Only when he had reassured himself that Noct was not dying before his eyes, did he press a kiss to his Prince’s forehead. 

“I’m sorry Noct. I’m sorry I could not get here sooner.” He whispered, his entire focus on the unconscious young man before him. “I’ll keep you safe now.”

The blow across his shoulders caught him completely off guard, dazing him while metal sheathed fingers grabbed him painfully, pulling him away from Noct and pushing him to the ground. His arm was twisted up his back, the pressure making his shoulder scream and his face pressed against the cold, wet stone.

Fancy boots strolled by and Ardyn Izunia, Chancellor of Niflheim crouched down between him and Noct, a knife twirling between his fingers.  
Ignis struggled harder, desperately trying to find some leverage to get free, but it was no good, he was well restrained and in struggling he nearly dislocated his shoulder. 

“Why don’t you stop resisting?” Ardyn’s voice was like silk and although he smiled, that smile did not reach his eyes.

“Never!” Ignis snarled. There had to be a way out of this. Gladio and Prompto would be on their way, he just had to buy them enough time.

“You risked life and limb to save the ‘King of Kings’, only for him to fail so spectacularly. You must be so disappointed.” Ardyn moved over to Noct and lifted up his chin, exposing his beautiful pale throat. 

“Don’t touch him!” Ignis was afraid, so very afraid. Unbidden tears of anger at his own helplessness dripped from his eyelashes, mingling with the rain that would not cease. There must be something he could do to save the one he loved.

“Why don’t we just end it all here?” Arydn raised his knife.

“No! You can’t!” Ignis choked. There was nothing he could have done if Ravus hadn’t distracted the monstrous chancellor before getting knocked out for his trouble. He would have been powerless if that damned ring hadn’t rolled from Noct’s limp hand. 

He thought he caught the scent of sylleblossom, and from somewhere he found the strength to throw off his captors and grasp the ring of the Lucii, Noct’s birth right and curse. 

“I swore an oath to stand with Noct and keep him safe. Whatever it takes, I will protect him!” Ignis slipped the ring on his finger and immediately he was on fire. He cried out, purple wisps of ethereal flame licking around his hand and pressure built behind his eyes.

“Kings of Lucis! Lend me your strength!” He shouted at the shimmering, crystalline figures he could now see circling Noct. His vision was dimming as their blue glow became all the clearer. Time appearing to slow as the armoured figures of Noct’s ancestors advanced towards him. 

“Please, let me keep him safe.” Ignis begged. “I will pay whatever price you ask, but let me save him.” 

It was impossible to read anything from the masked faces, or their stance. They could very well decide to take his life and leave Noct in Ardyn’s hands, but he’d gambled on that vision of the future. Noct would have to mature as destined, the Kings of old could not allow him to perish here and Ignis would be their instrument. 

“Ignis…” A man, smaller than those hulking suits of armour, limped forward, still using a cane to support his bad knee.

“Your Majesty.” 

“Your devotion to my son is admirable. I could not be prouder of the man you have become.” King Regis rested a hand upon his shoulder, something cool to soothe the liquid fire in his veins.

“Then please your Majesty. I must protect him, as I promised you. Let me take his place, he does not deserve the fate that awaits him.” 

“I am sorry, my boy. I wish I could change what has been foretold. Noctis deserves happiness. He deserves to feel loved as strongly as he loves.” King Regis squeezed his shoulder. “The ring extracts a price from all who wear it, but this time it will not be your life. My son still needs you. Walk tall, Ignis.” 

The figures before him shattered, blue gleaming motes dispersing into the air as his pain spiked behind his eyes, tearing a scream from him. Ripping off his spectacles he clutched at his face, his skin crackling beneath his fingertips, and slowly the pain ebbed away leaving the sense of power behind. 

He fought Ardyn with everything he had, using this temporary power to keep him occupied until help could arrive. Niflheim’s chancellor clearly found his sacrifice amusing, toying with him until the borrowed power began to fail. Ardyn seemed to grow bored after that, easily pushing him to the side and leaving via transport ship. He didn’t even seem to think it worth finishing the pair of them off.

Utterly drained, Ignis removed the ring and staggered in the direction he thought was towards the Altar, towards Noct. Without that power, his sense of his surroundings, so much sharpened in the fight despite his vision’s darkness, had dwindled, and pain had returned ten-fold. Despite what King Regis had said to him, it felt like he was dying. 

Ignis collapsed, once again lying on the hard, wet stone. He reached out to where he hoped Noct was, where he hoped he was safe. 

“Iggy! Noct!” Shouts came from not far away and footsteps were rapidly approaching.

“Iggy! What happened?” He felt someone’s hands on him, large and not overly gentle. He winced, trying to pull away. 

“Stay still, you’re hurt!” Gladio barked.

“Noct…where is he?” Ignis struggled to get the words out. His chest hurt and it was hard to breathe.

“He’s right next to you buddy.” Prompto’s voice came from his right, and nearby. He reached out further, groping about until he caught the sleeve of Noct’s t-shirt and gripped the fabric tightly. The pain he was experiencing was incredible but holding onto Noct was so important to him.

“Is he…alright?”

“Yeah, he looks fine, unlike you. Fuck, Iggy, what have you gone and done now?” Gladio growled. There were some sounds of movement to his right and someone made his fingers release their hold.

“Had to…keep him safe…” Ignis moaned, grasping for the lost contact. Gladio hoisted him up, throwing his arm around the Shield’s muscular shoulders and scooped up his legs. 

“We’re gonna get you to a doctor, Iggy. You’ll be ok.” It sounded like Gladio was trying to reassure himself more than anything. 

Ignis’ head lolled against the Shield’s collar as consciousness slowly abandoned him.

He’d awoken back in the hotel, or at least that was where he was told they were. Everything still hurt and at first, he panicked in the blackness, asking for a light and been told that the curtains were open and the sun was high in the sky. Then he’d remembered what had happened.

He asked about Noct, immediately trying to sit up but was pushed back down. 

“Noct’s fine. Still sleeping, but fine.” Gladio reassured him. “The doc’s gonna be here soon to check you over, so you just stay put until they give you the all clear, alright? Damn Iggy, you really scared us.” 

“Can I have some water?” He croaked. His throat was dry and scratchy. He felt grimy, and his clothes felt uncomfortable, rough against his sensitised skin.

“Okay, hang on.” He heard Gladio walk across the room, the clink of a glass and the sound of a tap running, then his footsteps returned. 

“Here.” Ignis held out a hand, but nothing was pressed into it.

“Gladio, I cannot see.” He said softly, and smiled sadly at the Shield’s sheepish tone.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Erm, I’ll prop you up a bit first.” He felt Gladio’s broad hand slip beneath his shoulders and lift him a little, then a glass was pushed into his hand. Ignis took a few small sips, wetting his mouth and cracked lips. 

“Thank you.” He offered the glass back and Gladio laid him back down. 

There was a knock at the door immediately before it opened. 

“Good, you’re awake. The doctor’s here to see you.” Prompto’s voice entered, followed by two sets of footsteps and he subjected himself for examination. 

After a little while of prodding, questioning and supposedly a bright light being shone into his eyes, the doctor moved back and sighed.

“On the positive side, since your pain seems to be lessening and I cannot find a source, I believe you’re only feeling the after effects of whatever caused the damage. It was an Imperial rocket explosion, you said.”

“Yes, must have been something like that.” Ignis lied. The doctor gave a small nasal sound of disbelief but she didn’t press him any further.

“I shall leave you some painkillers for you for the next week. See me again if the pain does not go away or increases at all. You will scar, I’m afraid, though I wouldn’t be too sad, scars do it for a lot of women.” 

“Yeah, I can agree with that.” Gladio chuckled, and only received a tisk from the doctor. Clearly, she was not as impressed with his facial scars. 

“As for your sight, I’m sorry Mr Scientia, I’m not an optical specialist but I can see that your retinas are badly damaged and your pupils are barely responding to changes in light. In time, some sight may return but I would not get your hopes up.” Prompto gasped and Gladio’s heavy hand squeezed his shoulder. 

“Thank you, doctor.” Ignis said, going to make the habitual motion of pushing up his spectacles but felt the rough edges of the damaged skin on his nose instead. Prompto gave a muffled sniff and Ignis suspected his friend might have started to cry. 

Once the doctor had left, he’d asked Gladio to see if he could find some suitable sunglasses, and when the big man was gone, he’d told Prompto he needed a shower.

“Okay, but I feel like I should be in there with you,” Ignis had raised an eyebrow at that. 

“Really now?”

“I meant in the bathroom, in case you trip or need help or something. I promise I won’t look or do anything creepy.” Prompto squeaked.

“I trust you Prompto, but I would prefer it if you at least waited outside the door. I’m hurt and I am blind, but not incapable.” There was a moment of silence.

“…Oh, yeah, I’ll do that. Sorry, I nodded.” Ignis couldn’t help be chuckle a little. Despite the hollowness he felt inside, it was strange to be on the receiving end of care for a change. He only wanted to get clean and go to Noct as soon as he could.

Thankful for whoever created the simplicity of 2-in-1 shampoo and shower gel, Ignis washed, dried and dressed, and by the time he was done, Gladio had returned with some darkened spectacles for him. He swallowed a couple of painkillers the doctor had left, then asked Prompto if he could be directed to Noct’s room. His friend agreed and with a hand on the small of Ignis’ back, slowly directed him to a different room.

“He’s still asleep.” Prompto told him, as he helped Ignis find a chair by the bedside. 

“Thank you Prompto. I just want to be near him.” Then he was left alone with the sleeping form of the man he loved.

It was difficult to tell the passage of time without being able to look at his watch or gauge the daylight. Ignis could have been sitting there, deep in his thoughts and holding onto Noct’s hand for half an hour or five, he didn’t know.

His sight may have been the cost for keeping Noct alive for now, but how much time would the Prince have before he had to sacrifice everything? 

He felt as raw emotionally as he did physically. These past months, years even, he had constrained his affections for Noct because he knew his duty and how to play his role, and it was not marrying the Prince and living happily ever after. He’d tried to crush down his feelings and had broken Noct’s heart to protect his future, and now he knew it was all utterly pointless.

Ignis let out a bitter laugh, a lump forming in his throat. How many years had he wasted? But no more. He wished to amend his mistakes in the time they had left, if Noct would allow him another chance.

“The gods have seen fit to not only make your life a hard one, but to cut it short as well.” He murmured to his sleeping Prince. “My darling Noct, why did this have to fall on you.”

Ignis felt Noct stir and withdrew his hand for now.

“Back with us? How are you feeling?” he asked, receiving only a weak groan as a response.

“I’ll tell the others,” Ignis gingerly got to his feet and absentmindedly turned to face his Prince. “Though, it may take a bit.”

“You’re hurt…” Ignis could hear the shifting of fabric as the Prince quickly sat up. The concern in Noctis’ voice caused him to raise a hand to the most damaged part of his face. He wondered how hideous it made him. He’d never been a particularly vain about his face, despite taking pride in in dressing well, but he thought he’d shatter into pieces if Noct could no longer stand to look at him.

“A small sacrifice, in the greater battle.” 

“And Luna?” Ignis felt something in his chest clench. He didn’t want to be the one that delivered this news, just as he’d never wanted to communicate the death of the King.

“She has passed.” He heard the catch in the Prince’s throat and could only imagine the expression of grief on Noct’s face for someone else he’d lost. 

“Umbra, left that for you.” Ignis gestured back to the bedside table where he’d left the red covered notebook he’d retrieved from the messenger dog earlier. “And, this, I believe is yours.” He pulled the Ring of the Lucii from his pocket and held it out. Noct gasped, and Ignis felt contact as the ring was taken from him. 

He was about to turn and slowly try and manoeuvre his way back to the corridor when a yank on his sleeve stopped him. 

“Don’t go Specs. Please. I don’t want to be alone right now.” Noct breathing was sharp, punctuated with sniffs but the grip on his arm was firm.

“Alright.” Noct guided him down to sit on the bed and clung to his arm. He shifted a little, making sure he was stable, before pulling Noct into his lap and cradling his Prince against him as he’d done when they were children. 

“Specs!” Noct sobbed, hiding his face against Ignis’ chest.

“I know, Noct. I’m here.” He soothed, stroking his fingers through midnight hair. “I’ll be here, for as long as you need me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewatched cutscenes from Episode Ignis for reference when writing this chapter and they made me have a little cry, just like I did the first time I played it. 
> 
> Thank you for continuing to read. I really appreciate any comments, especially hearing of any moments you particularly enjoyed.


	8. Chapter 8

Another person Noctis loved was gone because he was not strong enough. How had things gone so badly after summoning the Leviathan? Sure, he’d made the pact but at what cost. Luna had died and Ignis was blinded, both in protecting him.

In the pain of loss, he’d forgotten any tension between him and his oldest friend and had sought comfort in his arms. It was only later he wondered at Ignis’ new willingness for physical proximity.

The next day, he spent much of the morning with Prompto and Gladio, hearing what events they’d been a part of. He’d also asked about Ignis and they had described both what they had witnessed, and what the doctor had said about his health. Between them they’d decided it best to rest up in Altissia for a while and wait to see if Ignis’ sight improved, keeping as much strain away from him as possible.

Noctis felt guilty about having such a conversation without his Advisor, but the shock from yesterday of seeing Ignis carefully moving across the room, hand raised and footsteps tentative, hadn’t yet worn off. He’d been so far removed from the confident, graceful movement he was used to seeing, it reminded Noctis of his rehabilitation from his wounds caused by the daemon attack. The last thing he wanted was for Ignis to be headstrong and declare he was in acceptable health to continue and work himself into the ground. He’d never been the best patient.

That afternoon, Ignis visited once again, guided by Prompto. Although his Advisor’s scars were a reminder of Noctis’ failure, he refused to let his guilt overwhelm the happiness he felt of having Ignis talking more comfortably with him again, maybe even flirting a little?

They both intentionally kept the conversation light, finding ways to smile despite the overpowering sadness of the situation they were both in. It was freeing, and Noctis could feel just how much he had missed his friend these last few months.

However, they did run close to an argument when Ignis suggested they should conclude their journey at Altissia, and go no further. Noctis had reacted poorly.

“Why?”

“Well, we’ve already lost so much. Too much.” How could Ignis be suggesting such a thing? It had come up as he’d been about to leave, so had his back to Noctis and he didn’t turn around.

“Are you kidding? That’s exactly why we have to keep going! Otherwise all those sacrifices, my dad, Luna, so many innocent people, will have been for nothing!” Noctis clenched his fists. “And you…you of all people should know that better than anyone!” He could feel a lump rising in his throat again, so angry at the world that he could no longer speak.

Ignis remained quiet, his shoulders slightly hunched, his own hands balling into fists. He seemed to be struggling to control his emotions as well. Eventually, his Advisor broke the silence.

“The decision is yours to make, and yours alone.” There was an edge to Ignis’ voice that he couldn’t place. What insight did he have to even voice such a thought? “But, do remember that we shall stand with you, always, and help you bear your burdens. Don’t be afraid to let us share the load.”

Noctis had been left alone with his thoughts. After his angry reaction had cooled, the possibility played on his mind. What if they kept going and Ignis’s disability meant couldn’t keep up? What if he got hurt even more, and became another person Noctis lost completely? How could he cope in a world without Ignis?

He was shaken from his contemplation by Gladio walking in, entirely unannounced, carrying a couple of plates of food.

“Gladio!”

“Evenin’ Princess.”

“You could have knocked. I could have been naked or something, you didn’t know!” He scrambled to his feet to seize one of the plates, wrinkling his nose at the undesirably large pile of vegetables it held.

“Nah, I got good hearing. Could tell you weren’t doing some self-love.” The big man shrugged, taking up a chair beside the room’s low table and starting to eat, seemingly uncaring that Noctis had turned scarlet, mortified about what Gladio’s ‘good hearing’ might have picked up in the past.

“And don’t worry, your scrawny body doesn’t do anything for me.”

“Oh, thanks the gods, I’m safe.” He deadpanned.

“Shut up and eat. Just thought you might want company.” Noctis slumped into the opposite chair, picking at the meat with disinterest.

“I’d prefer Specs.” He grumbled.

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t want to eat with you.”

“What? Why?” Suddenly Noctis was animated again.

“You’re such an entitled little shit aren’t ya. It’s not all about you. Maybe he’s embarrassed.” His Shield glowered at him.

“What’s he got to be embarrassed about?” He’d not really thought about the full implications of being blind, and how everything in life would change. It had been hard enough realising that Ignis needed help now just to get around safely.

“Why don’t you try eating with your eyes closed for the rest of your life. See how that feels.” Gladio growled, and Noctis could see he wasn’t the only one worried about his Advisor.

Noctis backed down. “Is he…?”

“Prompto’s keeping an eye on him.” Gladio sighed, his temper cooling, and he stared at the potato speared on his fork. “Gods, you know how Iggy can be at the best of times. He’s the one who takes care of us. It’s hard for him, y’know.”

“Sorry, you’re right. I just thought he’d be able to trust me to help him when he needed it.” Noctis toyed with his food a little more, his appetite vanishing.

“It’s not a matter of trust.” Gladio slapped his shoulder, the Shield’s way of reassurance. “Iggy trusts you; I just don’t think he likes showing anyone when he’s vulnerable, especially you.”

That made Noctis think. When was the last time he’d seen Ignis cry, or ask anything for himself?

They’d been together through the lowest points of his life. Ignis had dried his tears, nursed him through his night terrors, had never turned away from him, not even when he’d been damp, snotty and covered in his own vomit. Noctis couldn’t say the same.

“Hey, Gladio?”

“Yeah.” His Shield grunted, his plate now half empty.

“What’d you say if I decided we should return home, once Ignis is okay to travel?” Noctis hesitantly voiced his Advisor’s suggestion.

“What do you mean, home? We don’t have a home anymore, Noct.”

“I mean back to Lucis. We could find somewhere quiet to settle down, somewhere no one would bother us. Maybe have a chance to be happy.” He couldn’t deny there was some appeal. Maybe he’d be able to give back some of the care and affection Ignis had blessed him with over the years.

Gladio scoffed. “So, you mean take the coward’s way. Run from your responsibility. Ignore your people who suffer under Niflheim’s boot. Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.” The big man stood up and hauled Noctis to his feet, getting right in his face.

“The only reason I’m not going to slap some sense into you right now is that it’s too soon after all that shit that’s happened.” Large hands encased his arms and squeezed until the pressure was uncomfortable. “But you are not just walking away from this. You’ve been King since your dad died, but you better start acting like one. It makes me sick that you’d even think such a thing.” 

Noctis squirmed in the grip, and raised his arms to push Gladio away. “Yeah. Okay. Bad idea. Thanks for bringing dinner.” He tried to step back but his Shield followed, prodding him in the chest.

“I’ll drag you kicking and screaming to those tombs if I gotta. Don’t forget, Iggy got hurt so you could do what was necessary. Don’t you dare make that meaningless.”

“Alright! Fine, you made your point! Now get out and leave me alone.” He glared up at Gladio, shoving him but ended up propelling himself further than the human tower of muscle.

“With pleasure, brat!” Noctis turned his back as his Shield grabbed the remains of his meal and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

“Jerk!”

He paced around his room for a bit, thinking the conversation over. Well, that kinda solved his quandary, he’d push on and do what needed to be done. It didn’t mean he’d have to like it though. Didn’t mean he wanted any more sacrifices for his sake.

On his third lap of the room, something caught his eye, something peeking out from under his pillow. Pulling at the envelope he remembered Ignis’ letter.

“Should I open this?” Noctis wondered out loud. From what Ignis had said, it had sounded like a last chance letter. What on earth could he have written? Was this the way his Advisor felt comfortable sharing his vulnerabilities?

Well, he rationalised to himself, Ignis hadn’t been specific about what kind of terrible thing he’d been referring to, and him losing his slight was really terrible.

His curiosity peaked, he opened the envelope and pulled out several sheets of paper contained within, filled with Ignis’ elegant handwriting. How much had he written?

“I’ll just take a peek.” He thought. “He doesn’t need to know I read it. But I gotta know what he’d go to the trouble of writing me a letter for.”

_Dear Noct,_

_There is so much I wish to say in this letter; however, I will attempt to keep it brief to accommodate your short attention span._

Noctis rolled his eyes. Even through text his Advisor could be scathing.

_The most important thing you must know, even if you do not read beyond this statement, is that I, Ignis Scientia, am deeply in love with you._

The sheets of paper fell from Noctis’ fingers. Scrambling to grab them before a breeze from the open window caught the pages, he read that last sentence again.

“Why did you never say so? Idiot!” He muttered, his hands shaking so much it made it hard to read any more. Finally, the words he’d been longing to hear, and they came via letter which Ignis quite clearly had not intended for him to read before it was all too late.

Collapsing onto his bed, he lay the letter out in front of him to continue reading.

_I could wax lyrical about my feelings for you, construct pages of poetry and prose to communicate the fire of the passion you stir in me, or even write in great detail the sexual acts I have dreamt of us performing together, but I have promised to be succinct._

Noctis blushed, disappointed that this letter didn’t seem to contain Ignis’ erotic thoughts about him. Gods, that would be so hot! Reading what Ignis planned to do to him, then being invited into his bed to perform that narrative with their bodies. He shivered, his cock twitching to life in his pants.

_Suffice to say, I have been in love with you for many years but never acted upon my feelings for reasons which I will explain shortly. However, the night you agreed your engagement, I succumbed to temptation. The news had shocked us both and alcohol gave me the confidence to openly flirt and seek pleasure with you. I was so desperate to taste you before anyone else, to have some small claim to you that would only ever be mine, that I forgot myself._

_I beg your forgiveness for the abominable way I have treated your feelings towards me. It must have taken great courage to admit them, such courage that I have never been able to find and it only increases my admiration of you._

_I confess, when you expressed words of love at camp and I belittled your feelings, I believed I was doing the right thing for you. It would break my heart for us to share something so special then be forced into secrecy, so I sought to deny the intimacy I so desperately yearn for._

His heart beat a funny rhythm in his chest. Ignis had wanted him all along. Prompto had been right!

_I reason I believe the secrecy is necessary, is for your future. As King, you must be a leader and guide for your people, a brilliant example of what it means to be Lucian, as your father was._

_You must take a Queen who can support your reign, both politically and reputationally. As such, strategically, Lady Lunafreya is an excellent match._

_You must also father children to continue your line, the tie of your lineage to the Crystal being most crucial for the protection of your people._

_Choosing your Advisor for your partner in life, as you once expressed to me, would not have been looked upon kindly, by the public or the Council. Those who balance your power as King will also have significant influence on you, and without whos’ approval, you would be unable to marry._

“Idiot,” he thought, “Specs would have found a way to neutralise anyone that tried to use me.”

Back before they’d left Insomnia, Ignis had been well respected for his intellect and skills, despite his relatively young age. He was gifted, far beyond his peers and most of his elders. It was a good thing he tended to avoid using that ruthless streak of his. To almost all in the Citadel, Ignis was a force to be reckoned with, though his modesty seemed to make him unaware of this.

_However, that is only the least of my fears. It is undoubtable that I would have been unable to continue with my position as Advisor (and I had hoped, future Chamberlain) to yourself had any intimate relationship of ours continued due to a perceived conflict of interests, despite any assurances that I am capable of compartmentalising my feelings for you and what is best for the country._

_My possible ambitions would no doubt be called into question by individuals seeking to gain leverage with the King, and it would place you in a terrible position between protecting me and effectively ruling the kingdom. My greatest fear is that you may come to resent your love for me and that we part ways in anger._

_Even a brief affair between us prior to your marriage, if made widely known, would turn general opinion against you, punishing you for the heinous crime of loving someone judged unsuitable as your consort. My role is to ease some of the burden you must carry, not to add to it._

Noctis read over those paragraphs again. It made so much more sense how Ignis had acted, trying to prevent them from getting any closer to protect both Noctis and his own heart.

_As you are aware, I serve you unconditionally, and my position is the culmination of a lifetime of hard work and devotion, both to you and to Lucis. It is selfish of me, but I find the prospect of having that taken away from me terrifying. Being your friend and Advisor is my purpose in life and so integral to who I am, that I would be completely lost without it._

Noctis nodded to himself. He certainly had difficulty seeing Ignis doing any normal type of job. No, that wasn’t quite right. He was sure Ignis would be extremely competent at anything he chose to do, but he didn’t want anyone else advising him. Only Ignis could fill that space in his life.

_These were my options:_

_1) To be yours in the shadows, to constantly fear exposition and reprisal while the public saw you as a model family man._

Noctis shuddered. Ignis deserved so much more than to be his dirty little secret.

_2) To be yours in public and step down from my position, unable to provide you with children, watching from the side-lines as someone inferior helped to guide your hand._

This brought him mixed feelings. He’d be so happy to make their love known to the world, but he also knew Ignis well enough that he wouldn’t take kindly to keeping to the side when something was beneath his standards, especially where Noctis’s wellbeing was concerned.

_3) To avoid an intimate relationship all together and continue in my position, encourage an approved marriage and family for you and support you in every other aspect of your life, hoping jealousy would not consume me._

That sounded familiar.

_4) To remove myself entirely from your service, allowing you to rule unhindered and in the hope that you would be able to find love again, and one day, might even be able to forgive me. That I may be able to forgive myself._

Another paragraph which Noctis had to read multiple times, unable to believe his eyes. Surely that one had to have been a last resort…right?

_The first two options I deemed had the higher chance of temporary happiness, but also the high likelihood of our situation poisoning what we had. It should be obvious to you that option 3 was the one I chose to pursue, but I had not reckoned on the cost to both of us by forcibly keeping you at arm’s length. That I’ve hurt you saddens me more I can bear. And so, I confess that I cannot find a strategy that does not cause us both pain._

_It would destroy me if your life and your legacy were marred by my foolish heart, daring to love a Prince of whom I am not worthy. Kings are the shapers of history, retainers are merely a footnote._

_Please know that I wish things could have been different, that I wish I could have made you as happy as you deserve to be._

_I hope that by pouring out my heart onto paper, you might understand my motivations better, and I pray you can judge my actions against their context._

_I shall always and forever be by your side,_

_Your Ignis_

Noctis rolled over onto his back and starred at the ceiling, his food now cold and forgotten.

“Specs, why’d you always have to go and overthink things?”

He considered marching over to Ignis and Prompto’s room right now and make that damned infuriating man talk to him. He now deeply regretted how he’d been behaving before they left Cape Caem.

The letter put so much into context, but it still didn’t explain Ignis’ recent, more familiar, behaviour towards him though.

He settled on talking to Ignis tomorrow. He’d been wanted to talk about trying to repair things between them anyway, this just gave him additional incentive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignis' letter ended up much longer than I'd expected it'd be. I thought about editing it down, but then reaslised he probably would err on the side of overexplaining himself, knowing that he expected not to be able to talk to Noctis about it afterwards. 
> 
> Next time, Noct & Specs talk! Finally, we're getting there :D


	9. Chapter 9

Ignis carefully made his way to the Prince’s room, one hand trailing lightly on the wall and counting the doors as he past to find the right one. Prompto had offered to guide him, but today he had politely declined.

“I need to get used to moving around on my own.” He’d said. “I shall be fine; his Highness is only down the corridor.”

Once he was sure he was outside the right door, Ignis knocked. It came out quietly, his knuckles being further away from the door than he’d expected, but when he went to try again, he heard the door open and his hand was covered by another.

“Noct?”

“Specs!” His Prince sounded eager to see him, making him smile. He wished he could see the expression on Noct’s face though, or his body language. “No Prompto?”

“I made my own way; it is unfair for me to constantly rely on him. May I come in?” He asked, lowering his hand which must have been at the same level as his Prince’s chest. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as the hand which covered his gloved one wasn’t removed but just shifted position to maintain contact.

“This way.” The words were soft and the hand guided him forward into the room, pausing for the sound of the door shutting behind them.

The room smelt of Noct’s aftershave and clean linen. A breeze drifted in through an open window and the sound of gulls echoed between the buildings outside. The hand guided him forward again until he touched the back of a chair.

“Sit, if you want to.” The words sounded light, but there was an undertone to them that he couldn’t quite place. Having to read Noct just by his voice was more difficult than watching his little tells. “You must still be healing.”

“Thank you.” It took a moment for the hand to leave his, the touch lingering. Extending a hand to the seat, Ignis lowered himself onto the chair, expecting Noct to go and sit on the bed so they could converse like yesterday, but then the scent of aftershave became stronger.

He felt Noct sit beside him, a light brush of contact at his shoulder and knee. They must be sitting on a sofa.

“So, you’re calling me by my name again.”

“Oh, am I? I had not noticed.” He tried to be nonchalant, but knew he’d failed when Noct snorted with laughter but didn’t push any further.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while before he felt Noct’s hand rest lightly on top of his own. He was surprised, but made no effort to extricate himself.

“Is there any particular subject you wish to discuss today?” He asked. “I do enjoy your companionship, Noct but we cannot sit silent all day.”

“I read your letter.” Noct’s voice was small, shy. Ignis almost didn’t catch what he’d said.

“You…what?”

“I read your letter. The one you gave me the night before everything went…bad.” Ignis stiffened. He’d wanted to rebuild their friendship and trust first before bearing his soul, and now Noct knew everything he’d been hiding. Well, everything before few days ago at least.

“I did not intend…I left it so…in case something happened to me and I was…unable to speak with you again.” Ignis was embarrassed about the strength of his feelings communicated in those pages. He’d been tired and frustrated at the time he wrote it, desperate for some relief, and it had all just poured out.

“You said not to open it unless something terrible happened. Well something terrible did happen to you! So, I read it last night.” Yes, seeing a vision of the future where Noct was dead was terrible. Sacrificing his sight to ensure his Prince lived was necessary.

Ignis had no way of knowing how long Noct had left, so perhaps this was for the best. The Noct in his vision had a beard, so as long as his Prince kept shaving what bumfluff he managed to grow and they avoided going back to Insomnia, then perhaps they could delay the inevitable. He should not waste any more time hiding.

“Gladio told me the state they found you in. You nearly died! And your wounds! They’re not from a stray rocket, are they?”

Ignis looked away. “I do not wish to speak of what happened.”

“Gods Ignis!” Noct cried out in frustration. “You were hurt so badly you can’t see anymore, and I was just lying there, unconscious, useless! I should have been the one to protect you.”

“Please do not think like that, Noct. I would choose blindness a thousand times over to keep you safe.” He grasped the hand that still rested on his own, holding it tight between his own.

“That only makes it worse! I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. You’re not less important than me.”

“Noct.”

“Would you ever have told me? If you hadn’t got drunk and kissed me, would I ever have had a clue what you felt?” Noct sounded hurt and Ignis hung his head in shame.

“I believe my letter makes it clear that I had not intended to.”

“You’re such an ass!” Noct shouted, pulling his hand away as Ignis flinched. “Why couldn’t you just talk to me?” He’d wanted to heal the rift between them, but this was all going so horribly wrong.

“As I explained, I only sought to protect you for when you take the throne. I know very well how determined you can be, and I knew you would discount my concerns out of hand. Your future was important! My desire for you…my feelings, were not.”

“Ignis!” His Prince let out an exasperated cry. “I love you! You are the most important thing on Eos to me! Your feelings are important to me. I want you to desire me. I want you to be happy! I know some people wouldn’t like our relationship, but of course I’d never let that separate us. You underestimate just how intimidating you can be.”

“But…I…”

“No! I don’t care about what is right and proper anymore. Don’t you realise how much more it hurts to see you miserable and not able to help you cos you’ll just reject me again. It’s so frustrating to know that we feel the same but I’m unable to touch you, kiss you, make love to you.” Ignis blushed at the suggestion. “I’m not complete without you, Ignis. Please be mine, and allow me to be yours.”

Noct’s hands slid up to his face, grasping his chin and gently stroking his cheek, the tenderness in the touch setting off butterflies in his stomach. The fingers holding his chin slowly loosened, one skating lightly across his lips. It wasn’t long before he found himself leaning into the touch, seeking comfort.

“Noct…” His voice had become a whisper, a plea. He’d been denying this for so long, pulling away had become automatic, despite how much that vision had showed him it should be otherwise.

“Please stay with me. Please tell me what you want.” Noct was so close to him their noses brushed together, their lips almost touching.

“You. Only ever you.”

Their lips met. Ignis couldn’t tell who first moved to close the gap but suddenly there were passionate kisses taking his breath away. It was slightly clumsy at first, before Noct climbed onto his lap, straddling his legs. A hot tongue licked his bottom lip, begging for entrance which he gladly obliged, and their tongues danced and explored each other while his Prince ran his fingers through Ignis’ hair. His own hands were roaming his Prince’s lean body, running down to cup his ass and earning a soft moan in return.

Noct pulled away to turn his attention to his advisor’s neck, hastily unbuttoning the top buttons of the shirt to permit him better access. Now it was Ignis’ turn to moan as Noct kissed and nibbled at his sensitive throat, his hardening cock pressing against the cloth of his trousers.

“Take off your gloves.” His Prince gasped, pausing briefly in his ministrations to Ignis’ neck. “I want to feel your fingers on my skin.” Hurriedly Ignis withdrew his hands and fumbled at the buttons while he could feel Noct shifting above him. A soft sound came from across the room as he managed to get one glove off and he froze.

“What was that?”

“It’s alright.” Noct’s voice was soothing as he placed delicate little kisses across Ignis’ jaw. “It was just my t-shirt, see?” His bare hand was grasped and pressed against his Prince’s bare chest. Pulling back only to remove his remaining glove, both of his hands returned to Noct’s chest and earned him a small pleased sound.

It felt firmer than it had looked those years ago and running his fingers lower he could feel a toned flat stomach, the vee of his hips teasingly descending past his waistband. A small trail of hair started at Noctis’ belly button, Ignis imagined it to be dark, it too disappearing below that waistband.

Exploring upwards once again his fingers brushed against a firm nipple, making Noct let out a small groan. He leant forward, and best he could, began to kiss his way along the same path his fingers had just ventured, finishing at that hardened bud with a kiss and a soft nip with his teeth. Noctis moaned again, arching his back and pressing his chest further forward, as his Advisor kept his attention on the bud between his lips. One hand drifted over to find the unattended nipple and the other moved down to palm Noct’s hard cock through his trousers.

“How do you…immediately know…” His Prince moaned, hips bucking against the provided friction, “what I like…?” The words sounded slightly strained, as though Noct had his head thrown back in pleasure, just like Ignis remembered. Grinning, he ran his hands down Noct’s body to find his belt and begin to unbuckle it but found his efforts stymied.

“What’s wrong?” He asked frowning. “Am I going too fast for you? Would you prefer to move to the bed?” It was difficult to judge the response to his actions without any visual clues to pick up on. He felt his hands being placed on Noct’s hips, followed by his shirt buttons slowly being undone.

“The bed would let us have more room, but I want to appreciate you first.” He could feel Noct leaning forward and kissing his neck again while his shirt was opened one button at a time. A breeze from the open window briefly made him shiver as his chest was exposed.

He felt Noct pull back and the gentle tugging of his shirt being untucked. As some of the shirt material slid over his throbbing cock, barely contained by his underwear, Ignis let out a groan and his fingers gripped tightly at Noct’s hips as he bucked under his Prince.

“I can’t wait to feel you, like I’ve always dreamed.” He wouldn’t have thought it possible to be more turned on by the man straddling him, but the breathy whisper next to his ear somehow managed it.

Taking his hands again, Noct wriggled off his lap and asked him to stand. Guided gently by his lover, first his shirt slid off his shoulders and on to the floor, closely followed by his sunglasses, shoes and trousers and socks. Standing in only his underwear, Ignis felt rather exposed as Noct stepped back, relinquishing contact as if to admire the sight before him.

Fingertips trailed up his left arm, drifting in what seemed more than just a random pattern, and he sighed as kisses traced his skin in the same manner. Noct’s arm slipped around his waist and his lips kept moving, across his collarbone, up his neck and over the damaged skin around his eye.

Ignis flinched, turning his face away but was drawn back by Noct’s hand on his cheek.

“Do they hurt?” His lover asked, interlinking their fingers.

“No. But I am conscious of them. I know I look…different with them.” 

“They’re kinda beautiful, if you ask me. They’re sorta, silvery.” Noct captured his lips again for a kiss. “You’ll always be beautiful to me, scars or no scars.”

His lover moved around him again, pressing up behind him, his hard cock resting perfectly against the clef of Ignis’ ass. A hand reached around to his own tented underwear, gripping him through the fabric and rubbing with delicious slow motion while simultaneously thrusting at his behind.

Ignis leant his head back, exposing his neck to more kisses and couldn’t stop himself from also thrusting against Noct’s hand and moaning his name.

“You’re so beautiful, Ignis. Can we keep going? I want to feel you inside me.” Ignis wasn’t sure if he was dreaming. Typically, he would wake up, hard and needy after hearing his Prince begging for his cock, then have to disappear out of their tent or shared room to find his release in his hand.

“Noct…I want to, but I do not know if my body is strong enough yet to withstand everything I desire.” His legs already felt a bit wobbly, though whether that was from the excitement of what was about to happen or from his lingering injuries, he wasn’t sure.

“I have an idea. Lie down.” Noct guided him to the edge of the bed and slipped off his underwear, reassuring him with alternating feather-light and hungry kisses, before pulling away.

The sheets felt soft beneath his skin, a clean scent still detectable but he could also smell the familiar scent of Noct lingering on them. His heart sank that he no longer had the ability to see the man he loved, lust-filled and craving attention, but he was determined to enjoy himself regardless, keen to give his lover pleasure.

There was a slight sparkling-like sound of something being drawn from the Armiger and the mattress dipped with Noct’s weight. There was a soft thud of multiple somethings landing beside him.

“Noct, were you keeping lubricant in the Armiger?” Ignis was genuinely shocked, regardless of how convenient it was for now.

“And condoms.” Noct mouthed over his chest, sucking at the skin to no doubt leave a prominent love bite. “You always told me a responsible Prince has safe sex.”

“And your toys?”

“Err, yeah, them too.” Ignis could almost hear Noct blushing. It was very cute. “It kept them nearby, and stopped you from accidentally finding them.”

“I suppose it is, ahem, weaponry associated equipment.” He conceded, pulling Noct against him, grasping both of their cocks in his hand and slowly stroked them together.

“Ahh…never thought I’d…get you for my…first time.” Noct gasped, bucking his hips and adding to the sensation.

“Nor you…for mine.” Suddenly Noct’s hands were on his chest, pushing space between them. “What’s wrong? Am I being too rough?”

“No! No, that was great, it’s just, is this really your first time?” His lover sounded incredulous and Ignis felt his cheeks heating up.

“Yes. I cannot imagine why you would assume otherwise.” Did he really come across as a philanderer? Gladio was the ladies’ man of the group.

“But you went on all those dates! I thought…”

“Dates do not have to culminate with sex, Noct, especially not first ones. And none of those women Gladio pushed in my direction aroused me, even though some tried.” Ignis leant forward, nuzzling against Noct’s cheek and gently tugged on an earlobe with his teeth. “You arouse me with barely a touch.” He whispered, enjoying the soft sigh and the shiver his words sent through his lover’s body.

“I imagined you, with those women, but me in their place.” Noct confessed, kissing him again. “It made me come so hard, thinking of you filling me, fucking me so good I wouldn’t be able to walk.”

Ignis moaned his lover’s name, his lack of vision sending his imagination into overdrive. He gripped the base of his cock and tried to take a moment to calm down a little. He never thought he’d have a thing for a bit of dirty talk, but the things his lover’s descriptions were doing to him put him so close to the edge and he wasn’t ready for the fun to end yet.

“Are you okay?” Noct sounded worried. “If it’s too much, we can do this another ti…” Ignis silenced him with a kiss.

“I nearly came…from your words.” He admitted, embarrassed. “That is a kink I never realised I had, but I do not want to come now.” Glancing away shyly, he admitted, “I want to come while inside you.”

“Oh, that’s hot!” Noct giggled, his hands gently stroking Ignis’ sides. “I’d like that.”

They lay there for a few minutes, exchanging light kisses and caresses, until Ignis felt like the danger of immediate orgasm had passed.

“I can do the hard work this time. I don’t want to hurt you.” Noct sounded concerned. He felt the mattress shift as Noctis leaned over him, brushing his face tenderly then following with more kisses.

“I will tell you if our lovemaking becomes too much.” Ignis reached out for the lube.

“Promise?” Noct sounded serious, and Ignis could imagine him staring at his own damaged eyes, seeking the intimate connection they both craved. He wanted to look deep into his Prince’s blue eyes and see the light of his soul sparkling within them.

“I promise. Now, let me make you feel good. Is this the lubricant?” He asked, grasping a small bottle.

“Mmhmm.”

Smothering his fingers in lube, Ignis circled that tight ring of muscle before slipping a finger inside. Noctis felt so hot, the sounds he was making were divine as the finger moved inside him, quickly joined by a second, then a third to stretch him.

“I won’t need to prep me for long. I’ve been keeping in practice.” Ignis felt Noct shift beside him, the tip of a tongue tracing down his stomach and something rub against his sensitive member.

“But how? Unless…all those long showers…” Whenever they would spend the night at a hotel, his Prince would spend an inordinately long time in the shower, leaving little hot water for the rest of them. Now Ignis couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Noct in a steaming shower, water running along his creamy skin, impaling himself on a dildo that was attached to the wall as those slender fingers slid up and down his weeping cock, the sinful noises he makes being drowned out with the rush of water. While one hand was scissoring the Prince open, Ignis lifted his other hand to his mouth and bit down to strangle the lustful sound that left his lips, his cock twitching.

“Every time I touched myself, I imagined it was you touching me instead.” The Prince’s hand wrapped around his shaft, standing it upright before a wet tongue gave a tentative taste.

“Noct…ah…haah!” The tongue came back for another taste, then another, swirling around the head and Noct sucked in time with the lazy pumps at his shaft. Ignis barely kept enough focus to curl his fingers and hunt for his lover’s pleasure spot, though he could tell when he found it. Muscles clenched around his fingers just as Noct’s hand squeezed the base of his cock and the tongue moved away, letting the already sensitive areas be caressed by the puffs of hot air as his Prince panted. He could already feel the tension building in his balls.

“Yes! Fuck! Just there…” Ignis imagined his lover’s face, hair a mess, eyes closed and biting his lower lip as his hips pressed backwards to gain more sensation from the fingers inside him.

“Noct,” he groaned, grasping a condom and holding it out. “I do not think I will last much longer.”

The condom was taken from him and there was a rustle of the packet being discarded. The material was slightly cold against the head of his cock as Noct rolled down the protective sheath, following closely with a squirt of lube.

Once adequately prepared, the mattress shifted again as Noct straddled him and held his cock, almost shyly probing his entrance with the tip. Ignis placed his hands on his lover’s thighs, stroking the smooth skin with his thumbs.

Shifting a little to get into a comfortable position, Noct asked, “Are you ready?”

“Yes, Noct. Let me feel you.” His lover began to lower himself down, bit by glorious bit and neither of them could do much more than moan at the sensations. Most of the way down, Noct paused and Ignis was immediately concerned. Was this too much too fast? Had Noct needed more preparation?

“Don’t look so worried, Specs.” The words were gentle and a hand found his, entwining their fingers. “You feel good…mmh…really good. You just feel bigger than I expected. Only need a minute to adjust.” The frown on Ignis’ forehead softened and his free hand glided over to enveloping Noct’s hardness, teasing out little gasps as he slid over the velvety skin. He could feel the pulse of the large vein pressed against in his palm, and slight squeeze and relax of Noct’s ass around his cock.

“Is this helping?”

“Yeah, feels…fuck!” Noct started to slide further down. “Are you enjoying it?” A noise of satisfaction slipped between his lover’s lips as he took everything Ignis had.

“You feel amazing!” The weight of Noct above him and the warmth around his cock were better than he’d imagined, and he had to resist the urge to thrust upwards before his lover was ready. After a moment Noct spoke again.

“I’m going to start moving now.” His lover began to roll his hips, lifting himself up and down Ignis’ cock, over and over. The soft slaps of skin contact accompanied the pleasurable noises which punctuated the quiet.

When Noct raised himself again, Ignis’ hands shifted to hold his hips, and he pulled Noct down at the same time as thrusting up. This time the slap of contact was louder and his lover cried out, leaning forwards and supporting himself over Ignis’ chest.

“Can you do that again?” Noct’s voice was low and lustful, and Ignis obliged with a smile. His lover cried out again and Ignis thrusted hard and deep. He didn’t care his limbs were starting to feel shaky, all that mattered was Noct’s pleasure as the sounds of their lovemaking filled the room.

“Faster, please Iggy…I’m so close.” The urgency in his voice spurred Ignis on, pushing himself deeper and hitting that spot again and again.

“Aaaahh…hah, hah…haahh!” The moans of his love along with the tightening muscles pushed Ignis over the edge. His thrusts became more erratic as the orgasm overwhelmed him, his toes curling in ecstasy, his cock pulsing inside of Noct’s ass.

Moments afterwards, he could feel the muscles around him clamp down, drawing out extra pleasure, and hot droplets sprayed across his bare skin before Noct collapsed on top of him, panting for air. They lay there for a minute, regaining their breath as Ignis could feel his cock begin to soften, still buried in his lover, and the semen between their bodies turning from warm and slippery into cold and sticky.

Lazily, Noct began to kiss his way up Ignis’ neck, over his jaw and finally come to rest at his lips.

“Gods you’re gorgeous when you come.” He whispered, stroking Ignis’ no doubt tousled hair.

Although he had been picturing in his mind’s eye everything Noct had been doing, what he looked like, his blissful expression as he climaxed, it upset him to remember the only way he would ever see his beloved Noct again was through his imagination and memories.

Unbidden, the vision flashed across his thoughts, shaking him to the core, this was all only temporary. Gently rolling the Prince off onto his side, he pulled out and went to stand up, though his feet felt unsteady.

“Woah, Ignis!” Noct’s hands closed around his arms, stabilising him. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, Noct.” The lie came out easily, more easily than it should have considering how he felt. “We should get clean. It would be wasteful to cover sheets in your issue.”

“Oh…sure.” Noctis sounded sad, but gently turned Ignis and guided him towards the bathroom. Pausing along the way to offer up the bin for disposal of the condom.

“You’d tell me if something was bothering you, right? You know I won’t judge you for being vulnerable.” Ignis felt Noct’s hand disappear from his back heard the sound of a tap turn on and water begin to run.

He sighed. “It’s about something that happened at the Altar. I…I may need some time before I can talk about it.”

“Oh…” Noct’s voice was very small. “I’ll leave you to get clean then. The towels are over here.” Ignis felt fingers on his wrist as his arm was raised and placed first on the shower door handle, and then lightly on soft, fluffy towels.

“Wait.” As soon as the contact left, Ignis reached out to capture the hand and halt Noct’s retreat. “I am capable of washing myself, but I don’t want you to leave. Shower with me?” There was no sound from the other man, only a slight tug as if to pull away. Loving you is everything to me. I never want you make you feel rejected again.”

“Then open up and let me take care of you!” Noct now sounded frustrated. Footsteps moved towards him and he found himself staggering backwards, being pinned between Noct and the cold glass of the shower door. “All my life you have looked after me, sacrificed for me…For once Ignis, stop putting me first and let me look after you.” The catch in the words was audible, followed by a damp face pressed against his collarbone and arms wrapped around him fierce embrace.

“It is hard to break a habit of a lifetime…but I shall try.” Resting his face against his Prince’s dark hair he could smell the fragrance of apples from his shampoo.

“Alright.” Noct sniffed, relaxing his grip a little. “Let’s get cleaned up, and then we can talk.”

Ignis found himself drawn forward and the shower door was opened behind him. He could feel the spray on his back before he turned to step inside, pulling his beloved Noct in with him.

Although the act of washing didn’t take long, they both took advantage of the warmth to explore each other’s bodies more. Ignis discovered that when he sucked on a certain spot on his lover’s neck, Noct’s legs turned to jelly, and Noct tried a bit more dirty talk to get Ignis’ cock stirring again, even so shortly after climax. The shower quickly washed away the evidence of Ignis once again being coaxed to orgasm, this time by Noct’s hands and mouth.

Eventually though the water started to cool and they had to extricate themselves to dry off with the fluffy hotel towels.

Ignis could feel the tickle of his hair falling over his forehead after he’d towelled it dry, and felt gentle fingers sweep it out of his eyes.

“I like your hair like this.” Arms slipped around him and Noct was once again peppering his neck with kisses. The scent of the apple shampoo mixed with the lavender from the soap, ticking his nose. Ignis realised he was so used to getting up early and styling his hair before the others awoke, Noct might barely remember a time before he used product.

“You look more relaxed. And how you looked in the shower, grabbing my hair and moaning my name, it was sinful. Enough to turn anyone on.” It wasn’t difficult to feel his Prince’s cock, half hard again, rubbing against his thigh as they pressed close together.

“You are the one who said you wanted to talk after getting clean, but you seem insatiable.” The chastisement of the words did not translate into his tone or actions as Ignis reached down to grab his lover’s ass. He knew that when he’d recovered more, he would pick Noct up and carry him over to the bed to pleasure him further, but for now an affectionate squeeze of the pert cheeks would have to do.

“Can you blame me for not wanting to hold back anymore? We’ve both waited so long for this, I’m scared it’s a dream and I’m going to wake up any second.” The arms around him held tighter as Noct nuzzled against his chest.

“My apologies, but you will have to wait a bit longer for more sex I’m afraid. I think a lie down is in order.” He didn’t want to let go; the bathroom was still warm from all the hot water they had used and Noct’s skin felt so smooth under his fingers, but he was worried that if he didn’t sit down soon, the weakness in his legs would make the decision for him.

“Yeah, sorry. You must be tired.” His Prince pulled away and opened the bathroom door, letting out heat and causing Ignis to shiver. A hand gently took his fingers and guided him back to the bed where he’d found the covers pulled back for him.

“Get under the covers.” The scent of clean linen was now dulled by the tang of their sweat and lovemaking in the air. Not unpleasant, but surely the maids who serviced the room would be able to tell what took place.

“But Noct, what about my underwear?”

“What about your underwear? You’re clean. Don’t you want naked post-coital cuddles?” Ignis couldn’t well argue with that. “What are you just standing there for? Lie down, you’re meant to be recuperating.”

“From my injuries or from the sex?” He quipped, sitting down and sliding his legs under the sheets.

“Probably the former, but you don’t seem to need much for the latter.” Ignis could hear the smile in his lover’s voice and he blushed.

The mattress dipped beside him as Noct climbed in and he felt a leg slide over his and an arm rest across his stomach. In response he put an arm around Noct, drawing him closer so he was half on top of him and they lay there for a time, taking comfort in each other’s presence, until his Prince broke the comfortable silence.

“I know what the doctor said, about your eyes, but I want to hear it from you. How much can you see? Can you see me at all?” Ignis shifted unhappily, though his movement was restricted by the warm weight of his Prince. He went to turn his face away but gentle fingers halted him. “I want to understand.”

He took a moment to breathe before replying, knowing that it would only lead to disappointment.

“I’m afraid there is only darkness. So no, Noct, I cannot see you, however things may improve, in time.” Ignis held his lover closer as he spoke, and when he’d finished, kissed the top of Noct’s head.

“Thank you for telling me.” Noct’s voice came out mumbled, his mouth was pressed against Ignis’ chest.

“I am sorry to disappoint you. It makes me wish I had not been so focused on keeping you at arm’s length before, so I could appreciate everything about you like you deserve.” He placed another kiss on Noct’s soft hair.

“You have never disappointed me, Specs.” Noct’s voice was quiet. “You’re the smartest person I know. You’ve always been there for me, putting me first. I can’t even remember when you’ve asked for something just for you.

“You may be hurt now, but you’re still brilliant. You’ll learn new things and find ways to compensate. I’ve lost my country, my father and now Luna, I am not gonna lose you too!” Noct’s voice almost cracked. “I can’t lose you.” Tears began to splash onto his bare skin. Cradling his Prince, Ignis let him cry out all the fear, grief and loneliness that must have been building for so long.

“I promise, Noct. I promise I will overcome anything to stay by your side.” Ignis’ voice wobbled. Everything that had happened in the last few day was just too much. Holding tighter to his love, the first tears of many began to fall. With the knowledge the messenger’s vision, what else could he do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really pleased with how this chapter turned out, especially for my first time writing a full on sex scene.


	10. Chapter 10

Once Noct and Ignis had both cried themselves out, they remained in bed, holding each other close. In such an intimate setting, it became easier to talk about some of the things they were never able to before. Ignis decided to take the plunge and ask a question that he’d wanted to know the answer to for years.

“Noct, are there other acts you would like to explore, when we can be alone together?” His Prince nuzzled against him, and he gently stroked his fingers over the scar on Noct’s back. Touching that area was something he would only ever let Ignis do.

“I really enjoyed having you inside me, Specs. It was even better than I’d hoped it’d be.” Noct’s fingers drew patterns on Ignis’ chest. The feather-light touches just on the nice side of tickling. “Maybe try some different positions, when you’re _up_ to it.” Those fingers travelled down, ghosting over his cock on the emphasised word before trailing back up to his chest.

“How did you learn to be such a tease.” Ignis smirked, making note of how quickly his body responded to Noct’s touch, feeling like a horny teenager again.

“Actually, there’s something. Would you be ok with me topping sometime?”

Ignis thought for a moment. He’d never really considered being taken before, but if it would please Noct then he’d try anything once, even if he chose to place a boundary there in future.

“I would be happy for us to try that if you so wished. You would however need to be patient with me. I have not done the same kinds of self-experimentation as you.” He caught Noct’s teasing fingers and kissed each digit before linked them with his own.

“So, you’ve never fingered yourself?”

“No, I have not.” Noct shifted beside him, perhaps propping himself up on his arm, leaving their linked fingers together.

“Have you done any other kinds of ‘self-experimentation’?” He asked, causing Ignis to blush as one particular memory came to mind. “What did you do?”

“I do not know if I should tell you.” He felt very self-conscious about revealing something he had reproached himself for trying.

“C’mon Specs, I’m not gonna tell anyone. I want to know more about you.” Even without his vision he knew Noct would be giving him the sad eyes, an expression Ignis had always been weak to. He sighed, his fingers stilling on Noct’s back.

Clearing his throat, a slight frown displaying his discomfort, he said, “Well, as you are aware, the way I fight requires accuracy, speed and flexibility.”

“Go on…” Noct shifted against him again and he was oh so aware of their nude state. If his eyes could have perceived anything he would have been staring resolutely at the ceiling.

“A number of years ago, I discovered on the internet the idea of using such flexibility for a…different purpose.” Ignis could feel himself going redder by the second as Noct let out an excited little squeak.

“You tried to suck yourself off, didn’t you?!” Noct was practically vibrating with excitement at the concept, which only made Ignis’ embarrassment worse. He covered his face with a hand and groaned, wondering again what had possessed him to try such an act. “Did you manage it?”

“You could call the endeavour somewhat successful,” he mumbled, now trying to hide his face under the covers in shame, “but I suffered with neck strain for several days after.”

“Wow! Wait, what didn’t go right?” Ignis felt the sheet shifting above him and Noct wriggled further down, no doubt enjoying seeing his typically unflappable Advisor squirm.

“I am, flexible enough, but the sensation was…strange, knowing I was both the giver and the receiver. I did not orgasm from the act itself as I had been led to believe.”

“Oh.” Noct sounded faintly disappointed, like Ignis had given him a dream and then popped it in front of him with the pin of reality.

Despite the awkwardness, a wild thought came to him. If he’d had a partner back then, someone he loved and trusted enjoying the skill of his body, perhaps it would have been more pleasurable with their participation.

“Maybe…maybe when I am recovered more, I could show you?” Ignis suggested shyly. He was almost glad he couldn’t see his Prince’s expression right now, otherwise he would never had found such courage, being forced to leave the room in mortification instead.

“Specs, you don’t have to. I’m sorry I’ve embarrassed you. I shouldn’t’ve pried.” Noct rolled over, sounding sheepish, his projected confidence in sexual matters dissipating. Ignis had been fooled for a moment into forgetting that he was not the only one experiencing this kind of intimacy for the first time.

“It is alright, Noct. You seemed so excited by the idea. I would not have offered if I did not want to.” He rolled onto his side, arms reaching out to draw Noct back towards him. “I have heard it’s more arousing for a spectator.”

“I won’t lie. I think you’d look gorgeous doing that, but it needs to feel good for you too!” Noct twisted in his arms, slightly bumping their heads together in the process. “Sorry. I don’t want to just take from you anymore. I want to learn to give to you as well.” It was such an earnest declaration that Ignis wasn’t sure how to respond.

“I…ah…what’s brought all this on?”

“Just something Gladio mentioned.” That made Ignis frown and pinch the bridge of his nose. Gladio had never been particularly subtle in expressing himself when he felt Noct was taking advantage of Ignis’ caring nature.

“What has he said this time?” He asked wearily, often forced to be the calming influence between Prince and Shield when they hissed and spat at each other like angry cats.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. He just got me thinking ’bout stuff. Anyway, I don’t want to think about Gladio when I’m in bed with you.” Noct caught his lips in a hungry kiss, which Ignis deeply enjoyed, but he could tell a distraction tactic when he encountered one.

“Let us change the subject, shall we?” He said when they parted, heart rate quickened.

“Okay. Erm…so are we now, like, a couple?” His lover sounded nervous.

Ignis sighed, something he seemed to be doing more and more frequently. Noct had struck upon another topic he’d had difficulty responding to. He’d dreamt of them being together, just like ordinary Lucian citizens, but after hiding and convincing himself it couldn’t be for so long in addition to the precarious situation they were in, he didn’t know if it was even possible. He wasn’t sure he knew how.

“Cos, we know we love each other, and shown we love each other. I don’t want this to just go away when we step outside. I don’t want you as my dirty little secret, keeping everything behind closed doors.” Noct curled up, making himself smaller. “But I’ll keep everything private, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

Ignis opened his mouth to reply, still unsure as to what words would come out, but was saved for the time being by a knock at the door.

“Hey Noct? Is Iggy still with you?” Prompto’s voice was muffled on the other side of the door.

“Hang on!” Noct gave him a shy kiss, so different to the previous one, then Ignis felt him leave the bed and heard feet pad across the floor in the direction of the door. To his immense relief there was the soft rustle of cloth before the door was opened. At least his Prince had not decided to greet his best friend naked.

Immediately he consulted his memory of how the room was arranged and was relieved to remember that that the bed could not be clearly seen from the doorway. Prompto wouldn’t be able to see him lying in Noct’s bed unless he took a couple of steps inside the room.

“Hey Prompto, yeah he’s still here. Do you need him for something?”

“It’s getting close to dinnertime. I was wondering if I should grab some food for our room, or if he was going to eat with you today?”

Ignis could not help but smile at the considerate thought. He really appreciated the effort Prompto had been spending on him while Gladio was helping with the re-building efforts and Noct was also meant to be recovering.

Prompto laid his clothes out for him in the morning and helped him get around without bumping into things, or other people. Even though Ignis insisting on trying to tackle challenges brought about by his blindness himself, he got the sense that Prompto was usually hovering nearby. It was frustrating, knowing a friend was constantly on tenterhooks around him, but he’d so far managed to be kind, and not lash out, when setting boundaries.

He also been finding much of his time away from Noct very boring. He could no longer attend to the little things that used to occupy him, from the mundane, like mending a tear in Noct’s clothing, reviewing the recipes in his notebook, taking inventory and searching for fresh ingredients to top up their supplies; to the pleasurable, like reading a good book, stargazing, seeing Noct smile. 

Last night Prompto had suggested that he read out one of Gladio’s books to give Ignis some kind of distraction, though after they got to the first raunchy scene between the dashing knight and his damsel princess, they’d mutually agreed to never open one of Gladio’s books again. Even the brief snippet Prompto had read out before realising what he was saying made Ignis blush like a nun in a brothel and cross his legs uncomfortably. How the Shield could read that sort of filth in company, without apparently being affected, Ignis could not comprehend.

“Where do you want to eat, Specs?” Noct called back into the room.

“I shall return to our room shortly, Prompto. Thank you, I had not realised the time.”

“That’s cool. Do you want any help getting back?” Ignis was about to respond again but Prompto’s voice continued. “Hey, Iggy, is that your shirt on the fl…”

“I’ll walk him back, bye Prompto!” The door closed, cutting off their surprised sounding friend, and Noct’s footsteps padded towards him.

“For a moment I feared you would invite him in.” Ignis scooted up the bed until he sat propped against the headboard, the mattress depressed as Noct sat down beside him.

“I was tempted to show you off, but I want to be the only one to see you looking this sexy.” Ignis couldn’t help but blush, and he felt Noct’s hand brush across his forehead before cupping his cheek. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

“Noct…I love you. I want to cherish you, and be someone worthy of your affection…”

“Don’t be an idiot, you already are.” Noct grumbled.

“And I am eternally grateful that you think that.” He smiled, feelings of love clear on his face. “But with the path we have before us, and this, shift, in my capabilities,” Ignis waved a hand in front of his eyes, providing no change to the darkness he saw. “I do not know how to approach such a relationship. I do not wish to be a burden to you.”

“Argh this again!” The mattress shifted beneath him again and his thighs were enclosed by Noct’s legs, his warm weight resting in Ignis’ lap. His hands so naturally slid up under Noct’s t-shirt to rest on his waist, and his face was caught between his Prince’s hands, tilting his head back, their foreheads pressed together.

“I know you’re worried. You’re always worried Specs. We don’t have to put a name to it. It doesn’t have to be perfect right away; we can take each day as it comes, but whatever happens from now on, I want us to face it together. Can you at least agree with that?” Noct’s voice came out as a desperate whisper.

Ignis’ fingers tightened on his Prince’s skin, drinking in his scent. Gods he didn’t want to let this go, but he was so scared he’d be a disappointment, even more scared of losing Noct now he’d truly held him. That dreadful vision of the future was hanging above their heads like the Sword of Damocles.

“One day at a time?” He asked, shakily.

“One day at a time.” Noct promised with a kiss.

“In that case, we should tell Prompto and Gladio.” Ignis thumbs stroked Noct’s sides, making him wriggle a little. The hands on his face snaked around to rest at the nape of his neck.

“Are you sure? If it’d make you happier, we can keep it just between us.” It was strange, their roles seemed reversed. Ignis now the one feeling unsure, nervous, and Noct trying to reassure and comfort him. 

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but if Prompto did see my shirt on the floor then he will have already guessed what has happened between us. Practically, it would be very difficult to hide this from them, and, sometimes, I want to be able to hold your hand without fear of reprisal.” Ignis blushed again, turning his face away. It should be such a small thing to do with a lover, yet he was still struggling.

Noct was quiet and quivering under his hands. Had he said something wrong? Was that not enough for him? Too much?

“Darling Noct, talk to me?”

“That makes me so happy.” Ignis smiled and pulled his Prince into a crushing embrace, his heart soaring.

After some more cuddling and a non-zero amount of intimate caresses, Ignis pulled back on his clothes that Noct had retrieved for him.

“When we’ve told the others, you don’t have to share a room with Prompto anymore. If you’d like, you could share with me?” His Prince sounded hopeful.

Ignis did up the last few buttons on his shirt, feeling multiple times down his chest to check they were not misaligned while searching for the best words for his response.

“I would like that, I really would…”

“But…?” Noct said tentatively.

“But I cannot in good conscience leave Prompto by himself.” He said, forcing a light hearted tone. “I think I am a good influence him, when you are not leading him astray.” 

There was just too much about the effects of the events on the day of the rite that he wasn’t ready to share with his Prince, ashamed as he was of his new weakness. He could tell Noct was already seeing him differently without his sight, and he wanted to delay that progression of thought for as long as he could. Noct had said he wouldn't judge his vulnerabilities, but that didn't mean Ignis was not judging himself. He did not want to be perceived as an invalid, or provide any excuse for him to be left behind as Noct journeyed on.

“Right, yeah, I’m the one that’s leads him astray.” Noct laughed, his tone also not completely convincing. “C’mon, I dunno about you but that workout of ours made me real hungry.”

They stepped out into the corridor, Noct’s hand resting gently on the small of his back. His touch was different to Prompto’s, a little more hesitant perhaps, but where Prompto’s guidance was prone to be jerky and staccato, Noct’s was smoother, flowing more naturally against him.

By the time they reached the right room, Noct softly touching his elbow so he knew to stop, Ignis could feel guilt coiling in the pit of his stomach. Noct had completely opened himself up, as best as knew how to communicate, only asking for Ignis’ love and trust in return, and still he concealed things, from Noct as well as his friends.

“We’re here. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Noct squeezed his arm as a parting gesture, then the contact disappeared, footsteps beginning to move away.

“Noct.” Ignis called, holding out a hand which he hoped his Prince would take.

Footsteps came back towards him but no hand touched his. Ignis lowered his head, hand falling back to his side.

“Please be patient with me.” He spoke quietly. “You deserve so much. I’m sorry, this must be so hard on you. We will tell Gladio and Prompto tomorrow.” He sensed Noct stepping in close, and felt lips place a kiss on his cheek.

“No, I’m sorry for pushing you too quickly. You need to adjust, I get it. After we save Lucis, we’ll have all the time in the world, right?”

The cold wave washed over Ignis even as he forced a smile. The image of Noct, dead on his throne, forced itself to the front of his thoughts. He was surprised Noct didn’t seem to notice how the blood seemed to drain from him. “Yes. I shall come by tomorrow.” His Prince stole another chaste kiss then moved away, heading back towards his room.

Ignis’ hands were shaking as he felt for the door handle. He stepped inside and leaned heavily against the frame, clutching at the pain in his chest. He thought he was alone, but then Prompto spoke, making him jump and he straightened.

“Hey Iggy, I got us some soup for dinner, thought that might be easier for ya. Erm, are you ok there, buddy?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you, Prompto.” He turned away, making for where the bathroom door ought to be, hurrying before his friend could see the tear that he could feel running down his face.

“Are you sure? You don’t look so good.” Ignis grasped the handle on his first try, more by luck than judgement, then quickly entered and locked it behind him.

“I just need a moment.” He struggled to get his breathing under control as he slid down the door until he was sat on the floor. His head rested against his knees and he grabbed fistfuls of his hair in a vain attempt to ground himself.

From his letter, Noct would understand what had held him back about their relationship before, but would never truly know why he’d changed his mind unless he told his lover everything that he knew. Until then, Noct’s allusions to the future he’d never see would continue to eat him up inside.

He’d asked his Prince to be patient with him, but who knew how much time they really had. Noct had grown up expecting a shortened life as payment for maintaining the Wall, now he had some hope that perhaps they could push the Empire back and have a future without the decline his father experienced. He’d already lost too much, Ignis could not take that hope away from him as well.

Bottle it up, hide it away. Don’t let it out unless there is no other option. That was what he was practiced in. Same bottle, different contents.

“Iggy?” A soft knock came from outside. “Err, soup’s getting cold. You’ve been in there a while. Do you need anything?”

Ignis got to his feet and patted his hair down from where he’d grabbed at it. He took a deep breath, straightened his back and unlocked the door.

“My apologies Prompto, were you waiting for me?”

“Yeah, well, you said you didn’t want to eat by yourself. Bowls are on the table, here.” His friend took him by the elbow and guided him to a chair.

Once again Ignis felt guilty. It wasn’t that he particularly wanted the company. It was humiliating, requiring someone to cut up large items into bite sized pieces for him while he tried to get used to navigating a plate of food without the use of his vision, but worse when he knew someone was just watching him. It was far better when they were at least partially preoccupied with their own meal.

Ignis sat down, carefully feeling in front of him for the bowl, spoon and any other nearby objects that he could accidentally knock over.

“It’s sweet pepper and tomato. Oh, here.” He heard his friend come closer and was alarmed when he felt Prompto’s fingers at his neck, tucking fabric into his collar.

“Really Prompto, there is no need.” He tried to swat the hands away, seizing the napkin from his chest and laying it across his lap instead.

“But you love that shirt. I thought you’d be upset if it got stained.” Prompto sounded despondent.

“I am not a child!” He snapped, bitterly aware that right now, his blindness made him need help like one.

“S…sorry.” His friend sounded so small and hurt, and Ignis immediately regretted his outburst.

“No, I’m sorry. That was unkind of me. I really am grateful for everything, Prompto. It is me who has to adjust.” He tried to smile at his friend, but it didn’t feel like he managed to be very convincing.

They ate in silence and Ignis decided to try and turn in early, suggesting that Prompto get some time to himself and have some fun. It was better than making him stay here while Ignis’ emotions were so volatile. Perhaps he could find somewhere to start exercising again, and release some of that tension he was feeling.

The night Ignis dreamt the same dream he’d had every time he’d slept since he’d been blinded. He dreamt that he’d put on the ring again, but instead of allowing him power, the Kings of old chained him down, forcing him to watch as his Noct, his beautiful, brave Noctis, died in front of him, turning to dust and dispersing. There was nothing he could do. He was completely helpless.

He screamed out all his pain, thrashing against the chains that held him, begging King Regis to put an end to his suffering, to let him join Noct in the afterlife.

“No, Ignis. You wore the ring; this is the price.” The King left him alone in the crystalline void with no hope of release.

“Iggy! Iggy! It’s just a dream.” Prompto was shaking him as he returned to consciousness. His limbs felt heavy, bound by twisted sheets. His body must have been thrashing in bed while he did so in the dream.

“It’s ok. I’m awake now.” Ignis groaned, the shaking finally ceasing.

“I’m really worried about you, Iggy. You never used to have nightmares or shout in your sleep.”

“What was I saying?” He tried his best to unravel himself from his covers and another pair of hands came to assist him.

“You were shouting for Noct, and the King? I dunno, most of it didn’t make much sense. If it’s trauma, or something from…then, maybe you should talk to someone about it. I’d listen, if you want, or maybe you’d feel better with Noct…”

“No! I told you. I was going to help Noct and a rocket exploded, that is all I remember.” With a free hand, he grabbed for Prompto’s arm. “Please don’t tell Noct I’m having nightmares, it’d only remind him of his own.” Prompto made an unhappy noise. “Promise me. I do not want him to know.”

“Okay…I promise.” Came the reluctant response. He let go of his friend’s arm and turned over.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry that you have to put up with all of this.” Prompto didn’t reply, he just climbed back into bed and left Ignis to try and sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When trying to finish this chapter I got distracted writing a scene that will come later in the story (I'm sure you'll know it when you read it) so the the pace of updates for the next couple of chapters is probably going to slow a bit from what I've been managing so far. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning Noctis awoke, buzzing with excitement to let somebody else know what had happened with Ignis yesterday. Well, not any of the sexy details, that was only for the two of them to know, but admitting that they had started a…a…thing?

It felt a bit obtrusive to start referring to Ignis as his boyfriend, especially as the idea of making things public still seemed to make his lover anxious.

They certainly weren’t going to be just fuck buddies, they both felt far too deeply about each other to be that superficial. The more he thought about it, the more Noctis realised he didn’t care what label their relationship had, provided they loved each other, what did it matter? It was also really nice to have something good in his life after the ongoing disaster that had been his life of the last few months.

One day at a time, he reminded himself; Ignis had asked him to be patient. He was finding it difficult to hold back his enthusiasm, wanting to seize this opportunity his Advisor had given him for their relationship to grow. But just because they had dived headfirst into exploring the physical side of their love yesterday, didn’t mean that Ignis would feel secure with public displays of affection, maybe ever. He should temper his expectations.

He also had to remember that, despite how much Ignis seemed to want to brush it off and carry on, blindness had completely changed his life. Noctis wanted so badly to help, but he wasn’t sure how without making his Advisor feel uncomfortable.

Noctis stood up and stretched, his head now spinning with thoughts as he moved into the bathroom to get ready. In the mirror, he caught sight of a purplish-red mark on the side of his neck, just where the skin blended into his shoulder. Smiling to himself, he lightly brushed it with his fingertips, remembered Ignis giving it to him in the shower yesterday, the memory making him blush again. It’d be covered up by his jacket, even if it did peek out of the neck of his t-shirt, but he’d know it was there.

Eager to see Ignis again he made his way to the room shared by his lover and his best friend. He knocked on the door, waiting to see if there would be a response but he was met with silence. He knocked again before testing the door handle which turned without resistance.

“Hello? Specs?” He peeked into the room as the sound of running water ceased and Ignis hesitantly made his way out the of bathroom, hair wet and with just a towel around his waist. Suddenly Noctis like he was intruding. He pulled back outside and rapped his knuckles on the door again so Ignis would know he had company.

“Hello? Who is it?”

“It’s just me, Specs. Can I come in?”

“Oh, Noct.” Ignis seemed to give a sigh of relief. “Please, give me a moment to get dressed.”

“Is Prompto there as well?” He asked, pretending he had not already seen inside the room. He hadn’t intended to peep.

“No, he left early to photograph the city. He mentioned it might be gone for most of the day.”

“Why did he leave you on your own?” For a moment he was annoyed, what if Ignis had needed someone to help but no one was around?

“Because I encouraged him to. Honestly, Noct, the way the three of you are fussing you would have thought I was at death’s door.” If Noctis had rolled his eyes any harder they’d have fallen out of his head.

“You were almost at death’s door. Can I come in now?”

“Fine, I suppose I am mostly decent.” Noctis opened the door and stepped inside, taking in the sight of a mostly dressed Ignis. His belt was still undone, his shirt cuffs were open and his damp hair fell about his face. He’d not put on his sunglasses yet but he had his eyes shut.

Shutting the door behind him, Noctis felt a thrill rush through him and quickly stepped over to his Advisor, arms sliding around his waist before stretching up for a kiss. He seemed to take Ignis by surprise but it didn’t take long before he was pulled close against his lover’s firm chest and his kiss reciprocated.

“Is that why you asked if Prompto was here?” Ignis smirked when they separated.

“Maaaybe.” Noctis drew the vowel sound out, resting his head against Ignis’ chest and listening to his heart beat. “I just couldn’t wait to see you again. I’m trying to be patient like you asked, but gods your addictive.” He inhaled, taking in the clean smell of his body and clothes, enjoying the contact of the hands that had slipped under the bottom of his t-shirt and were resting against his lower back. “One taste and I’m hooked.”

“I recall you tasted me at least twice yesterday.” Ignis’ voice was low and seductive, making Noctis blushed with his allusions.

“I was thinking, why don’t we go to Maaghos for dinner tonight? People are starting to come back to the city, and Gladio’s said most of the main canals are now clear enough for gondolas.”

“You mean, like a date?” Ignis got that curious look on his face that he used when he was weighing up tactical options, and Noctis found himself thrilled by the prospect that his lover may feel secure enough to go on a date with him.

“Well, ah, I thought all four of us could go and we could tell them about us there. I didn’t want to assume…Weskham’s place is pretty quiet though. I thought you might like a change. But with everything you were worried about, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Ignis gingerly reached out to feel the edge of his bed and then sat down, tugging Noctis down next to him.

“Specs?” He nudged their shoulders together. Ignis had been quiet for a while, and having turned his face away, Noctis couldn’t read his expression.

“I am very glad you are considering my concerns. However, I think it would be more prudent to tell our friends first, then stop by the Maaghos for drinks after dinner. The food there is magnificent but also very expensive. Our rooms here may be heavily subsidised by the generosity of the First Secretary, but we must conserve our funds for travel. I assume that you still wish to continue on to the last tomb?”

“Oh.” He pouted at the state of their finances, acknowledging that Ignis was right, and they were unlikely to be able to earn more any time soon. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about what you said. I’m sorry I got angry before.”

“Given everything that has happened, it was perfectly understandable.” His Advisor reassured him, placing a hand on his knee.

“I don’t want what we’ve all gone through to be for nothing. All the bad stuff that’s happened…” He sighed, leaning closer against his Advisor. “It’s gotta be for something. I also don’t want to risk you…this.” He joined their hands together. “Not now I’ve finally got you. But I don’t think I have a choice. Don’t you ever wish you were ordinary, Specs, and not have to worry about this stuff?”

“No, I do not.” He looked up at his Advisor, puzzled. He frequently thought about how his life could have been so much simpler if he’d not been born the Crown Prince of Lucis.

“Why?”

“Because then I would never have entered your service, and we never would have shared so much together. I would never have had the opportunity to fall in love with you. I would not exchange that for the world.” Ignis’ simple honesty made Noctis smile, warming his heart.

“I love you too. And about what we do next, well, y’see, me, Prom and Gladio already had a bit of a talk about that.” Noctis laughed guiltily.

“I see.” Ignis now seemed put out. “And you chose to exclude me from this conversation, why?” Noctis winced, he’d worried this would be his Advisor’s response.

“Look, you’re still hurt, we just decided to give you some time to get better, take advantage of being somewhere fairly safe. Your vision might come back, that’s what the doctor said.”

“The doctor also said I should not get my hopes up. Truth be told, I never want to see this wretched city ever again.” Noctis was taken aback, Ignis’ tone was harsh, maybe even resentful.

“It’s only been a few days. You’re always reminding me to be patient, perhaps you should take your own advice. And hey, I’m still recovering too! I was asleep for, like, a whole day.” He protested, trying to ignore Ignis huffing beside him. “Gods, you really are the worst patient, aren’t you?”

“Noct, my vision will never completely recover. I have to come to terms with that sooner rather than later. I do not need to be handled with kid gloves.” Ignis had was becoming more emphatic towards the end clearly touching a nerve.

“We’re staying here at least another week, that’s what I’ve decided. And we’re all going out tonight. We deserve a night to enjoy ourselves since…since…” He trailed off, terrible memories assaulting him.

“I’m sorry, Noct. I know…” Ignis softly kissed him, lips first finding his cheek, then making their way to his mouth. He melted against his lover, posing no opposition to being pulled into Ignis’ lap.

Separating a time later, he whispered against Ignis’ ear, “You marked me yesterday, right here.” He took his lover’s hand and brushed his fingers over the love bite, skating just under the collar of his t-shirt. It was adorable to watch his Advisor blush so quickly.

“I apologise…I did not intend...I hope it does not hurt.” Ignis looked flustered, but he affectionately stroked the skin Noctis had guided him towards.

“Nah, it felt pretty nice at the time.” He replied, playing with the hair at the nape of his lover’s neck. “It’s pretty easy to cover up, no one needs to know ‘cept you and me. I just wanted you to know it was there.” Ignis shivered, his head tilted as if he was trying to stare at the bruising he’d caused, his fingers still caressing that spot.

“Something, just for us.” He murmured, leaning forward to kiss that area again and breathing in Noctis’ scent, making the Prince giggle.

“Speaking of us, I’ll text Prom and Gladio to meet us later.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly firing off the messages before tossing the device to one side. He pushed against Ignis’ chest, encouraging him to lie back before leaning down and starting to kiss his neck. “Let’s see if we can make some more marks, just for us.”

Gladio was the first to come back, barging in through the door without knocking which was becoming a very irritating habit. Thankfully, Noctis and Ignis had been restraining themselves for most of this afternoon in case of this eventuality. His Shield’s entrance had put Ignis on edge and Noctis noticed some blue sparkles dancing around his Advisor’s fingers, as if he was halfway to summoning his weapons before Gladio spoke.

“So, what’s so urgent? You mentioned going out tonight, but it’s only 5, that’s way too early for a lightweight like you. I’m not carrying you to bed and having you throw up down my back again.”

“Why do I put up with a rude Shield like you?” Noctis bit back.

“You wouldn’t last five minutes without me Princess.” Gladio pulled a small flask out of his pocket and picked up one of the tumblers from the side, pouring some liquid into it before taking a seat.

“Children, please!” Ignis cut through their sniping as he so frequently had to do. “Noct, stop that.” Noctis froze, tongue sticking out at Gladio who was pulling a face back.

“I wasn’t doing anything.” He protested his innocence.

“You forget I know you too well.” Noctis had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from replying flirtatiously. “Now can we not have a nice discussion like adults?” It was then Prompto arrived, bursting through the door, camera in hand, grinning, but something made Noctis do a double take when looking at his friend.

“Did’ya get into a fight out there? That bruise wasn’t there yesterday.” He gestured to a patch of purple covering Prompto’s cheekbone, hiding most of his freckles.

“Eh? I…just walked into a post.” His best friend went from excited to shifty.

“Too busy checkin’ out a girl again, huh?” Gladio nudged the blonde, who was now throwing sheepish glances at Ignis. Noctis watched, perplexed, as his Advisor frowned slightly and then looked concerned, as if he’d just pieced together something worrying.

“…Yeah, a girl. Yeah, she was something.” Prompto said nervously. Was he trying to hide something? “So, now the most important heart and soul of this team is here…” And the effervescent energy was back.

“Hey! You’re all here because of me. I’m the Prince!” Noctis grumbled, receiving a playful shove for being surly.

“…Are we going to party of what? It’s been so long since we had some fun!” Prompto finished, throwing himself into a chair but unable to remain still.

“Ahem, first there is something I wish to say.” Ignis spoke up, folding his hands in front of him. Noctis looked at him, they hadn’t exactly discussed how they were going to break the news, and given Ignis’ previous reluctance for anything public, he was a little surprised his Advisor was speaking first.

“Go on then Iggy, we’re listening.” Gladio leant back in his seat and took a swig of whatever it was in his glass. It could have been water, or vodka for all Noctis knew.

“Noct and I are starting a romantic relationship.” Ignis stated, his tone matter of fact. Noctis took his hand in support and he felt an anxious squeeze from his lover while taking in the reactions of his friends.

Prompto’s jaw had dropped open but somehow still managed to keep a stupid grin on his face and Gladio choked on his drink.

“Are they not taking it well?” Ignis muttered, squeezing Noctis’ hand even tighter.

“Wait for it.” Noctis murmured back, just before Prompto threw himself at the pair of them, one arm around each and tackled them onto the bed.

“My dudes! Really!? This is so great! I mean, finally!” The blonde gabbled away, hugging them both while Gladio coughed his airways free of liquid.

Ignis looked so uncomfortable, lying half under an enthusiastic Prompto, that Noctis had stifle a laugh.

“Easy there small fry, you’re gonna make Iggy burst a vein or sumthin.” Prompto was hauled off them and deposited back in his chair, leaving Gladio to loom over them.

“Well Prompto’s thrilled. What do you think Gladio? You okay with me and Specs being together?” Noctis didn’t mean to sound confrontational, but it came out like he was daring his Shield to provide anything other than acceptance. He slipped an arm possessively around Ignis’ waist as they sat up, watching as his Advisor began to blush before darting in for a chaste kiss. Prompto squealed in delight, drumming his feet on the floor.

He wasn’t sure where all this confidence was coming from, but he hoped Ignis wouldn’t be too annoyed at him later. He hadn’t pushed him away yet at any rate, so he couldn’t have gone too far.

“I don’t have a problem with it, I’m just surprised. I had no idea.” Gladio shifted, seemingly unsure what to do now his charge was no longer in danger of being smothered by the human embodiment of excitement.

“Seriously? Dude! You’re as blind as Iggy!” Everybody winced at that, and Noctis picked up a pillow to throw at his best friend’s head.

“Big mouth!”

“You said you’re starting? How long have you two…?” Gladio made some vague ‘together’ hand gestures but Ignis seemed to gather his meaning without interpretive assistance.

“Since yesterday. But we have both felt this way about each other, for some time.” Ignis’ voice became softer, and Noctis leaned his head against his Advisor’s shoulder.

“Ah damn, and I pushed you towards all those girls back home. I’m sorry I forced you into something you didn’t want, Iggy.” The Shield rubbed the back of his neck, looking ashamed.

“That is quite alright Gladio, all is forgiven.” Ignis smiled, aside from his nerves and earlier embarrassment, he looked happy, like confessing his feelings in front of others had lifted some kind of weight from him.

“Yeah, but I’m still sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed about who you might fancy.”

“There was no harm done, Gladio, really. I was hardly going to come out at tell you my true affections.” Ignis waved away the Shield’s awkward apology, crossing his long legs in a manner that Noctis found distracting. Even in company he was finding it hard to keep his mind from wandering.

“Yeah, I only got to find out a few days ago!” He blurted out, tearing his gaze away from Ignis’ body before it become too obvious what had caught his attention.

“Right. Since we’re celebrating, we’re gonna have to find some food. Any suggestions?” Gladio drained the rest of whatever was in his tumbler and began to head towards the door. 

Noctis noticed his Advisor stiffen beside him at the mention of eating. He’d also been very reluctant about the sandwiches for lunch as well.

“Specs, are you okay?” He asked quietly, ignoring Gladio listing out options for places that might still be open.

“I’m fine, Noct. I’m not that hungry.” As if to spite him, Ignis’ stomach gave an audible growl.

“C’mon, what’s wrong? I noticed you didn’t eat much lunch either.” He hugged his Advisor. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I do not have much of an appetite, it’s that simple.” Ignis firmly unwound his Prince’s arms and stood up.

“Well, some of the street sellers outside are back. I noticed one was doing skewers and stuff. Would that be ok for you Iggy?” Prompto piped up, gaining a brief nod from Ignis, and making Noctis feel that there was something important that his best friend knew but he didn’t. Since it concerned his new lover, it worried him, but he had to trust in Ignis. 

The four of them made their way out of the hotel and along the main canal, following the enticing smell of frying meat. Noctis guided his Advisor, hand on the small of his back, but respected Ignis’ preference to minimise their physical contact outside of the privacy of a hotel room.

Gladio ordered for them and pulled out his wallet to pay.

“It tastes so good!” Noctis moaned, having already stripped his first skewer. “Specs, you should try it!” Ignis held his in his hand, looking hesitant.

“Don’t worry Iggy, there’s not much sauce on it.” Prompto whispered, lightly touching Ignis’ shoulder. Noctis felt a stab of jealousy when his Advisor responded better to Prompto’s words, tentatively taking a bite, leaning slightly forwards and holding a hand under his chin to catch any drips regardless.

Noctis was on his third by the time Ignis had slowly picked all the meat from his first skewer, not noticing a small smear of sauce just to the side of his lips. It gave Noctis the sudden urge to lean in and clean it up with his tongue, but he quickly shook himself free of that thought, Ignis would not appreciate that, settling for mentioning the sauce’s location and handing his Advisor a tissue instead.

Once they had all apparently eaten their fill, they made their way towards a gondola station for a ride to the Maaghos. Ignis had looked nervous about stepping into the boat, but when Noctis offered to hold his hand to steady him, he waved his Prince away and stepped down regardless. He only stumbling slightly when the boat rocked beneath his shifting weight and he quickly found somewhere to sit.

Ignis was quiet during the trip, and Noctis watched him carefully, leaving Prompto and Gladio to fill the silence. It worried him that his Advisor wasn’t eating much. Ignis used to love trying new food, encouraging them to broaden their diets with the recipes he produced, but now it looked like he viewed eating as a necessary evil, something to be subjected to for as little time as possible.

When they reached the pier at the Maaghos, Noctis firmly took his Advisor’s arm to help him back onto dry land.

“Noct, there is no need.” Ignis protested, objecting to being manhandled.

“Yeah, there is. Don’t be stubborn and let me help you.” He found stepping off the gondola a bit intimidating when he could see where to put his feet, he wasn’t going to let Ignis be wilful and end up falling in the canal. It didn’t matter how hot his lover would look, dripping wet, his coeurl print shirt sticking to him, showing off his figure…Noctis shook his head and forcefully dragged his thoughts back to the present.

“Well, what brings you lads back here? I wasn’t sure if you’d have left the city by now.” Weskham greeted them, laying out four glasses on the bar and eyeing Ignis tentatively navigating the steps. “Ah, I see.”

“Hey Weskham. It’s pretty quiet here.” Noctis commented. They seemed to be the only patrons here this evening, even the vendors that they’d seen around before were absent.

“Yes. Most folk aren’t in the mood for celebrating right now.”

Prompto mumbled something into Ignis’ ear, getting a nod in response.

“But we are.” Noctis hopped up to the bar, peering over at what was in stock.

“Oh? What a surprise. I’d heard a little of what happened. I am so sorry about the Oracle.” Noctis froze, unable to look at his father’s friend. He was saved by Ignis’ hand on his shoulder, a small squeeze indicating his support.

“Thank you Weskham, his Highness appreciates your concern, but the reason for us being here is a totally unrelated matter. Can we order some drinks?”

“Of course, given what you lads must have been through, the first round is on the house.”

Noctis and Gladio chose beer, Ignis went for his preferred wine and Prompto opted for some kind of fruity cocktail that was no doubt going to get him drunk quickly.

They talked, they drank, they laughed. They managed to put aside the horrors and enjoy each other’s company again. The banter went back and forth and they ordered more drinks.

Ignis’ wit was sharp this evening, making Noctis howl with laughter until his stomach hurt. It warmed him to know that his oldest friend still had that same capacity for fun and joy. The alcohol must also be helping to relax him, because their hands brushed together on the bar and instead of smoothly and tactfully withdrawing, Ignis had linked their little fingers.

It was only a matter of time before Prompto began snapping photographs, capturing their mirth. Eventually, he ushered them together for a group photo, setting up his camera just right and activating the timer, diving forward into frame. The flash went off at the same time alcohol gave Noctis the courage to press his lips against Ignis’ cheek.

Later, Noctis wrestled the camera off his best friend to look at the photo and was delighted at what he saw.

The four of them were stood in a line, leaning back against the bar, propped up on their elbows. Left to right was Prompto, Ignis, Noctis and then Gladio. Ignis had his arm around Noctis’ waist, gloved hand resting against his hip. Ignis was smiling broadly, the start of his surprise at the affection just evident in the image. Noctis’ face was turned towards his Advisor, a hint of a smile on his lips as he pressed them against Ignis’ cheek. On the ends, Gladio and Prompto were exchanging knowing smiles, toasting their drinks in the air.

“Hey Prompto, you have to keep this one! And give me a copy.”

“Aww yeah! This one’s definitely staying. You two look so cute together!” His best friend squeaked, dancing on the spot.

It was a good night, and one that Noctis would always treasure, being able to have fun with his friends and the man he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this chapter was surprisingly hard to get to flow at all. Next chapter is already mostly written so that won't take nearly as long to post.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and I hope you're enjoying the romantic trials these boys are going through.


	12. Chapter 12

Another week went by and Ignis appeared to be getting more comfortable with his blindness. There had been no improvement to his sight, he said that everything was still darkness for him, but he was more confident in moving around familiar spaces. In rooms and corridors he’d been using frequently, like Noctis’, he navigated more like his previous grace provided there were not unexpected obstructions.

Noctis had become used to seeing the silvery scars that ran in a fractal pattern up Ignis’ left arm and shoulder, as well as the more severe scars on his face, dedicating time when they were alone to caressing and kissing them to reassure his lover that he found every part of him beautiful.

When they made love, Noctis noticed that bruises had started to appear on his Ignis’ body, making him wince when they were touched, and their number only grew over time. The first time he brought them up they were lying together in bed, worn out and blissful from their pleasure.

“You shouldn’t worry, Noct. I’m sure I am more likely to pick up bruises without my sight.” Ignis’ response seemed reasonable, though he’d started to clean up and dress more quickly than before, spending less time cuddling naked or showering together after sex.

Bruises on his legs, hips or arms could be attributed to him bumping into furniture, that made sense. It was when Noctis noticed bruises on Ignis’ back and ribs that he became really concerned, and pressed his lover for a reason he’d been hurt.

“I rolled off the edge of my bed last night. Nothing to be worried about.” Plausible, but Noctis now had the strong sense his Advisor was hiding something from him. That time when Ignis had disappeared into the bathroom to shower, Noctis grabbed a pillow and screamed his frustration into it, hoping the sound of running water would prevent Ignis from hearing any residual noise.

If Ignis wouldn’t tell him what was wrong then he couldn’t know how to help, and he didn’t want to push too hard because he was scared that his Advisor would pull away again. Their relationship had changed so much over the past couple of weeks, and yet it had also stayed exactly the same. He wondered if whatever it was Ignis was keeping something from him was ‘for his own good’ again, or for some other reason that made sense to whatever was going on in that proud head of his.

In many ways, Noctis was at the lowest point of his life and Ignis was the one shard of happiness to cling to, he didn’t want to give that up.

“Please be patient with me.” Ignis had been so quiet when he’d said that. He’d seemed so afraid.

Noctis sighed and threw back the covers, getting up to join his lover in the shower. He decided he wouldn’t push anymore today, Ignis would tell him what was going on when he was ready.

When Gladio joined him for lunch the next day he was feeling listless, his concerns swimming around his head with seemingly no end.

“Things seem to be going well for you and Iggy. Have you noticed that he’s smiling more whenever he’s around you. Y’know, his real smiles, instead of the ones he does just to put others at ease.” Gladio mentioned, half way through his burger and chips.

“Yeah, I guess.” Noctis frowned, prodding a discarded slice of tomato with a chip.

“Why so glum? I thought you were happy. He’s not hurt you has he?” His Shield’s voice dropped, indicating his willingness to perform violence on any who hurt his charge, except that inflicted by himself during training of course.

Noctis jerked his head up. “What? No! Nothing like that!”

“Yeah, I suppose that was pretty stupid to say. We both know he’d prefer to set himself on fire rather than hurt you.” Gladio grinned, scooping up the Prince’s hated tomato to eat himself.

“There’s just some things he doesn’t like to talk about. He’s getting bruises somehow, but when I’ve asked how they happened he’s always kinda vague, like he must have walked into a chair, or a door, but that doesn’t explain how he’s got them on his back as well. I’m really worried about him.”

“So, he’s not told you?” Gladio huffed, his scars crinkling as he scowled.

“No? Told me what?”

“Damn it, Iggy!” His Shield thumped the table with his fist, making their drinks splash onto the table with the force of it. “Right, I’m gonna text you an address. You’re gonna go there this evening at 8:30, go to the main hall, stay quiet and watch. You cannot let him know that you’re there, you got me?” Gladio pulled out his phone, tapping in something, and Noctis’ phone pinged a moment later.

The map pin he’d been sent looked to be for a place not very far from the hotel, but he couldn’t quite tell what it was. He was so confused. “Go to this place, 8:30, main hall and stay quiet?” He repeated.

“Yeah, he made me promise not to say anything, said he’d tell you himself, but you deserve to know what’s goin’ on.”

So Ignis had been hiding things from him, but what? And why?

When he saw his lover later that afternoon, Noctis shied away from their usual intimacy. Even when Ignis had removed his gloves and started kissing his neck where he liked it, encouraging him to unbutton his shirt, Noctis pushed him back.

“Sorry, Specs. I’m not really feeling up to it today. I’ve got a headache.” He lied, his uncertainty making him ignore his erection that was already throbbing from their kisses.

Something clicked into place and Ignis was back to who he used to be before all this mess and awkwardness, his caring, constant Advisor. “Have you been drinking enough today?” Ignis put a hand to his forehead to test his temperature, trying but unable to look him in the eye. “Do you require any pain relief?” Noctis’ bottom lip quavered at all the memories this brought back.

“Yeah I think so, and no I’ll be fine.” He gently pushed Ignis back and put some distance between them. “It’s just a headache, Specs.”

“Noct, is there something else the matter?” Ignis was looking at him such concern it made his stomach squirm.

“Why are you hiding things from me? Is it something I’ve done, or said? You promised me to let me take care of you now, but I can’t do that if you won’t share what you’re going through!” Noctis desperately wanted to ask, but he’d also promised that he’d be patient, and so he stayed quiet.

“Do you doubt my affection for you? Is it not enough?” Ignis reached out for him, touching his arm first, then trailing up with his fingers, ghosting up his neck, to rest at his cheek.

“No, it’s fine. I know you love me…” I want you to talk to me. “Maybe I’ll take a nap, sleep off the headache.” Noctis suggested, awkwardly removing Ignis’ hand from his face, which earned him a frown.

“Would you like me to stay until you fall asleep?” His lover sounded hesitant and it added to Noctis’ conflicting emotions. How could one man make him feel so happy, cared for, confused and angry all at the same time.

“Yeah, please.”

When Noctis woke he was alone and it was getting dark, he must have been out for a while. He recalled drifting off to sleep in Ignis’ arms, something he’d been wanting to do ever since they had started on whatever it was their relationship was.

He noticed there was a piece of paper on the pillow next to him and he turned on the light to read the note. The writing was identifiably Ignis’, but the spacing of the words wasn’t consistent, the lines drifted up the page at an angle rather than regimentally horizontal as he was used to seeing, and the cross bars of some of the letters did not sit where they were meant to be. Even so, he was impressed how readable it was, written by a blind man.

_Did not want to wake you. If you are this tired you must rest more._

_Will see you tomorrow._

_Love, Ignis_

Glancing at the clock, he swore loudly. 20:16. Scrambling off the bed, Noctis seized his boots and jacket and hurried out of the room, passing Prompto on the stairs.

“Hey Noct. What’s the rush?” His best friend was flicking through the photos on his camera. He must have been out documenting some of the rebuilding works again.

“I promised I’d meet Gladio somewhere and I’m gonna be late. Don’t wait up.” He didn’t stop to talk, taking the steps two at a time and running out of the hotel before Prompto had a chance to reply.

Outside, he pulled out his phone to check the direction and set off, walking quickly through the streets, dodging pedestrians and street sellers alike until he reached his destination, finding himself outside the front of a gym.

Confused, he checked his map again, looking up and down the row of buildings in case he’s got the wrong one. No, the pin Gladio had dropped was definitely over this place. Why would Gladio want him to come here? He slipped his phone back in his pocket and entered, walking up to the reception desk.

“Good evening Sir, how can I help you? Are you a member?” The receptionist smiled up at him.

“No, I’m meeting a friend here. He said he’d meet me in the main hall, can you point me in the right direction?”

“Oh!” The receptionist looked surprised. “You’re friends with those gentlemen? They’ve become quite the regulars here.” She seemed to turn a bit pink, the usual the effect of Gladio and his muscles on young women.

Regulars? Were they training together? “How long have they been coming here?” He asked, trying to stay casual.

“Same time, every evening this week. I don’t know what they get up to in there, the main hall is normally used for martial arts classes but they insisted that no one should check in on them, and that they shouldn’t be disturbed. Sometimes, it sounds like they’re sword fighting in there, but I don’t know how, we don’t have that sort of equipment. I wonder how your friend with glasses manages. He’s got trouble with his vision, right?”

Noctis bunched his fists, the origin of Ignis’ bruises starting to become clear.

“Yeah, he had an accident. Look, I’m here as a bit of a surprise really, can you tell me how to get in there quietly?” The receptionist obliged, directing him to the entrance of a small gallery above the hall itself.

Stealthily working his way to the front, Noctis looked down into the large space. Most of the floor was covered with mats to cushion the floor against throws and falls. One of the walls was covered in mirrors but the room had no windows. Off to one side, Gladio stood, still dressed like he’d been earlier, only going barefoot for the sake of the mats. His Shield glanced up and saw him, raised a finger to his lips, then nodded towards the centre of the room.

In the centre, he could see Ignis working his way through his warm up exercises, his toned arms and legs displayed by the vest and shorts he wore. He’d removed his sunglasses, but had his eyes shut, executing forms, flips and spins, seemingly perfectly. The grace and control of his aerial cartwheels, walkovers and back flips stole Noctis’ breath away.

So Ignis had been keeping fit, why hide it? His lover had expressed some embarrassment of his scars, so perhaps he just wanted to keep his body in shape for Noctis. Though, given what the receptionist had said, and that Ignis hadn’t fallen or landed badly once yet, this did not explain the bruises.

“Okay Iggy, that’s enough of a warm up.” Gladio stepped forward, throwing a glance over his shoulder up at Noctis, gesturing at him to stay put and stay quiet.

“Right.” Ignis lowered himself down from a handstand he’d been holding for the last minute, shaking out his limbs.

Were they going to spar? With what? This place didn’t have the array of wooden practice weapons that the Citadel training hall had.

Blue sparkles shimmered as Ignis summoned his daggers and Gladio his large, heavy Shield. Noctis felt his alarm rising when Gladio said, “Begin!”

Ignis darted forwards, feinting to his right and went to strike, daggers flashing, only to be deflected by the Shield, a follow-up shove that his Advisor couldn’t see coming pushed him back, making him stumble. The hit itself had to have been painful.

Ignis steadied himself, adjusting his grip. “Again.” He called, this time waiting for Gladio to advance. Ignis ducked the first swing, deflected the edge of a shield strike but tripped over an outstretched foot as he moved, landing hard. Gladio gave him a moment to catch his breath, then hoisted him to his feet.

“Keep going?” The big man asked.

“Yes.” They kept going for several more rounds, but each followed a similar pattern. Ignis sometimes came close to a hit, aware enough to evade the large, noisy swings, but always getting caught out by quiet, quick actions he couldn’t tell were coming that sent him crashing to the ground. Even with the slightly cushioned surface it looked like it hurt, and soon Ignis’ forehead was beaded with sweat and he was breathing heavily.

Noctis watched from the gallery, horrified. Each time Ignis fell, Gladio would ask if he wanted to continue, glancing guiltily back towards the gallery, and each time, Ignis got back to his feet, demanding they go again, again, again.

“We should take a break.” Gladio eventually said, pressing a bottle of water into Ignis’ hand. The big man hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“No, I can keep going.” Ignis panted, drinking thirstily. “Again.”

“Iggy, c’mon. You’re still not fully recovered from what happened. Take a break.”

Ignis shoved the water bottle back at the Shield and re-summoned his daggers. “I am fine, Gladio. Again.”

Noctis found he couldn’t watch anymore. “Specs, just stop.” He summoned his own blade and warped down to the ground, ignoring the furious gestures from Gladio.

“Noct?” Ignis dropped his daggers in surprise, letting them disappear back into the Armiger. “What…? How are you here?”

“I told him.” Gladio grimaced, taking a step back just in case those daggers came back seeking his blood.

“Why?” Ignis demanded, “I expressly asked you not to say anything Gladiolus. I would tell Noct when I was ready.”

“Specs, I’ve been so worried about you.” Noctis grasped his lover’s arm, putting a hand to his face. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me what was going on. What about taking things one day at a time?”

“This is different. I cannot put your safety at risk.” Ignis brushed away his Prince’s hands but Noctis grabbed him again, making him hiss with pain by gripping a large, purple bruise.

“But if you push yourself too much you’re gonna really hurt yourself!”

“Noct, I do not need to be coddled. As one of your retainers it is by duty to push past this and be able to protect you.” Ignis protested, trying to get Noctis to let go.

“I thought we were so much more than just retainer and Prince.” Noctis echoed the words that had cut him so deep not that long ago, trying to keep the venom of the betrayal he felt out of his voice.

Ignis’ shoulders dropped and all the fight seemed to go out of him. “We are, Noct, we are! That just gives me all the more reason to want to keep you safe. And I needed Gladio’s help to improve, to overcome my blindness, just as I promised you.”

“You’ll take help from Prompto and Gladio, but you never accept help from me. Why didn’t you tell me? If you wanted to train again, fine, but I don’t understand why you want to hide it?” There was a lump that was forming in his throat. He thought what they had was special, had he just been deceiving himself this whole time?

“I didn’t want you to see me when I have to rely on others. I feel I must be strong so I can support you.” Ignis brought up his hand, brushing the backs of his fingers against Noctis’ face, but the Prince flinched away.

“You’re such a fucking idiot!” Noctis growled, shoving his hands against Ignis’ chest, making him step back. “You don’t always have to be strong for me. It’s not right you give everything to me, but won’t allow me to give anything back. You deserve someone who’ll never give up on you, someone who doesn’t care how many times you pull away or lash out, because they can see you’re hurting too. You deserve unconditional love and I want to be that person for you, just like you’re that person for me. But if you won’t talk to me, won’t tell me what’s going on in that stupidly thick skull of yours, I don’t know how I can be.”

Noctis took a couple of steps back, the tears that were gathering in his eyes were threatening to spill over. “Perhaps it’d be best if you go back and stay with Iris at Cape Caem and we end whatever this is now, before either of us gets hurt even more.”

“Noct, no. Please...” Ignis’ plea came out as a whisper.

When Noctis had the courage to look at Ignis again, he was standing completely still. In the quiet there was a soft ‘plip, pi-plip’ sound as tears fell to the floor.

“I don’t want to do this. The gods only know how much this is killing me!” Noctis clutched at his chest, bunching up his t-shirt in a fist. “But I refuse to stand by and watch you hurting and struggling in some ridiculous attempt to shield me! I want to understand, to help you! You just won’t let me in!” He was shouting now, letting all his worry and pain free. “Why, Specs? Why won’t you let me in?”

Ignis sagged, his knees hit the mats with a soft whump.

“I’ve been having nightmares.” His Advisor’s voice was so small, Noctis almost didn’t hear the words.

“What?”

“I’ve been having nightmares.” Ignis repeated, just as quietly.

“How often?” Noctis demanded, angrily rubbing away the wetness from his eyes.

“Every night. Since I lost my sight.” Ignis bent his head forward, completely subservient.

“Is that why you’ve never wanted to spend the night in my room?” Noctis asked, softer this time.

“Yes. I apparently shout things when I’m dreaming. According to Prompto it is…distressing. I might have accidentally struck him, more than once. I did not want to remind you of your own trauma…of the attack.”

He thought about his night terrors that had only stopped entirely in his late teens, and that was after years of counselling and emotional support. It had been well known what he’d suffered through during the attack, there’d been witnesses, including his dad so all those who needed to know had understood and found him help. Out here in Altissia, they were really on their own, and Ignis had barely spoken to anyone about what he’d suffered, no wonder he was a mess if he’d been trying to keep everything inside to protect Noctis from the after effects.

Nobody had seen what had happened for Ignis to get so badly hurt, but his silvery scars were not from an exploding rocket, that much Noctis was sure. His Advisor had claimed to not really remember what had happened, but if he’d been having nightmares that awful about it then he must have gone through something truly horrific.

“Do you want…will you tell me what you’ve been dreaming about?”

“It is the same every time. I see you die, right in front of me, and there is nothing I can do. I cannot protect you because of the choices I have made. You die, and I’m left all alone in darkness.”

That made Noctis pause, watching Ignis’ shoulders shake with emotion. Eventually he asked another question.

“Why did you lie about the bruises?”

“I have to be capable of protecting you, Noct, even in my current condition. You are my purpose, my life. I was scared…so scared about being unable to keep up, of being a burden. I am scared of being left behind. I asked Gladio to help me train and forced him to not go easy on me just because I can no longer see. I’ve been getting hurt because I’m not as capable as I was.”

“Of course you’re not! You’re blind!” Ignis flinched at his exclamation and Noctis immediately regretted his choice of words.

“That is no excuse. If I do not hold myself to the highest standards, if I cannot say I truly give everything for you, then I am failing that promise I made to your father, and to myself, to always take care of you. I am ashamed of requiring help, but I am in this situation through my own choices and actions.”

Ignis had always been hard upon himself, seeking perfection in everything he did and overworking to the point of exhaustion. Noctis had always wondered why his Advisor put himself under so much pressure, and now he thought he was starting to understand, just a little better, what made Ignis tick.

“Is that why you don’t even want to have dinner with me? Because you’re ashamed of needing me to help you?” Ignis nodded. He looked so miserable.

“I hold your opinion of me in the highest regard. I do not want to be pitied by you.”

“Then what do you want, Specs?”

“I…I…” Ignis struggled to frame an answer. “I want us to have a loving and supportive relationship, and I want to keep you safe, no matter the cost. I fear I am finding the two mutually exclusive.”

Noctis let out a breath, only then realising he’d been holding it while waiting on the answer.

“I want to believe we can make things work, but how can I be sure you’re not going to hide such things from me anymore? You’re just gonna burn yourself out, keeping all this inside.”

“I give you my word.”

“I’m warning you, Specs, if we end up in this place again, no matter how much we love each other, I can’t give you another chance. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, but if you won’t give me a chance to help you with your burdens, then we’re just going to keep hurting each other. We both deserve better than that.”

Ignis slowly nodded. He’d barely raised his head since Noctis had shouted at him, everything about his posture screamed submission.

“I shall tell you everything, it may take some time. I hope you won’t hate me when I am finished.”

Noctis settled himself down in front of his oldest friend, close enough that their knees touched. Only when he took one of Ignis’ hands in his own did his Advisor look up in surprise, his expression making Noctis’ heart clench.

And so Ignis began to confess, laying himself open for the one he loved, the one he’d do anything for. He started with when he’d first became aware he was failing the King by thinking of Noctis as more than just a brother and the guilt that that realisation had provoked.

He explained when his previously innocent feelings of affection began to become sexual, he’d thrown himself into his work, shaming himself and denying his urges. He convinced himself it was entirely unachievable, that his Prince must be straight, they both had duties to perform, nothing would ever happen…Then Ignis confessed that when he’d walked in on his Prince masturbating all those years ago, he’d lied about what he’d heard.

Noctis had stayed quiet up to this point. It was difficult to hear, having someone bare their soul about their devotion to you and all the unwitting suffering you put them through.

“You knew that I was jerking off thinking about you?!” Noctis exclaimed, blushing crimson, his mouth falling open in shock.

“Yes. You were already distressed and embarrassed enough at that time that I could not bring myself to make it worse for you. I am ashamed to say I used that memory of you quite often for my own personal pleasure.”

A laugh bubbled up inside of Noctis, startling his friend. It wasn’t even that funny, but all this was making him start to feel a little giddy. “Ha ha ha! Sorry, sorry. I just…I think that makes us even, doesn’t it?” He squeezed his Advisor’s hand.

“I don’t follow.”

“You saw me when I was touching myself thinking about you, that you used for when you jerked off. It’s really not a big deal. I forgive you, so don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Ignis looked uncomfortable, and Noctis realised that even with what he’d heard so far, his Advisor had some real issues with guilt, shame and repression. It sounded like he’d never forgiven himself anything, using it as motivation instead, always striving for that perfection that was impossible for a human to achieve.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve interrupted. Do you want to keep going now?”

Ignis nodded and continued. He recounted what he had written in his letter in greater detail, including his jealousy of Luna and the disgust that made him feel. He explained how those weeks where their friendship had disintegrated were the worst of his life, and how desperate they made him. How badly it had hurt for Noctis to ignore him. Finally, he let out all the worry and humiliation he’d been carrying around associated with his blindness and his fear of Noct rejecting his altered appearance.

All this and more poured out of Ignis in a seemingly unending river of devotion to his Prince and self-criticism of his feelings. Several times he’d had to pause while Noctis fetched him water, his voice cracking under the strain of so much talking.

“There are only two things I have left to confess; you know everything else.” Ignis’ voice was now gruff and scratchy from overuse.

“Why’d you leave stuff out?” Noctis stifled a yawn, suddenly aware of how drained and hungry he was.

“I can hear birdsong outside, Noct. I have been talking all night, and I am completely exhausted.” Ignis looked it. His face was ashen, his posture slumped and Noctis could have sworn his Advisor’s hands had been shaking with anxiety the whole time he’d been speaking.

“I will tell you everything, as I promised.” Ignis ran a hand over his eyes. “But you need to rest.”

“You need rest too. I wish you’d’ve told me some of this sooner.” Noctis clambered to his feet, swaying slightly, feet tingling from pins and needles.

“So do I.” Ignis quietly agreed, letting Noctis grasp his arm and help him up.

“Noct?” Noctis stopped on his way to the door and looked around, seeing Ignis standing in the same spot, a hand reached out, looking lost. “Please, I…I need your help.”

He’d been wanting Ignis to feel able to ask for his help for the last two weeks, and now he had, a surge of emotion welled up inside of him. He walked back to his friend, took his hand and slipped an arm around his waist.

“I’m here, Specs. I’ve got you.”

They left the main hall to find Gladio outside the doors, Ignis’ things in a bag beside him. He must have slipped out at some point to give them privacy but Noctis hadn’t noticed him leave. His Shield didn’t say anything about how long they’d been or how much he might have heard, he just quietly followed them back to the hotel.

Noctis could have left Ignis at the room he shared with Prompto, but he decided to take his Advisor back to his room instead.

Ignis seemed too tired to protest, resolutely allowing Noctis to undress him and then allowing himself to be put to bed. Noctis also hastily undressed, remember to put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and slid into bed himself. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This conversation was a long time coming for them. No more hiding for Ignis. 
> 
> Bonus points to anyone who correctly figured out where Prompto's bruise had come from in Chapter 11.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	13. Chapter 13

Noctis was woken with a start sometime later by someone shouting for him. He felt movement of someone else on the mattress and his eyes snapped open, memories of last night coming back to him in a rush. Ignis! He quickly sat up, shifting onto his knees, the light filtering through the curtains letting him getting a good look at the man who was sharing his bed.

Ignis’ face was contorted in pain and fear, his arms and legs rigid, his back was arched, tendons standing out from his neck as he cried out, “Noct! Don’t go! Don’t leave me!” 

Noctis pressed a hand to his mouth, so distraught that for a moment he could not move. Seeing his dearest person in the world being tormented like this was heart breaking. Was this like what Ignis had gone through with his nightmares when they were growing up? How was it that Specs had woken him up when he’d been screaming in fear of his dream daemons?

He remembered hearing a soft, calm voice, drawing him out of the darkness, away from the terror, and he remembered waking to arms around him, the smell of clean laundry and hair gel.

Leaning over, Noctis wrapped his arms around the man he loved, arched back making the task easier. He supported Ignis’ head, pressing it into his neck, speaking to him softly while his lover struggled in his sleep.

“Specs, I’m here, I’m safe. We’re safe in bed, they’re just dreams. Wake up, Specs. It’s Noct. Come back to me.” After a little while of talking and rocking the man in his arms, Ignis quietened, shifted and then opened his eyes. Somehow, despite everything, they were still a beautiful green and seemed to be looking right up at him.

“Prompto?” Ignis murmured, his eyes now moving around seeking for something he could no longer see.

“No, Specs. It’s me.” He placed a kiss on Ignis’ forehead, continuing to rock him slowly.

“Noct?” Ignis seemed confused, flailing as he struggled to sit up by himself. “No, no, you’re not supposed to…” He trailed off as the memories of last night no doubt came back to him. “Oh…I’m sorry…” He slid his arms around his Prince, holding onto him tightly.

“What are you sorry about? You’re a great alarm clock now. When was the last time you managed to wake me up so quickly?” Noctis smiled, trying to sound light hearted despite how tired he still was, but his voice was quavering. Ignis let out a harsh laugh at the poor attempt at humour which quickly dissolved into uncontrollable sobs, his chest heaving with the effort as all the raw emotion he had been keeping contained during his confessions the night before spilled out of him.

“Y…you’re…here…” Ignis had difficulty getting the words out, as Noctis pressed kisses into his hair.

“I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to get through this. Things are going to get better.” Noctis was trying to be reassuring, but it only seemed to make Ignis cry harder as he completely fell apart. He’d never seen Ignis lose control of himself like this. Come to think of it, he’d rarely seen Ignis lose any sort of control. Noctis could only hold to him and try to make soothing sounds while his lover let everything out.

“Can I do anything to make it better?” Noctis asked gently when Ignis had seemed to run dry of tears. The shoulder of his t-shirt was wet through, and his legs were cramping up because they’d been in the same position for too long.

“No, I don’t think you can.” Ignis’ eyes were all puffy, and the skin all around them pink and blotchy, and yet Noctis still thought him the most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on. “I should shower, I feel disgusting. You should get some more sleep, Noct.”

“Nuh huh, I’m going to take care of you.” Shifting to stretch out his aching limbs, wincing at the tingles as blood flow returned, Noctis finally released his hold on Ignis, realising he’d been gripping him so tightly he’d left red marks on his lover’s skin. Reaching to grab his phone off the bedside table, he sent a text to Gladio and tossed it back on the side.

“C’mon, I’ll help you feel a bit better.” He slithered to the edge of the bed, his numb legs wobbling a little beneath him, and pulled Ignis to his feet.

In the bathroom, he turned on the shower, turning up the temperature until room began to fill with mist. He swiftly relieved them both of their remaining clothing, fingers hovering over the tiny skull which rested beneath the tantalising hollow between Ignis’ throat.

“Do you want to take it off?”

“I haven’t removed your gift since the…incident. I did not want to risk being unable to find it again.” Noctis must not have noticed when they had showered together before. He’d probably been more occupied with other areas of his lover’s body.

“I promise I’ll keep it safe. I’ll put it back on you when we’re done.” His fingers undid the catch, the tiny skull dropping into his palm, and he placed it reverently on the side. Turning back, he saw a red line around his lover’s neck where the chain had rested, the skin chaffed where it couldn’t be dried thoroughly.

Despite the lack of clothing, Ignis looked truly naked without piece of jewellery, drawing Noctis closer to place delicate kisses along the damaged skin.

He led them under the hot water, Ignis sucking in a breath as the heat assaulted his bruised skin. Noctis positioned his lover to have his back facing him, tenderly running his hands over the sore muscles, then lathered up some soap before beginning to wash and massage every part of Ignis he could reach. He took his time, focusing carefully where there were bruises, but touched everywhere with love.

Each time his lover tried to protest the care, tried to shy away, Noctis firmly silenced him with a kiss until the objections melted away, replaced with small moans. Even when Ignis was clean, Noctis lavished him with gentle affection, continuing to massage areas that were still full of tension until his lover was leaning heavily against him, lax and compliant.

It was tempting to move towards something sexual, Noctis was a little turned on by how some hot water and his hands had managed to turn his starched, stoic Advisor into putty, but that wasn’t what Ignis needed right now, and Noctis’ thoughts on the matter were not important.

Turning off the water, he stepped out the shower and grabbed a large fluffy towel, using if first to carefully dry Ignis and then himself. Then he picked up the miniature skull and fixed the chain back around his lover’s neck.

He took Ignis by the hand, guiding him back to the bed he told him to wait there for a moment before going to peek out into the corridor. Seeing the clothing and small carrier bag he’d asked Gladio to leave there, he quickly scooped them up before anyone had the chance to turn the corner and see a very naked Prince.

Back inside, he laid out the clean clothing on his bed before handing them to Ignis piece by piece. First underwear, then shirt, Noctis helping him align the buttons, then trousers and finally socks.

Throwing on some probably clean clothes of his own, Noctis pulled a can out of the small carrier bag and cracked it open, a strong, identifiable smell emanating from within.

“Ebony?” Ignis questioned, when he had the can placed in his hand.

“Why don’t you have taste and find out?” Noctis smiled. “I don’t think I’ve seen you have any for a while.” He rested his hands on his lover’s waist, watching the delight on his face as he tasted his favourite coffee.

“Perhaps you were right, I do feel a little better.” Ignis smiled, taking another sip a savouring the flavour.

“Yeah? Maybe you’ll have to let me take care of you more often. Oh, I also asked Gladio to find you this.” Noctis pulled something else out of the bag, placing it into Ignis’ free hand. “It’s a collapsible cane so, if you choose to, you won’t need to rely on people to guide you as much.” He took the can from Ignis, allowing him to explore the new item, swiftly working out how to extend and collapse it.

“Noct, I…I did not realise you could be so thoughtful. You’re becoming quite the mother hen.” Noctis scowled at the backhanded compliment.

“Well if you’re going to be ungrateful, no more Ebony for you!” He huffed, unable to stop evidence of the small smile on his face from creeping into his voice.

“You do not know how grateful I am for you, Noct. You do not have to lavish so much of your time on me.”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m doing this because I want to, because I love you. I’m sorry I was so tough on you last night. I’m going to fight to make this work.”

“And so will I. I love you, Noctis.” Ignis’ hands found his face, having discarded the cane to one side and drew him into a slow, sensual kiss. He could taste coffee on Ignis’ lips and tongue and feel fingers running though his hair, knowing that this was where he belonged. No one else could ever compare to Ignis.

After their lips separated, they stood there for a moment, foreheads pressed together, before Ignis reached out and asked, “May I have my Ebony back now?” making Noctis snort with laughter.

“If that kiss is what you’ll give me just for one can, what will you do for the other five still in the bag?” He asked flirtatiously, walking his fingers up his lover’s firm chest.

“If you’re enquiring as to whether I shall perform sexual favours in exchange for excellent coffee, well, consider my services free of charge. Bringing you pleasure is its own reward.” Noctis blushed at the suggestion, blood rushing to his face as well as other places. They were so close he must have felt something of Noctis’ reaction because Ignis’ expression broke into a salacious smirk.

“But first,” that delicious expression faded, replaced by one much more sombre. “I must finish telling you what I promised I would last night.”

“Ah, right.” He’d almost forgotten that there was more. There was already so much Ignis had told him, most of it a surprise, but he felt a closer understanding between them than they’d had before. What else could be left?

“We should sit down.” Ignis suggested, waiting until they were both comfortable on the small sofa before he spoke again. “I must tell you what I did on the day you received the Tidemother’s blessing.”

Noctis’ eyes widened in shock, clutching at Ignis’ hand and almost spilling precious coffee. “But you said you didn’t remember much.” Receiving a look for the splashing sound of liquid, he put down the can on a nearby table.

“I lied. I did not want others knowing the truth. I cannot predict how you will react once you know, and I’m uncertain if I am doing the right thing in telling you.” His lover seemed so hesitant, it started to scare him. Could it really be so bad as to make it more difficult to speak about than an entire night’s worth of admissions?

“Everything you said last night hasn’t stopped me loving you. Actually, I kinda admire your strength more for trying to take on all that stuff to protect me, even though you didn’t need to. You really are incredible, Specs. Whatever you tell me now isn’t going to change how I feel.” He stroked Ignis’ hand with a thumb.

“No, Noct, you misunderstand. I am not solely concerned with our relationship, but about how this information might influence your future actions. By telling you, I will be changing everything for you, but I cannot afford to lose what I have of you by hiding anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Noctis asked, a feeling of dread washing over him.

“Before I got to you, at the Altar, I saw a dog that resembled Umbra, but it was white. The poor creature was badly hurt, but I believe it showed me…now I know this will sound absurd, but a believe it showed me a vision.”

“A dog? It could be Pryna, a messenger. I guess this was before you got hurt?” Noctis raised a hand to Ignis’ face, tenderly brushing his scars.

“Yes, but you could say that vision was somewhat of a catalyst for that.” Ignis paused for a moment, leaning his face into Noctis’ touch, as if preparing himself for what he was about to say. “I believe I saw a glimpse of the future. I was told, that you are the Crystal’s Chosen, the one who will inherit the power to purge the Starscourge and save the world…” Noctis could see the tension in Ignis’ clenched jaw and fists.

“Heh, what’s so bad about saving the world? I always kinda fancied being a hero.” The Prince tried to sound confident, though the way his lover was reacting made him anything but.

“There is a price. It will cost you your life.” Noctis sat back, stunned. “That is what my nightmares are, replaying your death for me every damn night!”

“Specs…I…” It was too much to take in. It felt like hearing that information had left no room inside him for anything else. He was entirely emptied out, leaving only a shell.

“My purpose is to guide you and help you fulfil your role as King. My purpose, is to lead the one I love most in this world to his death. I hate the gods for letting this happen.” Ignis said bitterly, reaching out to pull his Prince against him to comfort them both.

Noctis lay limp against his lover’s chest, his warmth and pounding heartbeat the only things keeping him anchored to some kind of reality. Finally, he found his voice, somewhere in the yawning pit inside of him.

“Do you know when…?”

“No, not when. It will be in Insomnia, in the throne room, but it could be months from now, or years…I do not know.”

Noctis was still struggling to process this information. He knew he’d die at some point, everyone did, and he knew he’d likely die to protect his Kingdom, either through powering the Wall or from some attack by Niflheim. At least he’d thought he’d have been able to live something of a life before then, perhaps have a family with the one he loved. Now all that possibility was disappearing before him, like smoke on a breeze.

“Is this why you wanted me to stop our journey?” The question came out as a hoarse sound, his mouth dry.

“Yes.” Ignis whispered against his hair. “Forgive me my selfishness, but I would let the world burn if it would keep you safe from that fate.”

“You can’t mean that. If I can stop the daemons, stop so many people from getting hurt, I have to do it.” Noctis found a little something of himself come back with a stab of pain from his own scar. No one else should ever have to suffer from the daemons like he had.

Disappointed, he pulled himself away from Ignis’ embrace. His Advisor could not possibly be willing to place his life above the rest of the world. He thought he knew his caring friend better than that, but maybe after everything that he had learned recently, he should not be so surprised.

“I know, my kind hearted Prince. But the world means nothing to me if you are not in it. I am willing to sacrifice everything except you.” Ignis wiped at the tears that were running down his cheeks. He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, and dropped his head into his hands.

“Specs, what do you mean? What did you do?” Panic made its way into Noctis’ voice. He put a hand on Ignis’ back and found he was trembling.

“When I found you at the Altar, you were unconscious and Lady Lunafreya had already passed. Ardyn Izunia was also there. He caught me by surprise. MT’s pinned me down so I couldn’t move, couldn’t get to you. He was going to make me watch while he cut your throat.” Ignis trailed off, his shoulders more noticeably shaking now, reliving his worst fears because his Prince didn’t want him to hide anything anymore.

Noctis would never have guessed the sheer enormity of the horrific things Ignis had witnessed, and he’d been so desperate to understand what had been hidden from him, he’d not thought twice about the toll it would take for the one he loved to recount those events. Some of the trauma from the news of his future sacrifice began to ebb away, his heart crying out to Ignis.

“Was it Ardyn who hurt you?” He asked quietly and Ignis shook his head.

“I could not let him harm you and I had just seen your future death. I took a risk and did the only thing I could. I put on your ring.” Noctis felt sick. He thought that if he even opened his mouth to speak he would throw up, so he stayed quiet as Ignis continued.

“I begged your ancestors to let me save you, to spare you from that future, but I was not permitted to change your fate. My sight was the price of enough power to protect you once, not forever. All I have ever wanted is to keep you safe.” 

The last two weeks made so much sense now, why Ignis had given into his desire so easily when all he’d done was fight it previously. Noctis’ future that his Advisor had been trying to protect simply was not there anymore, so he was seizing whatever joy he could provide for his Prince.

Everything Ignis had done, had suffered, was for him. The boundlessness of his lover’s unwavering devotion was humbling. Still unable to speak, Noctis encouraged Ignis to sit up and pressed himself against his lover as close as he could. They held each other in silence for a long time.

Now the initial shock was fading, Noctis knew what he had to do. He was going to save everyone, more importantly, he was going to save the ones he cared for the most. He was determined that there were not going to be any more sacrifices, and that he was going to make the most of the time he had. Bizarrely, making up his mind seemed to bring a sort of peace with it. As long as Ignis, Prompto and Gladio stuck with him, he could do this.

“Okay Specs, now it’s your turn to listen to me. We could run and try to escape from this madness and live out what’s left of our lives together, but I don’t think the Empire or daemons are ever going to stop. We can make a difference. It’s our duty to do something. If I can’t have the life I wanted, with you, then everything we’ve gone through has to damn well mean something.” Ignis placed a kiss against his temple, giving him a weak smile.

“Ha, why do you only now start paying attention to everything I tried to drill into you?”

“Look, we don’t know how much time we’ve got. I don’t want to waste any more time fighting with you.” Noctis joined their hands together, linking their fingers. “And now we know what’s coming, we won’t go back to Insomnia for a while, make our time last as long as we can. I’ve gotta reward you for putting up with me somehow, cos I’ve certainly not been able to pay you recently.” Noctis smiled as Ignis managed a small laugh. Now it was all out, he seemed freer than before.

“My darling Noct, I am so proud of how you are dealing with this. And I have already told you, bringing you pleasure is its own reward for me.” Shyly, Ignis tilted his head down, trying to capture Noctis’ lips, missed and found the side of his nose instead. “Seems that it is not only during combat where I need to improve my aim.” He chuckled, as Noctis followed up with a chaste kiss of his own.

“I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through because of me. I am so lucky to have you at my side.”

“Indeed. I hope you never tire of me, Noct.” There was a glimpse of a hopeful Ignis in that wry smile, one who was more carefree, the same one Noctis could see in the midst of their passion, burning with life and love.

“Nah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” He felt confident on that score.

“Promise me you won’t ever try to grow a beard.” The abrupt change of topic took him by surprise.

“Why? What’ve you got against beards? You think I couldn’t rock one like Gladio does?” Noctis asked, mockingly offended, bringing up Ignis’ hands to his jaw to let him feel the barest scratch of stubble formed from a few days of not shaving.

“For one, I am unsure if I would like a beard against me.” Ignis pulled back his fingers, looking displeased with the sensation of anything other than smooth skin. “But you had a beard, in the vision.”

“Right…okay, no beard. I can do that. It’s not like I can grow much of one anyway, but I promise I’ll shave every day to be safe.” Noctis scratched at his cheek. Despite all the odds, he was actually feeling a little hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. With so much intense conversation recently, it was a relief to give them a bit of comfort.
> 
> Sorry if the end of this chapter feels a bit abrupt, this one was tricky to give some finality to without needing to include a good chunk of the next chapter as well.


	14. Chapter 14

Sharing all that information that he had concealed for so long had emotionally drained Ignis. By the next day he was still exhausted but he felt, well, lighter was the only way he could think to put it. It was certainly somewhat of a relief to not have to be hiding his motivations all the time, regardless of how hard he’d tried to keep them inside. He was so proud of the way Noct had taken in everything he’d had to say, especially the parts relating to his future. His lover had even made attempts to lighten things with humour, which Ignis had appreciated.

Considering how he had gone to pieces simply recounting his experiences, unable to prevent himself from reliving the last few minutes of when he had sight, Noct had held himself with dignity, and had even tried to comfort his distressed Advisor. His Prince’s determination to fulfil his duty, despite knowing what the cost was left Ignis even more in awe of Noct than he had been before. It barely even occurred to him that that fulfilment of duty was exactly what he’d been doing since he’d entered Noct’s service at the age of six.

They decided between them not to let Prompto and Gladio know the whole truth of Noct’s fate just yet, though Ignis had been surprised that his Prince had been the one to suggest keeping quiet.

“Let’s just say I understand why you did what you did you a lot better now, and leave it at that.” He’d said quietly, leaning into an embrace.

From then, Ignis had resolved himself to push aside some of his fears and appreciate the present more. Noct was right, they couldn’t afford to waste time anymore and he wanted to spend the rest of his lover’s life making him happy.

The easiest step by far was by moving into Noct’s room. Waking up to each other in the morning brought Ignis a joy he never thought possible, even though he ached to be able to watch his lover’s beautifully blue, sleepy eyes open. Often, they would indulge in each other’s desires either before rising or in the shower, the delightful novelty of bringing each other to orgasm never seeming to cease, leaving him to feel sympathy for whoever was tasked with changing their bed linen.

It wasn’t all perfect though. Ignis was still plagued with terrifying nightmares even if being woken by his lover’s soft words and coming round in his arms was a lot more pleasant then just being shaken awake. He still felt guilty, apologising each time but was gently told there was no need as Noct held him close, giving him tender kisses until sleep took him again.

With him vacating the shared room with Prompto, Gladio taking his place saved them money on a third room. Prompto, however, was not impressed, loudly grouching that he’d take Iggy’s nightmares over Gladio’s snoring any day, and earning himself a smack to the back of the head from the Shield.

Through the rest of their time in Altissia, Ignis had also made an effort to become more openly affectionate with his Prince, both around their friends and in public. It started with an accidental handhold in the street when he’d stumbled on a loose paving slab, but then he found he had no desire to relinquish the contact once he was stable again. Noct had relaxed his grip so Ignis could separate, but instead he’d held firm, shifting his thumb to caress the delicate skin of his lover’s wrist.

“Hey, Specs, I hope you’re not forcing yourself to do stuff you’re uncomfortable with.” Noct said when they were cuddling in bed that evening.

“If you are implying our physical contact in public spaces, then no, I am not forcing myself to do anything I do not wish to. Why? Would you prefer it if I stop?”

“Gods no!” Noct shifted beside him, brushing his hair from his forehead. “I like it, but you used to be really against displays of affection near others. I just wanted to make sure it’s what you wanted.”

“I used to, but now I want to be able to show you how much I care for you, regardless of who happens to be nearby.”

“So, you’re happy?”

“Noct, being here with you is the happiest I’ve ever been, despite everything that has happened.”

“Yeah, me too.” Noct, seemingly content, yawned and turning over, dragging Ignis’ arm with him so his lover could curl around him while they slept.

He continued with occasional caresses but become more cautious in his approach after there was a rather embarrassing incident. The four of them had been out walking together when Noct and Prompto had swapped places beside him without him realising, so when he’d reached out, he’d placed his hand around the wrong waist. The body beside him had jumped at the touch but hadn’t immediately pulled away and he’d been unable tell the difference between their similar figures in the second or two of contact before his hand was detached and Gladio had begun laughing from behind them.

“Noct?”

“Yeah, Specs?” Noct’s voice came from his right-hand side, not his left as he’d been expecting. He’d tried to embrace somebody else! His face felt both hot and cold, like his body was simultaneously trying to blush and drain all the blood away.

“S’ok Iggy, you didn’t grope a stranger.” Prompto spoke up, sheepishly patting him on the shoulder.

“Prompto! I most sincerely apologise. Please, forgive me my error.” Ignis did not know what to do with himself, appalled at himself for touching his friend without his consent.

“Careful Noct, Iggy might be trying to trade you in for a blonder model.” Gladio sniggered, seeming to enjoy Ignis’ flustered state.

“S’alright buddy. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. We all know Noct’s the only guy for you.” The pats on his left shoulder disappeared while arms snaked around him from his right.

“Damn right I am!” Noct laughed and Ignis just knew the blush had won out in the fight for his expression.

Once he’d even dared a brief but definitely noticeable kiss to Noct’s cheek in a café while they waiting for Gladio to collect their drinks, though the click of Prompto’s camera and his squeals of delight probably drew far more attention from the surround patrons.

“Prom, could you maybe stop doing that? Everyone’s staring at us.” Noctis hissed at his best friend. There was a bit of a scuffling sound and Ignis was willing to bet his lover had tried to kick Prompto under the table.

“Nope! Nuh uh! You two are just too gosh darned cute!” A chair scraped along the floor, sounding like Prompto was scooted back out of leg range. “Yep, that one’s a keeper too!”

At his insistence, the four of them had been training together to help him become more familiar with sightless combat. He thought he might have been improving slowly in getting a sense for when attacks were coming, although was still difficult and quite dangerous when they had to use their real weapons. Prompto was mostly a cheerleader than a participant, but that was because nobody wanted to have to explain the sound of gunshots in a civilian gym.

One evening he’d felt one of his daggers catch on something and he heard Noct hiss in pain. Ignis immediately cast his weapons to the side, reaching out towards that sound. Thankfully, Noct went to him straight away, reassuring him it was just a scratch on his arm and getting Prompto and Gladio to confirm that. It still didn’t stop him pulling a potion from the Armiger, devastated that he’d hurt his lover, but was unable to use it before Gladio wrestled the vial away from him.

“We can’t afford to replace these, that’s what you’ve been telling us. It’s not worth it. The Princess deserves it for being sloppy anyway.” Then the Shield proceeded to give Noct a thorough dressing down for not paying enough attention.

That night however, he made sure to take very good care of his lover to make up for that scratch, earning Ignis a few marks of his own.

All in all, things seemed to be improving. Even if he still found eating in front of others a significant challenge, he knew it was something he’d not be able to avoid forever and forced himself to do it more often. He still had a tendency to get snappy if anyone tried to fuss over him, although afterwards he always was very apologetic for his behaviour.

As good as the last few weeks had been, relatively speaking, eventually Noct had to make the decision for them to leave Altissia. It was clear to everyone that Ignis’ vision was not going to improve and his body had otherwise regained its strength, they had no more reasons to stay.

For their last night, Noct promised they would do something special together, as the onward travel would limit their chances to spend time by themselves for a while. So, that evening, Ignis found himself climbing a lot of stairs, guided by Noct’s hand. Were they heading to the roof?

A door opened and Ignis could feel a breeze from outside, carrying with it the scent of flowers.

“Where are we?” He asked, carefully stepping outside. Sound from the street below was subdued, sometime drowned out all together by the tinkling of windchimes.

“The hotel’s got a roof garden. Who knew?” Noct laughed, drawing him forwards where the scent was stronger. “I know you can’t see them, but I thought you might still enjoy how they smell.”

“It’s lovely.” He could pick out honeysuckle, jasmine and the faint trace of roses mingled in with other scents. The garden must be riot of colour.

“There’s a bench here, sit, I’ve just gotta open this up.” Curious, Ignis did as he was asked, patiently waiting for what was going to come next. There was a sharp popping sound, following by a clink of glass and liquid being poured.

“What’s this?” He asked, as a long-stemmed glass was pushed into his fingers.

“Sparkling wine. I hope you like it. I asked the bartender to give us something good, you know I suck at picking wines.”

“Hmm, indeed.” Ignis recalled one bottle in particular that Noct had found from somewhere which had been so vile he’d refused to even cook with it, lest it sully the food.

Taking a sip, he rolled the liquid over his tongue, tasting vanilla and apricot. It was slightly sweet, with a crisp acidic after taste which he found enjoyable.

“Whoever you asked chose well, this is very good.” He rested one hand next to him on the bench while the other held his glass. “How do you find it?” Noct sat next to him and covered Ignis’ hand with one of his own.

“It’s pretty nice, I guess. Could be sweeter.” Noct sounded disinterested, but Ignis thought he could hear his lover taking a large swig from his glass.

“Uncultured youth.”

“Wine snob.” They both laughed, linking their fingers together on the bench.

“Thank you for arranging this, Noct.” Ignis smiled, giving his lover’s hand a slight squeeze. “If things had been different, I should have liked to court you properly.” Cool fingers pressed against his mouth, stopping him from speaking further.

“I thought you would have done, so I had to make sure we got at least one proper date.” Noct’s fingers delicately traced over his lips. “I know everything’s been going pretty fast, but I don’t regret anything we’ve done. Do you?”

Ignis sighed. “The only thing I regret is not explaining how I felt about you sooner. I would not change anything about our time together these past weeks.” Noct gave a pleased hum.

“Oh, I’ve got some other stuff for you, supposed to pair well with the wine.” Ignis raised his eyebrows. There was a soft clink as Noct put his glass down, then the sound of a couple of containers being opened.

“Oh?” He took another sip of the wine. “What do we have?”

“Actually, I was thinking it’d be more fun if you found out for yourself. Open your mouth.” Noct sounded a little shy, and Ignis could feel a blush rising, but he was game to try this.

Opening his mouth as requested, something brushed across his lower lip and he tried to follow it with the tip of his tongue.

“Patience.” Noct whispered, shifting closer and putting a hand on his thigh. Suddenly his heart was beating faster and he felt very warm, even with the light breeze drifting in off the sea. He kept his mouth open, waiting. Something soft was pressed between his lips.

“Bite.” His lover whispered to him and he obeyed, tasting the sweetness of strawberry. A trickle of juice ran from the corner of his mouth but caught by Noct’s tongue before it dripped from his face. He took another sip of his wine before swallowing, then found his lover’s chin with his fingers, drawing him in for a kiss, letting the taste of wine and strawberry mingle between them and enjoying the moan he teased from his Prince.

“I was planning on doing this for a bit longer to tease you.” His lover said, his breathing quickened. “But gods that was so hot I’m hard after one strawberry.”

“We don’t have to rush, Noct. It would be such a shame to let all this effort go to waste.” He smirked, also feeling his desire rising, but a little self-control and slow temptation now would make their later activities far more pleasurable.

“Okay, are you’re enjoying it too?”

“Immensely.” Ignis chuckled, guiding Noct’s hand up his thigh to feel his own arousal. “Mmm, what’s next?” He took another sip of wine while Noct prepared the next item.

“Open up, and this time, stick your tongue out a bit.” Okay, the wording was less alluring but he followed the instructions all the same.

This time, a piece of chocolate was placed on his tongue, slightly bitter, so a high cocoa content. Before the fingers that held the square were fully withdrawn, Ignis leaned forward and captured them in his mouth as well, sucking slightly as the treat began to melt in the heat of his mouth.

“Ahh!” His lover gasped, the hand back on his thigh gripping tightly. “Not fair, this was supposed to be a treat to tease you.”

Ignis swallowed down the chocolate, using his tongue to clean any remains off his lover’s fingers.

“Whoever said you were the only one permitted to tease?”

It sounded like Noct had taken a sip and was now kissing him, a small amount of wine in his mouth shared between them, blending with the after taste of chocolate.

“Delicious.” Ignis purred. “And the chocolate isn’t bad either.” He bit his lip seductively.

“Gods, Specs, surely you gotta know what you’re doing to me.” Noct whined, and it was so difficult to resist the urge to taste him more. His imagination provided the image of his lover, flushed with lust, blue eyes heavily lidded and peeking up at him, cock noticeably straining in its prison of cloth.

“Hmm, I know all the things I would like to do to you.” He murmured, his hand lazily drifting up under Noct’s t-shirt, gliding across his smooth skin and causing a hitch in his lover’s breathing.

“But first,” he removed his hand and Noct whimpered with the loss of contact. “Why don’t you top up our glasses and feed me some more.” He couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped when there was a flurry of movement beside him and another strawberry was softly pressed between his lips.

Ignis wasn’t particularly sad to leave the city on the sea the next morning, although he did mourn that their onward journey moved him one step closer to losing Noct for good.

The first leg of their journey, taking the royal yacht to the Niflheim port of Portia, was an unpleasant experience for Ignis. There was something about experiencing the rocking from the waves whilst blind that left him terribly sea sick, something he had never suffered from before. He spent most of the journey peppered with sweat, either lying on the cushioned benches, groaning, or emptying the contents of his stomach over board.

Prompto frequently offered him sips of water, and helped him stumble to and from the side rail depending on whether his stomach decided now was the time to eject or not. Gladio, he presumed, was reading one of his novels, while Noct steered the yacht.

At least a couple of hours must have gone by when he heard the drone of the engines fade. Right now, he was lying on a bench, an arm thrown across his eyes. Even though he could only experience darkness, the gesture shielded his face from some of the sun’s heat. Footsteps moved across the deck and cool fingers were pressed against his forehead and neck, making him shiver.

“How are you feeling?” Noct had come to check on him. In the background he could hear the click-whirl of Prompto’s camera and Gladio periodically turning a page.

“Dreadful!” Ignis groaned.

“That bad, huh?”

“Worse! Your hands feel nice though.” Noct flipped his fingers, now using the even colder backs of his hands, one of which slipped into the open neck of his shirt and onto his chest.

“Ah!” He cried in surprise. “Don’t touch me there!” Noct pulled back, giggling to himself as Ignis swatted at him.

“Hey, do you guys mind? Prompto and I know the kinda things you must get up to, but we don’t really want to know, y’know.” Gladio grumbled, turning to the next page in his book.

“I would not concern yourself Gladiolus, I am far from feeling in an amorous mood.” Ignis hiccupped, and grasped Noct’s arm with another groan.

“I was going to ask if it’s not too bad would you’d mind us stopping for a bit so I could fish, but you look really pale.” His lover sounded concerned, and a hand was placed back against his forehead.

“If that is what you would like, I’m sure I could hang on. Being stationary seems to be an improvement. How much further to Niflheim?” A large wave jostled the yacht, making felt his stomach roil and he screwed up his eyes in discomfort.

“We’re about half way. Maybe fishing’s not such a good idea.” Lips brushed against his cheek.

“Don’t worry about me, I can…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence before his insides constricted. Panicking, he rolled off the bench and threw himself towards the side, managing to scramble his way there before he dry-heaved. Someone came to his side, soothingly rubbing his back while his muscles contracted again and he hung onto the thin rail that prevented him from toppling into the sea.

“I’ll push on, it’s no big deal. It’s horrible to see you like this.”

“Believe me,” Ignis coughed, finding a tissue in his pocket to wipe his mouth, “it’s horrible to feel like this too. I’m sorry, Noct.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll try to get us there as quick as I can.” A kiss was pressed to the side of his neck, then his lover moved away. He could tell Noct was a little disappointed but Ignis felt so damn awful he didn’t have the strength to insist his lover should do as he pleased.

“Here Iggy, have some water.” Prompto pressed a cool bottle against the back of his neck. Sighing, he took the offered refreshment and made himself take a few, slow sips as he heard the engine noise increase, the deck shifting under his feet. He was looking forward to getting back to stable, dry land, even though that meant landing in Niflheim. Gods, he hoped the train they planned to take would not cause him so much discomfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have enjoyed the slightly more vignette style of chapter for the boys' remaining time in Altissia. I hadn't especially planned for their time there to cover 9 chapters (although just now it's struck me how fitting coincidence that is) but some sections just felt right to expand upon. 
> 
> Also, flirty Ignis is a joy to write!
> 
> Thank you for reading, I really appreciate the comments and Kudos <3


	15. Chapter 15

They reached the Niflheim port by early afternoon and having pre-arranged a berth for the yacht, they’d soon enter the port city itself. Noctis and Prompto supported Ignis down the ramp to the pier, one on each side, leaving Gladio to sort out the paperwork and mooring fees for the time they assumed to be in the country.

Ignis was looking ashen and tired from the trip, added to that, adjusting from a moving deck to stable footing was not happening quickly for him. He kept leaning to one side when he wasn’t being propped up by someone or something, trying to account for a sway that no longer existing. They managed to manoeuvre him over to a bench on the pier, Noctis staying at his lover’s side while Prompto ran off to a small stall to try and get them some more water.

“Do you still feel sick? Maybe you should try and eat something, I think whatever you had for breakfast went before we left Accordian waters.” Noctis put a hand to his lover’s forehead, damp with sweat. Ignis was leaning against him, his breathing slow but ragged, his posture hunched. He looked terrible and all Noctis wanted to do was to help his lover feel better.

“The nausea is still there, but I will recover soon I’m sure.” Noctis smiled. Typical Ignis, trying to make him feel better even though he wasn’t the one who must have vomited, or at least tried to, about a dozen times on the crossing. “I must admit, I am not looking forward to the crossing back to Lucis.”

“Hey Noct, why don’t we stop the night here and catch the train tomorrow.” Prompto returned carrying a couple of bottles of water. “It’ll give Iggy a chance to recover and I bet I can get some stunning shots of the harbour at sunset.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Noctis opened the bottle his best friend gave him, took a long drink and then passed it to Ignis. “I’m sure we can find somewhere cheap to stay.”

“Noct, it would not be wise to linger.” Ignis tried to sit up to drink, clutching at his lover’s shoulder for support. “Remember, we are truly in enemy territory now. If you are identified, I dread to think of what they will do to you.” However, watching Ignis take some small sips of water then groan in discomfort made up Noctis’ mind.

“No, we’re stopping tonight. We can find a cheap motel and all share a room like we’ve done before, I’m sure we’ve enough spare cash for that. Trust me Specs, you’ll be thanking Prompto tomorrow.” He said, affectionately stroking his lover’s arm, ignoring that Prompto was lining up a shot of them.

“Whatever you decide, your Highness.” Ignis mumbled grumpily, groaning again at the click of the camera shutter.

A few hours later, Ignis was able to walk in a straight line again and some colour had returned to his cheeks so the four of them made their way out from the tiny motel they’d found to get something to eat.

Settling on a noodle bar, they huddled around a table in the corner in the back corner, talking quietly and keeping themselves to themselves. Noctis, Prompto and Gladio all had beers and a variety of interesting sounding dishes but Ignis stuck to water and something simple. It wasn’t the best food they’d had, but it was filling and fairly inexpensive.

The four of them were making their way back to their motel, Noctis and Ignis holding hands as had become their custom, when a group of men emerged from a dark alley in front of them, blocking their way forward. Noctis counted six of them altogether, all pretty shabby looking and most pretty big.

They were still near the docks, and at this time of night the area was quiet with very few lights in the surrounding buildings and warehouses.

“Eddie, these are the same guys who came off that fancy boat this afternoon. They must be loaded to have a beauty like that.” A smaller man whispered, his face made Noctis think of a rat, with a long pointy nose and very little in the way of a chin.

“You guys aren’t from around here, are ya?” The man closest to them spoke up. He seemed to be the biggest, tattoos visible on his neck and forearms. Eddie perhaps?

“Just passing through, I assure you.” Ignis spoke first, tightening his grip of Noctis’ hand.

“Ah, you’re from Tenebrae? Heard they got a lot of funny customs there.” Someone towards the back of the group piped up, and Noctis couldn’t help notice that several pairs of eyes seemed to be drawn to their joined hands. Damn it! Was this the sort of thing Ignis had been so concerned about?

He swallowed hard, trying to hold a flash of anger inside.

“Hey, you look a lot like that terrorist Prince of Lucis we seen on the news.” The gang began to spread out, trying to hem them in against the side of a building.

“Yeah, I get that a lot.” He tried to sound casual through his gritted teeth, Ignis also tugging him backwards away from the threat.

“Right, must be mistaken. Who could imagine a Prince hanging around with a thug, a rent boy and a blind man?” The group jeered from behind their ringleader. They were obviously angling for a fight.

“Who’re you calling a thug?” Prompto said, squaring his freckled shoulders.

“I think that particular insult was meant for Gladio.” Ignis muttered, and Noctis could see his best friend bristle like an angry cat.

“C’mon guys, we don’t want any trouble. Let’s just all go our separate ways.” Gladio stepped forward in front of Noctis, his palms out to try and placate them.

Although outnumbered, the four of them should be more than capable of taking down the group of men. If they were able to pull their weapons they probably could get by on intimidation and no one need get hurt, but that would basically be screaming their identities loud and clear, not an option in Niflheim.

“Why not just empty your pockets, then we’ll happily let you by.” The ringleader, Eddie stepped forward, cracking his knuckles to appear intimidating.

“And if we refuse?” Ignis asked, dropping Noctis’ hand and slightly shifting his weight. Noctis noticed he’d also altered his grip on the handle of his cane.

“We’ll just have to empty them for you.” Eddie grinned, flashing his teeth, some of them were gold. Wow, garish and cliched, Noctis thought.

Gladio and his muscles would probably draw the most attention. Prompto disliked hand to hand combat but at least he was quick, trying to pin him down was like trying to keep hold of an eel. It was Ignis he was the most worried about as the gang continued to advance.

“Noct, stay behind us.” Ignis murmured, holding out an arm in front of his lover and tilting his head, listening intently.

“Careful Iggy, one of them has a knife.” Gladio growled, and Noctis could see the small, rat-like guy holding a blade that reflected the dim light of the street lamps.

“Alright, take them down fast and efficient. We cannot afford to draw attention here. Prompto, disarm the one with the knife. Gladio and I will see to the rest.” Ignis quickly hissed out instructions before they were all set upon.

Eddie and his largest friend went for Gladio, each trying to grab an arm but were surprised when he hunkered down, avoiding their flailing hands, before striking at one, then the other. They stumbled on, dazed, then Gladio kicked one into the wall and took the other into a choke hold, holding firm while they struggled.

Prompto darted forward, spinning nimbly around one that tied to grab him and dived for rat-face. His target was looking suitable scared, holding the knife out in front of him and waving it about.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you playing with knives is dangerous?” Prompto deftly dodged the erratic swings, getting a grip on the man’s arm and twisting until the blade dropped from his fingers, then kicked it away. “Disarmed!” He called, rolling out of the way of another attempted grab, letting his attacker and rat-face collide, seeming to wind them both, before incapacitating them with a few well-placed strikes.

Thankfully they group seemed to think Ignis was less of a threat, with his dark glasses at night, sweeping a cane in front of himself while walking, so only one man approached him. That guy made the critical mistake of grabbing Ignis’ shoulder, giving him a good idea of where his target stood. That man was down on the ground within a couple of seconds, Ignis holding him with a knee between his shoulder blades and an arm twisted painfully up his back.

This left one running towards Noctis, pulling back an arm to throw a punch. He easily batted the man’s arm to the side, throwing off his aim, then delivered a neat blow to the man’s face and followed up with a knee to the groin. Noctis felt a crunch under his knuckles as the man’s nose broke, and the blow to his manhood dropped the guy to his knees, keening in pain.

Noctis looked around at their would-be robbers in various states of incapacitation. The fight was over faster than their lead up conversation. Turns out despite how big and mean the group looked, they not seemed to manage to get in a single hit.

“Huh, amateurs.” Gladio huffed, easing the one in his choke hold to the floor where he lay gasping for air, all the fight gone out of him.

“Be that as it may, we should leave and ensure we are not followed.” Ignis said, tying up the man he had restrained with some cable ties and stuffing some material into his mouth to keep him quiet.

“I’d ask where you got those from, but I’m not sure I wanna know.” Noctis frowned.

“They were in his own pockets. I am making best use with what I have.” Ignis got to his feet and the four of them hurriedly made their way back to the hotel.

“You did good out there, Iggy.” Prompto complimented when they returned to the relative safety of the room.

“That fellow did make it somewhat easy for me. Though I can also thank the training you all helped me with.” Ignis made his way over to one of the beds and sat down, looking tired, but smiled when Noctis joined him, placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

“I’m so glad you didn’t get hurt.”

“Yes, well it seems that even without sight I am still more than a match for your average street bully.” Ignis sighed. “Would you all mind if I turned in? No need to turn off the lights for me.”

“I’ll turn in too.” Noctis said, before leaning in close and whispering against Ignis’ ear. “Can I take care of you in the shower again?” His lover seemed to roll his eyes but he kept a small smile, nodding his head slightly. Noctis enjoyed giving him a massage before sleep, that and sleeping next to each other, their limbs tangled together, seemed to help take a little edge off of the nightmares.

“Prompto, gimme some of those ear plugs you use for my supposed snoring. I think we’re gonna need them.” Gladio held out his hand, palm up, for Prompto to slap down an unused packet of foam ear plugs.

“Supposed? Dude, it’s so bad a dunno how you don’t keep yourself awake!” Prompto grumbled, kicking off his boots before sprawling back on the bed.

“Hush now, we would not dream of doing anything indecent while we all share a room. Would we, Noct?” Ignis stood up, a flat expression on his face at the assumption that they would be so crass as to have sex with their friends in such close proximity.

Noctis grinned mischievously, sliding his arms around his lover’s waist and kissing his neck. “Nah, I want to be the only one who knows what Specs looks like when I…”

“Noct!” Ignis barked, blushing adorably while Noctis only giggled. Prompto was also a vibrant shade of red, while Gladio just grumbled and waved a hand in the direction of the bathroom door.

“Just do whatever you need to do and let us get some sleep.” The Shield huffed, opening up the packet and fishing out an ear plug while Noctis pulled Ignis towards the door.

The next morning, they left the motel early, relieved by the lack of police presence seemingly having gotten away with the scrap last night without the authorities being called down upon them.

They boarded the first train for Cartanica, the closest stop to where the last remaining Royal Tomb was supposed to be located. They were told to expect an overnight journey and shuffled down the narrow train corridors to their sleeper carriage, having enough time to stow their belongings and get an idea of the layout before the train left the station.

Mercifully, the movement of the train seemed to have much less of an effect on Ignis than the rocking of the yacht, something that everyone was grateful for.

For the morning, the four of them moved into the ordinary passenger carriage, taking seats as far removed from other passengers as they could so they could speak of their plans with a little privacy.

“Once we arrive in Cartanica, we shall head towards the Fodina Caestino quarry. The tomb is supposed to be somewhere in there but I do not think it will be easy to find. After Noct acquires the last of the Royal Arms, then we shall continue until we reach the body of the Glacian, and find a way for Noct to receive her blessing.” Ignis was sitting next to Noctis, recounted their planned actions while stroking his lover’s hand with his thumb.

“As soon as these things have been achieved, we turn around and use the yacht to get out of Niflheim and back to Cape Caem as soon as we can.”

“What about the Crystal?” Prompto asked, kneeling on the seat in front and leaning down over the top of it.

“We absolutely cannot go charging into Gralea without suitable preparation and back up. At the very least we would require an airship to return it to Insomnia and that would not be subtle. There is only the four of us, and as much as our skills have proved superior to the magitek troopers we have faced so far, I am still untested in real combat without my sight. We simply cannot defeat an army.”

“So back to Cape Caem? When do we rally the Kingsglaive and Crownsguard to reclaim the Crown City with Noct’s god powers?” Gladio kept his voice low but Noctis knew him well enough to see the rage and desire for vengeance for the King and his father, as well as all those innocents who died during the fall of Insomnia. It was something that seemed to have been eating at his Shield more and more over the last few weeks.

Ignis’ grip on his hand tightened though his face seemed to remain passive. “Cape Caem is a discrete port, unlike Galdin, and we know we have allies there. It is somewhere we can be safe while we reach out for support.” 

“And how long’s that gonna take? There must be so many people still trapped in there under Niflheim’s boot who don’t even know you’re still alive, Noct. We’ve gotta do something to give them hope.” His Shield turned to him, his intensity making Noctis uncomfortable.

“I admire your determination to rush in Gladio, but we cannot needlessly put Noct at risk.” The big man’s attention snapped back to Ignis, and he now wore an ugly scowl.

“You mean you’re not willing to put him at risk since you got all loved up.” Gladio snarled, his voice getting louder in frustration. For a moment, Ignis looked shocked before he buried his reaction under a calm exterior.

“I have never been willing to put him at risk, how dare you imply my reasoning is being affected by my feelings.” Ignis’ voice was a little louder as well now. To Noctis, who now understood him so well, Gladio’s insinuations had obviously hurt.

“I am here you know!” Noctis waved his hand in front of his Shield’s face, getting angry on his lover’s behalf.

“Guys, we’re getting stares. Tone it down a bit.” Prompto hissed, nudging Gladio’s shoulder and was nearly shoved off the seat into the aisle by the Shield’s responding push.

“I’m gonna stretch my legs.” The big man said, squeezing into the aisle and stomping off down to a different carriage.

Noctis slipped out of his seat as well, breaking contact with Ignis.

“Noct, let him calm down first.” His lover looked concerned, reaching back out for his hand.

“No. Gladio’s way out of order. He doesn’t get to speak to you like that, Specs.” And off he marched down the carriage, determined to give his stupid Shield a piece of his mind.

He caught up in the dining carriage where he found Gladio at the bar, having just ordered himself a drink.

“Hey, Gladio. We’re not done.” He called, getting his Shield’s attention.

“Leave it Noct, I’m not in the mood.” Gladio responded through gritted teeth, turning back to the drink that had just been placed in front of him.

“Yeah, and you think Specs was in the mood for you to question his plans? Judge me all you want, I’m the one that ultimately makes the decisions, but don’t you even think about suggesting our relationship has anything to do with the plans he makes.” He’d moved forward while speaking until he was prodding Gladio in his tattooed arm to emphasise his point.

His Shield stood and turned to stare down at him, almost looking like he wanted to throw a punch, but Noctis stood his ground, glaring back. A couple of people nearby began to quietly edge away, not wanted to become collateral fallout from whatever this fight was about.

“Fine.” Gladio finally backed down, returning to his drink. “Then you should be telling him to pick up the pace. We have to press on!”

“I’m not going to do that.” Noctis stepped back, focusing on his breathing to try and calm down.

“Why not?” Gladio growled.

“Because I am not going to push on at his expense and I trust Ignis to know what’s best for us. You should too. Don’t come back before you’re ready to apologise.” He turned on his heel and returned to Ignis and Prompto, leaving his Shield with his thoughts.

Tension remained for the rest of the day, even though Gladio did eventually apologise so being out of order. What he’d said about the citizens of Insomnia was true through, and it played on Noctis’ mind. Was he being too selfish, wanting to steal just a bit more time for him and Ignis before he sacrificed himself for them?

Gladio wasn’t to know how much those thoughts about his life verses the lives of all those innocent people hurt him. Nor would he understand how much questioning Ignis’ impartiality would have hit a nerve for him.

That night, Noctis found it difficult to sleep in his bunk. He’d grown so used to having his lover’s warmth beside him his small bed felt cold and empty. He’d tossed and turned for what felt like hours, when he heard Ignis begin to whimper over the sawing of Gladio’s snores. Immediately, he scrambled out of his covers and sat on the edge of his lover’s bunk, holding and soothing him until Ignis stirred.

“Was I shouting again?” Ignis mumbled, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

“No, Specs, but it’s been a rough day and I wanted to hold you. Can I get in with you?”

“I’m not sure if there will be enough room for two.” Despite his uncertainty, Ignis shifted back towards the wall of his bunk, trying to make as much space as he could.

“It’s lonely when I can’t feel you there.” Noctis slipped in under the cover, forced to lay on his side, his back pressed flush against his lover’s bare chest. Ignis’ arm draped over his waist, holding him securely so he wouldn’t fall out.

“I’m sorry Gladio was such an ass this morning.” He whispered, hugging his lover’s arm tightly.

“It is not your fault. It is a good thing he feels so deeply about protecting our people. I am not offended.” Ignis propped himself up on an elbow and kissed his neck.

“Please don’t lie to me, not anymore. What he said sounded really close to what you were scared about before. And those thugs in Portia, just us holding hands seemed to give them more reason to try and shake us down. I’m sorry about it all.” Noctis turned his head and in the darkness, he could just make out the crease of a frown between Ignis’ eyebrows. After moment his lover sighed, resting his head against Noctis’ shoulder.

“You are right. What Gladio said struck a nerve. I had hoped, that out of everybody who might question my judgement, those two would believe in me. Coming from Gladio it especially hurt.”

“I get he’s frustrated, but I guess he just doesn’t understand.”

“They should know about what you have got to do.” Ignis said, gently stroking Noctis’ hair.

“Not yet, I want them to have a bit more time without that. We’ll tell them when we get back to Lucis.” He yawned, weariness finally catching up to him.

It was soothing, being pressed against his lover, feeling his heartbeat, and Noctis found his eyes drooping. He drowsily mumbled words of love before sleep finally took him.


	16. Chapter 16

They arrived at Cartanica by mid-morning, discretely pushing their luggage into the Armiger before they disembarked, knowing they’d catch the next available train once they’d completed their objective in the old quarry.

Not many others disembarked alongside them and Noctis wasn’t surprised why, there was barely anything here. Gods it was hot, and dry, and lacking in much vegetation at all near the train station. Glancing around at the wide view of not much at all, Noctis hoped they could be done here soon so they could get back on a train and go anywhere else.

“Going down into the quarry you say?” Said the elderly shop keeper as Noctis picked up a few last supplies. “You young men be careful down there. It’s been taken over by beasts people say. I couldn’t help but notice one of your friends doesn’t see too well. He going with you?”

“Yeah, course he is.” Noctis automatically responded, glancing over his shoulder to where his lover and Prompto were leaning against the railings overlooking where they would be going. Why wouldn’t Ignis be going with them?

“Just thought it’d be a mite too dangerous for him, but it’s none of my business what you decide to do.”

“You’re right, it’s not.” Noctis slapped the money down on the counter and snatched up the goods. “Have a nice day.” He said bitterly and walked away before someone tried to scold him for being rude to his elder.

He made his way over to the elevator which would take them down the quarry’s entrance, pausing before he got to the doors. If there were beasts down there, how would Ignis manage? Noctis felt a stab of worry, what if Ignis got hurt because he’d forced him to go into a dangerous environment? His lover wouldn’t refuse him if he asked him to come along, but if things went really wrong and he lost Ignis too…

He felt like Ignis, Prompto and Gladio were all he had left in this world, despite how ridiculous rational thinking made that statement. He wouldn’t be able to cope if they left him too.

Just contemplating life after losing the one he loved made his breathing speed up. His heart raced and he began to feel dizzy, darkness creeping in at the edge of his vision. Then his thoughts returned to Ignis’ confessions before.

_“I was scared…so scared about being unable to keep up, of being a burden. I am scared of being left behind.”_

Noctis felt caught between a rock and a hard place. He wanted for Ignis to stay safe, they had no idea of what would be down there or how long and treacherous the route to the tomb would be, but having seen the fear and desperation on his lover’s face at the thought of being forced to stay put while Noctis and their friends went ahead…he just couldn’t do that to him.

His knees shook, feeling weak, he was sweating and couldn’t get a proper breath, worst of all he thought he was going to be sick. Was he having a panic attack? He’d not had one in years.

“Are we about to head down?” Ignis’ hand found his arm and he stumbled back into the solid warmth of his lover. “Noct?”

“Specs, I don’t feel so goo...” The bag of supplies dropped from his fingers, darkness overcoming his vision.

He must have fainted, because the next thing he was aware of he was sitting on a bench, his head between his knees, with a gentle hand rubbing his back. He became aware of people sitting either side of him, and someone crouching in front. He tried to raise his head but a large hand pushed him firmly back down.

“You stay there for a bit. Don’t want you fainting on us again Princess.” Gladio’s gruff voice came from his right.

“You alright there, dude? That was an epic swoon you did, right into Iggy’s arms. It was just like in one of Gladio’s books, I’ll show you the photo when you feel better.” Prompto sounded as bright as ever, leaning forward to try to peer up at him but Noctis just got a face full of blonde hair instead. How did he manage to stay so cheery when his best friend felt so dreadful?

Noctis groaned, trying to swipe Prompto away. He still felt sick, his limbs were shaking and everything felt clammy. Closing his eyes seemed to help a little, and that gentle hand on his back was soothing.

“Was it a panic attack?” Ignis asked softly, the circular motion of his hand slow and consistent. Noctis shivered and mumbled some kind of confirmation. “There is some water for you when you start to feel better. We’ll stay right here.”

It took about half an hour for Noctis to return to more or less normal and he felt well enough to experience the embarrassment of fainting in public. Sitting up, he sipped some water from a bottle that Prompto handed him, then leant his head on Ignis’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry I made you guys worry.” He said quietly, trying to resist the urge to close his eyes and nap.

“We don’t mind, just as long as you’re ok buddy.” Prompto grinned at him, clambering to his feet and pulling out his camera. “You wanna see your fainting face?”

“Not really. Maybe later.” He sighed, feeling a kiss being placed on top of his head.

“Do you know what might have triggered the attack?” Ignis asked, but Noctis wasn’t sure he wanted to answer, he didn’t want to make is lover worry even more. The thought made him laugh, wanting to hiding things from Ignis so he wouldn’t worry, when had he become such a hypocrite?

“I’m a bit nervous about going to find this tomb. Are you sure you’ll be ok down there, Specs? It could be dangerous.” He tilted his head, catching a scent of Ignis’ aftershave and only just stopping himself from nuzzling against his lover’s neck.

Ignis looked at him with a slight frown, no doubt reading into words and piecing together what had just happened. “I’ll manage. I could not, in good conscience, let you go on without a suitable Advisor to assist you.”

Gladio huffed at stood up, going over to wait by the elevator, folding his arms over his expansive chest.

This is what Ignis wants, he reminded himself, I’ll just have to do my best to keep us out of trouble.

“Iggy!”

Even though he thought he’d steeled himself in preparation, it was awful the first time Ignis tripped on the steep, uneven path, crashing to his knees, palms out to catch himself. Prompto immediately had hold of his arm, helping him to stand back up as Noctis, who’d been a little way ahead, warped back to his side.

“I’m fine.” Ignis waved them both away, dusting himself down but Noctis could see the slight tremble of his hands. Putting Ignis through this, even if it was what he’d asked for, was that really what he should be doing for the man he loved?

“It is just a new environment that I will become accustomed to. You should keep going.” He wanted to pull Ignis into his arms, take them out of this horrible place. What idiot King of Lucis built their tomb in a different country anyway? But he knew that would just make Ignis angry that his abilities were being questioned again.

“Please be careful. I won’t go too fast, so please, please don’t worry that I’ll leave you behind.” He tried to hide the sadness in his voice as he gently brushed off some dirt that Ignis had missed. Prompto stepped back, allowing them a little space.

“Are you upset that I am here, Noct?” Ignis’ voice was soft, but had a slight edge to it.

“No…yes…both! I want to protect you, but the only way to do that will hurt you.” Noctis admitted.

“Now you can appreciate the dilemma I have experienced for most of my life.” Ignis said dryly. “The sooner we can get this over with, the happier we both shall be.” He gave Noctis a gentle nudge forwards before starting to move again, Prompto keeping close to his side.

They walked the entire way around the area, looking for someway further in to locate the tomb. Noctis kept looked back towards his lover, checking that he was doing alright and keeping up. He tried to be careful about how close they got to any of the creatures who made the place home, and if they could not be avoided, he summoned his blade and warped in before the others could catch up, taking out as many as he could by himself so that Ignis didn’t have to get caught up in a fight and risk being hurt.

By the third time he did this, Gladio bodily dragged him to one side out of earshot of the other two.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” His Shield demanded. “You should be sticking together with us, not recklessly throwing yourself into danger. How the hell am I meant to keep you in one piece when you’re acting like a fucking idiot?” The strength of his grip on Noctis’ arm was painful, making him wriggle in Gladio’s grasp like a fish caught on his hook.

“I’m trying to keep Ignis safe. I don’t want him hurt down here.” He shoved at his Shield’s chest, trying to get him to let go.

“Don’t pull that crap with me. If you really wanted him safe, you’d have told him to wait for us back at the station!” Noctis gaped at him. Had Gladio had a complete empathy failure recently, or was he actively trying to find all the hurtful buttons to push?

“I couldn’t leave him behind. You know what that would do to him.” He finally wrenched his arm free, rubbing at the red hand print that had been left behind.

“You’re not the only one who cares about Ignis. You’re a distraction for each other.”

“If you’re so concerned, why didn’t you say something up at the station then?”

“Cos I’d thought you might try and be sensible about it, not try to get yourself killed. For fuck’s sake, the pair of you!” Gladio threw his hands in the air, pacing backwards and forwards.

“What is your problem?” He moved closer, getting right into his Shield’s personal space and preventing him from pacing further.

“Maybe you both should stop being selfish and start thinking about the bigger picture. Neither of you should be letting your personal feelings get in the way of your duty!” The words caught Noctis so by surprise, the only response he could manage was laughter.

“What, you think this is funny?” Gladio shoved him roughly, making him take a few steps backwards.

“You have no idea. Ignis always does his duty, regardless of how much it hurts him. I think he’s owed some trust for that. And believe me Gladio, I’m going to do my duty. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t fucking be here! Now, unless you’ve got anything useful to contribute, shut the fuck up and back off!”

He knew he shouldn’t get so angry; his Shield was missing key context to how their behaviour appeared. Gladio would probably not be quite so pushy about this once he knew what the price was, but he was scared to find out the answer. He didn’t want to be thought of as a coward as well as a disappointment. 

“Oh, err, you guys done?”

Noctis turned to see Prompto and Ignis not far away, and he realised just how loud they had become. Prompto seemed really worried by argument, but Ignis just looked disappointed. Whether it was at him, Gladio or the both of them, it still hurt, but he wasn’t sure what he could do to make anything better. Instead, he warped away still feeling angry and ashamed, ignoring Gladio’s shouts to stick together.

By the end of the day he was bone tired from his overuse of magic, but they had figured out that activating that excavator’s engine was the key to opening up a route. Ignis also looked as tired as Noctis felt, and he realised how exhausting all this wandering about uneven terrain must be for his lover, despite his best attempts to keep their pace slow and steer clear of dangers. His argument with Gladio probably hadn’t helped.

It had become dark sooner than he had expected, even with the high sides of the quarry shielding them from the sunset. The summer solstice had passed by only a few days ago, but the nights seemed to be drawing in much quicker than he’d remembered from previous years.

Retreating to the haven, he, Prompto and Gladio made camp while Ignis stood to one side. He looked frustrated at being unable to help much until Gladio unthinkingly pulled out the kitchen equipment, the rattle of the utensils and the clank of the gas bottle making his lover’s expression become pained.

“I don’t know if we will be needing that tonight.” Ignis had said, quietly. “I apologise, but I shall be unable to provide dinner this evening.” Noctis noticed the way his lover tightly gripped his cane and went over to him.

“Are you alright? I’m sorry we’ve had to camp. I hoped it wouldn’t take this long.” He took Ignis’ hand and raised it to his lips.

While they had been staying in most robust accommodation than a tent, Noctis supposed Ignis hadn’t had such an obvious reminder of losing his ability to cook. He always seemed to take great pleasure in providing them with excellent quality food, paying great attention to what they all liked while they were on the road and recreating favourite dishes, but without his vision, cooking was downright dangerous with sharp knives and boiling water, hot pans and open flame. Would he ever be able to relearn, or was that something else that was now lost forever?

Then suddenly it hit Noctis that he’d never experience Ignis’ pastries again, the ones he’d spent years trying to perfect, just because they were something his Prince enjoyed. He’d have to make do with someone else preparing the fish he’d caught, using the wrong combination of seasoning and being unable to grill it just how he liked.

He’d never expected to mourn Ignis’ food because he’d never really thought he’d ever have to go without. Food and Ignis were completely intertwined for him, and however selfish it was, he felt his eyes begin to tear up.

“I am relieved that Gladio insisted upon us having a supply of those cup noodles at all times.” His lover gave a forced laugh but squeezed his hand tightly, letting him know a little of how much it hurt him inside.

Eating was a quiet affair with them all huddled around the camp fire. Noctis had always thought there was something soothing about sitting out under the stars with his friends in the safety of a haven, regardless of what prowled around outside. There had even been something reassuring about the routine and consistency of camping even when his relationship with Ignis had been at its worst, but now everything felt eerie and oppressive, and Gladio glowered at him over his noodle pot. The clouds gathered overhead and thunder rumbled in the distance, only reflecting the tense mood.

They all retired early as the rain started and Noctis couldn’t help but put his bed roll right up against Ignis’, pressing up against him in an attempt to give and receive some small comfort as they tried to get some sleep. It was terrible that Ignis’ nightmares seemed worse than ever, repeating themselves several times through the night. Noctis had tried his best to wake his lover gently but all the stress of the last few days and the panic attack that morning was making it hard to keep his own sorrow in check.

The next morning, they rose and dressed in silence, eyes red-rimmed with tired, grey smudges beneath them. Nobody mentioned how bad the night had been, all their focus was on finding this tomb and getting out of this place.

By the time they moved the excavator arm and reached the right place, they were all hungry, tired and dirty, more than one person slipping on the moss underfoot, damp from the morning’s drizzle, as they descended into the cavern below and Noctis stuck very close to Ignis the whole time.

He nearly panicked when the malboro pulled itself out from the deep centre of the cavern, trying to push Ignis back out of its reach.

“That looks like a mouth. Is that its face?” Prompto’s voice was shrill as he dashed past, trying to get a better distance for his shots. Gladio gave a kind of battle cry and ran in, swinging his blade in massive arcs, slicing through tentacles.

“What is it?” Ignis asked, splashing backwards through the shallow water as Noctis pulled him along.

“Something really bad!” He answered, noticing a long vine-like tentacle lashing out towards them and tackled Ignis to the ground, covering him with his body. The tentacle didn’t manage to grab them but still managed to whip Noctis across his back, and he cried out in pain.

Ignis surfaced from the water, completely soaked and gasping for air, his fingers scrabbling against Noctis’ back.

“Stay here, stay safe!” He told his lover, pulling his sword from the Armiger and warped away before he could hear any protest.

He flung himself over to the other side of the cavern, shouting to get the creature’s attention. “Over here, you big green face monster!” It wheeled around on him faster than he’d expected and he had to roll out of the way before more thrashing tentacles crashed down on his head.

Noctis and Gladio hacked and slashed at the damn thing, Prompto’s pistol sounding from a distance as he danced around, trying to find any weakness he could, but the malboro’s endurance was incredible.

“It’s useless!” Gladio shouted, swinging again and narrowly avoiding being chomped upon.

“What do we do? It won’t die!” Prompto cried before being engulfed by a noxious miasma the creature spewed out.

“Noct, I have an idea!” Ignis shouted, moving towards malboro. Noctis thought his heart was going to shut down, he was too drained to warp anymore but he dashed forwards all the same. He was too far away and could only watch as Ignis threw something and then was swallowed by the miasma as well.

“Ignis!” There was an explosion of fire that consumed the plant-like creature and by the time Noctis reached his lover’s staggering form, the cloud had dispersed. He helped to support Ignis while he coughed and pulled out some smelling salts as his lover flailed in confusion caused by the toxins.

“Nice one Iggy.” Prompto called, recovering from his own confusion and running over to slap Ignis on the back.

Gladio also made his way over, a face like thunder. “What was that Iggy? You’re gonna get yourself killed!”

“But we’re here to help. Iggy’s fine, we’re all fine Gladio.” The Shield seemed a little taken aback by Prompto’s defence.

“It’s not about us looking out for him.” Gladio argued, gesturing in Ignis’ direction.

“That’s not going to stop us.” Noctis placed himself in between Ignis and his Shield.

“You should be thinking about more than just your own wants.” Gladio stepped forward, pointing at him accusingly.

“Enough!” Ignis roared, causing everyone to look around in surprise. “If my presence is a burden then I shall remain behind, but I am not made of glass. I would remain with you all, until the very end. I still have my strengths, if you would only trust in them.” Ignis clenched his fists. “And before anyone tried to be smart with me, I do not mean in fucking our King.” Noctis took a step back. He’d never seen Ignis so furious, his lover practically vibrating with anger.

“Gladio, you want to protect everyone at home but pushing Noct to go too fast will not yield the results you wish. The two of you should be able to trust each other with your lives, but right now you seem more likely to kill each other. I have always played the mediator in your bull-headed scraps but I am sick of it! This is not the time to be fighting. This is the time to cherish those we still have rather than push them away. We’ve already seen too many people we care for torn from our lives; we don’t know who might disappear next.”

No one spoke when Ignis had finished, there was only the faint sound of water lapping against their legs and the cavern walls.

“Have I made myself clear?” Ignis said sharply, making do with sheepish affirmations.

Gladio was the first to walk away, looking troubled. Prompto seemed torn for a moment about whether to follow the Shield or not, but then quickly splashed over to catch him up, leaving the two of them alone.

“Specs…” He reached out to take Ignis’ hand but his lover pulled away when he made contact.

“I bloody well mean it, Noct. I am not fragile. You do not need to defend me against Gladio’s accusations.” He still seemed annoyed, but not quite as angry as before, perhaps more disappointed.

“It’s not fair of him putting more pressure on you. I just wanted to help make things easier because he doesn’t understand what you’ve gone through.” Noctis’ voice was softer, pleading. He tried again for contact and again was rejected.

“I want to prove to you, to Gladio, to myself, that I still have worth. I require help right now but I don’t want to have to rely upon it forever, and in reaching that point, I will inevitably face some hardship. I do not want you putting yourself needlessly at risk because of that.” Ignis sighed, starting to carefully pick his way in the direction Gladio and Prompto went.

“That’s rich coming from someone who threw himself in front of sabreclaw for me a couple of months ago.” Noctis snorted, making Ignis stop dead.

“That…that was a different time.” Ignis sounded so sad, all traces of frustration displaced.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been too much. I promise I’ll try not to, just tell me and I’ll back off.”

“Noct, I know that you are worried for me but it’s placing too much stress upon you. You’ve not had a panic attack for years and then yesterday you have one when we are about to enter a potentially dangerous location. It was nothing different to what we have done many times before, except for my lack of sight.” Noctis blinked in surprise.

“Is this all because of what Gladio said? You don’t just want to prove you’re independent; you want to prove we’re not…compromised, by being together.” The thought saddened him that such a small, careless comment could make his lover seem to doubt himself, to doubt them.

“You are becoming very astute, Noct.” He moved closer and tried for a third time to take Ignis’ hand, and this time the contact was grudgingly accepted.

“Are you upset with me?” Noctis asked, a little scared about the answer.

Ignis sighed, linking their fingers. “No, not really. Just, please trust me to be able to find my limits.” That made Noctis reassess some of his actions over the last few days. If he wanted to be the best partner he could for Ignis, he could do better in supporting his choices, as well as just caring for him.

“I’ll try.” He promised, tentatively slipping his arm around his lover’s waist, only wincing a little at the cold, wet fabric against his skin. “But you are my most important person in the world. Nothing’s going to stop me being there for you when you need me.”

“I would be hard for me to not accept that, given I feel exactly the same. I just could not carry on with you and Gladio snapping at each other over me as if I were not there.”

They stayed together for a moment, taking advantage of the brief quiet to bolster each other before making their way out of the cavern, finding Gladio and Prompto quietly waiting for them.

“I’m sorry, Iggy. I’m sorry, Noct.” Gladio said dejectedly, as Prompto patted his arm.

“If we all can agree to be friends again, then there is no need to say any more.” Ignis declared, then continued onwards with slow careful steps.

Together, the four of them made their way back to the campsite to change their clothes and give their boots a chance to dry out. Even though it was hotter up at the station level, they had all experienced clothes drying on them before and it was something that nobody enjoyed.

Thankfully the drizzle had ceased, so they could take turns in the tent to change, not all having to be cramped up at once, and obviously Noctis volunteered to assist Ignis.

He tried to keep his hands to himself, letting Ignis take the lead with his own garments, helping only when asked. It became more difficult as his lover stripped in front of him. They hadn’t intimately touched each other in three days, having constantly been in the presence of others with little opportunity of privacy. Noctis was still a young man, one who has needs. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he got aroused, staring at the gorgeous body just in front of him.

He found himself succumbing to temptation, pressing against his lover’s back, running his hands over Ignis’ chest and kissing his neck.

“Noct! Not now.” Ignis whispered in protest. “Prompto and Gladio are right outside.”

“But I need you,” Noctis moaned against his lover’s ear, rocking his firm cock against Ignis’s ass. “We can be quiet. Three days is too long without feeling you.” He delighted at the shiver of desire that ran down his lover’s spine, spinning him around to kiss him properly.

“Hey, guys,” Prompto’s voice just outside the flap startled them apart, Ignis very firmly holding him at arm’s length. “I just checked the timetable and there’s a train we could catch in a couple of hours or we’ve got to stay here overnight again.”

“Hurry up and get changed. I wanna get the tent packed away, it’ll take us a while to get back to the station.” Gladio added. “Sooner we’re outta here the better.”

Noctis staring up at the tent’s ceiling to try and think of anything to calm himself down, noticing with a swift glance that Ignis had now covered his face with his hands and what little of it he could see was bright red. He seemed mortified by what he’d nearly gone along with.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t wanna stay here another night. We’ll be done in a sec.” Noctis replied, hurriedly pulling out his own spare clothes, being careful to turn his back so he wouldn’t be any more distracted than he already was.

It didn’t take long for the camp to be packed away and sent back into the Armiger. As they’d made their way up the winding path up the side of the quarry, Noctis hung back a little with Ignis and whispered to him. “Sorry, I couldn’t stop myself in the tent. When we’re on the train, what’d ya say to ditching these two and find somewhere quiet, pick up where we left off.” Ignis blushed again and gave a small nod, making Noctis smile.

They arrived back on the platform not long before the train was due to depart, and they boarded without issue for the four-day journey to the nearest stop to the Ghorovas Rift, and the corpse of a god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for continuing to read this fic. Passing 50,000 words caught me a little by surprise but I'm feeling a pretty chuffed to have written so much of something that others seem to still like. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying how things are progressing with the interpersonal relationships and think that I've managed to keep things pretty narratively consistent over the chapters so far. Trying to explore more of what Noct and Ignis would experience outside of what's shown in the big cutscenes has been a big motivation for me.  
> 


	17. Chapter 17

As soon at the four of them found their sleeping cabin, Ignis insisted on finding the shower facilities available on the on these trains and heavily emphasised that all of them should take advantage.

“I highly doubt that the water we were wading through earlier was clean and sanitary. And, thanks to Noct’s efforts, I was completely submerged. I dread to think what we could have picked up from there.” Ignis shivered in disgust.

After he had Noct clearly identify for him the difference between the provided shower gel and shampoo, he’d firmly pushed his lover out of the door and firmly locked it, or so he’d hoped. There were four days and three nights available to them until they reached their next destination and Ignis was certain he did not want to make love while he was still covered in gods know what.

He enjoyed the sensation of hot water sluicing away the grime that had been left on his skin and in his hair. From all his recent associations with hot showers, he could almost feel Noct’s hands on his skin, working his tired muscles, caresses becoming more erotic. The sound of the spray couldn’t drown out the imagined voice of his lover, whispering to him. Ignis reached down, hand ghosting over himself, stifling a moan before he pulled himself back to his senses. Reaching out for the temperature dial he’d almost scalded himself hurriedly turning the dial the wrong way before he managed to get the water to run cold, forcing himself to calm down.

Stepping out of the shower shortly after, Ignis felt about for the towel he knew he’d brought in here, eventually finding it having fallen to the floor. As he dried himself, his thoughts wandered back to losing his temper that morning.

It had always been frustrating to listen to Noct and Gladio bicker, especially when the Shield thought Noct was being lazy, or intentionally difficult to spite him. He’d always stepped in before, chastising and defending wherever it was appropriate, but always remaining calm, trying his best not to take sides. He hadn’t been sure where that surge of anger had come from this time, unable to stop it from ripping free and lashing out.

The last few months had had Ignis’ emotions in such turmoil that no wonder he was starting to lose his grip on them. If they had been back in Insomnia, living their normal lives, he would have found himself a professional to talk to, to help make some sense out of this madness, but unfortunately that was not an option right now.

Before, he had been confident in being able to compartmentalise his feelings for Noct from his duty to his King and country, although he had worried over the thoughts of others. Knowing everything he did now, remaining impartial was getting harder and harder, his frustrations at being unable to prevent Noct’s fate growing along with his desire for the man he loved.

He acknowledged that Gladio’s outbursts were motivated by him caring deeply about his friends and the people of Lucis. Noct had not been the only person to lose a father, and Ignis was by no means certain that Gladio had been able to properly grieve. Instead, he observed that the Shield appeared to let out bursts of anger when things became too much for him. Ignis could hardly talk about bottling up his feelings, though there was a simplicity in Gladio’s thought processes, even though he seemed to lack a subtle bone in his body most of the time, charging straight at the simple answers he saw.

Insomnia was hurting because Noct wasn’t acting quickly enough to take responsibility. Noct must be holding back for selfish reasons because of his relationship with Ignis. Ignis was refusing to push Noct ahead as he should be because of their relationship.

It wasn’t as if there were not elements of truth in the conclusions Gladio came to, just the irony that in his attempt to focus on the bigger picture, he was missing so many details that would shift that bigger picture entirely.

Gladio and Prompto deserved to know more about what was coming, so they would not have to rely on context in hindsight, but Ignis well knew the burden of living with that knowledge. He would have to talk to Noct about it, it wasn’t his secret to divulge despite how it plagued him.

Whether they knew or not, Ignis felt compelled to prove that he could still responsibly and pragmatically advise his King, because he refused to push Noct away again because of his fears again.

Ignis dressed still while deep in thought, then unlocked the door and slowly moved out into the corridor, hoping he wouldn’t barge into anyone. Remembering that the sleeping cabin was to the right by one full carriage and three doors down, he unfolded his cane and began to take cautious steps forwards.

He knew he’d successfully reached the correct cabin, by the sound of Prompto loudly cheering from within, accompanied by a familiar jingle of music.

“Prompto’s excelling in King’s Knight. Why am I not surprised?” Opening the door, Ignis smiled as he stepped inside.

“You’ve gonna give him an even bigger head under that chocobo butt he calls a hairstyle.” Gladio grumbled.

“I’ll have you know, people like my hair!” Prompto exclaimed, enthusiastic as always.

“Yeah, which people?” Gladio’s tone had shifted from grumpy to teasing.

“People, people. I’ve had compliments!” Unfortunately, their budding banter was cut off by the sound of scuffling.

“Guys, I’m going to help Specs check for leeches or stuff, from the quarry water. I’m locking the door so don’t come barging in!” Noct said abruptly, his phrasing sounded like a pointed dig, as Ignis was jostled to the side by others being hurried out into the corridor. The door slammed shut and the lock clicked.

“That was hardly subtle,” was all Ignis managed before his lover was upon him, pressing close for hungry kisses and tugging at his clothes. Slipping his hands underneath Noct’s t-shirt, he was relieved at the light scent of soap, then separated his lover’s legs with one of his own, grinding against him and drinking in the lustful sounds. Nothing mattered anymore, besides the feel, and taste, and sound of Noct.

Noct lay upon him as they basked in their afterglow, the narrow bunk not being wide enough to cuddle how they normally would. Those wet wipes Ignis had thought to buy in Altissia had been a godsend for the clean-up.

“Specs, am I being…selfish?” Noct sounded hesitant, almost unsure whether to put his thought into words.

Ignis frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s some of what Gladio said, it’s been bugging me. When he’s unfair to you, I feel this kinda righteous anger, but when he starts on me…argh, I dunno.” Noct now sounded frustrated. “He gets in my head! I hate it, but maybe he’s right, maybe we should go straight back to Insomnia. So many people are gonna suffer because I asked for a little bit of time for us.”

Noct was asked about performing his duty, this was the perfect time for Ignis to demonstrate he could still think purely as an Advisor and keep his emotions to the side.

“Gladio has a fair argument that the longer it takes to liberate Lucis from the Empire, the more your citizens will be affected, however, rushing in ill prepared is likely to get us all killed without any benefit. The future I saw may only come to pass if we are careful, or it may come to pass regardless of what actions we take now, there are too many unknowns to say for sure. However, if returning to the Crown City straight away is what you wish, I can change our plans accordingly.” His tone was clear and considered, exactly how he should be.

Noct was quiet and Ignis wished he could read his lover’s expression. He moved his hands over the bare skin of his lover’s back and felt him tense, pushing himself up on his arms. Was Noct looking for a solution from him, instead of a balanced view?

“Are you glaring at me?” He asked, taking an educated guess as to the reason for the silence.

“Yes.” He waited for Noct to continue, but no more came.

“Am allowed to know why?” Ignis eventually asked as Noct continued to hover over him, presumably still glaring.

“You want to prove you can still advise me out there, fine. But when we’re naked in bed together I don’t want your sensible Advisor’s opinion. I want my boyfriend to help me feel better about the shitty situation we’re in.” His lover snapped.

Ignis raised his eyebrows, momentarily speechless at the first time either of them had used a term for their relationship. Noct considered him his boyfriend. The thought made him feel warm inside even though he was grasping for a response. “I apologise for confusing which type of response was most appropriate.”

“So, am I being selfish?” This time the words were a little more aggressive. Ignis wasn’t sure what his lover wanted to hear, but this time he spoke entirely from his heart.

“No more than I want you to be.” He admitted. “In fact, I would not refuse you if you asked me to find more reasons to delay.”

Noct huffed, flopping back over his chest, his fingers caressing specific spots where love bites had probably been left. “I’m sorry.” All aggression had drained for the apology, he just wanted to be comforted.

“I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna leave you behind and I’m terrified that something’s gonna happen to you along the way. I’ll do what I have to do cos if I don’t, what kind of a King am I? Every Lucian ruler has sacrificed themselves for their people in some way, but damn it, it scares me so much. You guys have stuck by me all this time and then you just get the honour of picking up the pieces afterwards.” Noct buried his face in the crook of Ignis’ neck.

“I don’t think it will be easy, but believe we will manage, somehow.” Ignis tried to soothe him, running his fingers through his lover’s soft, and still slightly damp, hair.

Noctis sniffed, his voice starting to crack. “In some ways, I get the easy job. I just stop. I’ve seen what the nightmares do to you, Specs, I don’t want you to have to live with that.”

“Noct,” Ignis said gently. “I already am living with it. That knowledge is already a part of my life, and it gave me the fortitude to allow us to happen.” He kissed Noct’s head and ran a hand down his side to rest on his pert ass. His lover gave a small chuckle, nuzzling against Ignis’ neck.

“And when the time comes, I will take strength from your courage.” The platitudes came so easily, a skill he’d been practicing since he was six years old.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Ignis thought he did. He’d have to, but he’s never really know until the morning he woke up and Noct was no longer in the world. “Can it really be called courage if I don’t have a choice.”

“My darling, you do.” Ignis smiled sadly. “You just have far too much compassion in you to choose to do nothing. It is your compassion in the face of overwhelming darkness that made me fall in love with you.

“Do you remember after you returned from Tenebrae and you still used a wheelchair. We found a cat stuck up a tree while I was pushing you in the garden and even though you were still very hurt, you insisted we had to help it and tried to get out of your chair. The tree didn’t have low enough branches for me to climb it for you, so I told you to stay put and went to find an adult to help. When I returned, you had ignored me completely and were lying at the foot of the tree, like you had tried to climb it yourself, sobbing for the poor, scared animal. I dread to think of the agony you must have been in, but you would not rest until that cat was rescued.” His expression softened. The memory came so clearly to him, stirring up the same wonder he had felt at the little Prince’s strength of heart.

“You’ve loved me since I was eight?” Noct sounded a little in awe.

“Well, we were both too young then to properly understand how to interpret the feelings of romantic love, but I certainly greatly admired your determination and empathy. And by the time we had grown a little, watching as you overcame such hardships, I understood that the light you have inside is something I never wished to be parted from, and my feelings blossomed from there.” He might have blushed a little, feeling a tender kiss against his forehead.

“Oh. When you said you’d loved me for years, I’d never thought…and you kept it hidden all that time.” Ignis smiled sadly and nodded.

“But, the most important thing is that I am not hiding my affections any longer. I don’t think you have ever told me when you knew your feelings for me.” He was curious. He’d known Noct had been at least attracted to him for over five years, but had that come before any deeper feelings?

“I dunno really, you were just always there, however withdrawn or bratty I was being, and I’ve always been fond of you. I guess, the few times dad spoke about mom and what he felt for her, it felt kinda familiar to what I felt when I thought about you. When you started to fill out though, with the Crownsguard training, that kinda helped me know for certain.”

“So only after me for my athletic skill, are you?” Ignis teased, chuckling to himself. Although, it was nice to know that there had been something between them since they had been children, innocent though it had been.

Noct drew quiet again, his fingers stilling against Ignis’ skin.

“When I’m…gone, do you think you’d find someone else?” His voice was small and muffled on top of that when he shifted to turn his face away. The question sent Ignis a sharp reminder of the future, temporarily forgotten with memories of the past.

“Don’t ask silly questions.” He scoffed. “Who would be willing to put up with someone as duty bound as myself?” Ignis’ chest felt tight and he found himself holding Noct closer than before.

“I think you’d be surprised. You don’t seem to know how wonderful you are.” No, that couldn’t be right, focusing on Noct and his work had tended to keep Ignis away from situations typically faced by others his age. What else could he have to offer anyone except his complete devotion to someone who would be dead.

“Come now, I’m nothing special. You were always complaining about my apparent lack of sense of humour. Also, I am now damaged goods.” Ignis gestured vaguely to his scars, though when he reached that hypothetical future, he would certainly be emotionally scarred as well.

“I don’t mind, they make you look kinda dashing. And you have a great sense of humour, I just used to be too dumb to understand it.”

“Well, we do have quite a history between us, something I share with no one else. I don’t think anyone else would ever understand me quite as you do.” Nobody else knew as much about him as Noct. Ignis had shared with his lover his deepest, darkest secrets and thoughts. Without the context of their history he was sure much of it may sound inconsequential to someone else. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to bear the trivialisation of things had driven and defined his life.

“It makes me jealous, y’know. Thinking about you being with someone else when I’m…not here. But I’d also hate for you to be lonely. I dunno, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you got off with Prompto, or something.” Ignis spluttered in surprise.

“And I’m sure he would feel honoured being offered up to me to assuage my grief.” He said sarcastically. Was Noct only suggesting his best friend because that was who he trusted the most?

“Maybe he would. I’ve never asked if he fancies you.”

“I should hope bloody well not!” Ignis exclaimed, unsure whether he was flattered or outraged by the suggestion.

“Do you fancy him?” Noct shifted, straddling Ignis’ hips with his knees and bent over him, pressing their foreheads together. What on earth was his lover trying to achieve with these questions? This time his response settled on outrage.

“I am not dignifying that question with an answer! You are the person I am in love with. I do not want, or need, anyone else.”

Noct began to giggle, and brushed their lips together. Ignis could feel his lover’s smile through the contact and his resistance melted away. “Heh, that’s nice to hear. Thanks, Specs, I feel a bit better now.”

The second day of this leg of their journey had them approaching the mountain pass which lead the way into Tenebrae. Prompto had dragged Noct off to a viewing carriage towards the back of the train so he could get some shots of the supposedly dramatic mountains and the ominous clouds that hovered above. Ignis opted to stay in the standard seating carriage with Gladio since he would be unable to appreciate the view. It also provided a better opportunity to eavesdrop on other passengers.

“It’s kinda weird, the amount of snow that’s up there since most of Niflheim’s a desert.” Gladio commented, probably watching the scenery out of the window.

“Perhaps it is the Glacian’s influence.” Ignis replied, fiddling with his cane, expanding and collapsing it over and over, all the while keeping one ear open for the conversations of the other passengers.

He had noticed that when others saw his blindness, they also bizarrely appeared to assume he was also deaf, that, or at least not someone to require paying attention to. In that sense, his dark glasses and closed eyes were somewhat of a boon, as fellow passengers spoke about all sorts of shocking topics around him, as if he weren’t there. Some of the things he had overheard were disturbing, like the unseasonably rapid shortening of the days.

“Yeah, but that’s just her body, right? The Empire killed her.” Gladio said. There was a faint buzzing sound of a message notification, followed by the rustling of fabric.

“It shows that even the remains of a god have power. And I fear Noct will need all the help he can muster in the days to come. Speaking of Noct, is that a text from him?” Ignis moved his face towards where Gladio’s voice originated. Although he could no long see the person he was talking to, it still felt natural and polite to at least attempt to ‘look’ in their direction.

“Y’know, it’s kinda spooky when your guesses are so on the nose. Yeah, it’s from him. Bitching about it being cold on the open sided carriage.”

Ignis sighed. “I did warn him.” He said wearily, but was pleased Noct was freely messaging his Shield.

Since Ignis had explained some of his frustrations to Gladio, hoping to give him enough context that he’d at least think twice before starting another argument, at least the tension between Noct and his Shield had lessened a little since Ignis’ outburst the day before. Although he had been harsh, he believe they should try to come together, even if it was just so Gladio would not feel so bitterly guilty when Noct sacrificed himself.

“I’m gonna get a drink, you want one?” Gladio asked, the position of his voice changing as he stood.

“I shall accompany you, stretch my legs.” Ignis was in the midst of standing up when the train quickly decelerated. Screeching to a halt, he was thrown forwards off his feet, only saved from going sprawling by Gladio’s arm across his chest.

“What the bloody hell…?” He swore, as the hubbub rose around them from shocked and confused passengers and in the distance, he heard the smashing of glass and a woman screamed.

“Magitek troops are attacking!” Gladio sounded astonished. Being attacked by the Imperial army meant that the Empire knew they were on this train. How could they possibly know?

Ignis snapped back to himself, focusing his efforts on what good they could do. Trying to get to Prompto and Noct was impractical, they were many carriages down the train and the sounds of ruckus meant that their progress would be slow. He had to be the rational one, forcing himself to take the most pragmatic approach.

He gripped the arm that was still across his chest. “Gladio, we have to get this train moving again.”

“Yeah, but Noct…” Gladio tried to get past him, but Ignis resolutely blocked his way.

“Believe me, there is nothing I want more than to be by his side, but I trust him and Prompto to protect themselves and the civilians on this train. The longer we are stationary the more danger they will be in. Help me!” If he wanted Noct to trust in him, he also had to trust in Noct’s abilities. Both he and Prompto had been well trained and they were capable of defending themselves, despite the fear in Ignis’ heart.

“Alright. Follow me, the door to the next carriage is just ahead.” After being set back on his feet, a large hand grabbed his arm and pulled him forward.

Bursting into the control cabin, they found that MT’s had incapacitated the train driver. There had been a struggle in the small space, Gladio unable to summon his overly large sword without damaging everything around, but they managed to overwhelmed the enemy and bring the driver around.

Even when the train was going again, Ignis was worried. They had been careful when entering the country, used pseudonyms in the motel and for their train tickets and hadn’t accessed the Armiger or did anything out of the ordinary except in the privacy of their sleeping cabin. They must have been tracked somehow…and if the army had come for them, then Ardyn Izunia mustn’t be far behind.

A cold wave of dread washed over him as he recalled the Imperial Chancellor holding that blade over Noct’s throat. He clenched his fists, the leather of his gloves creaking.

“Gladio, call Noct.” He could hear the very faint ringing of the dial tone over the rumbling of the train tracks.

“He’s not answering. And I can see daemons outside, in broad daylight. What the hell is going on?” The Shield growled, thumping his fist against something in frustration.

“This is bad. We have to find Noct and Prompto now. The Empire knows we’re here and I doubt they will stop the chase; we can no longer slip away quietly.”

He and Gladio paced the length of the train, finding neither of their friends, making Ignis’ concerns grow.

“Call them both, they have to be on this train somewhere.” He insisted, but again there was no response.

After half an hour of proceeding up and down the train, they settled anxiously in the sleeping cabin, hoping that was where Noct and Prompto would head to. Gods he hoped neither of them were hurt, or left behind.

Eventually his phone rang, startling the both of them. Even though it was difficult for him to use now, he’d habitually kept it charged and on him. Recognising the ringtone as the one that he’d set for Noct’s calls for years, he hurriedly pulled the device from his pocket, muscle memory answering for him.

“Noct! Are you alright? Where are you?” Ignis said, his concern plain as day, all that was important was Noct being safe.

“Ignis, you’ve gotta stop this thing! Prompto fell off the train. I pushed him…I mean, Ardyn made me. I don’t know where he is but we can’t leave him.” His lover sounded so distressed it wrenched at Ignis’ heart. And Prompto, the eternal ray of sunshine of their group, was gone…

Ardyn. That bastard had been here! Ignis had known re-starting the train was the best course of action, but if that monster had laid one finger on Noct, he’d…he’d…what could he do? He’d been barely a match for Niflheim’s Chancellor when he’d borrowed the power of the Lucii. He had to prioritise keeping those he cared for safe over vengeance.

“Stay calm, Noct. I’m as worried about Prompto as you are, but stopping the train would endanger everyone on board. We’d be sitting ducks for the daemons.” Ignis felt so guilty about the relief he’d felt hearing Noct’s voice, despite Prompto being missing.

“Prompto?” Gladio grabbed his sleeve but Ignis shook him off with a frown, holding out a hand to say not now.

“What do we do?” He could tell Noct was on the edge of tears, and his mind whirled with different options. Abandoning Prompto wasn’t an option, but putting these civilians at even more risk by either stopping the train or continuing their journey with the people on board was also out of the question.

“First, we’ll drop off the passengers in Tenebrae. We should be arriving there shortly.” If their plans to get back to Lucis quietly were in tatters before, they were completely gone now.

“Specs, what about Prompto!” Noct insisted. Ignis understood his lover’s anguish at yet another person he cared about disappearing as a result of the Niflheim’s actions, particularly because of that man. Ignis had never hated anyone so much. What was Ardyn’s game?

“Given the Chancellor’s involvement, it’s probable that he’s no longer where we left him. In any case he may try to contact us. Let us wait and hope for now. Can you make your way to the sleeper carriage? Gladio is here with me.” The Shield made sounds to try and speak again but Ignis shushed him once more.

“Alright. Are the two of you ok at least?” The distress had bled out of his voice, and now Noct sounded resigned.

“Yes, we are fine.” Ignis reassured his lover, desperate to hold him again.

“Okay, I’m on my way. I love you.”

“I love you too.” The call ended, and Ignis slipped his phone back into his pocket, briefly explaining to Gladio what had happened whilst they anxiously waited for Noct to return.

Eventually, the compartment door slid open and Ignis felt a body collide with his, the momentum pushing him back onto the bunk.

“No more, no more.” Noct whispered, his voice choking up as he clung tightly to Ignis. “I can’t lose any more.”

“We’ll find him, Noct. I promise.” Ignis stroked his lover’s hair, holding him close while sobs violent enough to wrack his body overcame him. “We’re not going to lose anyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3


	18. Chapter 18

Noctis had pushed his best friend off a train. It didn’t matter that it was because of a trick by Ardyn, it didn’t change that Prompto was gone.

It had been a long drop, perhaps he got hurt from the fall or maybe it was enough that he was…No! Noctis couldn’t think like that, but all he seemed to be able to do was cry.

Ignis tried to tell him to have hope, that Prompto was a strong, clever and resourceful young man who would try to contact them as soon as he could, but Noctis was scared that his best friend would think they’d abandoned him. However, unable to reverse the train’s progress, they had no idea where the blonde could be. He could have been picked up by Imperial troops by now or he could be lost and alone in the wilderness of a hostile country.

Scrunching up his hands against Ignis’ shirt, Noctis let his lover’s warm body and soft words ground him. Damn it, he was supposed to be a leader! His dad wouldn’t have crumbled like this, he’d have made opportunities and used them the best he could, but Noctis was struggling to see past the gaping holes left in his life where people he cared about used to be. He didn’t know if he could keep going anymore.

“You’re not alone, Noct.” Ignis told him, with that unerring ability he’d always had to know what he was thinking. Losing his sight had made his predictions more hesitant, but more often than not his lover still got it right. He needed Ignis’ steadfast calm and Gladio’s stubborn determination to give him the strength to continue. They’d find Prompto, return to Lucis and he would do what he was destined to do.

Slowly easing back from despair, Noctis sat up. One hand still clung tightly to Ignis’ shirt, but at least he felt capable of facing the world again.

Gladio sat on the bunk across from them, staring down at his feet. He’d not said a word since Noctis got to them and it seemed that he was having a difficult time processing their now three-man team as well.

“What are the options for what we do next?” He’d wanted to put on a veneer of authority, but his question just came out sounding weak. He felt a sense of relief when Ignis stepped in, although Gladio remained silent and unmoving.

“Given that most of the passengers are in shock and some were injured, we should stop the train in Tenebrae, let all the civilians off, and, provided we can find someone able and willing to drive the train, continue onward ourselves. It is likely that if Prompto was picked up by Imperial troops, they would take him to Gralea so unless we find any other clues to his whereabouts, it is most sensible to continue as planned to the Ghorovas Rift, and then on to the Imperial Capital.” Ignis paused and seemed to consider his next words carefully.

“Or, given that this train was not attacked by accident and the possibility of a follow up strike is high, we could make our way to the nearest port and find passage back to Lucis.”

The thought of running away now ignited a flame of anger inside Noctis, lending passion and strength to his voice.

“No. We’re not going to abandon Prompto. Not when there’s a chance he’s ok. I won’t do that.” Dropping his hold on Ignis’ shirt, he glared at his lover, ready to say more but hesitated when he noticed a very small smile playing at the corner of Ignis’ lips.

“As you wish, your Highness.” The use of the title took Noctis off guard, Ignis almost never called him that now, and that’s when he knew he’d been played. His Advisor had nudged his emotions, shifting him from the passive and immobilising grief to a more active and productive sense of righteousness. He’d noticed Ignis doing this to him a few times over the years, typically to positive effect, and he was grateful. Now Noctis had a direction and some motivation.

“Gladio, are you doing alright?” His Shield stirred from the stupor he’d been inhabiting.

“No, I’m not. If I’d’ve been with you earlier, maybe…maybe Prompto would be here now.” He looked upset, or at least as upset as Noctis had ever remembered seeing his friend.

“You cannot think like that Gladio. We all have to focus on moving forward now, not dwelling on what might have been.” Ignis tried to comfort him, but he shook his head, seeming to have none of it.

“I’m supposed to be the Shield. I’m meant to be the one defending Noct, damn it, it should have been me out there!” The big man clenched his fists. Noctis stood up, moving closer to put his hand on Gladio’s shoulder.

“If you guys hadn’t got the train moving, a lot more people would’ve been hurt. The MT’s just kept coming, and they brought tanks. Tanks! How crazy do you have to be to order tanks to fire on a train of your own citizens!” Noctis couldn’t understand the motivation. Sure, he and his retainers were temping targets, but brazenly attacking your own people was thinking that was completely beyond him.

“Yeah, but if…” Noctis shook his Shield, and for once Gladio quietened instead of stepping up to the challenge.

“Stop it. Ardyn tricked me. If you’d’ve been with me, we might have lost you too.” This was what he could concentrate on for now, he wasn’t the only one hurting from Prompto’s disappearance. Others needed help too, he couldn’t allow himself to wallow in his own loss.

“We follow Specs’ plan. If there’s one thing we can do, is keep the rest of these passengers safe.” His Shield nodded glumly.

“I was wrong, before. I know Iggy can keep his head on straight about you when it matters, and I know you won’t willing let anyone suffer, Noct. I’ve known it all along.”

“You don’t have to…” Noctis started but was cut off abruptly.

“No, Noct, let me finish.” Gladio stood, his large hands framing Noctis’ shoulders. “We’ve been through some shit, and to be honest, I’ve been a bit jealous of the peace you two seem to find with each other.”

“Well, it has certainly not been easy. And I distinctly recall your assistance along the way.” Ignis spoke up, crossing his legs and managing to look effortlessly sophisticated in a way that made Noctis’ heart beat slightly quicker.

“Yeah, but that’s only cos you were too damn stubborn…” Gladio’s voice began to rise as his temper flared, but he quickly calmed himself with a sigh. “I get angry too quick. I don’t think I’ve been dealing well with what happened to Insomnia…to dad.” He admitted.

“Y’know, we’re still your friends. And heck, I know what you’re going through. You can talk to us, Gladio. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt recently, is that bottling up your feelings doesn’t make them go away, it just makes it hurt more.” Noctis put a hand on his Shield’s tattooed arm, giving him a sad half smile.

“Indeed.” Ignis agreed, also rising and placing a hand against Gladio’s broad back. “We are here to listen whenever you feel ready.”

“Thanks guys.” Before he knew it, Noctis had been pulled into a one-armed hug and if the jostling of bodies was anything to go by, so had Ignis. “Thanks.”

There were no more attacks before the train reached Fenestala, Tenebrae’s capital. Noctis had talked to the train driver about making an announcement to the whole train, communicating the need for all passengers to disembark at the next stop for their own safety. The driver seemed happy to comply, being shaken by the experience of the day and feeling immensely grateful to Gladio and Ignis for their assistance.

There were several possible stops up the Piztaltan coast, but Imperial transport ships were hovering over the stations, forcing them to continue on until the capital was the only option.

In the extra time that they had, Noctis made sure to visit every person who was injured in the attack and aid them in some way. Resources were too tight and their future tasks too dangerous to risk digging into their supply of potions, but Noctis and Gladio provided first aid to those that they could.

Upon finally drawing close to Fenestala, Noctis glanced out of the window and gasped in shock. Not even here seemed immune to Niflheim’s troops, the manor of the Fleurets’ in flames. Even if Noctis had wanted to wait for another station, the driver insisted on stopped in the capital regardless.

It was somewhat of a surprise then when Aranea greeted the three of them on the platform, saying that she and her men had severed their ties with Niflheim, instead protecting people from the rise in the number daemons.

Ignis suggested staying in the relative safety of the Fenestala for a day or so to rest themselves and wait to see if Prompto would contact them, but Noctis was eager to press on, feeling that if he stopped and lost this momentum his fears would overwhelm him. So, with the help of Aranea’s men, the damaged carriages were decoupled and a small crew was volunteered to drive the train and get them to Gralea.

The air got colder as the train neared the fallen body of the Glacian, and flurries of snow swirled and shifted in the dim light outside the windows. The snow progressively got heavier, intermingled with bursts of hail that drummed on the sides and roof of the carriage, producing a prolonged roar which wasn’t unlike that of a wild beast.

The view out of the window showed the face of a giant looming over the side of the tracks.

“That must be the Glacian.” Noctis chewed his lip. Seems the reports of Niflheim killing the goddess had definitely been true. “She doesn’t look very lively, Specs.”

“Ah, that is a shame. I had hoped perhaps…” Ignis stopped speaking as the train violently shuddered and began to slow as the giant body came closer.

Noctis got up to use the train’s intercom system to call their volunteered drivers. “Hey, guys, is there another snow drift blocking the tracks?” There was no response from the other end, the speaker crackling with static.

“I’ll go see what’s up.” Noctis sighed.

“Wouldn’t it be better to send Gladio once he returns from the bathroom?” Ignis asked, looking concerned, though whether it was for Noctis’ wellbeing or that of the train he couldn’t quite tell.

“Nah, I’m a big boy. The blizzard’s so bad no troop carriers could get out here anyway.” Noctis grinning, moving back over to give his lover a kiss on his forehead before heading for the carriage door.

“Hmm.” Ignis seemed sceptical. “Do be careful regardless.”

“You worry too much, Specs. Back in a minute.” It didn’t take Noctis long to reach the control cabin where he found the drivers scratching their heads. There was no obstruction, apparently the train had slowed of its own accord. He left them to it after they reassured him they would get them moving again soon.

Shutting the door of the control cabin behind him, Noctis turned to see a broad-brimmed hat and a flash of flamboyant scarf disappearing into the next carriage, making his blood run cold. Ardyn? How could he be here?

Snapping out of his initial shock, Noctis gave chase, running through the carriages only to see his quarry walking calmly into the next, and soon he was back outside the door where he’d left Ignis.

Opening the carriage door, Noctis was blown back by gale force winds that threw ice and snow at him. It was so cold! He wasn’t prepared for this, but Ardyn was here and he had to pay for everything he’d done.

Leaning forward against the strength of the wind, Noctis initially held up his arms to protect his face, but more than a few steps into the carriage had made him shift to holding them close against his chest to try and conserve a shred of warmth. Peering ahead, he could see his enemy standing in the aisle, casually lounging against the edge of one of the seats and seemingly unaffected by this indoor weather.

“Where is he? Where’s Prompto?” Noctis shouted, struggling on. This man had made him push Prompto off the train, he had to know where he was.

“I wouldn’t worry about him right now. He’s nice and safe tucked up in Zegnautus Keep, along with your precious Crystal. I’m more worried about your friends here. It seems they’ve fallen and they can’t get up.” Ardyn spoke with a kind of mocking concern.

Through the snow being blown into his face, Noctis could faintly see two bodies lying on the floor just beyond where Ardyn was so casually standing. This had to be another trick, they couldn’t be…

“Gladio! Ignis!” He pushed forward against the wind, boots sliding a little on icy patches of the floor. They wouldn’t be able to last long in this cold, and if his lover and Shield were unconscious or, worse…

The bite of the icy wind grew stronger, his arms and legs were already numb and his hands and feet might as well have been not there for all the feeling he had of them. His strength began to fail and he fell forward to his knees, shivering uncontrollably. He had to keep going, had to know if they were alright.

“Ignis…”

The carriage door beyond the bodies of his friends opened, revealing the messenger of the gods, Gentiana. What was she doing here? Perhaps she could help. Noctis tried to crawl forward but with the way his body was shaking he wasn’t making much progress, they’d freeze to death before he reached them. How was Ardyn not affected?

There was a bright flash of light, blinding him for a moment, and when the white spots in his vision had subsided, Gentiana was gone and the goddess Shiva was standing in her place. Noctis was too cold to be shocked, too cold to think. He huddled up into a ball, the harsh shivers seemingly doing very little to stop him from freezing.

“Oh King of Kings, restore Light unto the world.” The Glacian’s voice was soft and familiar and the Trident of the Oracle appeared in her hands, offering it out to him. It took everything he had to reach out a numb and shaking arm to touch the weapon, which crystallised and entered into his chest, much like the other Royal Arms, but was accompanied by the scent of sylleblossoms.

The wind calmed to a breeze, carrying the soft blue petals along in place of the snow there had been before, and warmth from a golden light began to soothe his shivering. Blinking to try and clear his vision, Noctis looked up again, but this time into the face of Luna, his heart nearly stopping.

She gave him a sad smile and it brought out so many memories, of his time in Tenebrae as a child, of their notebook correspondence, of watching her make such a brave speech in Altissia, seeing her get stabbed…

“Luna…” He reached out again, some strength returned to his limbs and about to touch her before she disappeared into motes of golden light.

Noctis must have passed out for a second, because the next thing he knew he was lying on the floor, the goddess was gone along with the blizzard inside the carriage and Ardyn was encased in ice. Clambering unsteadily to his feet, those resurfaced memories driving the need for vengeance, he summoned his blade and plunged it into the body of the one who had caused them so much pain. He shattered like an ice sculpture, pieces skittering off down the carriage.

Paying no more heed to the ice, Noctis stumbled forward towards his lover and his Shield. A rumbling started up, vibrations travelling through the carriage as the train began to move again.

“Wake up. Please wake up.” He sank onto the seat next to Ignis’ fallen form, reaching down the check for a pulse, though it was unnecessary as the two had begun to stir.

“You’re ok!” A lump formed in his throat and his hands were shaking again, this time not from the cold.

“Urgh, yes apparently. Just a little disorientated. What happened?” Ignis groaned, sitting upright while on the other side of the aisle, Gladio shifted and opened his eyes.

“Ardyn, again, somehow. And I saw the Glacian and…Luna.” Noctis helped his lover to his feet, voice faltering over what had just happened.

“That sounds like, a lot. Are you alright, Gladio?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I think.” Gladio hefted himself up onto a seat and rubbed at his head, looking groggy.

“Good. You rest up, we’ll go check the rest of the train.” Noctis grabbed Ignis’s arm and pulled him up, heading off down the carriage at a brisk pace. It was all too much; the memories and emotions were ready to consume him.

“Noct! What…?”

“Just come with me, Specs.”

He paused when Ignis stumbled into his back, a sudden jolt on the tracks rocking the carriage unexpectedly. “I’m sorry,” he said, breathing a little shaky, “I just need some time with you.” He slipped his hand down his lover’s arm and entwined their fingers.

“I’m alright. You can keep going now.” Ignis squeezed his hand and Noctis set off again, heading towards the end of the train.

Reaching a bathroom door, he checked it was unoccupied then nudged Ignis inside. “In here.”

“Where have you brought us?”

“You’ll find out in a sec.” He glanced back down the way they’d come, glad that Gladio didn’t seem to have followed them. Slipping inside the small space, he shut the door behind him, making doubly sure it was locked. He then quickly pulled out his phone, and after a second’s thought, Ignis’, and switched them to silent. He didn’t want them to be disturbed.

“Noct, what are we doing in a toi…?” He cut off the question with hungry kiss, throwing himself towards his lover with such fervour that Ignis’ arms had to flail out to the nearby walls to support them. He threaded his fingers through soft hair, not letting Ignis pulled away until he gave in and met Noctis’ passion with his own.

Pulling back for a brief moment of respite, he was met with a dishevelled sight. Ignis supported himself on outstretched arms allowing a teasing glimpse of his chest where the fabric pulled taught against the buttons. His lips were red and glistening, cheeks flushed, sunglasses knocked askew and immaculately styled hair no longer in order. A small part of him felt pride that he could fluster his lover so easily.

Sliding his arms around Ignis’ waist, Noctis steadied him before pushing him down to sit on the closed toilet lid and he sank to his knees between his lover’s legs. He needed to focus on something here and now. Those memories of Luna wouldn’t help him save Prompto, they wouldn’t help him do what needed to be done, so he had to completely push them out of his mind with Ignis’ help.

“Noct?” Ignis tried again when Noctis’ hands rested on his thighs and he leaned forward to nuzzle at his lover’s crotch. “Not that I am unappreciative of this sudden attention,” Ignis’ hands stroked his hair as he mouthed at the fabric covering what he wanted. “But, mmh,” Ignis’ cock twitched under his lips, “I know what happened must have, hah, upset you. Do you want to, ahh, talk about it?”

Noctis glanced up, pausing in his ministrations, to see his lover’s face tilted towards him, a frown of concern on his scarred, beautiful face. Noctis swallowed hard.

“I want to forget everything, everything apart from you, just for a little bit.” Ignis stroked his cheek, his frown lessening a little as sad smile graced his lips.

“I think I understand. How do you want to forget, Noct?” He shivered, knowing that Ignis of all people would know how it felt to want to escape pain and fear, to fall into something safe and comforting.

“I want your cock in my mouth. I wanna taste you and hear you enjoy it as a suck you.” Ignis let out a soft moan, biting his lower lip, taking pleasure from his Prince’s filthy words. “Then I want you to bend me over, and fuck me, fuck me until I can’t remember anything ‘cept your cock and your name, so when we come, the only thing that exists is us.”

Ignis moaned again, a little louder this time, his fingers’ movements having changed from soft strokes through his hair to gentle tugs. Noctis loved how he could make Ignis so debauched, firing his lustful imagination, just by describing what he wanted.

His own cock was now hard, but he ignored it in favour of unbuckling his lover’s belt, once again nuzzling against that which he craved.

“Would you like that?” He unzipped the fly, pulling the trousers open and tugging his prize free from its coverings.

“Yes!” Ignis gasped, lifting himself a little so Noctis could tug down his clothes for better access and admire the sight before him.

Ignis was longer than average and proportionally thick, proudly standing upright except for the slight curve of the tip towards his stomach, framed by the hemline of his favourite purple, coeurl print shirt. Pushing up that shirt to reveal a nest of dark blonde hair, Noctis took his lover in hand and licked all the way up from his balls to the head, taking the tip in his mouth and sucked.

Ignis let out a strangled groan, biting down on one gloved hand while the other continued to tug at Noctis’ hair, encouraging him.

Taking more in, he used his tongue to tease his lover’s more sensitive spots, letting his hands caress Ignis’ balls and the exposed shaft his mouth had trouble reaching. He bobbed down further, using the pressure on his back of his head to help overcome his reflex to pull away. It brought tears to his eyes and saliva dribbled past the seal of his lips but it was so worth it for Ignis’ positively sinful expression and that needy whine that slipped out, despite his lover’s best efforts to stay quiet. Giving Ignis pleasure was something he could happily devote his entire being to.

Noctis pulled back, taking a moment to wipe his eyes. “I thought I said I wanted to hear you enjoying yourself.” His voice was low, husky from the abuse of his throat. Then he stuck out his tongue to lap at the pre-come trickling from the gorgeously reddened tip.

“I shouldn’t…ah! Somebody, hah…ah, might come, mmh, come looking for us.” Ignis panted above him, a gloved hand covering his mouth and Noctis knew he was trying his best to hold back.

In the stolen moments they’d had together, every time he’d sucked his lover off, either to completion or as foreplay, Ignis had always resisted his desire to thrust into his warm, wet mouth, only giving gentle motivation with his hands in Noctis’ hair. The considered care with which he received the attentions made Noctis’ heart swell with love, and his cock swell with something else.

“Don’t care anymore.” The muscles in Ignis’ thighs twitched and hips shifted as Noctis lazily stroked him in the way he liked, saliva lubricating his palm. “Want to forget everything, ‘cept you and your cock.” He reached up with his free hand and pulled Ignis’ away from his mouth so he could hear his lover’s reaction to being swallowed down again.

“Ngh…ah!” Ignis cried out, loud in such a small space, cock throbbing against his lover’s tongue.

Noctis released the hand he’d been holding, desperately fumbled with his own trousers, before Ignis tugged his head back and his lips left his cock with a small ‘pop’. Making a displeased sound, Noctis tried to move forward again but was restrained.

“Didn’t you want me to fuck you, Noct?” Suddenly Ignis’ face was alongside his, breath hot against his ear. A shiver travelled down his spine as he watched Ignis slowly remove his gloves and summon a foil covered packet and a familiar bottle from the Armiger.

“Yeah…” The expletive sounding even hotter from his normally well-spoken lover. He swallowed, capturing Ignis’ lips in a steamy kiss and pulled them both to their feet. “Gods, I need you, Specs!”

“Turn around.” He spun on Ignis’ command, facing the small sink and bent forwards. In the small mirror over the sink he could easily watch what was happening behind him. Mercifully the bathroom was just large enough for their needs.

“Make sure your stance is wide. Do you have something to hold onto?” Ignis efficiently pulled down his trousers and underwear to bunch around his thighs, baring him for their lovemaking. The phrases were pragmatic for sex on a moving train, but something about the urgency with which they were spoken along with the feeling of Ignis rutting against his ass told him his lover wanted to be inside him as much as he did.

“Mmhmm.” He made a sound of confirmation, biting his lip. Then, Ignis coated his fingers in lube and dismissing the bottle to have both hands free. The dry hand was placed on Noctis’ back, sliding up his t-shirt and caressing his skin, slipping around to roll a nipple between his fingers before coming to rest on the curve of his hip as support. The lubricated fingers made their way to his tight hole with a few words of guidance, circling the rim a few times before the tip of a digit sank inside.

“Specs…” Noctis moaned, arching his back to encourage that finger deeper. He was enjoying the look of lust hazed concentration on Ignis’ face.

“If I do not prepare you properly, you will be sore.” His lover bent over him, kissing his exposed back and continued to slowly tease him with that single finger.

“More…” He groaned, bucking to try and increase the pace but the grip on his hip resisted his movement.

“You only have yourself to blame for this, Noct.” Ignis whispered against his back, finger curling and brushing so close to the spot that made him see stars.

“Please, Ignis…give me more.” Noctis begged, desperate to be stretched, his desire dominating his thoughts.

“If you had not brought me so close with your beautiful mouth, you would not have to be patient now.” The finger continued its solitary torment as moans of need spilled from Noctis’ lips. “Neither of us will be satisfied if I come as soon as I push inside you.”

Eventually a second finger teased its way inside him, the pace of movement beginning to pick up. Ignis’ cock rested against his left ass cheek, moving in small thrusts in opposition to his fingers.

Noctis’ cock oozed pre-come, aching and demanding attention, sticky strands dripping onto the floor. He moved a hand to grasp himself for some relief but somehow Ignis knew.

“No touching yourself!” His lover reprimanded him sharply, stretching him around a third finger and brushing the right spot to give him a burst of pleasure. “As you asked, I shall make sure you think of nothing other than me.” 

“Aahh! Specs, you’re so good to me.” He gasped out as the fingers worked him loose, completely enraptured by Ignis’ pleased smirk.

Noctis felt open and empty when the fingers were removed. He gripped the porcelain beneath his fingers tightly to resist stroking himself, his knees already weakening. He watched in the mirror as Ignis tore open the foil packet with his teeth, deftly rolling on the condom singlehandedly and stuffing the wrapping in his pocket for later disposal.

The lube bottle made a brief reappearance, Ignis making sure his shaft was liberally coated before it was banished back to the Armiger and Noctis could feel his lover’s cock teasing against his entrance.

“Are you ready?” Ignis asked. He always asked, even when Noctis was a quivering, pleading mess like he was now. He reached back to grab the hand at his hip, squeezing in reassurance.

“Please, I need you, inside.” He’d barely finished speaking when Ignis thrust forward, pushing Noctis’ chest against the edge of the sink. It was obvious that all that torment in preparation had paid off when his lover smoothly bottomed out with a single stroke, teasing a cry from both of them.

Ignis lay over his back, letting him enjoy the feeling of being completely full. His lover’s hands drifting over his chest, stroking his sides, teasing all the places he was sensitive, encouraging little gasps of pleasure.

“Specs…please…” Noctis moaned, his neglected cock twitching.

“What do you want, Noct?” Ignis asked, almost sounding calm.

“Please. So full!”

“Tell me what you want.” The sultry whisper against his ear made him whine and he tried to rock himself against his lover’s hips but was restrained.

“Please fuck me! Make me see stars!”

His begging must have been suitable because his lover only then started to move, hips rhythmically thrusting deep inside. Lube coated fingers held him firmly around the waist as an anchor, the other hand snaking up his body to press his fingers into Noctis’ open mouth.

“Suck on them, like you did my cock.” Ignis commanded, kissing and nipping at the back of his neck. All too willingly, Noctis obeyed, drowning in the sensations his lover provided for him and the view of his own debauched face in the mirror.

A slight adjustment in the angle of his hips had Ignis hitting his prostate hard every time he drove inside, his cries of pleasure muffled by the fingers in his mouth. The slapping sound of their skin meeting filling the tiny room.

“I love you, Noct.” Ignis grunted, mouthing at the nape of his neck, the steady rhythm beginning to falter, increasing in pace and becoming erratic. Noctis was so close, riding the edge of ecstasy, just a little more.

He sucked hard on Ignis’ fingers and heard his lover’s breath hitch before he felt the cock inside him twitch and pulse. In the mirror, he saw Ignis’ face relax, mouthing his name over and over as a moan turned all the syllables in a long, drawn out sound.

The feeling of Ignis coming in his ass tipped Noctis over the edge and he came untouched. The explosion of pleasure made him lose sense of where he was, who he was, the only thing left to him was Ignis.

He was pulled upright, the fingers removed from his mouth so he could call out the only word that would come to mind.

“Ig…Ignis!”

“Yes, darling. Say my name.”

Those fingers slid down his chest and wrapped around his cock, drawing spasms of pleasure from him, even though his semen had now run dry. His ass clenched around the cock still buried deep within him, trying to prolong the full feeling while he rode the high of his orgasm.

“Ahhh, Ignis! Ignis! Hah ha ah!”

When Noctis finally began to return to his senses, he found himself sitting across Ignis’ lap, being held gently against his chest. He was empty again, but they weren’t any more clothed than they had been while having sex. He tilted back his head and kissed his lover’s cheek, sighing comfortably.

“You’re back with me them?” Ignis chuckled.

“Hmm?” Noctis slid his arms around Ignis’ neck, enjoying being held. He wasn’t sure he’d be capable of standing at the moment anyway. “How’d I get on your lap? Last thing I remember I was still full of your cock.”

His Advisor raised his eyebrows, looking impressed with himself.

“Goodness, did I do that good a job?”

“Well, I did ask you to help me forget everything.” He laughed, resting his head against his lover’s shoulder.

“Indeed, except my name, which you were using in abundance. So, I believe I delivered.” Noctis couldn’t help but blush when faced with Ignis’ very pleased grin. The proverbial cat that had swallowed the canary.

“Thanks, Specs. That was…” He was at a loss for words. That had been, without a doubt, the best orgasm of his life.

“Exactly what you needed?” Ignis suggested, kissing his forehead.

“Yea-eaah.” A yawn burst forth mid-word. Gods he was tired. They’d been in here a while and he hoped that nobody was waiting outside, but Ignis was so warm and he felt so relaxed, he didn’t want to move. His eyes began to drift shut. “I guess you enjoyed it too?”

“I did, immensely, even in these surroundings you are nothing less than magnificent. Oh no, you are not falling asleep in here.” Ignis shook him, gentle but insistent.

“How do you know?” Noctis mumbled grumpily. “You can’t tell when I close my eyes.”

“No, but we have shared sleeping arrangements for some time. I can tell when your breathing slows. And, since you were so insistent that we lose control of ourselves, you can have the privilege of cleaning up.”

“Fine, fine.” He huffed, struggling to get to his feet without sliding straight down onto the floor. It was like half of the muscles in his legs had stopped working and it took a few moments to feel stable again.

First, he made sure Ignis was presentable, stealing affectionate kisses and whispering, “I love you,” as he worked until Ignis was blushing bright red. He noticed that the condom had already been tied up and was in a bundle of tissue, ready for disposal, and kissed Ignis again.

“I am sure there is more to attend to in here than me.”

“Yeah, but I want to savour you.” He ran his fingers through Ignis’ hair, smoothing where it had been disturbed before.

“I would think you’ve had enough of me to savour for one day.” Ignis smiled, raising a hand to swat away the attention but moving slowly enough so that Noctis wouldn’t be struck if he misjudged their proximity.

“I can never get enough of you, Specs.” Noctis pouted, pressing Ignis’ cane into his hand.

“I shall wait outside for you to be done. I think we’ve been gone some time, Gladio will likely be worried.”

Noctis re-locked the door behind his lover and took care of himself and the room. Thankfully there was a small bin tucked behind the toilet where he could get rid of the used condom and any other remaining evidence could be wiped up and flushed away. Quickly glancing in the mirror, he tidied his hair as best he could, then emerged into the corridor.

Holding hands, they made their way back down the train to reach the dining carriage, opening the doorway to find a very angry Gladio pacing up and down in front of the bar.

“Where the hell have you two been?” His Shield demanded. “I’ve been calling and searching up and down the whole fucking train!”

“I was feeling odd after what happened, so Specs was checking me over.” Noctis tried to sound offhand, casually checking his phone to see multiple missed calls, but something caught Gladio’s attention.

“Feeling odd, huh? Must’a been some strange kinda odd?” The big man pointed to a white-ish stain showing up clearly on Noctis’ black t-shirt.

Noctis stared down at the stain of the spot he’d missed. How did it even get up there? Shit!

“Calm down, we weren’t that long.” Noctis tried to diffuse the situation but that somehow only made his Shield angrier.

“You’ve been gone for almost an hour!” Gladio ranted, hands on his hips, chest puffed out making him seem even larger than usual. “I thought you’d both been taken! Gone, just like Prompto!” Finally voicing his concerns seemed to take the wind out of his sails and he sat down heavily into one of the seats, large frame crumpling.

“Look, I don’t have a problem with you guys finding some privacy to fuck or whatever. It’s not that. I’m happy you both have something special, but gods damn it, Noct, being your Shield is a tough enough job as it is when I do know where you are. Just pick you timing better in future, ok?”

“I’m sorry, Gladio. It all…got a bit much.” Noctis looked away guiltily, a little glad that Ignis hadn’t decided to step in for him, it was his fault after all. “I…better find a change of clothes.”

“Why…?” Ignis asked, affectionately stroking his arm.

“I, umm, missed a spot.” He mumbled, embarrassed. So was his lover going by the blush that rose across his cheeks.

“Yeah, well, we’ll be in Gralea in a couple of hours. We better rest up before we get there.” Gladio grumbled, turning to stare out the window into the darkness beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got another four chapters planned before I expect to wrap up this fic. It could maybe end up stretching to five depending on how inspiration strikes and sensible break points occur, but we're definitely most of the way there. 
> 
> There'll also be a slightly longer wait between the posting of the following chapters since I won't have as much time to write going forward as I have had up until now. I'm still planning for fairly quick updates taking no more than a week in between chapters, but if you've been keeping pace from the beginning, relatively speaking my output is going to slow a lot from the starting point. So, in exchange, have the longest chapter so far complete with sex scene ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with my writing.


	19. Chapter 19

As their destination of Gralea was getting closer, Ignis’ worry was increasing. Heading to the Imperial capital for rescue their friend felt like a trap, but without resources or more information on the motivations of their enemy, there were no other options which Noct would accept.

He was lost in thought, hand absentmindedly resting on his lover’s knee when suddenly the train braked hard, the wheels screeching purchase on the tracks. There was an almighty bang and the carriage jumped sideways, violently enough to have lifted itself off the rails, the sound of metal crunching, another bang, then their carriage was listing to one side while continuing forward.

“Hang on to something!” Gladio shouted, and Ignis had barely grabbed hold of the edges of their seat before the world flipped sideways, glass smashing, and he was flung to the side like a rag doll. He felt pricks of pain against his exposed skin but didn’t know what was causing it. It could have been shards of glass, could have been sparks for all he knew. All he could do was hang on and hope it would be over soon. The whole experience was terrifying.

Eventually though, the chaos and noises reduced to the creaking of the damaged train and the groaning of his companions.

“Specs? Are you ok?” Glass crunched beneath him as he shifted where he lay. His head was spinning, but steady hands helped him to his feet.

“I think so. Are you both alright?” He coughed, and soft hands patted him down for unnoticed hurts.

“We’re fine. You look like you’re gonna hurl.” Gladio sniffed. More crunching of broken glass as someone walked away.

“That was, distinctly unpleasant. The train crashed?” Ignis asked, touching one of the hands upon him and tracing up the arm to pull Noct in for a tight hug.

“Yeah. I think daemons caused it.” Noct’s voice was muffled from where he was pressed against Ignis’ chest, but he hugged back just a fiercely. “We’re in Gralea now though, probably have to walk the rest of the way to the Keep when we can get out of here.”

“We’re gonna have to climb out. Looks like there’s enough space at this end.” Gladio called over but Ignis was more focused on the man in his arms. Walking away from a train crash without serious injury was no mean feat, and despite himself, he silently thanked the gods that they were all relatively unscathed.

He breathed in deeply, catching the scent of Noct’s aftershave that he’d been dutifully applying every day so that Ignis would know that he’d shaved.

“It would be naïve of me to expect there not to be hordes of magitek troops and daemons waiting for us, given the last few days. But promise me, Noct, no unnecessary heroics. Our goal is to find Prompto and leave together, the four of us.” His lover couldn’t be solely focused on his safety, unlike at Fodina Caestino, where they were headed was going to be far more dangerous.

“Yeah. I promise.” Noct replied quickly, pressing close up against him.

“But if I am struggling to keep up when you have a chance to escape, you leave me, and take that chance.” Ignis hated to voice the suggestion, but he still remained the weak link of the party, the one most likely to be incapacitated. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to Noct because he wasn’t strong enough.

“What? No! I’m not going to rescue Prom only to lose you. I won’t do that!” Hands shifted from his back to the lapels of his jacket as Noct pushed him back as much as Ignis’ hug would allow. He sounded confused, then hurt…then angry.

“You know I am right. You making it back to Insomnia is worth so much more to the world than me. You have an important destiny to fulfil.” Ignis tried to pull his lover close again but Noct resisted him.

“You promised me you’d overcome anything to stay by my side. You better not just give up when things get tough. Even if I have to fight the whole Imperial army to keep us safe, we’re coming out of there together. You got me?” Noct tried to shake him for emphasis, but it didn’t work very well, only ending up bumping his face against Ignis’ collarbone.

Ignis chuckled, though his smile was bittersweet. He knew by now when Noct was going to dig in his heels and refuse to listen to him. They weren’t in Insomnia yet, too much differed from his vision. They should still have some time left and Noct didn’t seem willing to give up on a moment of that. Beneath his veneer of pragmatism, Ignis wasn’t ready to give up on it either.

Dipping his head, he briefly kissed his lover. “And here I was, thinking it wasn’t possible to love you anymore.”

“If you two have finished, we gotta get outta here. Daemons are popping up outside. It’s only a matter of time before they try to get to us.” Gladio hissed, breaking them from their moment. Now he was paying attention again, he could just about hear the snickering of goblins and the hissing of flans outside.

“Hang on.” Noctis pulled away for a few seconds before something was pressed into Ignis’ hand. “Your cane.” With a nod of thanks, he folded it up, placing it in his pocket for now, and allowed himself to be led over to Gladio.

“The two of you give me a boost, and I’ll haul you up.” The Shield said, patting Ignis on the shoulder.

Turning his back to brace against the end of the carriage, Ignis linked his fingers ready for Gladio’s boot. “Ready?” Noct made a sound of confirmation.

“Right. Three, two, one…” He Shield’s large boot stepped onto his linked fingers as a hand pressed down hard on his shoulder.

“You should lay off the cup noodles.” Noct groaned, the strain clear in his voice.

“It’s all muscle!” Gladio bit back. “C’mon, bit higher.” With a grunt of effort, Ignis straightened his legs and lifted, biceps straining against the Shield’s mass.

“Yeah, whatever you say, beefcake.”

“Just shut up and pull your weight like Iggy.” Gladio grumbled, and the hand left his shoulder. “Almost…” The Shield’s positioned shifted and Ignis was worried he’d end up dropping his friend, but then the boot also disappeared and with the final sounds of wriggling, Gladio seemed to have made it.

“Okay, Iggy next. Noct, you give him a boost.” He stepped forward, stretching out his aching fingers and rolling his shoulders. This was going to be an interesting experience and Ignis was a little nervous. He hoped he wouldn’t accidentally hurt anyone.

Hands found their way to his waist “I’ve got you Specs.” Noct’s calm voice helped to soothe his nerves. “Just step up onto my legs, like the lifts we did as kids. I’ll make sure you won’t fall.”

Ignis reached out, tracing a hand back up Noct’s arm then down to his mostly horizontal thighs, his lover must be in a sitting position with his back against the wall. Carefully raising one foot, he placed it on Noct’s legs, then resting his hands upon his lover’s shoulders before stepping up.

Noct held on to his waist, stabilising him and helping him with a little lift, so Ignis could start to straighten and raise an arm which Gladio caught hold of.

“Door’s about chest height for you, Iggy. I’m gonna pull you up, use the Princess as a stepping stone if you need to.” Ignis nodded then started to feel Gladio’s strength tugging at his arm.

He tried really hard to not accidentally kick Noct in the face as he struggled up. If he’d been able to see, he’d have known exactly how far he needed to lift himself, but instead he had to flail a little with Gladio’s instructions before he felt something stable under him.

“Okay Gladio, ready?” Noct asked, the sound of his boots on broken glass as he took few steps away for a run up.

“You’ve got magic powers, shouldn’t have to lift you. And I notice you didn’t call Iggy fat.” Gladio grumbled, while Ignis tried to hold in a chuckle, imaging Noct’s pouting up at them both.

“I want to save my magic. We don’t know what’s going to happen in there. C’mon Gladio, you know I respect your muscles.” That was definitely Noct’s pouting voice, something even the Shield often struggled to refuse. Ignis hid his smirk with a gloved hand.

“Fine.” There was the sound of quick steps, a thump and a slapping sound, then Noct was up beside them. The doorway was narrow but it extended a small way so at least they had the space to lay flat and wriggle out the other side. There was a bit of a drop, but Gladio helped to steady him so Ignis didn’t fall flat on his face or twist his ankle on the uneven ground.

The sounds of the daemons were louder out here. “How many are there?” He asked, though by his hearing he would have guessed about 10.

“Not many, we can take ‘em.” Gladio said confidently, but then he paused. “What?” He now seemed confused.

“What’s up with the Armiger?” Noct said, sounding equally perplexed. Frowning, Ignis tried to summon a dagger but it kept eluding him. Much like when he had first learnt to use the magical weapons store, he struggled to get a grasp on what he was searching for, slipping between his metaphysical fingers.

“It seems that something is blocking our access.” He concluded. This must be the work of Ardyn, of course he would have something prepared to hinder them, but to what end? If purely killing Noct was his goal, he’d had several opportunities, instead he appeared to be playing a game of which he was the only one who knew the rules.

“Best try and sneak past them I guess.” Noct sounded concerned, finding Ignis’ hand and giving it a small squeeze. “We should check on the drivers too.”

Ignis nodded. “Yes, although if the control cabin is undamaged, they may be safer waiting for rescue in there than accompanying us.” Those individuals had volunteered to get them here, not to participate in the rescue. It was not fair to force that upon them.

They didn’t progress very quickly, slipping between the wreckage of the train they had been riding until they reached the engine, but at least they remained undetected. The further forward they seemed to go, the hotter it became, and the sound of flames crackling grew louder.

“Oh, that’s not good.” Gladio muttered and Ignis could feel Noct getting agitated beside him, squeezing his hand so hard it hurt. Ignis put together the information he had available to him and sighed.

“The engine is not in one piece, is it?” He whispered, hoping that he was wrong.

“Looks like it blew up. Don’t think anyone could’ve survived that.” The Shield said sadly. Noct didn’t speak at all, only keeping up his tight grip.

“Noct, you’re hurting me.” Ignis said softly, drawing his lover as close as he could while they crouched amongst rubble. The pressure on his fingers relaxed a little.

“Damn it!” Noct cursed, his voice wavering as he tried to keep quiet. It was terrible that those brave individuals had likely lost their lives. Under more ordinary circumstances, Ignis would have advocated that they at least check for any survivors, or confirm the bodies so that any families they had would have some kind of closure, but as it was, the longer they lingered out here the more likely they would be found and attacked. It saddened him, but Noct’s safety was his highest priority and they could not afford the time.

“We should keep moving. Can you see what might be the Keep from here?” He slipped back into being a pragmatic retainer, shoving away any sadness from this event for later processing.

“We should still check. Someone might have…” Ignis felt his lover trying to rise beside him, but grabbed his arm and held him back.

“I’m sorry, Noct, but we cannot afford to. There are too many daemons and we are defenceless. You can honour their sacrifice when we get home.” Noct tried to yank his arm free, struggling against him.

“But…!”

“Iggy’s right.” Gladio grumbled resignedly. “I don’t like it either, but they’re beyond our help now. Prompto isn’t.” That calmed Noct’s resistance immediately.

“Fine. Giant Keep looking thing dead ahead.” There was a definite note of bitterness in his voice which pained Ignis. When he let go of Noct’s arm, his lover pulled away and began to move a couple of paces in front beside Gladio instead, so it was clear who he was more unhappy with.

The continued slowly forwards, slipping past the daemons in the dark and winding their way around more train wreckage as Gladio commented quietly on their surroundings for his benefit.

They been moving for the best part of an hour when there was a shriek of metal from above and Ignis was suddenly tackled and flung backwards, while something very big and heavy crashed to the ground not far away. He landed on his back amongst some rubble, the wind knocked from him.

“Ignis! Gladio!” Noct’s pained cries came from beyond the obstruction, and he wheezed, rolling onto his side to try and catch his breath. “Are you alright? Please tell me you’re alright!” Ignis wanted to respond but he couldn’t quite get enough air to speak.

“We’re okay!” Gladio shouted back. “You hurt?”

Ignis was hauled to his feet, but proceeded to bend double and gasp until the constricting feeling around his ribs subsided.

“No. No, I’m good. Do you think you can get to me?” The panic in Noct’s voice had reduced a little.

Ignis wasn’t sure entirely what had happened except that Gladio probably prevented him from becoming a smear of jam, and they were now separated from Noct in a place swarming with daemons with their weapons inaccessible.

“We’ll have’ta find a way around. Wait there, do not go ahead without us!” The Shield demanded, tugging on Ignis’ arm now he was able to stand straight again, but Ignis was distracted by the skittering sounds that were rapidly approaching, along with that oily stench that oft- accompanied certain types of daemon.

“No Noct, run! Daemons are gathering. Head for the Keep, we shall catch up.” Ignis shouted, trying again to call for his weapons but it was futile.

“Iggy?” Gladio sounded incredulous, his grip become uncomfortable.

“All the noise must have attracted them. Go Noct! You find Prompto, we’ll find you.” It was a promise that Ignis hoped he would get to keep.

“Alright, be careful!” His lover shouted as his footsteps disappeared off into the distance.

It took some time for Gladio to climb the obstacle of another tipped train carriage and haul up Ignis so their path ahead could be surveyed.

“I’d heard Gralea was meant to be as stunning as Insomnia, but it just looks dark and deserted. There’re loads of daemons out there, Iggy. You sure you did the right thing making Noct go ahead when we don’t even have our weapons?” The Shield sounded sceptical and Ignis couldn’t really blame him. It did appear to be a foolish action.

“A single man will be better able to enter the Keep undetected. He also will not be worrying so much about my situation and focus more on his own. We will catch up and help him as best we can, but regardless of what I tell him, mine and Prompto’s safety will be the priority for him, even at the cost of his own. My distance is what will keep him alive.” The thought pained him that his lover was left to go on alone, but Noct did have a better chance at being stealthy without Ignis drawing attention to them.

“Old habits, huh?” Gladio huffed, clapping him on the shoulder.

“I don’t know what you mean?” He replied dismissively, lightly shrugging off the hand. 

“You two’ve been practically joined at the hip since Altissia. You’re sacrificing what you want to give him a better chance.” Ignis turned his face away in an attempt to hide the flush he could feel rising on his face.

“Ah, you heard what I said in the carriage then.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t that far away y’know. Only thing, why didn’t you make me go with him?” Gladio seemed confused, surprising Ignis as he thought the motivation very clear given the Shield’s previous comment.

“Because Noct would never have agreed to leave me on my own. He trusts you to keep me alive.” It was fortunate they had been split in the manner they had, relatively speaking, though nothing would make him feel truly comfortable until the four of them were making their way out of Gralea. 

A sinister laugh could be heard somewhere to their right and Ignis didn’t need his sight to identify. “Ardyn!” He hissed, hatred coursing through him. If only he could access his weapons now.

“Well done. Marvellously reasoned! Our little adventure wouldn’t have been half so fun if you weren’t nearly so bright.” The Imperial Chancellor sounded almost cheerful, but there was a hollow ring of mocking to his tone as well.

“What’re you doing here?” Gladio growled, and Ignis could hear his placing his feet and shifting his stance.

“Why, I come bearing gifts!” Ignis instinctively reached for a dagger from the Armiger, anticipating something terrible. It continued to slither away from his grasp until Ardyn clicked his fingers and suddenly the weapon responded to him, jumping into his hand at a thought. A noise of surprise from Gladio indicated that he had experienced something similar.

“See? Gifts! Now, I believe a thank you is in order.” Now Ardyn sounded smug, scratching away at that irritation inside of Ignis of being unable to decipher the Imperial Chancellor’s motives.

“For what? Another one of your stupid tricks?” Gladio took a couple of threatening steps forward but Ignis grabbed at his arm before he went too far. Ardyn was far too great a foe for the Shield to take on by himself.

“Here I am, helping for a change, but I can see I’m not wanted.”

“I’m loath to trust him.” Ignis managed to say through his gritted teeth as the ominous presence moved away. But with their weapons they had a better chance of reaching Noct quickly and without the need for his lover to be so protective of him.

“Same, but at this point we need all the help we can get. Do you think he’s done the same for Noct?” Ignis gave a wry smile at the faint hope in Gladio’s voice.

“I doubt the Chancellor is so generous. He led us here, almost by the nose. There is clearly something he wants with Noct, but as yet I am unable to figure it out.” Forehead creasing in a frown, he sighed. There must be some important piece of information he was lacking that would crystallise the whole problem.

“What a creepy motherfucker. C’mon, you feel up to facing some daemons?”

Ignis spun his recovered dagger in his hand, craving to kill something in effigy. He could do this. At least, the training they had done before to practice his sightless skills would mean he was aware enough to avoid significant strikes against him.

“Yes. Let us go and catch up to Noct.” He said with a grim smile.

They hadn’t been going for very long when something sang along the magical connection which tied him to his King and the Armiger, resonating within him and caused pain to spike in his head and his left arm.

“Augh!” He curled in on himself in reaction to the pain, dropping his weapon, but after the initial burst it ebbed away. Thankfully they were clear of any enemies at the moment, otherwise the distraction would have cost him dearly.

“You ok?” Gladio came closer, sounding anxious, and a large hand landed once again on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, steadying himself.

“Yes, I’m alright. Can you…can you feel that?” Ignis asked, his connection to Noct, normally just a faint thrum making up part of the background in his mind now pulsed with life, so strong he actively had to try and filter it out, and allow other thoughts to happens.

“Feel what?”

“Our connection to Noct.” He shook his head, trying to clear some of the fuzziness that was creeping in. He could feel Noct so clearly, the sense of being enveloped in warm blankets, laughter with friends, Ignis could almost catch his lover’s scent. It was disorienting.

“What about it?”

“You don’t think it has become stronger?” Gladio had never been particularly attuned to the magics that he and Noct tended to use, but surely even the Shield would have picked up on such a dramatic shift.

“No, it’s the same as always. C’mon, we gotta move faster if we want to catch up.”

Piecing together information, Ignis started. Was it possible that Noct had put on the Ring of the Lucii for the first time, and there was something that called out to its previous host?

Now the blinding flash of the initial connection had dimmed a little, he could tell where Noct was, could interpret some of the sensations he was receiving. He knew Noct’s heart was racing in fear as he kept the daemons at bay.

He and Gladio pushed on into the Keep and Ignis continued to experience stabs of pain, perhaps every time the ring was used as a conduit. He briefly wondered if Noct could feel him as well through this connection. Would his lover feel his pain? Ignis quickly pushed that thought to one side, it was not helpful right now, focusing on his devotion to his King instead, and his wish that they could be permitted to spend a full life together.

The further they went and the more abandoned rooms, emergency broadcasts, feral MT’s and daemons they encountered, the more Ignis was certain they had to leave as soon as possible. The Empire had been experimenting with daemons on people, even the mere thought made his stomach turn.

Ardyn’s voice had appeared over the tannoy several times, ‘helpfully’ nudging them in a particular direction, or through previously locked doors. And all the time, Noct’s presence blazed brightly in Ignis’ mind, helping him to choose their path, and unfortunately, all of the Imperial Chancellor’s tips were leading them in the right direction.

“Another fork, dammit this place is like a fucking maze. Let’s go left.” Gladio snarled, his patience obviously wearing thin.

“No, Gladio, we need to go right.” Ignis corrected him, feeling the slight tug of his connection with Noct from that direction. As they were getting closer, those tugs were getting more insistent, reflecting his own desire to be reunited with his lover, as it seemed Noct was facing harsher and harsher situations. The latest flash of emotion was one of panic, they had to move faster.

“What? You got some intuition or something?” Gladio sounded sceptical, no doubt fed up of running around this gods-awful place, being teased and taunted by the monstrous man who’d led them here.

“Noct is over to our right. I can hear him, clear as day.” Ignis said with absolute conviction. Alright, hearing his lover may have been mostly through their connection, but he couldn’t let on to Gladio what he suspected about the ring without having to explain things they did not have time for right now.

Ignis hurried them down the passage way, his sense of foreboding increasing with every step. There was the tang of ozone in the air, the sharp smell seeming to make Gladio sneeze. They were getting closer.

The echoes of their footsteps changed when the moved from the corridor into a more open room. Ignis could hear a faint crackle and the ozone in the air was enough for him to almost taste on the back of his tongue. He could feel that Noct was now very close, the magical connection singing with distress. Now he could hear the sounds of a fight, that must be him!

“Noct? Is that you?” He called out, knowing his lover must be somewhere in this room, but concealed enough for Gladio not to have immediately spotted him.

“Hey! Noct! Can you hear us?” Gladio moved forward, his footsteps moving with more purpose.

“Ignis! Gladio!” Hearing Noct again made his chest tighten, the alarm he’d been feeling from his lover reflected in his voice.

“Where are you?” Ignis’ cool determination began to waver, a violent tug from the connection physically making him step forward.

“Noct’s in trouble! An electric field.” Gladio ran a little way and Ignis carefully followed, his heart in his throat. With all the ‘help’ they had received to get to this point, they had been intended to find Noct here, and this would mean that there was some way for Noct to escape.

“Gladio! There ought to be a kill switch nearby. Find it!” He wished he could look himself; the button or switch would probably be obvious to pick out.

“How do you know that?” Gladio almost hesitated, something that Noct couldn’t afford to him to do.

“Just look!” He snapped, fear making him lose his patience. “I believe it’s the reason we were brought here.”

There were sounds of fumbling, then the crackling died away. “That was close.” Gladio sighed, as a warm body connected heavily with Ignis, making him stagger backwards a step. Immediately he dropped his cane and his dagger and clung to his lover, fisting a hand against his jacket and running his fingers into soft, but sweat damp hair.

“How the hell you get here?” Noct attempted to sound put out but Ignis could feel how his body trembled in their embrace. It had been a mistake to ask Noct to proceed alone, logically it was the most sensible thing to do for both their sakes, but his heart couldn’t take it anymore.

“You’re welcome. And you can thank Iggy that we managed to find you so quick. He seems to have found some kinda Noct-sense.” For a moment, both of he and Noct were compressed in a bear hug from the Shield’s muscular arms before they were released again. Gladio’s physical affection was always brief with his friends, but he was obviously happy that Noct was alright.

“Thanks?” He could tell Noct was looking at him strangely, could feel the curiosity coming from him.

“We should talk, but later.” He whispered, kissing the top of Noct’s head, and received a tightening of his lover’s arms around him as an agreement.

“Reunited with your retainers at last. How touching. I pray you find your dear Prompto soon.” Ardyn was mocking them again, his smug tone made Ignis want to shout something obscene back, but that would not be useful or productive, it would probably only please that monster more.

Noct’s arms began to relax their hold and he reluctantly released his lover, Gladio passing him his cane and his dagger.

“How’d you guys get your weapons?” Noct kept a hand on Ignis’ arm. It was unnecessary for his mobility, but the touch comforted them both, the tense emotions coming to Ignis through the connection having mellowed a little now they were back together.

“From our ‘friend’.” The sarcastic emphasis was clear in Gladio’s voice. “How were you managing to fight before.” Ignis couldn’t help but hold his breath to see if his suspicions were correct.

“I was using the ring of the Lucii.” He let out the breath he’d been holding in a rush. “Then I got my dad’s sword from Ravus…I found him dead.” He felt Noct’s shiver through their contact.

Gladio sucked in air through his teeth. “Man! That’s rough.”

“Yeah. Let’s just find Prompto and get outta here.” Noct gently pulled against Ignis’ arm and their party began to move on.

“What about the Crystal? I saw it on one of the monitors we passed on the way here.” Asked Gladio, taking up his place in front of them in case of a frontal assault.

“No! The only reason we’re here is for Prompto.” Noct sounded determined which made Ignis feel a swell of pride that his lover had paid attention to what he’d said earlier.

They would leave this awful place and wouldn’t return for the Crystal until they had reinforcements and Ignis had identified what Ardyn wanted with Noct, figuring out a way to counter his games. But Prompto came first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, turns out I suck at estimating chapter numbers so consider what I said last time as the minimum remaining. This one only covered about half of the progress I'd originally planned out for it, but once I got into it it filled out really quickly and this was a nice enough break point, otherwise it would've been twice as long and taken twice the time to post.   
> Although the chapters have been steadily increasing in length as I've gone on, I'm trying to not make too many wild jumps in word count between each one to keep some kind of steady(ish) flow.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	20. Chapter 20

“Prompto!” Noct broke his contact with Ignis’ arm and ran forwards. Following on behind, Ignis could hear the sound of metal clanking and the rattling of chains. Then there was a soft series of thumps as he presumed Prompto was lowered to the ground from however he’d been restrained. From his coughs and gasps for air, it clearly had not been comfortable for him.

“Hey, are you alright?” Gladio asked, clearly concerned.

“Are you hurt? Do you need help?” Damn his lack of sight, preventing him for immediately understanding how to assist.

“I’m fine.” Prompto words sounded shaky and his voice was rough. He must be thirsty, it had been more than a couple of days since they had been separated, surely Prompto had been permitted some sustenance in that time or he would have been in a much worse condition than he sounded. Still, Ignis tried to reach for some of their supplies to offer his friend some water, but that too was off limits to him, making him clench his fist in frustration.

“Thank you, for getting me down, Noct.”

“No sweat.” Noct sounded as relieved as Ignis felt about finding Prompto in one piece. Given the horrors they learnt had taken place here, a part of him had feared the blonde would also have been subject to some of those experiments.

“Tell me. Were you worried about me?” Prompto sounded so vulnerable, the complete opposite of the bright and bubbly image he displayed to the world, what had been done to him here to make him doubt Noct’s friendship?

“Of course I was, what kind of question is that?” Ignis felt a pang of concern through his magical connection to Noct, so much amplified by the ring of the Lucii. They were probably thinking the same thing.

“Of course, that’s why you came. Like I believed you would. That’s why I told myself I couldn’t die. Not until I could see you and hear you tell me I’m not a fake, that I’m the real me.” There was something heart breaking in the way Prompto phrased his words.

“Prompto…” Noct began, but Prompto must have gestured or given him a look to stop him from continuing.

“There’s something I have to tell you guys.” Their friend hesitated, and Ignis could hear a shudder in his slow breaths. “Erm…MT’s, they’ve got those code prints, just like I do.”

“Do they? I’ve never looked.” No, Noct hadn’t, but Ignis had, once.

The first time they had been attacked by drop ship was the first opportunity he’d really had to inspect a disabled MT while the others were tending to their wounds. Some of the armour had been dislodged and peering through the cracks had revealed something which appeared to be skin-like, but didn’t look human, with some kind of tattoo just visible. The sight had disturbed him, instinct telling him he did not want to find out more so he’d never looked again, and had never mentioned what he’d found out. Obviously, he had not fully understood the meaning behind the markings or what the MT’s truly were until they had come to Gralea,

“Yeah, so, as it turned out…I’m one of _them_. You guys are like…the only friends I’ve ever known. I just hope that things can stay the way they were.” There was a slight catch in Prompto’s voice, and Ignis’ heart went out to him. The revelation itself didn’t matter to him at all, and he could certainly relate to the fear of secrets being exposed, leading to the collapse of everything he held dear.

The missing pieces of the jigsaw from the information they’d encountered in the Keep falling into place, knowing what might have happened to Prompto if things had been different. He frowned, shoving it to the back of his mind, not bearing to think about it.

There was a fast flutter of emotion through his connection to Noct before his lover took his clenched fist, opening it out so they could link their fingers. Had Noct come to the same conclusions as him, or had he felt Ignis’ distress through their bond? Either way, the contact was a small comfort.

“Whatever. Who cares where you were born?” Noct so easily dismissing his best friend’s concern almost made Ignis smile as he finally found the right words to fit with Prompto’s worries.

“I don’t see you turning against us. Not now, or ever.”

When Noct and Prompto first began to become friends, he’d been made privy to certain files and background checks for security reasons. He’d never mentioned it, because some of the contents were very private, things that Prompto wouldn’t have wanted shared with anyone and some things he probably didn’t even know himself. Afterwards Ignis had felt dirty for having to absorb that information, but because that was what was expected of him for Noct’s sake, he’d done it regardless.

Even after learning those things though, Ignis had never once had cause to doubt the young man’s intentions with the Prince. In fact, he’d tried to include Prompto in certain arrangements he made for Noct, including regular dinners together, and encouraged the friendship that was developing once he’d seen them interact. Noct seemed relaxed around his new friend, and Prompto was enthusiastic enough to have someone to talk to and have fun with that he could help pull the Prince out from some of his dire moods where even Ignis’ patience was tested.

Although sometimes the easy closeness between the two had ignited jealousy within him, Ignis could tell that Prompto’s friendship with the Prince was vitally important for the wellbeing of the both of them and decisively squashed those feelings as needlessly selfish. It had been a good thing too, as over time Prompto began to call him a friend as well, instead of “the serious dude”, paying back Ignis’ kindness tenfold by helping him so much when he lost his sight.

“Thanks guys. Still…I can’t change where I came from. What I am.” Prompto sounded somewhat mollified, but his anxiety was still apparent.

“Since when does where you come from matter to you?” Noct was becoming more obstinate with every protest Prompto had. “You’ve never once treated me as a Prince.”

“He’s got you there.” Gladio chuckled.

“Never so much as a ‘Highness’.” Ignis smiled, hoping that Prompto would be able to internalise that they didn’t see him any differently to how they had before.

“We’re done here. C’mon, crown citizen.” Noct teased, leaving his friend to make a small sound of surprise.

“You’re one of us, right?” Gladio’s smile was evident in his voice, a soft slapping sound came as the Shield probably clapped Prompto on the back.

“That is, unless you’d rather not be.” Ignis added, almost as an afterthought.

“I…erm…I…” Prompto sniffed hard. “Th…thanks, guys…”

“Hey, no need to cry. Didn’t think we were going to reject you, did you?” Noct’s voice was gentle, similar to when he comforted Ignis, and there was the sound of rustling fabric as he dropped his lover’s hand and drew Prompto in for a hug. Then a hand grabbed Ignis’ arm and pulled him into the embrace as well.

Prompto’s body was warm against his chest, and Noct’s hands held on tightly to his jacket, squashing the three of them together in a sandwich.

“We’re all gonna get out of here, then we’re each going to work through whatever kind of mess we are, but together as friends. I’m sick of us keeping things from each other.” Each of the four of them had their emotional burdens to bear, but trying to keep them contained had only caused trouble, inevitably for themselves, but also for each other.

“Noct.” There was a slight warning in Ignis’ tone. If his lover was going to unveil the secrets he’d been holding back it was likely to cause an argument of some kind, doing so in enemy territory was a terrible idea.

“We’ve gotta get outta here first.” Gladio said, his strong arms reaching around to add to the group hug.

Prompto started to giggle along with his periodic sniffs, breaking a little of the tension. “As long as I’ve got you guys, nothing’s can keep me down for long.”

The party struggled to find an exit to Zegnautus Keep after leaving Prompto’s cell, the passages twisting and turning and crazed MT’s bursting out of closed doors, until Gladio finally snapped out, “We’ve been down this way before! We’re going in fucking circles!”

Navigating was so much harder now Noct wasn’t acting as Ignis’ beacon. He tried to reference his mental map of how he and Gladio had entered and traversed the Keep, but he quickly become frustrated with doors that had previously been open that were now locked, forcing them to attempt to divert around.

Mercifully, Prompto had a weapon, his pistol had been locked up in the same cell as him, the padlock easily broken open with the weight of Gladio’s sword. Even accessing the Armiger for ammunition appeared to be possibly for Prompto but that was the only exception, none of them could summon any other weapon or item beyond what they already carried.

It all felt too convenient to Ignis, given the lengths it had seemingly taken to draw them here. If Ardyn had wanted them dead or captured, allowing them a slim fighting chance, even though still preventing the versatility or magic their group ordinarily possessed, seemed adverse to that intent.

Some helpful hints were dropped over the tannoy, but although Ignis greatly desired to not listen at all, Noct insisted that those directions be followed.

“Please, I beg of you, reconsider.” Ignis pulled Noct to a halt before they took another turn at Ardyn’s advice.

“Well you’re not doing any better, we’re just going round in circles. This place is a maze.” His lover snapped, his frustration obvious, but at precisely what Ignis wasn’t sure.

The footsteps of their friends stopped not very far away so Ignis tried to keep his voice down. It was also unclear as how much speech could be picked up by the person watching their progress.

“Noct, we cannot trust this man. He…he almost killed you before.” Ignis whispered harshly, his grip tight on his lover’s arm.

“Without him, none of us would have made it to Prompto.” Noct bit back, trying to brush the hand away but Ignis wouldn’t let him, instead, crowding him up against the wall of the narrow corridor instead, feeling disgusted at his own actions to try and get Noct to listen. The more they had experienced in this Keep, the more he’d felt a sense of unease, his lack of understanding of Ardyn’s motives eating away inside, and it was making him lose his composure.

“Without him, we wouldn’t have needed to rescue Prompto in the first place. You should not be playing along with his games. It’s dangerous! Anything could happen to you.” He tried to emphasise his point without raising his voice.

“We don’t have any other choice, Specs. You and Gladio must have followed those hints as well to find me, so don’t come the high and mighty hypocrite, it doesn’t suit you.” He could feel Noct’s defiance and desperation. He was certain his lover knew listening to Ardyn was a bad idea, but was doing it regardless, and probably for his sake, which only made it worse.

“No, that’s not…We…I, would have found you regardless. I will explain once we are safe.” He loosened his grip on Noct’s arm, running his hand up, over his lover’s shoulder to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry, Noct. I cannot shake the feeling that we are in one elaborate trap of Ardyn’s making.”

Ignis’ hand was slapped away, stinging much more emotionally than physically. “You’ve made your point and I’ve chosen to ignore it. You can thank me once we’re out of here.” Noct sounded bitter, brushing him aside to catch up with Gladio and Prompto, leaving Ignis alone, the hurt from both of them resonated up and down the connective cord was momentarily overwhelming.

“Ho ho! Seems like there’s trouble in paradise.” Ardyn chortled from the nearby speakers, clearing having watched their exchange. Even without any audio, their body language must have spoken volumes.

“Hey, Iggy.” Prompto was by his side, and he’d barely noticed before he’d felt a hesitant touch to his elbow. “Let’s keep going.” Ignis nodded, stirring himself back into motion, his friend walking beside him now instead of his lover.

Passages twisted this way and that, the absence of any further attacks screaming to Ignis that something was wrong but he dutifully followed Noct’s lead. He’d expressed his opinion, and his King had chosen to overlook the threat in favour of the opportunity as was his right.

“You alright there, Iggy?” Prompto asked, breaking the silence that they’d been walking in for a while. “You seem a bit, twitchy.”

“Leave him, Prompto. You know what a worry-wart he is.” The casual disregard in Noct’s voice, speaking as if he weren’t there, was at odds with the flashes of emotion he was experiencing from their magical connection.

A hand came to rest on his back between his shoulders, making Ignis flinch. “It is too quiet.” He said, the only way he could express his unease without sounding like he was raving.

“Yeah, well I’d take quiet over hordes of daemons…any…day…” The way Gladio’s sentence trailed off made the hairs on the back of Ignis’ neck stand on end.

“That’s…that’s a lot of daemons down there.” Prompto gave a loud whisper.

“Yeah, and there’s our exit, on the other side of them.” Noct sighed and Ignis’ heart sank.

“Oh look, and you so nearly made it out. Such a shame that all these daemons happened to get loose.” Ardyn was trying to sound regretful, but Ignis could also detect a note of glee. The oily stench of the nearby daemons made him want to retch.

“Can you see any way for us to get around?” He asked, trying not to breath too deeply.

“It’s a big open hanger, we’re at the top of some stairs down, they don’t seem to have noticed us yet, but there’s not much cover down there.” Noct briefly described the layout as Ignis noticed a tantalising breeze from outside brush past his face.

“Look up there, we might be able to climb round and drop down. Should get us far enough to run for it.” Prompto said, giving Ignis some hope.

“Three of us could do that, yeah, but it looks pretty narrow and it’s too high to afford to fall from.” Gladio said solemnly, and even without sight, Ignis could almost feel their gazes fall on him.

“My blindness makes it too much of a risk for me. The three of you should take this chance. I shall turn back and find another way.” He turned to step back into the corridor but was met with a chorus of protests.

“No way!”

“Iggy, you’re not staying behind!”

“We all go together, or we all stay together!”

“All of you, stop being so bloody stubborn and listen to me. Noct’s safety is…”

He could sense his lover getting closer, then Noct span him around, grabbed the front of his jacket and forcefully pulled Ignis into a kiss. It was messy and awkward, noses bumping together and teeth clashing, none of the usual harmony of their expressions of love, but it certainly did the job of shutting him up. It was certain better than a slap, which he had half expected from the flicker of temper he’d felt.

“My safety is no more important than yours, idiot! How many times do I have to tell you?” Noct pulled away, breathing quickened from the effort. “We’re all leaving together so just save it will you. You’ve already sacrificed enough.” The grip on his jacket loosened, hands reaching up to his face and the back of his neck. “You think I’m going to let you do something like that again when this time I can do something about it, you’ve got another thing coming. I’m _not_ going to leave you.”

Ignis could feel his eyes becoming watery as he was pulled in again, this time more gently, for a chaste but tender kiss. He could feel Noct’s determination and love through that connection in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he could win this argument, but if anything happened to his lover, he’d never be able to forgive himself; they’d only had such limited time together.

“Noct, please listen to me…” Ignis tried again but it was futile and he was silenced once more. His hands had fallen to his lover’s waist as Noct pressed closer, pushing him back up against a wall and kissing him like their lives depended on it. Feeling Noct’s emotions layering over his own as well as the physical sensations caused Ignis to forget the rest of the world existed for a few, brief seconds.

When they separated, Ignis didn’t try to protest again. He’d felt the fear of losing his lover, which was driving his desperation, reflected back at him from Noct. It hurt, but ultimately, he was there to support and advise his King, not make decisions for him. For once, his feelings had overridden the sense of his station and he was ashamed of it.

“Wow! I wish someone’d shut me up like that.” Prompto said, sounding wistful at the prospect. The voice of someone else suddenly brought Ignis back to their present situation and into fully fledged embarrassment. Either he or Noct might have let slip a moan, he wasn’t sure, but even if they hadn’t, their friends shouldn’t have had to bear witness to that kiss.

“Huh, good luck with that.” Gladio snorted in amusement. “So, Noct, when you’re finished lovin’, are we fightin’, or are we climbin’?”

It was a mess down in the swarm of daemons. Ignis heard the first attack coming, sidestepping before immediately following up with a swipe of his blade, then came another attack, and another. As the cacophony grew, it made it more difficult to pick out movements directed towards him, stretching his focus to the limit to avoid getting bitten, punched or stabbed. Even so, he was bound to miss some things, and the first blow caught him by surprise, something striking him across the face, sending him sprawling.

“Specs!” Ignis could feel the strength of Noct’s worry through the connection, mixed with fear and anger, and he quickly rolled to his feet to avoid any follow up blows.

“Focus, Noct! I’m fine.” He shouted over the roar of battle, managing to skewer something small, possibly a goblin, and hearing it’s dying scream.

Prompto fired and the bullet ricocheted off something metal close to his ear, then something quick and sharp scratched the side of his neck. Perhaps without that well-placed bullet, it might have taken his head off.

Over the tannoy, Ardyn continued to speak. “You know, there are stories of the light of the Crystal having the power to purge daemons. That sort of power would be useful about now, don’t you think?”

It felt like all the suffering that they had been through since they left Insomnia was orchestrated by the fiend behind the microphone. He had lured them to Gralea with Prompto, then, despite the hordes of enemies, a helpful hint here and there had allowed them to reach this point. Ardyn wanted Noct to reach the Crystal and that made Ignis certain that it was the last thing his lover should do.

“It’s so close now. Wouldn’t it be a shame if something were to happen to your friends if you did nothing. Don’t you care for the welfare of dear Ignis? Do you really think you can fight your way out of here by yourselves?”

The sound level of the daemon cries rose, even more were coming. Fighting their way out had been a desperate move, and with more and more enemies appearing every minute it was beginning to seem impossible. His accuracy had been improving both in understanding when to swing and when to dodge but he’d still continued to receive glancing blows, the concentration required to remain in one piece was tremendous.

A wash of emotion ran through him, desperation, regret, sadness, but most of all love. Focused as he was on the battle, it took Ignis a moment to realise that those emotions hadn’t originated from him.

“Self-sacrifice, the mark of a monarch! Step forward, your Majesty.” Ardyn crowed.

Ignis’ blood ran cold, he knew Noct was going for the Crystal so they had a chance of all leaving together. His lover was playing right into Ardyn’s hands, and his weakness had been used as leverage. A small part of him hoped, that because the circumstances did not match those from his vision, Noct may be safe. Perhaps the Crystal would permit his King to borrow enough power to get them out of here, and the price would not be too much…

Ignis yearned to follow, but the rate at which he could feel Noct distancing himself, he knew he’d be unable to stop him. The only thing left to him was to hold the line with Prompto and Gladio until his lover returned.

Not long later though, above the daemon cries and sounds of battle, he heard, or maybe more felt, an anguished scream. The cry reverberated along the magical connection, chilling him to the bone. It was a moment that would stalk his nightmares for years to come.

“NOCT!” Gone was any regard for Ignis’ own safety, nothing mattered now except reaching that Crystal room where something terrible was happening to his lover.

He’d known it was a trap, why hadn’t he fought this decision harder? Noct couldn’t be taken from him now! They must still have time!

“Iggy!” Gladio yanked him to the side as he thoughtlessly dashed towards the source of that scream. The air beside him was disturbed and a something very large and metal clanged into the floor. “What’re yo…?”

“It’s Noct! He’s in pain!” He shouted, the suffering that he could feel from Noct obliterating his reason.

“Then go!” Gladio didn’t question how he knew, instead Ignis was flung forward as more air was disturbed, probably by Gladio’s sword this time. “Prompto! Cover him!”

“Right!” Prompto’s pistol cracked behind him, things either side of him screeched in pain as Ignis stumbled forward, moving as fast as he dared. He may not have been able to see where he was, but he sure knew where he needed to be, the connection fierce, bright and throbbing in his mind.

As he got closer to Noct, he could feel that cord tugging him along again, but this time it was harsher, and he feared that if he didn’t keep moving it would physically drag him. Any delays to his progress such as running up against walls or barriers causing him a gut-wrenching pain, and all the while he could hear Noct crying out, feel him struggling against some overwhelming power, almost as if they were one being.

“I’m coming,” he gasped, going sprawling from something that tripped him and experiencing another stab of pain as the magical connecting yanked at his insides. “Please hold on, Noct, just a little more.”

Staggering on, Ignis rounded a corner, through an opening and suddenly his footsteps were echoing from the metallic flooring around a large, open space. In the distance there was something he could see…

No! Ignis shook his head, something that was being interpreted by his brain as sight but it couldn’t possibly be, his eyes were completely useless. All the same, however it happened, he could perceive a large clump of blue crystalline shards. All around was darkness and in the centre there almost seemed to be a partial silhouette of someone, desperately struggling to reach out.

“Noct!” He shouted, running forwards, arm outstretched, heedless of any hazards.

“Ig…” Noct’s voice was cut off, the silhouette vanished and that resonance of the Ring of the Lucii disappeared with it, the blue shards slowly dimming and then winking out. The sudden lack of sensation along with the acute awareness of his failure to protect Noct made him stumble, and he painfully crashing to his knees on the hard floor. He was too late.

“Ah, dear boy. How delightful it is to see you again.” Ardyn’s voice welcomed Ignis into the chamber, but this time not over a speaker. The sound of boots rang before him as the man was here in person.

“Where. Is. He?” He managed to say through gritted teeth, his fury mixed with the deepest sorrow, using his cane to help him back to his feet.

“I’m afraid you cannot sacrifice yourself to save him now. The Crystal has finally received its Chosen, and I’m so looking forward to my revenge.” The words were followed by a dark chuckle, he almost sounded demonic.

The Scourge take the Six and that wretched Crystal! Ignis made a sound of anger, something unrecognisable as speech, and took a step forward, gripping the hilt of a dagger tight enough to whiten his knuckles.

“Oh, I wouldn’t bother if I were you. Don’t you remember how our last little fight went? Though, down one sense and without all that stolen magic, it would be far too easy to crush you like the insignificant insect you are!” A trickle of fear ran down Ignis’ spine at the utter contempt in those words. Despite the rage burning inside of him, he didn’t move any closer.

“Iggy!” Running footsteps pounded up behind him. “The daemons disappeared. Where’s Noct?”

“Ah, welcome to the rest of your little party. Your King has been Chosen by the Crystal. You should all feel proud for helping to deliver him to his destiny.”

“What’re you talking about?” Gladio snarled.

“Perhaps you should ask Ignis. Now, if you don’t mind, I have preparations to make. I’ll let you find your own way out.” Footsteps passed by Ignis. There was a crack from Prompto’s pistol and a cry of rage from Gladio, but those footsteps continued at the same pace, unhurriedly moving away until they disappeared from earshot. As the footsteps died away, so did Ignis’ fury, leaving a void within him.

“Iggy, what did he mean? What destiny?” Gladio gripped his shoulder, and Ignis could feel the big man’s shaking through his fingers.

Ignis opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

“He’s gone? Noct’s…gone?” Prompto said, sounded like he was crying.

He didn’t know how, but Ignis managed to keep his voice steady when words finally formed themselves. “Noct will return to us, briefly. I’ve seen it. We have to get back to Lucis and begin preparations.”

Yes, he must do research, find out what Ardyn was and find some way to break those cursed shackles of destiny. A little over a month was nowhere near long enough to spend with the one you love, and he had nobody to blame for all those early wasted years but himself.

“What do you mean you’ve seen it?” Gladio growled, his grip beginning to hurt.

“This is not the time nor the place to be discussing this. We have to leave Gralea and get to somewhere that is safe, then I will tell you.” He wrenched himself free from Gladio’s grip and set off back down the walkway, pausing only to put an arm around Prompto as he brushed past, pulling him along and expecting Gladio to follow behind.

Later, he told himself, later he could let the sorrow swallow him up, but not now. Noct just gave up everything for them to get away, even if he hadn’t realised it at the time of the decision, but Ignis knew his lover well enough that, even knowing the consequences, he wouldn’t have changed his mind.

Exiting the Keep which was now suspiciously free of aggressive enemies, the three friends made their way down to the train tracks, planning to follow them back out of Gralea. Ignis had to focus on that one goal exclusive to all else to prevent his thoughts drifting to Noct’s absence.

They should have stopped to rest somewhere along the way, but they were still within range of whatever it was that blocked them from the Armiger, preventing them from accessing their supplies. At least he hoped their connection to the Armiger was still there while Noct was…not.

They had been walking for what felt like a few hours, though it was probably much less than that, when there was a roar of engines overhead.

“A transport ship? Not more MT’s.” Gladio sounded so tired, and he grunted when the weight of his sword slapped against his shoulder.

“No, the Imperial insignia has been scratched off.” Prompto had always had sharp eyes.

“Hold it, Iggy.” Gladio tugged at the back of his jacket, forcing him to a stop, otherwise he would have unthinkingly kept walking regardless of his surroundings, only seeking to leave this damned city.

“It’s Arenea!” Prompto exclaimed, seemingly joyful at the appearance of the intimidating dragoon.

“Hey, kid, looks like you found your friends!” Arenea shouted. She must have been hanging out of a doorway of ship hovering above them to have been heard at all.

“What’re you doing here?” Prompto shouted back.

“When my men didn’t radio in, we came to see what happened. We’ve been flying around for a while now, thought you guys would need rescuing.” The sound of the engines changed and a load of hot engine exhaust whipped up with dust blew at Ignis, making him cover his face with an arm and cough.

The sound of heeled boots clattered on the metallic ramp. “Get in, you get a lift back to Tenebrae. Wait, where’s your pretty boy Prince?”

Ignis went to reply. “Noct’s…” The following words stuck in his throat, like saying them to anyone else would allow this situation to be real. He only noticed he was shaking when a hand rested on his back.

“We lost him in there.” Gladio said, striding forward towards the landed ship. So, the hand on his back was Prompto’s.

“Oh, that really sucks. Is he going to be alright with flying?” Arenea must have indicated towards Ignis because Prompto answered.

“Well the boat was real bad, but the train was ok, so maybe?”

“I’m sure I shall manage.” He took a hesitant step forwards, wary of the edge of the ramp somewhere in front of him.

He ended up buckled into a seat for his own safety. As the transport lifted off, Ignis tipped his head back against what passed for a head rest in the troop carrier, so tired that all the noise of conversation and machinery going on around him couldn’t prevent him from falling into the arms of sleep, for once wishing to dive into his nightmares so he could see Noct one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Hoo boy! Fleshing out the Noct and Ignis separation did a bit of a number on me. It wasn't particularly hard to get it out of my head and into words, but it was draining. I don't know how I expected to get all of this and the previous chapter into one but I hope you've enjoyed how they turned out.


	21. Chapter 21

As Ignis dreamt on the flight back to Tenebrae, he began to realise what he was experiencing was different to the nightmare he had become so familiar with. For one, his left hand burned with a dream-like sense of pain. He could tell he should be in agony, but the actual sensation was more insubstantial than real.

He could hear the light, tinkling sound which usually accompanied the worst phase of his dream in the beautiful but formless void, where he was forced to watch Noct crumble into dust and disperse on whatever passed for a breeze in this place, but it did not look the same. Instead, the space shone with a kind of luminescence reminiscent of how the active Crystal had glowed through his blindness.

There were no others apart from a small dark shape a little way away, and no chains to hold him down unlike every other time he dreamt of this place. Feeling strangely alert in his dream, more of a participant than a spectator, he tried to look closer at the shape, straining his mind’s eye to make out what seemed to be the curled-up outline of a person.

“Hello?” He called out; his voice oddly muffled despite the empty space.

The dark figure moved, what seemed to be a head was raised although he could not make out any features, the face and body somehow in complete darkness while the shimmering light permeated the space. Ignis heard a gasp.

“Specs?” The nickname reached his ears, shocked but still quiet. His chest felt tight, realising the identity of the other person in his dream.

“Noct!” Ignis cried out, trying to move forward but it felt like he was trying to wade though honey, he could struggle but the thick, oppressive air kept him from making progress. Noct seemed to be reaching for him, but something, it seemed, wanted to keep him away, grabbing his arm and pulling him back, the not quite pain in his hand flaring. “No!”

“Specs, don’t go! Please, don’t go!” His lover sounded so lost it was hard to listen to him but Ignis was drawn further and further away, the silhouette that was Noct shrinking into the distance.

“Hey, wake up.” A soft voice roused Ignis from unconsciousness along with a gentle shake of his arm. Why was he being woken? Had he been shouting again?

His body was buckled into a seat with a five-point harness, straps over his shoulders, around his sides and between his legs. Where was he again?

Groggily, Ignis raised a hand to his aching neck. “Where…?” He murmured, the haze of sleep remaining to cloud his thoughts.

“We’ve landed in Tenebrae. Did you have a good nap? I dunno how long you were out. It’s kinda difficult to tell when you’re asleep or not behind those shades when you’ve always got your eyes closed.” Prompto chuckled, his hands tugging at the lock of the harness.

“Prompto? Where’s…” He stopped, his lover’s name on the tip of his tongue before the fog began to clear and he remembered the reason why he felt empty inside.

“Ah man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nap before. You really don’t nap well do you?” Prompto was clearly trying to sound back to his cheerful self, although he must be experiencing something similar to the hole Ignis felt where his heart used to be. The straps around him loosened, the clasp now undone, and Ignis got shakily to his feet.

His mind felt oddly detached from his body, perhaps he was still reeling from the sudden disconnect from being able to feel his lover’s emotions. Just before Noct vanished, he’d felt his hope that Ignis would reach him, but he’d been too late. He’d never be able to forgive himself for that.

Perhaps he should be grateful for that overpowered connection from the ring of the Lucii. Ignis had been able to feel the depth of Noct’s love for him and understand that his lover feared losing him even more than his own life. It was humbling to know that he was worth the incitement of such feelings in someone else, let alone in the person who was the dearest to him in the world, but it was also an exquisite form of torture to never be able to experience how their relationship could have grown and developed.

“C’mon. Arenea said we can find a room here, just until we can, y’know, figure out how to get back to Lucis. She said we shouldn’t stay long, they need space for the refugees, but still, it’s nice of her, right?” Hands touched his back and his elbow, steering him out of the transport and out into the fresh air where the scent of sylleblossoms carried on the slight breeze.

Yesterday, Ignis would have gently but firmly removed those hands in favour of his cane, not wanting to be guided along like an invalid, only permitting Noct such a privilege now he was more used to the darkness, but right now Ignis could not summon up the energy to care. The aftershocks of his dream still reverberated through him.

“Right.” A one-word response was all he could manage. He found he wasn’t even interested in how Tenebrae was managing with all remaining members of their royal family gone, and how Arenea somehow seemed to have taken charge of organising those her men rescued.

However, Prompto didn’t seem to have much trouble chattering to fill his silence as his friend led him forward.

“Gladio’s already out there getting us something to eat. Man, I dunno about you, but I’m starved! What’d’ya think? I hope he finds something spicy. The food on the train was so boring! I miss your cooking, Iggy…Ah…I probably shouldn’t have said that…sorry.”

Birds sang around them, the sun’s rays warmed him, and in the distance, Ignis could hear children playing and the low hum of people going about their business. The world carried on, despite all the atrocities Niflheim had committed, uncaring of his broken heart.

“It’s alright. And I’m not particularly hungry.” He wasn’t sure how long it had actually been since he’d last ate, how long had they been in the Keep? But his stomach had no desire to contain food.

“Aww, c’mon, you’re always telling us to keep up our strength by eating well. Ah, there’s Gladio. Gladio!” Prompto called out and they began to move with a little more direction than before.

Prompto guided him to a bench to sit next to the Shield and a paper plate of something was pushed into his hands.

“It’s just some sandwiches. Nothing fancy.” Gladio said, his voice almost monotone.

“Thank you.” Ignis gingerly felt for the slices of bread on the plate, trying not to accidentally dip his fingers in the filling, whatever it was, but found himself unable to take a bite, feeling uneasy about eating in public again stemming from not having Noct’s reassuring presence here to eat with.

The bench creaked a little with their combined weight as Prompto sat down on his other side, the relatively small seating area forcing him to shift closer to Gladio so the blonde could fit.

“Aww, only cheese?” Although he sounded disappointed, it didn’t stop Prompto from audibly chewing his way through the food.

“Shut up.” Gladio growled through a mouthful of his own sandwich. “All supplies are stretched thin here. It’s lucky I could get us something at all.”

“You should try and eat, Iggy.” Prompto rested a hand on Ignis’ arm, almost spooking him into action. Taking a bite, Ignis could taste that the sandwich was indeed just slices of cheese, with the slight tang of a mature cheddar and a small amount of butter to stop it from drying his mouth out. He chewed mechanically and swallowed, feeling his stomach lurch against the incoming load. Steeling himself, he went for another bite, this time a little easier on the descent. After a few more bites, he began to feel the hunger that he must have been supressing and the sandwiches, however plain and uninteresting, actually began to taste good.

“So, I think you’ve got some explaining to do.” Gladio said gruffly, voice only slightly louder than the ambient sounds surrounding them. He didn’t sound very happy.

Ignis sighed. He’d promised them information and his friends had a right to know, but he’d never thought he would have to be delivering this news alone. Noct should be here.

The image of his lover’s silhouette reaching out for him from the Crystal flashed unbidden through his mind, making him flinch. “Is there somewhere more private we could discuss this? What I have to say…it is not for public consumption.”

“I dunno, Fenestala’s pretty full of people about now. Shouldn’t we, like, find a motel room or something? Did you get anything to drink as well Gladio? I’m super thirsty.”

“Hmph.” Was the Shield’s only reply, alongside the rustling of a carrier bag and a something was shoved against his chest. Reaching up, Ignis took hold of a can and cautiously opened the ring pull, balancing the paper plate on his knees. He felt a moment of delight when the aroma of Ebony drifted towards him, but it was soon superseded by the thought that the last time he’d experienced this flavour, it had been Noct who’d bought it for him. His lover had even had the gall to take the first sip to tease him, before drawing him into a kiss, and Ignis could vividly remember the taste of coffee on Noct’s lips and tongue.

Astrals! Everything was going to remind him of Noct wasn’t it?

Lost in his thoughts, Ignis eventually remembered to thank Gladio, earning only a grunt in response.

Prompto attempted to keep up some form of conversation, but after a while, when neither Ignis or Gladio made any attempt to join in, he seemed to give up, leaving the three of them in forlorn silence.

“Excuse me, sirs, are you the retainers of Prince Noctis?” A new voice sounded in front of their bench. The speaker sounded Tenebraen and seemed to be addressing them.

“Who wants to know?” Gladio asked, a suspicious, bordering on aggressive tone in his voice.

“Commodore Highwind wishes you to know there is a room at the nearby Three Z’s motel for you.”

“Oh, that’s really nice of her. Thanks!” Prompto managed to sound bright and cheerful.

“Well, her exact words were, ‘What are those idiots doing just sitting around? Go find them somewhere to stay’, sir.” Ignis barked out a laugh that almost verged into hysterical.

There wasn’t anything particularly funny about the situation, but there was something about the deadpan way the soldier delivered Arenea’s words that reminded him of Noct trying to impersonate his own serious tone, something he used to find irritating at the time. The laughter was more of a valve to release some of the tension the memories brought with them. 

Ignis covered his mouth was a hand, embarrassed by his reaction. He could imagine those around looking at him as if he’d grown a second head. A concerned hand from Prompto rested on his arm as his outburst calmed down, confirming his worries.

“Please convey our gratitude to Commodore Highwind. We do not intend to remain in Tenebrae long.” Ignis managed to remember his manners, a flush of embarrassment almost certainly still visible.

He ardently hoped to have found passage back to Lucis within a couple of days, even if that meant travelling by sea. Going home would bring with it more reminders of Noct, but that was something he would have to learn to live with.

“Th…thank you, sir. If you’d like to follow me, I'll show you the way.”

The three friends stood, Gladio taking care of the empty plates and drinks containers while Ignis unfolded his cane. He had to try and make an effort to function. Gladio wanted an explanation for what they had experienced and was unlikely to let Ignis rest until he had it.

The Shield stayed quiet on the short walk and while Prompto checked the three of them in to their room. Ignis could almost feel the frustration radiated from the Shield, heavy footfalls and the abrupt closing of their room door after they entered giving it away.

“I’m going for a shower, I’m filthy.” Gladio said, stomping across the room. “My bed’s closest to the door.” Ignis guessed it was the door to the bathroom that was firmly closed and the lock clicked. At least he knew what direction it was in now.

“It’s two doubles.” Prompto told him, a hand once again placed on his arm. “I can share with you, if you want. Or I can bunk with Gladio. It’s up to you.”

Ignis considered the offer. The prospect of sleeping alone, reaching out when half-awake to where Noct should be lying beside him to find only cold sheets, scared him. He also still suffered from the nightmares of his vision, the realisation dawning on him that he may never again wake in Noct’s arms, listening to his soft, soothing reassurances and feeling the touch of their skin in contact. It was a reality he would have to face at some point, but by the Six, he didn’t want to deal with the loneliness just yet.

“If you wouldn’t mind, Prompto, I think I would prefer to not sleep alone, though I apologise if I reach out for you in the night. I will not be offended if you rescind your offer, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” The hand on his arm gave a small squeeze.

“That’s ok, I wouldn’t mind. After the last few days, I wouldn’t say no to a hug. I already miss him too.” The bubbly confidence had melted away, leaving Prompto sounding almost as vulnerable as when they’d found him in the Keep.

The sound of running water started up, muffled through the wall, as Ignis realised he was being selfish again. More people loved Noct than him, perhaps not in the same way and not for as long, but he could not claim to have a monopoly on the grief.

“Are you blaming yourself that he’s gone?” Ignis asked quietly, and the hand on his arm tightened, almost painfully so. Prompto took a shaky breath.

“Yeah. If you guys hadn’t had to come for me, then Noct wouldn’t have been anywhere near the Crystal. Just when I don’t have to be scared about my past anymore, this happens.” There was a wobble in his friend’s voice.

Ignis reached out and pulled Prompto towards him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man to a small sound of surprise. There was something stabilising about his friend needing some comfort, this was where Ignis could revert into being a caregiver, a role he had practiced so often he could easily slip into it, and push aside his own concerns and fears for a short time.

“None of what happened was your fault.” He told his friend, resting his cheek against Prompto’s hair and feeling him tremble. “Ardyn wanted this to happen, and used us all to orchestrate his plan. It is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to alter what happened, but you can do something about what is to come. Focus on that, not on the past. Do not let yourself be consumed by what cannot be changed.”

Prompto sniffed, slipping his arms around Ignis’ back. “Noct was right, you are a damn good Advisor Iggy.” That helped Ignis to smile a little.

“Well, my next piece of advice is to have a wash. We are both a little ripe, I think.” Prompto gave a small laugh and seemed to reluctantly pull away from the hug.

“Yeah, sorry. A bath sounds really good right now. I must stink!” Some energy seeped back into his friend’s tone, which in turn helped Ignis’ mood to rise a little. It sounded like he’d moved away and had dumped his things on the bed.

“Prompto?”

“Yeah?”

“I did not want to say anything earlier in front of Gladio and Noct, but since you told us of your background earlier today, I think you should know.” Ignis felt a little awkward standing in the middle of the room, he should say what he had to say quickly before Gladio was finished in the bathroom.

“Huh? What’cha talking about?” Prompto sounded puzzled.

“I’ve known you were rescued from Niflheim as a baby ever since you became friends with Noct. I am sorry, I hope you understand that certain checks had to be done to ensure you were not going to use him, or have him used through you.” Ignis held up a hand to calm the mild panic that Prompto had begun to work himself into.

“You do not need to protest. I’m sorry that I had to be privy to that very private information and I could tell very early on that you both…” He sighed. “You both just needed a friend. The only reason I bring it up, is that although I was aware of your background, it is your actions, attitude, and your kindness to Noct, and to myself, that form my opinion of you. Your origins have never mattered to me beyond a manila folder.” Ignis gave a kind smile in Prompto’s direction, hoping that his admission had helped his friend in some small way.

“I…erm…thanks, Iggy. I’m kinda shocked, but, what you just said…it means a lot to me.”

“I shall not bring up the matter again, but you deserve to know.”

“Haha, looks like you’ve taken that opening up thing of Noct’s to heart.” Ignis’ smile fell. He worried that Prompto would not be so light hearted when he understood what else Ignis had been hiding from them, and at Noct’s request as well.

The sound of the shower ceased, Gladio would be out of the bathroom soon. Ignis tried to compose himself and consider his words carefully, given the Shield’s temper simmering just below the surface, he was unsure if his information would subdue it, or make it explode.

The bathroom door opened and Gladio walked out, brushing past him as he stood in the middle of the room. Ignis was aware that it wasn’t necessary, although budget, the room was not that cramped for space, instead it was an intentional, almost aggressive move from the Shield.

“Oh, me next for a bath!” Prompto said, dashing into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Gladio took a breath to speak more than once, but seemed to change his mind before actually letting any words out. The two of them remained in silence until Prompto emerged, smelling like the best the hotel’s free toiletries could manage.

“You going next, Iggy?” The blonde asked, moving back towards the bed and rummaged through a bag as best Ignis’ ears could tell.

“Aren't you gonna tell us what’s going on first? We’re in private like you wanted.” Gladio didn’t sound any calmer after his shower than before, the tension in the room rising with his impatience. “If you were you keeping something from us that could have helped Noct, then I’ll…”

“Don’t be so foolish. Why would I ever do that?” Ignis snapped, his own temper a little frayed by the Shield’s attitude.

He moved forward carefully, waiting until his foot lightly bumped against the base of a bed before he checked for a seat. Prompto took a place next to him while Gladio paced across the carpet in front of them.

“You would if that self-sacrificing brat asked you to! You’re as bad as each other!” Gladio almost shouted, his anger falling away into despair.

“Gladio!” Prompto seemed shocked at the accusations even though Ignis turned his face away, ashamed.

The Shield had a point. Given the tendency for both Noct and himself to throw themselves into threatening situations for each other, would they have ever been able to have the long life together Ignis had so dearly wished had been possible?

“You’re right. Noct did ask me not to share this with you…” Ignis’ voice was quiet even as his hands balled into fists over his knees.

“See!” Gladio interjected but Ignis continued his sentence regardless.

“…he wanted to tell you himself when we returned to Lucis.” That seemed to get Gladio to stop his pacing.

He was determined to get through this conversation without breaking down. He could do that later when he could be alone with his grief, where no one would be able to see.

“In Altissia, before I lost my sight, one of Lady Lunafreya’s messengers gifted me with a vision.” Ignis spat out the word ‘gifted’ like it was the foulest curse he could think of, finally revealing what he had had witnessed to his friends.

“What?” Gladio gasped, a soft thump coming from his direction. Whether the Shield had sat down heavily in a chair or sank to his knees, Ignis couldn’t tell.

“Oh…oh no.” Prompto shifted beside him as if he was unsure what to do with either the news or himself. Ignis reached up and rested his hand over his friend’s shoulder in support.

“How do you know that’s not what happened today?” Gladio’s voice was distinctly smaller and sadder now. “You said before he’d come back. How do you know that?”

“In the vision, I watched Noct sacrifice himself in Insomnia, in the throne room. With hindsight, I must conclude that being taken into the Crystal is to allow him to gain the required power but he is needed in the world to carry out its will, so we will find him again, I just do not know when, and I do not know for how long. You will both be proud to see the man he will become.” Ignis clenched his jaw, swallowing down the lump in his throat and managing to get back his control that he felt beginning to slip.

“Oh, dude.” His hand on Prompto’s shoulder was covered by cool fingers.

“Shit, Iggy! And you’ve carried that for weeks?” Gladio’s voice shook Ignis from his thoughts, footsteps once again pacing back and forth. He must have gotten up again when Ignis wasn’t paying attention.

“I am sorry. I did not think that Noct would be separated from us before that end. None of us were prepared for what happened today.”

Even if Noct had always needed to be taken into the Crystal to fulfil his role, that did not explain why Ardyn had gone to the trouble of luring them there when it appeared to be against Niflheim’s interests. The problem niggled away at him like a mental toothache, he could be distracted from it for a time, but eventually it would become too difficult to ignore.

“What do we do now?” Prompto asked, sounding lost. 

Ignis had recently spent a great deal of time thinking about the same thing, considering how Noct would want them to carry on in his absence.

“We do what Noct would do, we help people. If the trend of shorter days continues, eventually there will be no more sunlight. I think he would like us to bring people hope in the darkness, and tell them there will be another dawn.”

The compliment from Prompto earlier was true, Ignis was good at giving advice. Even though he did not have Noct’s gift of helping people feel at ease, he was still able to stir the hearts of his friends, especially when he wholeheartedly believed in his words. However, this didn’t mean he would be taking his own advice. First, he had to discover the rules to Ardyn’s game and find some way to turn them to his advantage.

“I need to get some air.” Gladio muttered, footsteps making for the door, followed by the sound of it quickly opening and shutting.

“Gladio, wait!” Prompto half rose, and Ignis let his hand fall from his friend’s shoulder, but he seemed to pause instead of also heading for the door.

“Go after him, I shall wait here.” Ignis sighed, a little surprised to hear just how tired his own voice sounded.

“You sure?” Prompto sounded reluctant.

“Absolutely. Make sure he doesn’t break anything we will have to pay for.” More expenses were the last thing they needed. “I shall take a shower.”

“Ok, you’re stuff’s behind you!” Prompto told him before dashing out of the door.

Ignis pulled off his gloves and reached behind him, feeling the silky texture of one of his shirts along with a few more articles of clothing, which on closer inspection seemed to be his other pair of trousers and some underwear. They must have come from the bag Prompto had been rummaging through. The consideration the young man showed made the corners of his lips twitch into the ghost of a smile.

Going into the bathroom, he went through the motions of undressing and showering, turning the tap fully to cold until his teeth were chattering and his extremities were becoming numb. He didn’t want to experience the memories of those long, hot showers where he and Noct took care of each other, both physically and emotionally, but even with the intense cold, they still managed to creep in at the edges.

By the time he stepped out from the stream of water he was shivering uncontrollably. He rubbed himself down vigorously with a towel to try and get some warmth back, and roughly dried his hair, uncaringly allowing it to fall over his face.

As he dressed himself in the fresh clothes, water still dripped onto his chest and he patted the drops off before towelling his hair again to rid himself of the excess moisture. It was only when he felt droplets of water hit his skin again as he was buttoning up his shirt, to find that they were coming from his eyes and not his hair, realising he had been crying without noticing.

Fingertips traced the path of the tears down his face to his chest where they rested on the tiny skull of his necklace, the gift that Noct had given to him when he’d successfully become a member of the Crownsguard. The act of touching his most precious possession seemed to unlock the gates which had been holding back all the shock and grief he had been pushing down.

He staggered out of the bathroom and slumped against the wall, mercifully still alone in the room. He was not ready to deal with all of this, was not ready to admit that he was no longer by Noct’s side, something he had always promised to do, no matter the price. He’d told his lover that he’d find a way to manage, but that had been so easy to say when they had been lying in bed, Noct’s naked body pressed against him, never thinking it would happen this soon, expecting to be able to say goodbye.

Ignis’ chest hurt. He was finding it difficult to take deep, controlled breaths, gasping for air instead as the tears rolled down his face thicker and faster than before. They were supposed to have more time!

They had been happy, or as much as their dire situation allowed, but was a few short weeks all that they had been permitted? It wasn’t enough. Even if it had been five…ten…twenty years it still wouldn’t have been enough, and now he was forced to wait for gods knew how long before being able to hold Noct again, knowing that then he would vanish forever!

Ignis thumped his fist against the wall before sinking to the floor and curling up. Unable to keep this unbearable loss contained any longer, a howl of grief tore its way free.

A few moments later the door to the room burst open, two sets of footsteps running in.

“Iggy, what…?” Gladio sounded on edge, stomping into the room with the faint sparkling sensation of using the Armiger following in his wake. Ignis couldn’t have timed his upwelling of emotion worse, his friends must have already been returning to the room.

“No no no no no, Iggy!” Prompto sat next to him, body warm where there was contact, and put an arm around him. He unconsciously leant against his friend, still cold to the bone from his shower, and let out another heartbroken cry for his lover.

“It’s alright dude, just let it out.” Prompto’s words were gentle and Ignis leant more heavily against him. There were some soft strokes to his hair, arms around him to give him support and reassurance but Ignis was inconsolable, drowning in his grief.

He kept crying until he felt entirely wrung out. His head pounded with a vicious headache; limbs stiff from not moving but Prompto had stayed next to him the whole time, trying his best to comfort him. He was vaguely aware that Gladio had left at some point, but he must have returned as his voice came from nearby.

“You done?”

He felt so dehydrated that he wasn’t even sure he could produce tears anymore. “Yes. I think so.” Ignis’ throat hurt and his mouth was dry, making his voice raspy and quiet. Prompto’s arms were still around him and if he tried, he could imagine them to be Noct’s instead. They were of a similar enough height and build that he could almost pretend his lover was still here, if their scents weren’t different.

“Feeling better?” The Shield asked, sounding much calmer than earlier, almost sympathetic.

“Not really, no.” Ignis kept his head down and remained resolutely stationary. He felt completely drained and there were patches on the front of his clean shirt now wet through with his tears.

“Should I get you some water?” Prompto offered, easing himself away, groaning a little as he stretched.

"Thank you." Ignis nodded in response and felt his friend clamber to his feet. The comparatively cool air moved over the areas of contact, making him miss the warmth of an adjacent body.

“Right, you’re gonna stand up, clean yourself up and we’re going to get something to eat.” A hand landed on his arm and tugged but he yanked his arm free.

“I would prefer to remain here.” He muttered, shifting a little to hug himself, now feeling shame at being found in such a weak moment. Only Noct should be permitted to see him this vulnerable.

“Frankly, I don’t give a shit what you want right now. You don’t have the luxury of falling apart, Iggy, you still have a job to do. Just because Noct isn’t here right now doesn’t mean nobody’s relying on you.”

“Fuck off Gladio! Leave me alone.” Ignis snarled like a wounded animal, aggressive only because it was scared and hurting.

The Shield took another breath to retort but Prompto interrupted him. “Here’s some water.” Ignis held out a hand, and a cool glass was pressed against his palm. He gingerly took a sip, wetting his lips and tongue before guzzling down the whole glass to try and quench his raging thirst.

Placing the glass on the floor and wiping away the small amount of water that had trickled from the corner of his mouth in his haste to drink, Ignis covered his head with his hands.

“Leave me be. I did not want you to see me like this.”

“Gladio, c’mon. Let’s give him some space.” Prompto’s voice was quiet, but tinged with sadness.

“No, if even Iggy cracks then how are we supposed to…?” Ah, yes. Gladio had always believed in the stoic front that Ignis maintained, even as he bottled up and shoved down everything that others were not suppose to see. It must be a shock, losing the one it was your purpose to protect and then watching as your most calm and consistent friend broke down before your eyes.

Ignis stopped listening after a while as Prompto persuaded Gladio to give him some time, barely registering the door to their room opening and closing again. Alone at last.

He sat in the same position for a long time, learning the hard way that trying not to think of Noct and everything that had been lost with him was as painful as permitting himself those thoughts. He was so drained he only noticing he had begun to drift off to sleep when the sensation of falling jolted him awake. The room was still quiet, it didn’t seem that Prompto and Gladio had returned yet.

Dragged himself momentarily upright, Ignis collapsed onto one the beds, not even able to summon up the energy to get undressed, and he passed out as his face hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> If you've got this far and are enjoying the journey, please consider leaving a Kudos or a comment if you haven't already, I really appreciate them. This is by far the longest single piece of writing I've ever done so hearing about what you're enjoying really helps keep my motivation up <3


	22. Chapter 22

To say Ignis felt better after sleeping would be wildly inaccurate, but at least he had been too wrung out to be disturbed by any dreams, not even the strangely real one from the day before. To be honest, since his life had now become his worst nightmare, he didn’t think they could have made him feel much worse.

Groaning, he pressed his hands against his temples, trying to ease the pounding headache from dehydration. He tried to wet his lips with the tip of his tongue but his mouth was so dry it didn’t seem to help.

“Prompto? Gladio?” His voice came out raspy, the act of forming words making his lower lip crack, and he hissed at the stinging pain.

There was no response from his friends, the room remaining quiet. How long had he been asleep? Ignis carefully reached out to the bedside table to find out the time, grateful for the accessibility options which allowed him to still use his phone for such things.

“09:07 and one new message.” His phone told him in its slightly robotic female voice. Although he wasn’t sure what time he’d collapsed into bed, he must have slept for at least twelve hours. His friends must have come back, slept, then gone out again without disturbing him, and he wasn’t quite sure if he felt grateful for that or not.

Navigating his way to the new message, his phone read it out to him.

“Message from: Prompto Argentum

“Received at: 08:32

“Gone to ask about a way home. Didn’t want to disturb you. Be back soon. x”

Ignis flopped back onto the pillow, briefly contemplating trying to go back to sleep just to escape reality a little longer but, being a habitually early riser, he knew his body was unlikely to let that happen. It was something to note that he’d managed to sleep even this late.

First things first, he found a glass and set about quenching his thirst, stopping his mouth from feeling like a desert, then completed his basic ablutions.

Not wanting to walk around outside in the same shirt that he’d slept in last night, Ignis found one of the bags and methodically felt through the clothing to find a change. Thankfully, being the only one to have brought button up shirts on this road trip, an alternative was easy to find, but during his rummage he came across one of Noct’s t-shirts.

He could tell by the texture of the pattern of skulls, his fingers having brushed across them often enough when he was doing the washing. It was rolled up small, evidently in need of washing otherwise it would have been folded neatly to prevent unnecessary creasing, something that Ignis had kept insisting upon even though he could no longer see said creases. Hoping that his friends would not return as he displayed another embarrassing moment of weakness, he pulled the t-shirt out of the bag and raised the material to his face to take a small sniff, letting out something between a moan and a sob as the scent of Noct filled his nostrils, his hands trembling.

There was a hint of soap mostly covered by the dull aroma of sweat, his lover’s aftershave mingling with Ignis’ own and there was a hint of something else that took him a moment to place. As he turned the fabric in his fingers, he felt a small, stiff patch, like Noct had splashed something on himself which had dried, and Ignis knew exactly which item of clothing this was.

_“I…better find a change of clothes.” Noct said quietly._

_“Why…?” Ignis asked, affectionately stroking his arm._

_“I, umm, missed a spot.” He mumbled, embarrassed._

Ignis could feel his face heating up remembering exactly what kind of ‘spot’ had been missed when he and Noct had last made love on the train…the last time…

Quickly, he balled up the t-shirt and shoved it back into the bag, fighting with his emotions for control of his body. Fresh air, that was what he needed, something to distract him before he was again overwhelmed by the loss.

He hastily changed his shirt and discarding the sleep-worn one on the bed, too flustered to even consider folding it. Then he found his phone, cane, gloves and jacket and made his way out of the room, not paying a thought to searching to see if he’d been left a room key. Prompto or Gladio would have one, and he just needed to get out of there.

It was a good thing that all Three Z’s motels seemed to have been built on the same layout, making it somewhat straightforward to find the exit to the streets of Tenebrae’s capital. Stepping outside, Ignis took a few deep breaths to compose himself, fixing the buttons on his gloves and pulled his sunglasses out of his jacket pocket, sliding them onto his face. A light breeze danced past, carrying the scent of sylleblossom, almost as if this country could smell of nothing else, but it did help distract him from the scent of Noct.

Just around the corner, Ignis overhead someone discussing the state of the Fenestala Manor after the fire was extinguished, about how miraculous it was that most of the library had survived intact. The thought of all those books, enough to rival the Citadel’s own library if Noct’s memory was to be believed, sparked an idea within him, it would take a long time and be very difficult, but he may be able to find some answers, perhaps even a way that Noct could be spared.

“Excuse me.” Ignis moved a little towards the individuals whom he’d been listening to, cane sweeping the path ahead of him. “I could not help but overhear that the manor’s library survived the fire. Would you be able to tell me how I might be able to access its contents?”

There were a few seconds of silence, and Ignis began to worry that the people had already moved on and he was attempting to engage thin air in conversation. When an answer came, accompanied by a second person’s laugh, he realised that they were probably taking in his dark glasses, the cane and the tentative way he’d moved across the slightly uneven pavement.

“Perhaps. Though I don’t know what a blind man wants books for.” The man who had been speaking before responded to him.

“I have my reasons.” Ignis replied tersely as his temper flared, his expression flat.

“Now now Oliver, don’t be rude to the young man. You were here a few days ago with Prince Noctis, weren’t you?” A woman spoke up, her voice kind. She sounded familiar but it took him a moment to place where from.

“I was. Are you Maria, who spoke to N…his Highness when we passed through?” Ignis caught his verbal slip just in time. He’d become used to being informal with Noct again, and with the discretion they had attempted to keep while travelling through Niflheim making the use of his title dangerous, Ignis almost wasn’t surprised he had momentarily forgotten his place. That was something he couldn’t afford to happen again.

“Why yes.” She sounded surprised at his memory, at least he hoped it was from his accurate memory and not from his slip in decorum. “Such a lovely young man he’s grown up to be. Lady Lunafreya’s passing seemed to have been especially hard on him. Is he with you?”

Ignis was careful to keep his expression neutral. “Yes, her loss was a terrible blow.” He tightened the grip on his cane, the leather of his gloves creaking. “His Highness was urgently called elsewhere on a task of the utmost importance.” Unable to determine how well his half-lie had been received, he continued. “He requires me to perform research on his behalf, and, I had hoped, I would be able to make use of the well-established library here.”

“Well, the whole of the manor’s off limits for people’s safety so I doubt you’d be allowed...” The man, Oliver, was cut off.

“Servants are still permitted into the manor, so I can show you the way. If Lord Ravus and Lady Lunafreya were here, they would be happy to provide you with assistance for Prince Noctis’ benefit.” Ignis felt a hand lightly touch his elbow. “Would you care to follow me, Mr…”

“Scientia. Ignis Scientia.”

After a short walk and with Maria’s guidance, Ignis found himself inside the manor, their footsteps stepping off the carpet of the corridor and resonating louder off of hard flooring. There was the familiar scent of old books, and layered over the top was the smell of burning which had been present throughout the building, making his nose itch.

“Is there a particular topic for your research, Mr Scientia?” Maria’s hand left his elbow where she had been providing him with directional indication.

Ignis’ sifted through the information he had to decide on what direction his research should first take. Since he was standing in the library of the Oracle, perhaps the best starting point would be…

“Are there any texts regarding the origins of the Scourge, and the prophesy of the King of Light?”

Although Maria admitting to not being very familiar with how the library’s contents were arranged, she helped him find more than a few books which had references to his topics of interest in either the title or the chapter headings.

Flicking open one at random, Ignis pulled out his phone and activated the text to speech app he had downloaded to be able to still read of a fashion. It took him a moment to align the camera, then had the first few sentences at the top of the page play and had Maria confirm to him that the translation had been accurate. He made a mental note to optimise the reading speed, otherwise making his way through even these books would take him years, the skill of skim-reading lost to him now.

“Thank you, Maria. I would not have been able to do this without your help.” Ignis stacked the books into two piles on a nearby desk, and even then, the cover of the top book came level with his chest. “Are you sure I am able to borrow these?”

“Lady Lunafreya once told me that we would all have to place our faith in Prince Noctis one day. Helping him is something she would have wanted. But I don’t know how you expect to carry them all.”

Ignis gave a half smile at the woman’s gasps of surprise as he took one book at a time, storing them in the Armiger. He was about to explain what he’d done with them but was distracted by the ringing of his phone.

Accepting the call, he pressed the speaker to his ear. “Scientia.”

“Iggy! Thank the Six you’re alive! Where are you dude?” Prompt sounded eminently relieved to hear his voice, which surprised him. Had he been gone so long as to make the others worried? He’d been so consumed with the promise of information, he’d barely given them any thought.

He gave his friend a brief summary of where he was and why.

“We were so worried about you! When we got back and you weren’t here, we thought you might have done something stupid. I’m really glad you didn’t.” Ignis was a little taken aback, he would never even contemplate doing such a thing, no matter how hard it all became, it would be breaking every oath and promise he had ever made.

In the background, he heard Gladio’s voice. “See, I told you Iggy wouldn’t’ve done something like that. He can tough this out.” Ignis dryly thought survive would be a better word. 

“I apologise for causing you concern, I got a little caught up with an opportunity. I shall return right away, are you both at the motel?”

“Yeah, we can come and get you.” His friend sounded so eager to see him again.

“No, it’s fine, Prompto, I’m sure I can manage. Just need a little air. I won’t be long.”

“Okay. Just call if you get stuck or something. Please?” Ignis let out a slight chuckle at his friend’s mothering tone. Prompto had always been considerate of others, but since the incident in Altissia, his patience and kindness with Ignis had seemingly increased a multitude of times.

“I shall, though I doubt I will need to. See you soon.” Ending the call, he turned back to Maria, apologising for his rudeness.

Once all the books were safe in the Armiger, Maria guided him out of the manor and offered to take him back to the motel but he politely refused, wishing for a little more time with his own thoughts and away from the conversation of others.

Plugging in a pair of headphones, he used the map directions from him phone to make his way back, taking the advantage of the muffled surrounding sounds to think.

It didn’t seem to take long to arrive back at the motel, navigating his way back up to where he remembered the room to be and knocking on the door. It barely took a second before the door was opening in front of him, displacing the momentary doubt that he had the right room which flashed through his thoughts.

“That Iggy?” Prompto called from inside and Ignis let out the breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding.

“Yeah, he’s back. Here, bet you’ve not eaten yet.” Gladio pressed a slightly warm package into his hands as Ignis stepping inside. Food had been the last thing on his mind since he’d woken but the smell of warm bread coming from the package was beginning to make him salivate. “It’s just a bagel, but it’s fresh, better than nothing, right? We’ve already had ours.”

“Thank you Gladio. That is very thoughtful.” He took a bite, savouring the mouthful. “I’m sorry that last night I…” He paused, having difficultly grasping the right words. Making a vague hand gesture with the one not holding food, Ignis chose a different approach. “I did not ask how you were handling our new situation. It was inconsiderate of me to be preoccupied with my own feelings.” A heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

“Honestly, I think I’m still kinda in shock. I’m fucking furious about what Noct’ll have to do, alright, but thinking it over this morning, I can’t judge you for not…for what happened. You need time and wanna keep some things private? I can respect that.” Ignis gave the Shield a small smile and a nod.

“Thank you, my friend.” He heard the bathroom door opening.

“Iggy! Dude, you’re ok!” Prompto hurried over, sounding as worried as he had done on the phone.

Once Ignis had reassured both his friends that he had not been contemplating any dire actions, even pulling out some of the books as proof, they settled down to discuss travel plans.

From their morning excursion, Prompto revealed that flying to Lucis was completely out of the question as all international travel for civilian aircraft across Niflheim had been grounded, the news of which caused Ignis to sigh heavily and pinch the bridge of his nose. This left travelling by sea, now one of his most loathed pastimes.

Gladio argued for a return to the royal yacht docked in Portia, but Ignis countered that it would be a four-night train journey back there, and on top of that none of them could pilot the damn thing. Gladio and Prompto had no skill manoeuvring the craft since, like the driving, he and Noct had taken on that responsibility, and he was not willing to put their lives at risk by attempting to drive a yacht blind. It was a shame to have to leave such a beautiful vessel behind, but there really wasn’t a practical alternative.

After some debate back and forth, the plan which they settled upon, primarily from Ignis’ reasoning, was to take the overnight train to the port of Pagla on Tenebrae’s western coast and there find the captain of a boat willing to take them to Cape Caem. It would be the fastest route and probably the least expensive, so they gathered their things and made their way to the train station to board the first available train.

On the train, Gladio had called his sister, letting her know they were returning and it would be without Noct. Ignis followed up with a similar conversation to Monica, one of the Crownsguard still minding Cape Caem, so at least their reception wouldn’t be shocked at the party of only three.

He had calmly delivered the news, briskly answering a few of the most pressing questions and pleasantly surprising himself with his own stoicism, but after the call had ended Ignis found his hands shaking and locked himself in a toilet until he could get himself back under control. When he emerged, he found Prompto had been waiting outside, his friend darted in to give him a brief hug and then ran off, leaving Ignis feeling touched but also confused.

Unfortunately, with the additional train tickets and accommodation costs, the price of chartering a boat was almost more that they could afford at this point, their funds running alarmingly low. Even Ignis’ shrewd budgeting could not have provided contingency for all these expenses, and only some clever negotiation left them with any money at all.

The journey to Cape Caem had gone about as well as the journey to Niflheim for Ignis, with him emptying the contents of his stomach at regular intervals and being provided frequent sips of water by Prompto. The bench seats on their current craft were not cushioned, making lying down almost more uncomfortable than standing white-knuckled at the railing, attempting to move with the rocking of the waves instead of against them. 

“How are you doing, Iggy?” Prompto’s hand rested against his back and a bottle of water was nudged against his arm.

Ignis groaned and bent double over the railing, dry-heaving this time as there was nothing left to eject.

“Sorry we couldn’t get a flight.” Prompto sounded sheepish, the hand on Ignis’ back giving him a few small pats.

Taking several deep breaths to steady himself, Ignis replied. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for. It is not your fault only military transport are permitted to fly to Lucis, and Arenea’s resources are better put to use for those who are needy, not to quell my seasickness.”

A large wave rocked the boat and Ignis found himself stumbling. He shifted a foot for more stability, feeling a brush of contact either side of his thigh, and grabbed onto Prompto’s shoulders while hands found his waist.

“S…sorry.” Prompto squeaked, flinched under his hands. The contact by his thigh hastily removed as well as the touch at his waist. Ignis remained as still as he could, holding onto Prompto’s shoulders to be able to find his balance again.

“Geez, put some suncream on Prompto, your face is burning!” Gladio spoke up, the jostling of the deck must have drawn his attention away from his book.

“R…right!” Prompto stammered, and Ignis felt him pulling away. Only having a moment of consider the reason for such an abrupt response before the churn of his stomach forced all other thoughts from his mind, and he lunged for the side once again.

“Gladdy! Guys! I’m so glad you’re back!” Iris’ voice rang out clearly as their boat pulled up to the dock, Ignis allowing himself a sigh of relief at the end to the journey.

“Monica, Dustin and Talcott are on the dock too.” Prompto told him quietly, the remaining time of the journey helping him overcome whatever had shocked him so much earlier. “Do you want some help getting back on dry land?”

“Yes, I believe that would be wise. Thank you, Prompto.” His voice had a rasp to it, and his limbs felt full of lead.

An arm looped around his waist and his own was positioned over Prompto’s shoulders before they made their way down the gangplank. Ignis’ legs wobbled, though he tried not to lean too heavily on his friend as they stepped onto dry land. Nausea perpetuating the agitation in his stomach and he decided resolutely to never step foot on a boat again.

He heard Gladio thanking the boat captain, and the engine gradually increasing in speed until their ride had disappeared from earshot.

Only half paying attention to the greetings which occurred and still feeling too terrible to really contribute beyond a nod here or there, Ignis wished he could go and lay down until began to feel better. Eventually, the group made their way up to winding stairs from the dock to the safe house so the discussion could continue in a more comfortable place.

His scars were commented upon, despite his condition being communicated by Gladio to Iris when it had happened, and he removed his sunglasses so the damage to his face could be seen properly. This earned him many questions especially from Iris and Talcott. Some he answered tactfully, others he avoided answering all together and he was relieved when no one tried to press him further.

“Prompto and Gladio can continue filling you in with what has happened recently. We should discuss plans for how to proceed in the morning, but if you would not mind, the voyage has left me dreadfully tired.” Ignis excused himself, standing up from his seat at the dining table which they had all congregated around.

“I’ll help you!” Prompto’s hand caught his elbow, and helped guide him up to the same room the four of them had shared before departing for Altissia. The blonde fussed around him, making sure he remembered where the bathroom was located and fishing out sleep wear for him to change into while he sat on the bed, still caught up in the aftershocks of seasickness.

“Okay, think you’re good to go, Iggy. We’ll try not to disturb you later.” A nervous hand patted his shoulder, then he heard footsteps make their way back towards the hall.

“Prompto, may I ask a favour?” He called out just as the door to the bedroom opened.

“Course.” The door closed softly and Prompto came closer again.

“I would appreciate it if neither you or Gladio mention how close my relationship with Noct has become.” Ignis had been contemplating the topic a lot during their journey, and had finally reached a decision. He hated going back on the progress he had made with being openly honest about his feelings, but his old fears of their connection sabotaging what Noct needed to do had started to creep back in.

“But I thought you didn’t want to hide it anymore.” Prompto seemed confused.

“Right now, that information benefits no one. I do not wish for pity and I do not want his decisions called into question by others when we find him again. If others deduce our relationship, so be it, but please do not freely volunteer it.” He clenched his hands together in his lap, imagining Noct’s disappointment with him, but without his lover’s support Ignis did not feel strong enough to openly declare their love.

“Hey, it’s not my business to tell.” Prompto said, following with a falsely confident laugh. “I won’t say anything, and I’ll make sure the big guy doesn’t blurt it out either.” Hearing that helped Ignis relax a little, knowing he could trust his friends.

Thanking Prompto, he heard the click of the door closing behind his friend. Now he had a bit time to himself, his still present nausea making it impossible for him to sleep right now, he connected his headphones to his phone and pulled out one of the books from the library at random. Sitting back against the headboard, Ignis opened up the text to speech app, flipped open the book’s cover and started to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found it pretty difficult to settle into writing this chapter so it was a tough one to finish. But, I've also built up a few juicy sections of upcoming chapters which I think you're going to like, for a variety of reasons.  
> We're also going to take a break from the day-to-day narative that I've been following for a while and start time skipping so the ten years of darkness will be compressed into key encounters and moments.
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading <3


	23. Chapter 23

The house at Cape Caem had been quiet for some weeks since Iris and Talcott had left under Monica and Dustin’s care, seeking the security that Lestallum provided with its power plant. Gladio had gone with them for a few days, taking to heart the need to cherish those around him and not wanting to let Iris out of his sight.

Ignis had refused to move along with the rest despite the more secure location. He was convinced that if Noct was going to make his way back to Lucis, the safe house at Cape Caem would be the first place his lover would go to find allies. It had certainly been the location they have planned to return to after finding the last royal tomb.

He wanted to be here when Noct arrived, every knock on the front door causing his heart to race, his hope spiking as he hurried to answer, perhaps this would be the day… But every time he was left disappointed. If it wasn’t by the postman, it was a delivery of supplies, even once travellers heading for a safer settlement who had somehow become hopelessly lost. Still, every time the doorbell went, Ignis paused in whatever he was doing to go and answer it. It was never Noct, and as time passed, the callers became fewer and the days between spikes of hope became longer.

“Maybe he’ll be there next time, Iggy.” Prompto patted him gently on the back as he closed the door on the first caller they had received in a week.

“Yes…perhaps next time…” He responded, feeling hollowed out with despondency. Throwing himself into his research was the only thing that seemed to help raise his spirits.

It was hard work keeping the house safe from the daemons that stalked closer and closer with each night that passed. Only regular maintenance of the generator and floodlights meant they could continue to stay there, but still Ignis was reluctant to leave.

Since the Monica had left, the cooking had mostly fallen to Prompto with Ignis instructing how to prepare meals from memory but refusing to pick up a knife or pan himself, too intimidated by what failure would do to him in this frame of mind. He stuck to the most reliable recipes which were forgiving for someone inexperienced with the finer skills of the culinary arts, not realising that many that he suggested were Noct’s favourites, continuing to unconsciously prioritise his lover’s preferences. Initially, he’d even recalled the amount of required ingredients incorrectly, being so used to providing a meal for four instead of two, or occasionally three.

Little slips like that lead him to becoming frustrated with himself. Shouldn’t he have begun to move towards acceptance by now? This was the longest he had gone without being in Noct’s presence for well over a decade, shouldn’t he at least be getting used to the absence of his lover? But no, his loss continued to feel raw, so much that some days it was a monumental effort just to get out of bed.

But he needed to maintain hope that his lover would return to him, if not for himself, at least from Gladio and Prompto, who only had his word that he had experienced a vision of the future. If he gave up hope, then they might start to believe that what he’d told them was all lies and their friendship would fall apart, or so he feared.

He became more and more reticent to talk about his worries, determined to display the appearance of one more put together than he felt, falling back into old habits of attempting to conceal that which he didn’t want others to see.

Ignis thought he’d been managing quite a convincing front, appearing as someone who was gradually recovering from the shock of their lover’s departure, remembering that it was possible to smile and laugh, sometimes even being quite affable. He found it draining, having to plan his responses to certain questions or situations instead of being able to react naturally, forcing actions that he didn’t feel.

He’d managed to insert some puns into a conversation over dinner the last time Gladio had been there, getting a roar of laugher from the Shield and a quieter chuckle from Prompto. Six months ago, he would have been quite pleased with himself, they were good puns, but his heart wasn’t in it. Sometimes he wondered if Noct had taken his capacity for joy and love into the Crystal with him, because they were absent emotions for him now.

Providing the best support he could for the wellbeing of his two friends was also important to give him some other sense of purpose outside of his research. Whilst he was caring for others, he seemed to shut off his own depressed thoughts, often listening patiently to Gladio’s concerns about their darkening world or Prompto’s worry for how they were meant to prepare for however long the night would last. He tried to give practical advise where it was suitable, suggesting methods to displace their concerns by focusing their energies in a more productive fashion, but he politely declined any offers for reciprocation and deflected any following concerns about himself.

Of course, all this energy he was putting into keeping up appearances was energy he wasn’t using to find an alternative to Noct’s sacrifice, his own productive outlet, so he tried to compensate be working late into the night. It rapidly became a thing for Prompto to go to bed, Ignis promising him not to stay up too late, for the blonde to emerge the next morning while Ignis was brewing himself another coffee, still wearing yesterday’s clothes, his bed untouched.

Soon two months had gone by since Noct disappeared into the Crystal and Ignis was still struggling with his grief.

“What’re we going to do?” He began to return to consciousness, hearing Prompto’s whisper nearby.

He was lying on a bed when the last thing he remembered was sitting at the table, slowly working his way through the book he’d been ‘reading’ for the last several days. It was brutally slow work, but without his vision he didn’t have any other faster options.

Somehow Prompto must have helped him into bed, perhaps he’d been semi-conscious at the time, because he was not light enough for his slender friend to carry up the stairs by himself.

“I’ve been spreading the news and working with the hunters. You both should come with me Prom, round up the Crownsguard, gather allies, like we’d agreed.” The Shield responded in a low, rough voice. What was Gladio doing back so soon? He’d estimated he’d be gone for five days, unless…unless five days had already passed and Ignis hadn’t realised. Maybe Gladio had carried him here then.

How many times had he slept since Gladio had left? Three? He could no longer tell. At least working himself to exhaustion meant that he’d not dreamed for weeks.

“Maybe later, Iggy won’t want to go, and I can’t just leave him. Dude, I’m really worried about him.”

“Iggy? Nah, he’ll be fine. He’s starting to get back to his old self.” Gladio didn’t sound completely convinced, but enough that at least Ignis’ acting hadn’t been a complete waste of time.

One of them shuffled their feet on the bare floorboards, probably Prompto. It was one of his nervous habits, much like wringing his hands, though easier to determine his mood through hearing alone.

“I think…I think losing Noct like that…it’s broken him.” Prompto sounded so sad. Ignis couldn’t deny the validity of the statement though, he was not the same man who had entered Zegnautus Keep several weeks ago. Sometimes, the person he was becoming frightened him, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to go back, not without Noct.

“He’s…he’s Iggy. Just, needs a bit of time to process, y’know. Like we all do. He’s pulling himself back together best he can.” Gladio muttered.

“Dude, while you’ve been out there to help people, I get to watch him going through old books until he falls asleep at the table. It’s the first time this week I’ve seen him use a bed and that’s only cos you got him up here! He won’t tell us what he’s thinking, or what he’s really searching for, but he’s still trying to make _us_ feel better about everything.” Prompto was getting more and more agitated, his voice creeping higher in pitch and volume.

Ignis felt guilty that his mask was clearly not being good enough to fool the one person he was constantly around. He’d wanted to shield his friends from the utter mess he had become, but instead he’d been distressing the one he relied on the most. It also made him feel sick knowing it would cause Noct pain when he found out that his steady, stoic advisor had crumbled the moment he’d gone.

Ignis stirred more noticeably this time, making it clear he was awake and sat upright. “I would appreciate not being talked about as if I am not here.” His voice came out more abruptly than he’d aimed for. “If I am becoming troublesome, I wish you would help others more worthy of your time. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“No! You’re no trouble Iggy.” His friend replied quickly, footsteps approaching him, fingers touching his shoulder. “You’ve just been…really focused, don’t you wanna, I dunno, take a break for a couple of days?”

“Yeah, we can all go to Lestallum for a bit. Iris and Talcott have been asking about you.” Gladio approached him as well, making him feel uncomfortable being the one still in bed.

“I appreciate what you both are trying to do, but I must remain here to mind the house. It is very important to me that it is not left unattended.” Ignis tried to assuage his friends’ concerns, wrestling his tone into something calm and considered.

“Everyone needs a break sometimes, Iggy. Even you.” Gladio sounded solemn, and the mattress shifted as a one of them sat on the edge of the bed.

“You must be getting sick of my company, Prompto. You should take a few days; I can manage, and I’ll continue my research.” He tried a different tact.

“Maybe if you tell us what you’re looking for, we could help you?” Prompto asked, sounding a little nervous of Ignis reaction. He’d attempted to raise the subject more than once before and Ignis had brushed it aside every time, his rejections becoming harsher the more times they were required. He was unable to accept the help because of the nagging thought in his mind that somebody else could overlook something crucial, something that could be the key to Noct’s survival, and Ignis couldn’t risk that.

“Look, if you’ve been doing what ya always do and trying to run on nothing but coffee you’ve gonna burn out. Noct wouldn’t’ve wanted you to run yourself into the ground.” He gritted his teeth at Gladio’s words, hating how true the statement was, but he was doing this for Noct, for all of them.

Letting his temper get the better of him, Ignis flung back the covers and swung his legs out of bed. “I have told you both before, I will not be going to Lestallum and I certainly do not need to be coddled like a child.” He went to stand up but Gladio’s large hands pulled him back down.

“Please, Iggy. We’re your friends. Let us help you.” Prompto begged him.

“If you wish to help me, find me more information on the scourge.” He snapped, slapping the hands away, scrambling out the other side of the bed and marched towards the bathroom, locking the door behind him, glad for having memorised the layout of the house.

Breathing heavily, he leant over the sink, regretting his outburst until a gentle tap came from the other side of the door.

“What?” He growled, just wanting to be left alone.

“Sorry we upset you. Just, argh, I dunno, talk to us, when you’re ready. We’ll listen.” Gladio paused and there was a soft thump, sounding like he had slumped against the wall next to the door. “Erm…look, I picked something up for you, a kinda, shit, how do you describe it? Visor thing. Thought it might be better than those sunglasses o’yours.”

All the anger drained away. He should be more appreciative of the Shield’ company. Gladio spent a lot of his time in Lestallum with his sister, coming back for a few days every couple of weeks, giving Ignis another absence to manage his feelings about.

“Thank you, Gladio. That is very considerate.” Ignis sighed, straightening up again and moving towards the shower. “Please be so good as to leave them on the bedside table. I’ll put them on when I dress.” He then turned the tap, letting the rush of water drown out any following response, leaving him with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're only 2 months in and Ignis is already having a tough time. 
> 
> It's a shorter chapter this time, but it should mean the next one, perhaps two, won't take as long to finish. These next ten years are going to be rough so buckle in for the ride and watch out for the feels, we'll see if any take you by surprise :)


	24. Chapter 24

Over the next few months, Gladio’s appearances became more and more infrequent as he was preoccupied with coordinating with the remains of the Crownsguard and Kingsglaive, dropping by occasionally with more books and information that had been salvaged which might help Ignis’ search.

Every time the Shield arrived, Prompto seemed overjoyed. Ignis had become more withdrawn as time had gone by so he could hardly blame his friend for being eager for more stimulating company.

He tried to make an effort for the blonde’s wellbeing, he really did, but lately he’d been feeling listless about everything that wasn’t his research, up to the point where he no longer had the energy to attempt to put on his mask of normalcy. Not that it had seemed to work very well on Prompto, almost making him more anxious when Ignis tried to pretend he was fine than when he simply didn’t bother.

On good days, when he felt more in a balanced frame of mind, Ignis managed to tear his focus away from his books for a short while and offered Prompto a game or two of cards. Gladio had found a deck which had individual raised markings on each card so that Ignis could know which he held, making it possible for him to play. They both seemed to enjoy those days, regardless of who won, and games often ended with smiles and a hug.

The first time he managed to steal a trick from under Prompto’s nose, earning cries of dismay, Ignis had actually laughed, the sound starting him. He wasn’t sure the last time that had happened.

“Wish I knew how to make you laugh more Iggy.” Prompto’s fingers lightly rested on his arm.

Ignis managed a small smile and patted the hand. “You are doing just fine, Prompto. Just keep being yourself. It helps, truly.” The hand squeezed his arm then reluctantly withdrew.

Those few precious hours felt good, a tiny taste of what had been, but they made it all the more crushing when Ignis’ sense of guilt rolled back in. If he did not progress his research and find some answers soon, how would he ever be ready to face Noct again, but in doing so he was emotionally abandoning his friends. Fears attacked him from both sides, which he naturally never spoke about.

Six months had now passed since Noct’s disappearance and as the hours of daylight had grown ever shorter, the daemons had become far more numerous. Now descending into winter Cape Caem was no longer safe enough for himself and Prompto to stay. There simply wasn’t enough daylight to keep up with the maintenance anymore and so, grudgingly, Ignis had finally relented to move elsewhere.

They packed up all the necessary items they could manage and began to make their way towards the more stable outpost of Old Lestallum and then perhaps further on from there. It was going to be a difficult and dangerous trip given that neither of them could drive anymore, and their plan was to dash from haven to haven by chocobo.

It was strange to ride a chocobo without being able to see the path ahead, having to trust that the bird would follow Prompto’s lead and not get distracted or spooked into running off by itself. The first stretch of the journey to the Spelcray haven went smoothly at least, although that might have had something to do with most of it following the road through the mountain tunnels, allowing little room for deviation.

Once there, the sun apparently beginning to dip below the horizon already, Ignis helped Prompto to set up the tent, though he found the physical effort tiring. Too long spent sitting at the table scouring books for information meant he had neglected his regular training forms, and with the shortening daylight hours, even the opportunities to exercise outside were few and far between.

That evening their meal was tins of soup that could easily be reheated over the fire, both of them feeling too solemn in having to give up the place that had become home to want to try anything more complex.

The chocobos hunkered down after having their greens and crooned softly as Prompto fussed over them. He’d been so happy when they found they could still rent such mounts that Ignis had held back his disapproval of the expense. Their financial situation hadn’t drastically improved since their return to Lucis, so every cost had needed to be carefully accounted for.

Going to stand at the edge of the haven’s mound, Ignis faced outwards towards the sea. He listened to the sound of the waves lapping at the rocky shoreline, smelling the tang of salt and seaweed in the air. The four friends had stopped here not long before they departed for Altissia, Noct taking the opportunity to fish and indulging Prompto in posing for photographs on the pier. Ignis remembered discretely watching the photoshoot from afar under the guise of tidying the camp, thinking of how beautiful Noct looked in the golden light of dawn.

Lost in his memories and longing, Ignis picked at the metaphorical scab which he’d tried to form over his grief, opening up the wound of Noct’s absence, leaving it raw and fresh once again.

Arms slipped around Ignis’ waist and a warm body pressed up against him from behind. He could feel the tickle of breath against the side of his neck and he caught the scent of Noct’s aftershave. Ignis shivered, tears coming to his eyes as this arrangement of bodies felt so familiar.

“Noct…” His lover’s name was barely a whisper on his lips, lost in the sounds of the waves. He reached up to cover the hands that were now pressed flat against his chest with his own, stroking this skin softly with his thumbs, indulging in the sensations for a moment and the grief that was his constant companion receded a little.

Those hands sought to link fingers with his which Ignis allowed, holding on tightly. Lips then brushed the skin exposed above his collar, the man’s breaths shallow and quick, seeming nervous. Ignis bit his lip, his body quivering as a riot of memory and emotions exploded inside of him.

Another delicate brush of lips, this time just under his right ear. The arms tightened around him as the man used him to steady themselves as they stretched up to reach. Ignis slowly brought one of those hands up to his face and kissed the palm, feeling a slight scratch against his skin from callouses and remembering how it felt to have such battle-worn hands caressing his skin.

Could it really be Noct who was, by some grace of the gods, here with him now?

Ignis tilted his head a little to the side, inviting more contact, though he couldn’t stop himself from trembling at each puff of air against his skin. The man nuzzled against his offered neck and he caught the scent of aftershave again.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Ignis shifted his hold on the hands placed against him and began to turn. Finding no resistance, he placed the hands upon his hips then traced the arms back up, his light touch causing a shiver, until he was gently holding the man’s face in his palms. The clothes he felt along the way were not what he’d expected, and something was not quite right about the jawline, but Ignis put those thoughts to the back of his mind. He didn’t want to break this spell, wishing for it to be Noct here with him now.

Tilting his face down, he moved a thumb to skim over those lips, finding them soft but a little dry. His own curved into a tender smile, the expression feeling almost alien to him it had been so long since he’d felt any desire to show it.

“May I kiss you?” Ignis asked, his voice low and reverent, waiting for some kind of indication before he moved any more.

Tentatively, the face in his hands shifted, nodding, the acknowledgement creating a storm of nervous butterflies in the pit of his stomach. Tilting the man’s face upwards, he hesitantly moved forward, allowing the man time to pull away if he wanted, before brushing their lips together.

The fingers resting on his hips tightened their grip, pulling their bodies closer, and now Ignis was the one being kissed. The tip of a tongue touched his lower lip, shyly asking for entrance. Noct’s kisses, aside from small pecks, had always verged on hungry, as if he were starving and Ignis was his only form of sustenance. He should have paused, but he didn’t, instead giving the man what he wanted and let him in, their tongues gently touching and caressing.

There was a sweetness to the kiss that warmed him, reminding him a little that life contained joy as well as sadness. It was something he wanted to cling to so he wouldn’t be constantly drowning in his grief. He wanted more of it, to escape this pain just for a moment.

Ignis briefly pulled away to a soft sound of disappointment, although the man’s hands didn’t move from their position. Noct would normally have been reaching for his shirt buttons or belt at this point, eager to caress his skin, but the grip on his hips remained constant, as if they were unsure of how to act next.

The differences were becoming harder to overlook, but Ignis was so desperate for this to be Noct, he pushed on regardless, ignoring the voice at the back of his mind shouting at him to go no further.

Cupping the back of the man’s neck with one hand, fingers stroking into the soft hair, he began to kiss the column of their throat, paying attention to the spots Noct enjoyed the most, the scent of his aftershave strong. The man’s breathing was becoming ragged under his touch and with their bodies pressed together, he could feel the stirring of the other’s arousal.

“Mmh, Iggy.” That was Prompto’s voice!

Ignis froze, his lips still pressed against soft skin. Prompto had just moaned for him.

“Don’t stop, I like it.” Prompto sounded shy and a little nervous, but the hands at his hips tried to encourage him and his friend was definitely getting turned on by what he’d been doing.

“Iggy?”

Ignis recoiled so sharply he nearly lost his balance in an attempt to place distance between them, feeling guilt for enjoying the sensations for the brief time they had lasted, shame for feeling like he’d betrayed Noct, anger at his friend’s deception and, most prominently, disgust at his own willingness to be deceived.

“Why?” He managed to say, the word muffled by the hand he had pressed against his mouth in horror. Prompto must have known exactly what he was doing, he’d even used Noct’s aftershave to add to the illusion for the gods’ sake.

“What d’you mean?” Prompto sounded hurt but did not approach him. It was a good thing too because Ignis wasn’t sure he could have stopped himself from reflexively lashing out if he’d been touched again.

“You’re wearing Noct’s aftershave and you are of a similar enough build that I’ve mistaken you before. Were you trying to fool me into thinking you were him?” Ignis harshly swiped at the damp trail down his cheek.

“I thought…dude, I’m sorry. I’ve really messed up, haven’t I?” His friend now sounded very sad and small, boots scuffing on the rock beneath their feet.

“I would say that is an understatement.” Ignis snapped, losing his cool. “I want to know why you let me…I thought you were him!” He almost shouted, startling the chocobos, and paused for a moment to take a harsh breath. “I wanted you to be him…” He covered his face with his hands, burning with shame and humiliation.

“I’m sorry! I thought maybe I could help you feel a bit better. I promised Noct I’d make sure you weren’t lonely if he wasn’t around.” Prompto sounded nervous, his feet shifting restlessly.

“And when did you do that?”

“In Niflheim, on the train. He asked me to look after you the same day I…” Prompto hesitated, searching for the right word, “…fell.”

“Was deception really the only way you could think of?” Now Ignis was being scathing, so caught up in his own emotions it prevented him from attempting to be understanding and see things from Prompto’s point of view.

“I didn’t mean to, honest. I ran out of my cologne so I just used one from the washbag, I didn’t realise it was Noct’s. It’s hard to see you be so sad all the time, I just wanted to help.” There was an edge of desperation to Prompto’s tone. “I’ve kinda, maybe, got a bit of a crush on you, Iggy...I like you…and I’m really, really sorry.”

The confession took Ignis by surprise, but something about it jogged his memory, his mind constantly seeking to piece together information, providing him with a conversation he’d had with Noct only a few days before he disappeared.

_“It makes me jealous, y’know. Thinking about you being with someone else when I’m…not here. But I’d also hate for you to be lonely. I dunno, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you got off with Prompto, or something.” Ignis spluttered in surprise._

_“And I’m sure he would feel honoured being offered up to me to assuage my grief.” He said sarcastically._

_“Maybe he would. I’ve never asked if he fancies you.”_

_“I should hope bloody well not!” Ignis exclaimed, unsure whether he was flattered or outraged by the suggestion._

_“Do you fancy him?” Noct shifted, straddling Ignis’ hips with his knees and bent over him, pressing their foreheads together. What on earth was his lover trying to achieve with these questions? This time his response settled on outrage._

_“I am not dignifying that question with an answer! You are the person I am in love with. I do not want, or need, anyone else.”_

“Did Noct know?” Ignis asked suspiciously. For once, had his lover played him?

“I never told him. Couldn’t really come out and say, hey dude, y’know that torch you’re carrying for Iggy that you think is unrequited but it’s obvs not, well I’m crushing on him too. Snap!” Prompto sighed, sounding like he went over to slump in one of the camp chairs. “Yeah, that would have gone down real well. He’s my best friend, I couldn’t do that to him.”

“I never suspected…” Ignis mumbled, frowning and unsure how to proceed. This revelation had pulled the proverbial rug out from under him.

“Hey, I guess I did a better job of hiding it than you did.” Prompto gave a hollow laugh. “I know it’s one sided. You only ever had eyes for Noct since I met you. You make each other happy and that makes me happy, I never meant to do anything about it. Please Iggy, you’ve gotta believe me!”

“Why today? Why now?” Ignis gestured broadly.

“You looked like you needed a hug but how you reacted…I thought we’d been getting closer lately and I…got a bit carried away. Then you looked at me like that and asked to kiss me and, I thought you knew it was me and you still wanted to. I didn’t plan any of it, but I liked how it felt and it just, kinda, happened. I guess we’re both deceiving ourselves.”

The regret in Prompto’s voice cooled some of Ignis’ ire. Their actions had been nothing more than a foolish mistake, on both sides. Thinking more clearly, he realised how stupid it had sounded accusing his friend of wilful deceit. Of course, Prompto was the only one out here with him, how could a rational mind ever conclude anything else. He shuddered, scaring himself.

He should be more empathetic. They had similar experiences with having feelings for those they shouldn’t, and regardless of his motivation, Prompto had continued to be very kind and supportive of him at a time in his life when he had not been good at demonstrating any form of gratitude. Prompto must be feeling awful right now, and Ignis’ reactions had hardly been that of a well-balanced man.

Ignis wasn’t sure what state he would be in if Prompto had not chosen to remain with him, but it certainly would be worse than he was now. He cared for his friend a great deal, just not in the way the blonde would have liked. Noct would always have too great a hold on his heart.

After a long silence, Ignis spoke. “Prompto, you cannot expect anything from me. Noct…” He attempted to frame his thoughts into words but was cut off.

“I know, you don’t need to say it. I’m ok with that.” Prompto said quietly. “I just want to help my friend.”

The confusion of feelings began to ebb away, leaving Ignis tired and drained. How had he come to this? When had being self-absorbed in his pain taken priority over his concern and care for others?

He was sure Noct would be most disappointed in him for behaving very unlike himself these last six months. To be honest, he was disappointed in himself for being unable to manage his feelings, but how was he supposed to process his grief when he knew Noct would return to him, someday, only to sacrifice himself again and break Ignis’ heart once more. It was the unknown length of waiting that was destroying him, being both desperate to be beside his lover again but also wishing for enough time to find a way out for Noct. He was not sure he could survive going through this grief again.

“I’ll leave if you want that, but Iggy, I don’t know if you’d be ok on your own.”

“I’m sure I would be able to manage.” He automatically responded, stubborn and independent to the last.

“Do you want to?” Prompto’s voice was small.

Did he want Prompto to leave? He sometimes found his friend’s chattering to fill the quiet annoying when he was trying to focus, but contemplating the silence that would fall once he was no longer there made Ignis feel so alone.

He’d been behaving abominably. Ignis decided that he must try to be better, to show that he was eternally grateful for Prompto’s support, especially as he could now see the assistance that had been provided through a new lens.

“You are right, I would struggle terribly without your support. I’m sorry for how I have been, I just…my work is so important.”

“Y’know, I could help you with that. I’m not dumb, and I’m pretty sure you’re looking for some way to stop Noct dying.”

Ignis stepped back, a little stunned, and Prompto seemed to give a melancholic chuckle at his reaction.

“C’mon Iggy, he’s the only thing you seem to care about nowadays.” He felt a little stab of guilt at that comment.

“I’m truly sorry for my behaviour. I would not blame you for being angry at me, my accusations were ridiculous.” He took a step forward, wanting to make amends, but Prompto’s reply cut him deeply.

“Nah, just bit disappointed.” Boots sounded on the rock again and a chocobo chirruped, letting out the same soft cooing sound as they did when they were being petted. “I wondered why you told me to be patient when we were at Galdin Quay. Ha, now I guess I know.” There was a slight bitterness to the words.

Ignis frowned and shook his head, perplexed by the swerve in topic. “I do not recall doing such a thing.”

“Oh…I guess it doesn’t matter then...” Prompto trailed off. “I know it’s still kinda early, but I think I’m gonna head to bed. It’s been quite a day.”

“Indeed.” Ignis replied softly, hearing the zip of the tent flap. “Goodnight.”

Cautiously, Ignis went back to a camp chair and sat down in front of the fire, his mind buzzing. He used to take pride in pre-empting the needs of his friends, always being sharp and focused, rarely putting a step wrong. What happened to his skill with words, his consideration for others, his adaptability under pressure to achieve his goal and overcome all obstacles?

He knew he had the capability to have dealt with that conversation in a far more understanding and sensitive way, or at least, he used to have that capability, now he wasn’t so sure. He knew he should do more for those who were here, but every time he tried to formulate a plan the image of Noct, dead on his throne, would rise through his thoughts and dominate them entirely. Only with the surety of Noct’s safety would he feel able to turn his hand to other things.

That night, Ignis dozed off in the camp chair in front of the dying fire, giving Prompto space and pretending he couldn’t hear the small sniffs over the sounds of the sea and the chocobos.

In the morning, he woke under his sleeping bag which had been messily but effectively tucked in between him and the chair, and the smell of coffee.

“Mornin’ Iggy.” Prompto sounded more subdued than usual. “You’ll get sick if you sleep outside.”

“I thought you might need some space after last night.” He wriggled an arm free from the insulated constraints and had a hot mug pressed into his hand.

“I, err, I meant what I said, ‘bout wanting to help you as my friend. That is, if you still want us to be friends now that, well, you know I like you. I don’t want it to change anything, if fact, I’d kinda prefer it if you forgot all about it.” Prompto sounded very nervous, sitting down in his own chair nearby, but Ignis was willing to bet he wasn’t within arm’s reach.

“Of course I wish to remain friends, I value your friendship a great deal. But I suppose I could ask you wished to remain with me after my appallingly unsympathetic behaviour.” Ignis took an anxious sip of his coffee. It was slightly bitter, being burnt over the re-stoked fire, but it was warm and at this point he wasn’t going to cast aside a small peace offering.

“Yeah, I do. I’m gonna stick by you and keep my promise. We’re gonna get Noct back and things’ll get better, you’ll see.” Prompto said, sounding a little brighter.

Ignis murmured into his mug as he took another sip. “I hope you’re right Prompto. I hope you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a speedy update this time :D Hope you liked a bit of unrequited Promnis. I was toying with whether to reveal this now or shift it later on, but I think on the whole it fits better here.
> 
> Maybe I'll do a little snapshot companion piece from Prompto's perspective after this is finished, show a little of his side of things with Ignis since Altissia, cos boy he must have had some stuff going on during that time. If you like that idea, let me know via a comment.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	25. Chapter 25

The months continued to tick by until a year and a half had passed since Noct’s disappearance and there was still no sight or sound of him.

Ignis was sharing a small bedsit in Lestallum with Prompto. The powerplant kept the city safe, but with the influx of refugees from smaller towns and villages without a consistent supply of power to keep the daemons at bay made accommodations cramped.

All of the research Ignis had done had provided only small results. He now had enough context pieced together from a myriad of history books, including texts considered heretical from the library in Fenestala Manor, and his own experience to have an educated guess on the real identity of Ardyn Izunia as the elder brother of Lucis’ Founder King and host to the Scourge.

Still, he’d not been able to shed any light on how to save Noct from death and it was slowly tearing him apart. Every time he woke, he told himself that the King of Light could return that day and he would not be prepared, pushing himself harder, past the point of efficiency and burning himself out, then sleeping for a whole 24 hours, waking and chastising himself for losing precious time. It had been a similar cycle as he had been performing in Cape Caem, but he’d been driving himself more the extreme, being safe in a city with light meaning he was not forced to break from his research to help Prompto maintain the safety of their living space, and it was taking its toll.

His focus had narrowed so considerably that Prompto’s gentle reminders were now the primary reasons for him to eat, shower, and occasionally sleep while he continued to pour over texts, both physical and digital.

Prompto, and Gladio, when he was here, both tried to encourage him to go outside, do something different, try to have fun, anything to get him to let off a little steam, but the more he tried for their sake the worse he ended up feeling. Eventually, they stopped pushing him.

The Shield was more often than not out hunting daemons to keep civilians safe and supply routes open. When he did return, he slept on a camp bed while Ignis and Prompto shared the only bed, the three of them living in even closer confines than when they had been travelling with Noct, which already seemed like a different lifetime.

Prompto had stuck by him as he’d promised, continuing to be patient and kind. Ignis often apologised for being a burden, seeing flashes of his own caretaking habits being reflected by his friend. Each time Prompto told him not to worry about it, that he’d got a big care debt to pay back and squeezed his shoulder affectionately.

They hadn’t talked about his crush since Spelcray Haven.

In the last few weeks Ignis had been experiencing chest pains and sometimes his heart would race without warning, leaving him feeling sick and disorientated. He felt like he was getting nowhere, so deep in this horrendous cycle of work and collapse that he was unable to see a way out. Every time he tried to break free, the guilt he experienced at the thought of giving up on Noct pushed him back under again, even though by doing so he was failing his lover in a different way. It felt like he was hitting rock bottom and there was no relief, he’d either find a solution or eventually the stress would make his body give out.

Reaching the end of another book which had taken him days of time yet held no useful information, he flung it aside in frustration. Estimating a little over half of the texts he processed held little to no value within their pages, Ignis groaned and decided to willingly go and sleep for once.

Prompto was running errands with a team of glaives to help keep his skills sharp so Ignis was currently alone. He had no idea what time it was, his internal body clock having been thrown off kilter without a regular sleep pattern and the sun to orient his day, but he’d appreciate a few hours of sleep to open the next book with a fresh mind.

Drained and frustrated, he hastily undressed into pyjamas, pulled off his visor and climbed under the covers, drifting off almost immediately. Just before he did however, he was vaguely aware of a tingling in his left hand, focused on the base of his middle finger, then unconsciousness took him.

His dream that night was not the usual assortment of nightmares and memories. Finding himself in a luminescent space that went on and on forever, he looked around, not surprised to be able to see in his dreams, but the only thing in this vast emptiness was a dark figure not too distant from him.

All of a sudden, the sense of déjà vu resolved itself. He’d had this dream before, right after Noct disappeared into the Crystal. The air didn’t feel as thick and oppressive as last time, and he succeeded at taking a hesitant step forward despite the apparent lack of a floor or anything to push his feet against.

“Noct?” Ignis called, the dark figure outlined against the glowing back drop looked up. It was just a dream, why was he feeling more alert than he had in months?

The figure stretched out an arm towards him and is heart wanted to burst with joy as Noct whispered his name and the heavy weight he’d been labouring under all these months was removed.

Ignis took one step forward, then another, gathering speed until he was running towards the silhouette of a person, wanting to scoop his lover into his arms, kiss him and never let go again. He slowed a little as he came close, Noct stepping forward, arms open wide to receive him, but there was no solid contact, instead he seemed to pass straight through his lover. The sensation was unpleasantly like being sluiced down with ice water, making him cry out in shock.

“Ignis!” He spun about and his chest felt like it was being frozen. He gasped, looking down to see arms outstretched against him, the outline of hands meeting the darkness of his own body. It was disorientating to have some much apparent visual input from their surroundings, but to receive no information except silhouettes of their bodies.

“You’re here? Is it really you?” Hearing Noct’s voice filled with such hope made something inside of Ignis sing in response.

“My darling Noct.” The hands against him pulled back a little, the icy coldness retreating to something more akin to a cool breeze.

Ignis reached out towards his lover’s face, smiling at him. There was no texture of skin under his hands, only a faint sensation of cold and a tingling in his left hand become more noticeable.

The initial surprise over, Noct’s arms dropped back to his sides.

“Looks like we can’t touch.” His lover sighed and Ignis’ smile faltered. He’d been so overjoyed to be near Noct after so long apart, he’d forgotten that this was a dream. To be so close yet be unable to touch was just a new method of torment that his mind had created for him.

“I miss you Noct. I miss you so much.” He whispered, bending a little as if to press their foreheads together, seeking the connection he had been grieving.

“I saw you here before, but I thought I was hallucinating. How long have I been here?” His lover asked, his hands swinging nervously at his sides just as he used to do, his body language anxious.

“Eighteen months.” He told his lover, desperate to cling to the illusion of conversation, even though any figments in his dream would have the same knowledge he did.

“What?” Noct shouted, stumbling back a couple of steps, clearly astonished by the time span. “How are Prompto and Gladio doing?” He asked, managing to steady himself as Ignis reached out to try and help.

“They are both doing well, under the circumstances. They miss you terribly, but I seem to feel your loss more keenly still.” Ignis tried to smile but found he was struggling to form the correct expression as his brow kept furrowing.

“Your clothes look loose, have you lost weight?” The silhouette of Noct stepped around him, seeming to inspect him carefully. He self-consciously patted himself down, he seemed to be wearing his day clothes. Strange what details dreams recreated.

“Perhaps a little. I assure you I am fine.” He had been wearing his suspenders more and more recently, preferring them over his belt which some days he couldn’t do up tight enough to prevent his trousers settling too low on his hips.

“Those specs look good on you. Where’d you find them?” He saw Noct reaching out towards his vison, and he automatically ducked his head. The hand hesitated, then withdrew.

“Gladio found them, if you can believe it. I’m glad they are not hideous.” He let out a soft sound of relief.

“Nah, nothing you wear could look bad. You’re so handsome I think you’d look good even wearing a sack. Though I prefer it went you don’t wear anything.” A swarm of butterflies fluttered inside Ignis at the compliment and the way Noct’s tone became more seductive as he went.

“Flatterer.” Although on the surface Ignis waved it off, it was hard to resist a small smile.

Noct came back to stand in front of him and sighed. “What’s happened to you Specs?” He now sounded worried. His lover’s hands reached out in a vain attempt to seek some of the reassuring contact that they were used to having.

“I have been…caught up in my work.” He felt heat rising in his cheeks, was he really trying to fool his own subconscious?

“You seem really tired. You’ve always pushed yourself too much, but you still managed to take care of yourself before. What’s changed?” Noct asked, using the soft tone that worked so well at enticing Ignis to speak his deepest thoughts.

Swallowing hard, heart sinking, Ignis compressing the last months down into a sentence wracked with emotion. “It is so hard to be without you, so I am trying to find some other way, so you don’t have to sacrifice yourself.”

Noct remained silent and Ignis wished he could gauge his lover’s expression. Was he shocked? Happy? Horrified? Or did it even really matter in his own dream?

“I don’t know how long I have to find a way, and without my sight my research is painfully slow. I fear I won’t find one in time.”

“Specs, I…” Noct seemed too stunned to give a full response.

“It’s just a small sacrifice in the short term.” He tried to reassure his lover, but Noct shook his head hard, refusing to accept the platitude.

“You said that about losing your sight! Think about how I’ll feel when I get back and you’re nothing but a shadow. I don’t want to be saved if this is what you have to do to yourself.” Ignis found himself being circled again, his lover gesturing frantically as he paced.

“I will take better care of myself once I find a way to dispel the scourge without it costing your life. Why am I even justifying my actions to my own dream?” He said bitterly, ceasing to follow Noct’s path.

“You think this is a dream?” Noct came to a halt, sounding surprised.

“Of course. I talk to you all the time when I am awake, but only in my dreams can you reply, even though I know what you will say.”

“It’s cos you know me so well.” He could hear his lover’s smile, even though he could not see it.

“It is because you are only my mind’s projection of the one I love. The real Noct has gone somewhere I am not worthy enough to follow. And even though I cherish this glimpse of you, I know this cannot possibly be real.” Ignis’ shoulder’s slumped, remembering what happened the last time he convinced himself Noct was with him.

A shadowy hand tentatively reached out, the coolness of attempted touch brushing lightly over his lips. The sensation slid up to his cheek and Ignis couldn’t help but try to lean into the feeling which had no weight behind it.

“I can’t even comfort you properly.” Noct sounded so sad. “It’s not fair, Specs! You’re taking everything on yourself again, aren’t you? And I can’t be there to talk you down.”

Ignis tried to reach up and cover that shadow of a hand with his own, feeling that sense of coolness against his palm as well.

“I wish you were truly with me. I want nothing more than to hold you. Prompto and Gladio try their best, but I am so lonely without you.”

“What if this weren’t a dream?” Ignis shivered at the suggestion, something twisting painfully in his chest. He moistened his lips, unsure of how to answer.

“I would be so happy, and so scared about what it would mean.” Noct came closer to him, as near as they could be without touching. He could hear his lover’s nervous breaths but could not feel the complimentary puffs of warm air against his skin. “I do not wish to think of you fully aware and all alone in a place like this. To be all alone for so long…”

He couldn’t help but focus what was passing as vision for him in this place down to where Noct’s lips should be.

“You’ve had your eyes open this whole time.” His lover informed him. “Can you see in here?”

“Not as I used to. Somehow, you are only a silhouette to me, but it’s more than I’ve seen of you for a long time.” His lover tilted his head a little to one side and raised a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it in the same fashion he used to do when nervous.

“Do you want to watch me touch myself?” Noct whispered.

“Pardon…?” He wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly, a slight huskiness in his lover’s tone catching Ignis by surprise and pushing all his concerns from his mind. He’d missed Noct being sensual.

“I’m seeing you for the first time in over a year and you can kinda see me. It’s making me damn horny and you deserve a good dream for once, so, if I touch myself for you, will you touch yourself for me, Specs?” The silhouette of Noct moved back a little way, arms moving in front of his body making it was difficult to tell what he was doing until Ignis heard the sound of a button being undone and zip being slowly drawn down. “Can we tell each other what to do?”

Immediately Ignis’ felt blood flowing to his cock in anticipation and a slight groan slipped from between his lips. This ‘look, don’t touch’ play was something new for them. How had his subconscious come up with this scenario?

“How could I not want to watch someone so beautiful? Why don’t you start?” Ignis asked, his voice low, biting his lip suggestively.

He watched Noct’s right arm shifting by his side, the indication of movement suggesting his lover had pulled himself out of his clothing and was leisurely stroking himself to full hardness. Ignis shifted so he was able to observe the outline of his lover’s cock. Oh, how he wanted the hand that was moving up and down that shaft to be his own.

“First, take off your gloves, then unbutton your shirt.” Ignis hastened to comply, slipping off his suspenders, the first couple of buttons opened before Noct could tell him, “slowly.” His fingers slowed, but his heart raced, his erection now straining against his trousers.

How long had it been since he last masturbated? He was always too tired nowadays, his libido quenched by his exhaustion, but as soon as he was presented with his lover asking for pleasure, he was incapable of resisting.

Shirt untucked and hanging open, torso bare, he heard Noct gasp, the hand on his lover’s cock falling still and suddenly Ignis felt self-conscious. He’d known that without his regular training he’d lost muscle, and in the shower his ribs felt more pronounced than before, but the difference must be more significant than he’d thought.

Embarrassed, he looked away from the silhouette beside him, turning his back and covering himself again, his fear of no longer being desirable to Noct killing his arousal.

“Please don’t hide Specs.” The shadow of an arm wrapped around him, the faint cool sensation present all the way down his back, over his ass and along his legs, making him shiver. Noct was trying to embrace him with his whole body.

“I understand if you do not find my current state appealing.” Then he whispered more to himself, “Astrals, I’m scared of even an imagined version of you no longer wanting me.”

“Your body has changed so much, I wish you’d been taking better care of yourself. But I still love you and think you’re sexy, regardless of your scars or how toned you are. Maybe I could convince you if you could feel how hard I still am for you.” The coolness of an attempted touch skated across his chest, down over his stomach and settled over his cock.

“I wanna take this chance to make love with you, however we can.” The breathy words were spoken close to his ear. “But it’s ok if you don’t want to do anymore. I’m just so happy to have a bit more time with you, I don’t care what we do.”

It had taken more than a year for his sleeping mind to return him to this dream that felt so real. Would this opportunity come again? If he said no to continuing, he knew he’d regret it as soon as he awoke. He could never deny Noctis, not even in his own imagination.

After taking a few breaths to compose himself, Ignis said, “I would like to continue. Please, tell me what you want us to do Noct.”

“Okay.” He could hear the nervous smile in his lover’s voice and the slight cool sensation disappeared from his body.

“Turn around and sit down.” Ignis complied, once again able to see Noct stroking himself. His lover came forward and straddled Ignis’ thighs with his knees, being careful not to elicit that cold feeling of not-contact.

“Touch your chest and tease your nipples. I know they’re sensitive.” Ignis’ fingers began to follow the instructions, tracing around and pinching the buds until they stood proudly, the sensations provoking small moans from him. Keeping his gaze on his lover’s body, knowing he was right there, quickly had him achingly hard once more.

He now joined in, giving his lover his own commands. “You have far too many clothes on. Strip yourself, then come back over here and suck on your fingers so you can be prep yourself.”

“Yeah?” Noct groaned, rolling off him and wriggling to rid himself of his clothing. “Not that I’m complaining, but so quick?”

“Yes. I would like to take my time with you, draw our pleasure out for as long as I can, but the last thing I want to happen is to wake up before you come for me. I’ve missed this so much Noct, missed you.” Ignis leant back on his hands to watch, for the first time being able to see his lover’s cock in profile, twitching with his heartbeat.

Noct straddled him again, small groans muffled around the fingers he was now well lubricating and the little slurps he was making, giving him a show. A free hand drifted down his lover’s chest and over the prominent bulge in his trousers, miming freeing his cock from its constraints.

He could feel Noct’s gaze on him as his own hands moved down to his belt, unbuckling it and opening his trousers, pushing both them and his underwear down a little, earning another satisfied noise from his lover as his hardness sprang free. Resisting grasping himself until Noct told him to.

“Stroke yourself Specs.” Noct commanded, giving Ignis permission to wrap his hand around his cock and slowly pump the shaft, sliding his thumb over the tip on every up stroke, making his hips buck and little whines slip from his lips. It really had been too long, and he was very sensitive.

Ignis groaned. “That’s enough lubrication. Spread yourself for me darling, but only push one finger in.” Ignis watched his lover carefully turn around and bend forward, reaching around with both hands to his ass, one seemingly to pull his cheeks apart and bare himself more, and the other to tease around his entrance.

Noct was arching his back, looking back over his shoulder at Ignis. Even though he couldn’t perceive the details, this was the hottest sight Ignis had witnessed in years.

Ignis shifted his position to better view the outline of the finger disappearing into his love.

“Nngh!” Noct cried out, rocking back towards Ignis. The mere sight had him almost coming right then, groaning as he tightened his grip on the base of his cock, denying himself release. He didn’t want to finish and risk waking yet, he wanted these sensations to last.

“Does it feel good, Noct?” Ignis asked, his voice dropping into its lower register to emerge as sultry murmur.

“Y…yeah!” His lover gasped, the digit worked its way in and out. “Can I use two fingers? I want a second.” Ignis drew out the wait until he thought Noct couldn’t bear it anymore, focusing giving as much attention and pleasure to his dream lover than he would his real one, rather than just on himself.

“Now a second.” Noct let out a sigh that was positively divine and slipped in a second finger, stretching himself open.

Ignis was fighting the urge to try and touch his lover, his heart racing with the thought of pushing into that tight entrance and drawing out those sounds of ecstasy from Noct, something that no one else could do.

“Do you want my cock?” Ignis’ hand caressing his balls, the sensations pleasurable without pushing him too close to the edge.

“Yes! I love it when you fill me Specs!”

“Do you want to ride me, like you did when we first made love?”

“Hnngh! Want you! Need you!” Noct’s head was thrown back, exposing the beautiful outline of his neck. Everything about his lover was building tension, the hand that had been spreading his cheeks drawn back to brace against whatever passed for a floor in this place, allowed him to roll his hips backwards, aiding his fingers without losing his balance.

“Pleasure yourself, show me what you enjoy.” His lover withdrew his fingers, repositioning himself for better balance, then made a great show of positioning his ass closer and shoving three fingers in at once, wailing at the intrusion. But it did not take long before he was thrusting them in and out, the sounds he was making music to Ignis’ ears as his lover teased himself closer to release.

Noct’s ass was so close to his cock, that if they could touch, a quick and determined tug on those hips would have his lover impaled onto him, which was probably Noct’s intention.

Ignis forced himself to lay back, supporting himself on his free hand to resist the temptation, the pace of his strokes quickening as his lover writhed above him, crying out for him as he moaned in return.

“So close…ah ah hah!” Noct was watching him over his shoulder, body moving sensuously.

“Noct, I, ah, coming!” Ignis barely got the words out before he was spilling over his hand, some flicking over his stomach as he crested the wave of his orgasm, rutting into his palm, his earlier denial heightening the pleasure.

His lover stiffened a few seconds later with a shout, all his tension bleeding away as he came, removing his fingers and falling forward onto his hands shortly afterwards.

Boneless, Noct rolled off onto his side, panting with the exertion and Ignis wanted nothing more than to take him in his arms and kiss him through his aftershocks.

Instead, he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket that his dream had so thoughtfully provided to clean and tidy himself up, pleasantly surprised that he’d not woken at the moment of climax, and shifted around to lay facing his lover, as close as he could get, utterly spent and blissful, heart rate slowly returning back to normal.

“I love you.” Noct whispered.

“I love you too.”

“Did you like what you saw?” Noct chuckled, trying to squirm even closer but ended up drawing back as the ice-cold sensation grew stronger.

“It is certainly not something I will forget in a hurry.” Ignis gave a satisfied smile. “Even with partial sight, you are breath taking.”

“Promise me something, Specs.” The traces of flirty amusement dwindled, and his lover sounded a little sombre. Reaching towards Ignis as if to take his hand but drawing back just before making contact, he made do with fidgeting his own fingers together instead.

“Anything.” Ignis’ hand moved of its own accord, attempting to gently brush Noct’s hair away from his face, where it was likely stuck to him with sweat from their exertions.

“Stop trying to save me.” It was a small, nervous plea which made Ignis’ heart clench like it had momentarily stopped.

“You cannot really be asking that of me.” He turned his face away, hands clenching into fists.

“You just said you would do anything for me.” The accusatory tone made him wince.

“You don’t know what you’re asking me to do.” His voice shook. “It will destroy me to lose you again.”

“No, it won’t. You’re an amazing man, Specs. Other people need you to help teach them what to do, otherwise they’d just make a mess of things.”

“Eighteen months, Noct, and the loss of you still feels as fresh as the day it happened.” His voice cracked. “How can you ask me to give up? Aren’t you scared anymore?” His fingers itched to touch his lover, hold him, perhaps shake some sense into him. The lack of contact was unbearable.

“Yeah, I’m fucking terrified, but you don’t look well Ignis, and I’m the reason. That hurts more than how scared I am.” Noct sniffed, rubbing a hand over his face, possibly crying. “What’s the point in saving me and the world if you don’t make it through? You’d have saved me to suffer just like you’re doing.”

“I can’t…I can’t just give you up!” Ignis shook his head, his breathing was becoming laboured, the need to heal his own heartbreak warring with his desperation that Noct should never have to feel this lost. His heart pounded painfully in his chest and he pressed a hand hard against it as if that would help.

“What if I order you to stop your research?” Noct’s voice became harder and Ignis flinched in response, bowing his head a little in submission. Subservience to the Crown having been ingrained in him since childhood.

“You’ll listen to your King, but not to your boyfriend.” Noct scoffed. It was horrible to hear the disappointment in his voice. “Please, just live a good life for me. You’ve already done so much, too much.”

“You should know by now by now that where you are concerned, nothing is too much. But when I next see the real you, we may have one night together, if we’re lucky. It’s not enough. Just for once I wish to be selfish.” He clenched his fists. It was so difficult to try and communicate how he felt without being able to touch the man before him.

“I want us to have a good life _together_ Noct. I want to hold you each night when we sleep and wake to you each morning, want us to grow old together. Gods willing, I want to raise a family with you.” Ignis admitted the hopes and dreams that he had tried to bury deep within his heart, some he’d never admitted out loud before, if this even counted. If he couldn’t find another way, if Noct really died to save the world, he hadn’t wanted to make his lover’s fate even more difficult.

“Oh!” Noct gasped at his revelations, hands flying to his face seeming genuinely surprised. Ignis let out a small laugh, the sensation of tears filled his eyes.

Ignis had to give his subconscious mind credit for managing to present the illusion of his lover so realistically. His responses and reactions were so life-like, just as stubborn as he would expect from Noct, instead of the compliance of his other ‘good’ dreams.

“We’ve got the same dreams, so why are we fighting Specs?” Noct’s voice wobbled and he paused to roll onto his back and folded his arms across his stomach, giving Ignis a moment to process what he’d just heard.

They wanted the same things…? No, of course they wanted the same things, he was effectively talking to himself. He shouldn’t let himself feel so happy about an imagined conversation, he was only being cruel to himself.

“I don’t wanna argue anymore, so, I’m gonna trust you to do the right thing for _both_ of us. You’ve never steered me wrong before.” Noct sounded tired but deeply sincere. “I’ll wait for you Ignis. Whatever is after this life, I’ll find you. You’ve just gotta have faith that we’ll get a second chance.”

Weariness overcoming him, Ignis closed his eyes, although it had done nothing to block out the visual stimulus before, the luminescence seemed to be dimming.

“Ignis? Don’t go, I’m sorry...” Noct’s voice was quieter, sounding further away as the darkness he was used to returned.

He woke with a start, inhaling sharply. His chest felt tight and his left arm throbbed horribly. Gods, he hoped he wasn’t having a heart attack! A few seconds passed and the pain ebbed away as he lay still, taking a deep, shuddering breaths.

Going to sit up, he noticed his groin felt cold and unpleasantly sticky. “Shit!” He swore under his breath, pulling back the covers to carefully assess the mess he’d left from his wet dream.

Sighing, he gingerly stood up, hoping that Prompto was not back yet to see as he quietly stripped the bed of its sheets, along with removing his clothing, threw them in the washing machine and hurried into the shower to completely wash away all the evidence of his embarrassment.

Standing under the lukewarm water, Ignis inspected the condition of his body carefully with his fingers instead of hurriedly washing as he typically did. His ribs were more pronounced than he remembered. His stomach had always been flat, toned with the musculature imparted by combat and his training, but now it seemed to dip inwards a little as he ran a hand down from his chest. His limbs felt thinner and hip and cheek bones were more pronounced than he thought they used to be, the skin taught across them. This was more than just a little weight loss and a softening of muscle tone as he’d previously assumed.

The wide variety of fresh fruit and vegetables he was used to were in short supply while farmers implemented ways of continuing to grow their crops without natural sunlight, but rationing wasn’t yet necessary. Is wasn’t access to food that was the problem, or Prompto’s meals, which he was becoming pretty good at to be fair. Ignis’ training and exercise had been cast by the wayside to allow more time for research so he’d been unable to tell how weak he must have been getting. Whether it was from stress or his own all-consuming focus, he just never seemed to be hungry anymore and this was clearly the result.

Legs wobbling, he quickly sat down in the shower, water still cascading over him. The Noct in his dreams could see the state of his own body clearer than him.

His thoughts kept drifting back to his dream. It had felt so real while he was asleep, certainly the first fully coherent conversation he’d ever recalled participating in, but the fine details seemed to be fading now he was awake. The only elements that remained firmly fixed in his mind were the sights and sounds of his lover pleasuring himself, and the sense that he had to reassess his current strategy, both for Noct’s sake and his own, the rest blurring into broad strokes in his memory.

The next morning, Ignis sat at the tiny, collapsible table with Prompto for breakfast. Steeling himself for the answer, he asked, “I’m aware I have been losing weight, but do I look ill to you?”

Prompto’s cutlery paused in its motions. “Erm…you’re thinner than you used to be, I guess…why’re you asking?” The lack of denial and his friend’s nervousness confirmed what his exploration in the shower had implied. He felt his hand start to shake and he put down his fork before he dropped it.

“I think…I think I need to change some things in my life.” He turned his face towards his friend, frowning as he tried to resist welling up, the full impact of his decisions hitting him hard. “Will you help me? I don’t think I can do this alone.”

“Course! I’ll always help you, Iggy.” The sincerity in Prompto’s words pushed Ignis over the edge. He pressed a hand over his mouth as the tears spilled down his cheeks.

There was the scrape of chair legs over the floor and Prompto’s arms were wrapped around him, anchoring him as he sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a dream! It was a dream, right? I've been so hard on Ignis that he deserved something mostly good, even if it was a little self-indulgent on my part ^_^
> 
> And after three updates in quick succession I don't want to get hopes up - there will be a longer wait for the next chapter. I'd like to think it won't take much more than a week, but I've not got as much fleshed out beforehand for the next section so we'll see.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	26. Chapter 26

The more Ignis thought about his dream conversation with Noct, the more he began to realise that his grief had made him self-destructive. It made him question his actions. Was he really doing all this for Noct, or was it for himself? Was his anguish blinding him once again to the wishes of the man he claimed to be completely devoted to?

He’d once told Noct that he would let the entire world burn if only it kept his lover safe, and he’d been justifying his behaviour to himself by believing that everything would be worth it as long as Noct was alive. He told himself that his work was not just for him, but for Prompto and Gladio who had lost their friend, for all of Lucians who had lost their King, for Noct to have a chance of being happy without this imposed burden. How could it be selfish if his actions benefited so many people?

Something about that dream encounter had resonated within him, forcing his own awareness wider than his search for answers and beginning to break those entrenched thought patterns far more effectively than his friends had managed. Perhaps the strongest motivating factor was that, when Noct returned, Ignis did not want to be less of himself than when his lover had left and unable to cherish the small gift of time they had remaining to them.

Noct had always disliked it when Ignis took risks and sacrificed for him but it hadn’t stopped Ignis from being determined to act regardless, confident that he knew what was best for Noct and his future. In navigating political intrigue, recommending the best balance of policies to enact and reading a battlefield he maintained confidence in his skills, but when it came to their relationship and how best to defend his lover’s heart as well as body, his confidence melted away, leaving him uncertain.

He remembered being at his happiest when neither of them felt the need to protect the other, when they could simply be at ease, showing their affections without fear of reprisal. Moments where they could forget about the burdens the gods had placed upon them and be free to love just like anyone else.

The sense of powerlessness that had overcome him when Noct chose to go to the Crystal to save their lives. That his lover had chosen to do what he thought was best without consultation or agreement from his retainers had forced Ignis to examine exactly how his behaviour all these years could have been perceived, and now he desperately sought redemption by continuing to act in the same manner which had caused his guilt in the first place.

Now, he could acknowledge that everything he had done these past years was motivated by his own self-interest and guilt, not wanting to consider that Noct might not want him to pay the price on his behalf. He had become a husk, hollowed and dried out, crumbling away, exactly what his lover would hate him for doing, and he was terrified of Noct deciding that Ignis had caused him enough pain and commanding him to leave.

For days after that dream Ignis debated with himself, spending much of his time pacing up and down the bedsit, or sat, unmoving, at the open window, the breeze ruffling his hair. Silent arguments back and forth, weighing his actions and their predicted consequences.

Reasoned thought told him that if he continued on his current path for a prolonged period of time, his physical condition would likely continue to deteriorate and the stress would probably lead him to an early grave. His heart would consider it worthwhile if Noct could live, but would his lover ever be able to forgive him? Could it be that by saving him, Ignis would lose him for good? His dearest wish was to keep Noct from suffering heartache, although that was only what his sacrifices seemed to cause.

However, protecting Noct was his job, no, much more than that, his purpose. By not finding a way so he could live, Ignis was being negligent to his duty and his promises to King Regis and that tore at the very core of his being.

There was the inherent risk to bear in mind that a solution might not be found in time, or, by the decree of the Astrals, Noct’s death may be entirely unavoidable. In that case, it would have all been for nothing.

Slowing down, or giving up his research would hurt…giving up on having Noct live would never stop hurting, but if it meant that his lover would not leave this world disappointed or angry with him…perhaps that might be something he could come to terms with…

Perhaps with the right help he might be able to recover from this.

By relinquishing Noct to the hands of fate, Ignis could do something worthy in this dark world, just as Gladio and Prompto had been. Despite what his heart told him, there were many good, innocent people who had lost ones they cared for to the daemons, struggling to go on just as he was. So many were unable to protect themselves, and even when the sun eventually rose again, life would not just return back to the way it had been.

Some kind of leadership would need to be created since the Royal line would be broken with Noct’s death. In the fall of Insomnia, there had been reports of large swathes of the political and noble elite being either killed, captured or missing, leaving Ignis as was one of the most qualified individuals left to establish a new government for Lucis and negotiate peace and cooperative treaties with the leadership of other nations.

Ignis would never have call himself a particularly ambitious man. He was perfectly happy with aiding Noct in his role as Prince and King, helping him to shoulder the lonely burden of ruling, never seeking power for power’s sake. His sense of duty impressed upon him the importance of guiding Lucis towards a bright future. King Regis would not have entrusted his son to him if he did not trust Ignis to be anything less than capable, and Noct would not have been so resigned to his fate if he did not trust Ignis to do what was right for their people once he was gone.

Sharing Noct’s workload and acting as his stand in while they grew up had sometimes seemed like a thankless task. Petty minutiae of running a country were often tedious, although Ignis would never admit to it in front of his Prince and give him an excuse for disinterest. Being King would have been difficult, but at least with each other it would have been manageable. The prospect of steering the fate of the Kingdom, even with Prompto and Gladio to aid him, he wasn’t sure he could manage.

Whichever path he took, by far the most likely outcome was that Noct would be lost to him, one way or another. The only reasonable thing he could do to make his ongoing life bearable, Ignis decided, was to behave in a way which would make Noct proud.

Breaking his habits which had formed over the last couple of years was terribly difficult. Often, he found himself returning to the table where the books were stored, his hands flipping one open, phone out before a gentle touch on his arm, or a soft word from Prompto snapped him back to his senses.

The temptation to continue to research, even at a slower pace, burned within him. Obsessive thoughts would plague him as he lay awake at night, despite trying to cajole his internal body clock back into a normal sleep pattern, or at least a sleep pattern consistent with others in this darkened world. It wouldn’t be much to spend an hour or two researching until he felt tired, until that hour or two turned into three…five…seven, then suddenly Prompto’s alarm was going off and Ignis found himself at the table, having not slept at all.

Easing himself away from his research was not working, he knew he’d have to break from them entirely otherwise he would be unable to escape. A fortnight after he made his decision, he asked Gladio to lock it away in a safe location, not to let him know where they were and not to let him have access for at least a year, regardless of how much he asked. It turned his stomach, but if he was to have any hope of severing this compulsion, he had to treat himself like an addict.

Ignis never fully revealed why he had so drastically withdrawn from his research. The dream which had provoked his revelation felt far too intimate and personal to describe to another, even if he removed the sexual aspects entirely from his recount.

“I woke up one day and saw what my behaviour was costing me and the two of you. It’s for the best that I stop.” That was as far as he went for an explanation.

Over the next couple of years of regular meals and a punishing training regime, Ignis gradually recovered his strength and endurance back to the state they had been before Noct disappeared.

As in his research, he pushed himself hard, unrelenting in his determination to once again become someone Noct would be proud to love. Once more, in his desperation to be worthy again, he was focusing only on the end goal and submitting himself to whatever he deemed necessary to reach it, meaning that his recovery almost certainly took longer than it could have done. However, his new routine kept him busy and tired enough that he barely had time to contemplate his lack of research.

He’d started out with light cardio and weight training, building his muscles and stamina back up to healthy levels before weaving in more intense stretches to regain his flexibility.

There was a definite advantage to having to going back over his drills from scratch, his muscle memory was still there, but as Ignis recovered his body’s gymnastic and combat abilities he was discovering ways he could adapt to his lack of sight by tuning his other senses to compensate. This gave an added benefit outside of training too, finding that he could manage in new spaces better and better without the need for his cane. However, despite this he still finished his training sessions covered in bruises, with no luxury of crash mats to help cushion falls or Gladio forgetting to balance his strength against Ignis’ still weakened state.

Most of his time he spent training with the Shield, Prompto helping out and fussing over him as much as he could, eternally grateful that his friends were willing and able to set aside some of their other tasks to assist him.

“Why don’t we get other Crownsguard in here to help? Some of them know your weapons better than me. Hell, you helped teach some of them.” Gladio handed him a bottle of water in one of their breaks, which were too frequent for Ignis’ mind. He hoped the Shield was not being too soft with him, although he was already sweating, his limbs shaky from exertion.

“And that I exactly why I asked for your help in the strictest confidence.” He replied after gulping down most of the bottle, dabbing the sweat from his face with the bottom on his t-shirt which was beginning to feel less loose on him again.

“Sometimes I just don’t understand you Iggy.” Gladio grumbled.

“I still have my pride.” He said stiffly, now massaging the ache which had begun to set in on his arms.

“Yeah, and that’s what got you to this point.” Ignis winced. It had been a low blow, and both of them knew it. “I didn’t mean…”

“Yes, you did. And it is an accurate assessment. It was my decisions that led me to this point, to this state.” He turned his face away from his friend, a frown creasing his forehead and a flush of shame rising across his cheeks. “I would prefer as few to know as possible. Others…would not understand.”

“Only cos you won’t talk about it.” The Shield sounded like he was gritting his teeth in frustration before sighing and become more apologetic. “Look, I wasn’t being fair. Noct not being here, it’s affecting us all.” A large hand rested against his shoulder but he shrugged it off.

“Yes, but that is no excuse. I should have managed better. I should have been taking care of you and Prompto through all of this, instead of needing to rely on you both so much.” Ignis shook his head to express his discomfort.

“Y’know, when the Niff’s hit Insomnia, and I realised dad was gone, I didn’t cope with it well. I took out my anger on you guys and I wasn’t a good friend.”

“That situation was different. Clarius was your family, and the shock alone…”

“I dunno if it’s better or worse to know what’s coming for the ones you love, but you didn’t give up on me. After Insomnia, you kept moving us forward, kept us together, though now I think about it you must have been hurting like hell too. You’re far too hard on yourself Iggy. You don’t have a monopoly on caring about others y’know.”

Ignis shifted uncomfortably. He had never been the sort of person to forgive what he saw as his own mistakes easily, so tended to avoid being on the receiving end of this sort of conversation.

“Don’t beat yourself up. We take care of each other, that’s what friends do. It’s what Noct would want us to do.” The hand came back, but this time Ignis let it stay, allowing Gladio’s words to sink in. “C’mon. Break time’s over.”

In periods when Gladio was insistent that he give his body a rest from training, Ignis worked at improving his culinary skills. It had started out with Prompto’s pleading with him to try to do something, anything, rather than becoming lost in his own thoughts and memories, so he began to bake again.

At first it was an exercise in frustration, the arrangement of utensils and ingredients apparently haphazard depending on who had used the kitchenette last, making it almost impossible for him to find the items he required. Ignis imposed order several times on the contents of the cupboards and drawers and followed them up with stern words that whoever moved the next item to an alternative location would find it shoved into a particularly dark and uncomfortable place.

Once items were reliably where he expected, he became practiced in laying out what he required in a set pattern, and often used taste to determine similar items apart after one incident with a batch of cupcakes, having mistaken salt for the sugar.

Kneading dough or folding air into a sponge mixture was a very tactile practice, requiring a feel for the stiffness of the mix or whether it was too wet or crumbly beneath his fingers. There was the added benefit that baking did not often require sharp knives or open flames, so provided a relatively safe way to learn to manage ingredients without his vision.

He found the act brought him a strange sense of peace, reminding him of perfecting the art once before to bring a smile to Noct’s face with his pastries, bringing him just that tiny bit closer to his lover.

“Baking again Iggy?” Ignis turned his head towards the excitable footsteps of Prompto who had just got in.

“Yes, I suppose I am.” Ignis replied, pausing in whisking cream into stiffened peaks, his voice soft. “Would you prefer I stop? I know we haven’t finished my last batch yet.”

“NO!” Prompto almost shouted, lightly touching his arm and giving it a slight squeeze. “Gods no! I’m really happy to see you smiling again.” Frowning slightly in puzzlement, Ignis raised a hand to his lips. He’d been smiling? A timer went off, drawing him back to the matter at hand and he set aside the mixing bowl to reach for the oven gloves.

After months of practice he expanded to savoury dishes, beginning with peeling vegetables, then, with Prompto acting as his eyes, slowly chopping them without cutting himself too badly. It was going to take a long time to build up to his old confidence with a knife, but at least the sense of progression gave him something good to hold onto.

Another piece of good that Ignis clung to was giving Talcott a few lessons each week across a variety of subjects. The boy was remarkably bright and was an enthusiastic and attentive student. It made Ignis hope that his potential would be able to be realised after the sun rose once more.

The lessons brought with them bittersweet memories of helping Noct with his homework, the young Prince’s attitude towards his education decidedly more disinterested.

Once, after Talcott had left, Ignis remembered when he’d taken Noct and Prompto out for ice cream as a treat after they finished their exams. He’d fondly watched as they had a competition to see who could finish their sundae the quickest, hiding his amusement behind his coffee cup as Noct earned brain freeze for his efforts and Prompto crowed in delight. It hadn’t taken him long to take pity on his Prince, placing his mug safely to the side and using his warm fingers to massage Noct’s temples, the young man relaxing into his touch, the pain forgotten. By the time Ignis had drawn away, their party had become almost eerily quiet. He had become very aware of how his heart was pounding in his chest as Noct was staring at him with wide, blue eyes, his mouth slightly open, a blush evident on his face. He vaguely remembered Prompto blushing as well, ardently fiddling with his phone for a distraction, but Ignis’ focus was for Noct, and Noct alone.

“Has your headache receded, your Highness?” Somehow, he’d kept himself composed, knowing that his desire to kiss his Prince right there in public should only ever be pushed away and ignored. Noct had nodded mutely, blushing even harder when Ignis couldn’t help but give him a soft smile.

Those sorts of memories hit Ignis from time to time, delightful in the moment but the following heartache was bitterly painful. He’d never explicitly say so, but his friends would notice for the following few days when he threw himself even harder into his training to distract himself, typically ending up with some kind of careless injury.

There had been a dislocated shoulder because he overextended in a strike and twisted at the wrong time, his arm accidentally sandwiched between Gladio’s body and blade. Realigning the joint had been excruciating, so much so he may have blacked out from the pain for a few seconds.

A broken wrist resulted from a misjudged fall, landing heavily on the concrete, his hand trapped beneath him as his weight pushed the joint in the wrong direction. Even with the aid of potions, he’d had it in a support brace for a fortnight and it had made most actions difficult.

Most recently, he had tendonitis in both knees, the inflammation causing pain and stiffness meaning he was unable to walk for over a week. The doctor had recommended rest for his recovery and to not rely upon potions, implying that Ignis would make it worse in the long run though he had wondered if his friends may have spoken to the doctor beforehand and influenced the remedy.

“You’re pushing yourself far too hard y’know.” Gladio sat by his bedside, seemingly taking advantage of the opportunity presented to him. Ignis was trapped, unable to leave the room and not have to listen to the Shield if he so chose.

“Noct could return any day now, I must be ready to stand by him.” Ignis kept his head high, but accepted the painkillers that were pressed into his hand.

“Yeah, and you will, but it’s been nearly four years already. Somethin’ tells me he won’t be back tomorrow. You know he’d hate that you’re getting stupid injuries. You’re already as good as you were before, better even. Why not slow down a bit?” This sort of conversation happened regularly, his friends not understanding that he was scared of falling behind and falling apart again, not that he’d ever done a good job of trying to communicate that.

“No, Gladio. I am as good as I was when I lost my sight. To do what is needed I need to be as good as I was when I could see.” He insisted, tipping the painkillers into his mouth and washing them down with a gulp of water.

“Iggy, I dunno if that’s possible.” Gladio tried to sound patient, but Ignis could hear the scrunch of fabric as the Shield made a fist on the sheets beside him.

“Then I shall make it possible.” Ignis calmly replied. It wasn’t a question of possible, it was something he had to do. Reports of Insomnia swarming with many powerful daemons meant that if he intended to stand with Noct as he returned to his throne, he still had a long way to go. Ignis had made a promise to always stand beside his King, and it was one he would not break. 

“Astrals, you don’t do anything by halves do you?” The Shield huffed, clearly disapproving.

“Apparently not. I seem to be incapable of doing such a thing when it concerns Noct. For him I want to be the best I can be.” He felt a flush of pride blossoming in his chest. Yes, he strived for perfection but it was all betterment for Noct’s sake, something that had been integral to him since he first met the shy young Prince.

“Yeah, well, can ya just, dial it back a bit? Y’know you’re making the rest of us look like we’re slacking.” That provoked Ignis to give a soft laugh.

“Gladio, when I’m back on my feet, I would wish to join you and Prompto in your efforts.” Perhaps to achieve his goal, now was the time to reach out, to begin focusing more on the needs of others again. It’d been considering when he would feel capable to make this step, but hearing the confirmation of his abilities from his friend gave him the nudge he was looking for.

“What? You mean, leave Lestallum? You’ve not left for…” The Shield sounded astonished, Ignis’ words obviously blindsiding him.

“Years, yes I do realise that.” Ignis sighed. He’d been wrapped up in feeling lost for too long, tangled up in the horrendous uncertainty of waiting for Noct. If he wanted to progress further in regaining his sense of self, staying cooped up in Lestallum wasn’t the answer.

“And you want to start hunting again?”

“Wherever my skills will be put to best use in the assistance of the people. It’s about time I stopped hiding.”

Gladio laughed. “Damn it’s gonna be good to fight alongside you again. We’ll have your back Iggy don’t you worry about that.” The Shield stood and moved towards the door. “I’ll sort something out. You rest up!”

Ignis nodded at his departing friend, hearing the door close and quiet descend, hoping that he would be making Noct proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! This certainly took longer than I'd expected. Personal stuff has been pretty stressful and taking up most of my free time recently when I'd otherwise be writing. Fingers crossed I've got a bit of quiet time for a few days so I can make some headway again.
> 
> Hopefully the first section reads alright and doesn't just come across as a jumble. It's a lot of internal thought processes for Ignis that I shuffled around a bunch to get it to flow and show his conflict and progression of thought while keeping in mind how much grief is causing him to not be entirely rational. It's chapters like this that I think I'd benefit most from a beta reader, but here you go, it's out in the world now. I hope you enjoy!


	27. Chapter 27

Being back out in the wilds for the first time in years gave Ignis a whole new learning curve to traverse.

Gladio had arranged things so that Ignis was paired with Prompto for this first foray into the outside world, along with a team of Glaives. The mission was a routine supply drop between a handful of remaining settlements, not anticipated to have many significant daemons or wild animals along the route. A group of six was overkill for what was required, especially with the numbers of Lucian defenders being stretched thin to keep what remained safe.

It wounded Ignis’ pride somewhat that neither he nor Prompto was necessary for this task. The Glaives were highly capable of taking care of business by themselves, Ignis was just along for the experience and Prompto was there to look out for him. He saw the sense in the precautions, not needing to remind himself that he was still the most vulnerable member of the group, but was determined for that not to be the case for long.

Much of the journey was by truck, and when they were forced to stop and clear the road of some hazard one of the Glaives told him he should wait in the vehicle for his own safety. It was the first time he’d been spoken directly to by anyone other than Prompto since the mission had begun. Gritting his teeth in frustration, Ignis had complied. Now was not the time to be obstinate when the safety of others was involved.

It was clear that they did not trust him to not be burden, even with Prompto’s presence. This was confirmed by him overhearing whispers among the Glaives as they drove about why they’d been the ones picked to handle the King’s reclusive Advisor. None of their names were familiar to him, and he had been so withdrawn since Noct disappeared it was likely all that they knew about him was the vast difference between his previous reputation and the blind man they saw before them.

“So, first time out an’ about. What d’ya think?” Prompto asked, having stayed with him in the truck.

“I asked Gladio to ensure I could be of use. This,” Ignis gestured around him, annoyed, “this is not being of use.”

“Maybe for now, but you’ll get there Iggy.” His friend bumped their shoulders together, trying to reassure him.

“Not if all people see is my disability. If this sort of thing continues, I will not be able to prove my capabilities.” A daemon shrieked outside and something collided with the side of the truck, making it rock on its suspension. Ignis put his hands out to stabilise himself and one of them ended up on Prompto’s knee, a contact which he quickly removed.

“I’m not gonna let it, not when all you’ve done is work so hard.” Prompto’s voice was surprisingly full of emotion as he pulled Ignis into a hug. “It’s been real tough going, but I really admire that you’ve just kept pushing for what you think is best. I’ll help as much as I can so that others can see it too.”

Some of Ignis’ tension relaxed a little. He needed some way of showing what he could do so he wouldn’t be relegated to being a burden. His respectability reflected on Noct’s judgement and position, something he had been forgetting during his time of convalescence but was determined not to do again.

Prompto continued to hug him while the fight carried on outside and Ignis didn’t have the heart to push him away. It had been such a long time since he’d been touched for longer than a moment, and there was something nice about being held again. Hearing the shrieks and roars of daemons outside again was a stomach-churning experience, bring back horrible memories, but the embrace helped to soften those thoughts. However, the contact rapidly disappeared with the sound of the truck doors opening, the mission continuing now the obstacles had been removed.

The last stretch required a walk and Ignis found himself using his cane again to detect rocks which could trip him, or sharp drops or inclines in the uneven ground. It was a little surprising how much using it again had put a dent in his confidence, having become used to no longer needing it in and around Lestallum. That and the Glaive’s reactions to his presence made him wonder if he had been too hasty in declaring himself fit for fieldwork.

Prompto stuck close by him, a hand always nearby to steady him if he stumbled, and for a time, stumble he did, his cane no help with loose earth beneath his feet.

The first time he completely lost his footing on a slope and crashed to his knees, he was suddenly transported back in Fodina Caestino, Prompto grabbing his hand and helping him to stand. Briefly consumed by the memory, he half expected hear Noct warping over to him, but no such sounds came, leaving him crestfallen.

“You ok?” His friend seemed to notice the tremble of his hands, taking both of them in his own.

Ignis drew in a long, slow breath. “I’m fine. Nothing broken. I can continue.” He steeled himself, giving Prompto’s fingers a small squeeze of reassurance, but he could sense his friend staying within arm’s reach, just in case of another trip.

Ignis was emotionally exhausted by the time they returned to Lestallum, Gladio waiting by the truck stop. He patiently answered the Shield’s questions about the mission, but soon retreated to their bedsit to consider his situation and how was best to proceed, Prompto continuing to follow him closely.

The next day, Ignis had arranged to join with the Glaives’ ranked sparring matches. Gladio and Prompto had agreed to watch from the side just in case anything went too wrong, though he could tell they were both a little nervous for him.

On the whole, he was quite pleased with his performance and ranked in the third quarter of the pack. He didn’t win many matches but it was enough to not place him last, and given the gasp of surprise from the spectators as he made a Glaive submit on their knees for his first victory, few had seemed to believe him capable of winning any. It was nothing compared to how he would have been positioned with his sight, but given his disadvantages it had been more than satisfactory. His objective had been successful in get those he would be fighting alongside to respect him as a comrade and not purely baggage, and was only aided by those well-known royal retainers cheering loudly for him.

Even though his skills gradually grew every time he went out, Ignis still worried about someone else getting hurt because of his comparative weakness and was likely the trigger for his nightmares to become more frequent again. They were no longer occurring every night, but they were still unfortunately regular. Each dream filling him with despair as it brutally reminded him of Noct’s fate, seeking to push him into his all-consuming obsession to save the man he loved. The only thing that held him back from diving back in completely was the memory of his lover’s pain whenever he sacrificed something of himself. He never wanted to be the cause of hurt for Noct ever again.

The missions stayed fairly routine with limited anticipated hazards and any hunts involved large, lumbering prey whose attacks he could easily hear coming, until he’d learnt how to compensate with his senses for uneven footing and had allowed himself to attune his senses better to fighting creatures outside of the city’s walls.

A distinct measure of his improvements was through continuing to participate in the ranked sparring matches, his position moving up gradually until he was consistently placing amongst the top ten Glaives.

With the ingredients scavenged during missions, Ignis began to prepare meals again when the party he was with returned to a safe haven. It started with him becoming fed up with the same dishes being produced again and again when far more interesting and varied things could be created with only one or two different ingredients, eventually taking over and requesting specific times to be found if possible.

Before too long, teams of Glaives were actually petitioning to be paired with Ignis for the benefits of his cooking, and although it wasn’t quite for the reason he had hoped, it was nice to feel needed again.

Eventually, his skills had been put to the test enough that Ignis began hunting dangerous creatures and subduing pockets of daemons with Prompto and Gladio alone. There was a certain thrill to the three of them being able to coordinate their attacks so naturally, falling back into the easy patterns they used to practice. They both still kept half an eye on him at all times, but instead of being a close scrutiny, it felt no different to how they had looked out for each other on their road trip across Lucis, but the absence of Noct still left a hole. It was an open wound that Ignis wasn’t sure would ever properly heal for him, but it wasn’t quite so raw now, the edges finally beginning to scab over.

Unfortunately, the closest thing to happiness Ignis had experienced for years could not last. Gladio had responsibilities to train, manage and direct the remaining Crownsguard, so his presence on their trips became more and more rare. Still, he and Prompto kept working together, and that was something.

Their lives had become more migratory, still technically based in Lestallum but spending more than half of their time travelling between the different remaining outputs, taking on hunts which were required to help civilians continue to survive.

Five and a half years after the events at Zegnautus Keep, Ignis and Prompto found themselves staying at one of these outposts, resting from a hunt before heading back to Lestallum to celebrate Iris’ birthday.

Sitting at the impromptu bar with Prompto on his right-hand side, someone joined him on his left.

“Hey there, I hear we’ve got you to thank for clearing out some of the daemons that’ve been coming too close.” The voice belonged to a woman. She sounded young and attractive, as far as one could tell by a voice anyhow, and wore a pleasant perfume.

Ignis inclined his head. “It was no trouble, but I could not have done it alone.” He began to turn and give Prompto credit as well when he felt a movement of air in front of his face and quickly leant back.

“Is it true you can’t see a thing?” The woman asked. Ignis raised his eyebrows in surprise and the boldness of the question while listening to Prompto almost successfully stifle a snort of laughter.

“I…” Caught off-guard Ignis didn’t know quite how to respond. He was further alarmed as his hands were grasped from the counter and placed on the curve of her waist, which he was sure would have been appealing if he had any interest in women at all.

“But if you like what you feel, we could always go somewhere a bit more private and I can thank you for protecting us properly.” She whispered close to his ear, her hands keeping his on her body as he tried to draw back. 

“I’m sure you are a very amiable woman. I would not wish for you to waste your time. Someone else would be better suited for you.” Ignis managed to wrench his hands free and returned to clasping his glass as a defence against them being grasped again.

“Aww, honey. I think you’d suit me just fine.” She crooned, and he had a feeling she was going to touch the scars visible on his face, and likely other places if he did not put a stop to this.

He artfully ducked out of the way of her hands. “I would appreciate it, madam, if you would not attempt to molest me in front of my partner.” He gestured to Prompto but found his hand caught and held.

“Sorry girl, he’s spoken for. This sweetie’s my hot bit of ass.” Prompto chimed in having got his initial reaction under control, taking a liberal interpretation of the word ‘partner’.

His friend yanked him closer, wrapped his arms possessively across Ignis’ chest and placed a kiss on his cheek, chin resting on his shoulder. Ignis was so stunned by this behaviour that for a moment he could do nothing but blush, his lips parted a little in shock. Since when had Prompto become so confident around attractive women, and over him of all things. Was he jealous of Ignis gaining such attention?

The woman seemed a little put out for expending her efforts on a claimed man and thankfully backed off before they became even more of a public spectacle.

“Hot bit of ass?” Prompto failed to suppress a laugh at the way Ignis’ annunciation framed the words. “Wasn’t that all a little much?” He extricated himself from his friend’s grasp which had lingered longer than really necessary and settled himself back on his stool.

“Nah, I’d be a lot more hands on if you were really my boyfriend.” His friend’s slightly wistful intonation certainly didn’t help Ignis’ blush to subside, so he focused on his drink instead. “And you’re welcome for the save, by the way.” His friend nudged his shoulder as Ignis went to take a drink, the liquid sloshing dangerously in the glass.

“Why do you think she was so interested in me?” He’d asked as they continued to sips their drinks. “We are not standing out, and if anything, you are the one who engages people in conversation.”

“Dude, you’re mysterious! Some ladies dig mysterious, and scars. Oh, can we have another two…thanks!” Another couple of glasses clinked down in front of them.

“Prompto, I’m damaged, not mysterious. She was probably just taking pity on me.” He sighed, pulling off his visor to rub his eyes.

“Aww, c’mon. She was practically drooling over you. You’re blind and the two of us are taking down hunts that bigger teams of hunters find scary. She probably just heard the rumours, and I have to say some of them make you sound pretty appealing.” Ignis thought he’d detected a note of longing in the way Prompto spoke but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and blame it on the alcohol.

“And what do these rumours say about you?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I dunno. Nobody’s gonna tell me the rumours about me in case I get all offended and stuff.” Prompto now sounded glum. He’d probably tried to find out for himself but been unsuccessful.

“So you’ll happily listen to the ones about me instead?”

“Well, yeah. Who wouldn’t?” Prompto said shyly. There was the sound of fabric rustling as he shifted on his stool.

“Then please, enlighten me.” Ignis finished his drink and moved on to the next one, feeling he would need it.

“There’s loads about how you were blinded. Some said you were captured by Niflheim and the only way they could keep you locked up was to take your sight, but you fought your way out anyway. Others had you following Noct to wherever he’s gone, but you’ve come back to prepare Lucis for him.”

“If only I could have followed him.” Ignis muttered under his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I once heard someone say they thought you weren’t a man but a messenger for the gods, cos how else could you do what you do when you can’t see.”

Ignis gave a snort of derision, loath to be considered associated with the gods. Years of hard work, devotion and sheer bloody-minded stubbornness in disregarding the risks for himself had permitted him these skills. That he was unusual for having such a particular set of motivations was hardly his fault.

“How these absurd fallacies came into being I shall never know.” Ignis picked up his visor and slid it back onto his face.

“Ooo, no, you’ll like this one.” Ignis took a long drink to brace himself. “Noct has become a god and gone to join the Astrals and you’re the only one blessed to talk to him, and he sends you to places that need help the most, then you kinda disappear off until you’re needed again.”

“The next time you hear one of these rumours, please try to correct those spreading it. Most of these stories make me sound semi-divine, but I’m just a man. I’m not special, I’m simply doing my best like everyone else. Just like Noct...” He stopped himself there and drained the remains of his drink.

“You’re special to me Iggy.” There was a series of little scraping sounds as Prompto shuffled his stool closer to lean his head against Ignis’ shoulder.

He knew he should push his friend away. Prompto had been acting more and more affectionately towards him as time had passed. He’d been thinking of it as just giving comfort to a friend, but this sort of behaviour was giving him cause for concern. Prompto was a dear friend, though this evening had made Ignis realise that his friend almost certainly still yearned for more.

When they both retreated back to the caravan where they were to sleep, Ignis knew he would have to address the elephant in the room.

“Prompto, may I ask you something personal?” The door to the caravan clicked close behind him.

“Sure Iggy, shoot.” There was a rustle of clothing as Prompto started to get undressed. It had been long time since the blonde internalised that Ignis could not see him naked, so he’d seemed to have given up caring about his state of undress around him.

“We haven’t spoken about this for some time. I did not want to aggravate the matter for you, but I think it would be for the best if we discussed things.” He sighed and sat on the edge of the larger bed, feeling a slight buzz from the alcohol circulating in his system.

“Huh?” There was more rummaging of fabric and Prompto flopped next to him, leaning a little against his side.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you have become more inclined to be affectionate recently. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable, and I need you to know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me, but, Prompto…” Ignis sighed. “Do you still harbour romantic feelings for me?” He’d tried to ask kindly, but the question might have come out a little strained.

There was an uneasy pause before his friend nervously replied. “What? No way. I mean, I never…I told you to forget about it. Just a stupid, stupid crush. It’s be pretty pathetic if I still...yeah, pathetic… Haha.”

Ignis could hear how hard Prompto swallowed, the way he’d stumbled over his words, feel how jittery he’d become through their contact and did not believe him in the slightest.

Frowning to himself, Ignis slid away and opened up some distance between them.

“I’m sorry for bringing it up, but it has become more obvious over time and it will only hurt you in the long run.”

“I dunno what you mean. I’m doing just fine.” Prompto protested, his hand coming to rest on Ignis’ arm.

“We’ve been together through a lot these last few years. I think it would be best if I gave you some space.” He gently took his friend’s hand and put it down on the bed, giving it a soft pat before withdrawing.

“Why…why do you say that? Things are going ok. We’re good together, I mean, we work well together.” The quick correction did not make up for the slip and Prompto seemed to know that, adding, “You’re my friend, it’s enough.”

“You forget how long I have walked that exact same road. You tell yourself it’s enough, but it never is.” Ignis turned to face his friend, hoping that Prompto was looking at him. “You deserve someone who can reciprocate your feelings and bring you happiness. I am truly sorry, but that will never be me.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…fuck!” Ignis tried not to make his wince obvious at the sound of the wobble in his friend’s voice, a wave of guilt rising within him.

“Prompto, I know how much it hurts to be close to the object of your affection and be unable to act upon your feelings. You have such a great capacity for love and joy, I have faith that you can find someone who can make you happy.” He was trying to be reasonable, trying to be kind. Perhaps, in a different life, one where Noct did not already own the entirety of his heart, he could have fallen for Prompto’s boundless energy and goodness, but that wasn’t their reality.

“Why can’t it be you?” The response was whispered but a little petulant, and Ignis suspected it was only the influence of the booze that evening that let Prompto voice such a thought at all.

“I think if there was going to be a spark, it would have happened by now.” Ignis almost reached out to touch his friend, but thought it might only make things worse.

“However much it hurts without him, I do not think I am capable of loving another. I’m sorry, but you should try to move on. Waiting on me is hopeless.” He’d reconciled that without Noct he would always be missing a part of himself, but he cared enough that he didn’t want Prompto to end up the same way.

“It’s ok. I get it. I never wanted to, like, take Noct’s place, I just...I wish you didn’t have to hurt all the time.” His friend sniffed and there was a catch in his voice. “I tried not to…but I can’t just turn if off. I…why’d ya have to bring it up?” A weight that must have been Prompto’s forehead thumped against Ignis’ shoulder, as he reached up a hand to feel soft hair.

“Because you have helped me so much, it is only right that I try to help you in return.” He said quietly, giving his friend’s hair a few small pats in sympathy.

“Can’t you just forget about it again? I’ll never push it; we can keep going as we are. I’m okay.” Prompto’s fingers curled into the fabric of Ignis’ jacket and held on tightly.

“You are not listening to me. I am trying to do right by you.” Ignis sighed and carefully unwound the hold on him. “You should get some sleep.”

With only a small amount of resistance, Ignis bundled Prompto under the covers but found his hand grasped when he went to pull away.

“I’m sorry Iggy.” Fingers held tightly onto his.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You are a wonderfully kind friend to me. Now you must take care of your own happiness.”

“You’re not gonna, like, disappear when I go to sleep, are you?” His friend sounded a little scared by the thought, continuing to hold on as Ignis tried again to withdraw.

“No, I won’t. We shall return to Lestallum together as planned. But after that we should take different jobs for a while.” That seemed to mollify Prompto somewhat and his grip loosened, giving Ignis his hand back.

He wanted to step outside for a breath of fresh air but he didn’t want to make his friend worry, so he went to sit on the other, smaller bed and rested his head in his hands, feeling terribly guilty.

He hoped Prompto would thank him for this…eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Prompto, I just keep giving him the short end of the stick. Still, I hope you're enjoying Ignis' progression through the years of darkness.
> 
> Also, this chapter surpassess the 100,000 word mark. Gosh that feels like a pretty big achievement. Thank you so much for keeping on reading up to now!
> 
> Edit: amended a typo to clarify the intent of a sentence


	28. Chapter 28

There was something about being alone in the wilderness that now appealed to Ignis. As he’d become more attuned to his surroundings, he’d noticed that he could sense the magic that protected the havens, giving off a comforting and homely feel, that he would never have detected while he was sighted. He’d almost become more sensitive to the rank, oily feel of daemons and magitek troopers, greatly helping him anticipate their movements in combat.

He had become very adept at setting up and taking down his small camp by himself. A single person tent, a single camp chair for by the fire and a compact, portable gas burner for cooking. It was nowhere near as lavish as the cooking station he used to use in the better times, but it served his needs adequately.

A handful of times, he’d pulled that very same cooking station out of the Armiger just to run his hands over it, remembering days of sunshine when Noct would only half grudgingly agree to help him prepare meals, Prompto crooning to the chocobos as he fed them their greens and Gladio getting the fire going, grumbling about someone bringing damp wood that hadn’t caught properly and just smoked in his face.

Every time the memories brought him joy, but putting the station away reminded him of the absence of his friends, leaving him feeling more hollowed out than before.

Eighteen months on from his awkward conversation with Prompto and although they frequently messaged to make sure the other was still in one piece, they only spoke on the phone every few weeks and barely interacted in person.

Prompto’s messages had always seemed cheerful enough, even given the stilted nature of text to speech, although Ignis could not help but be concerned at the consistent ‘miss you’ tagged on at the end. He’d separated himself for Prompto’s wellbeing and without getting involved, there was only so much he could do to help his friend re-settle his feelings onto someone else, having no choice but to leave that in Gladio’s hands.

He’d been returning to one outpost or another every week or so to resupply, get properly clean, hand in hunting contracts and search for new ones. Sometimes he came back injured, unwilling to use the curatives he had unless absolutely necessary since so many others out there needed them more than him. This behaviour had earned him a number of new scars, ranging in size and location across his body. Each was a learning point, a harsh lesson in where to improve and become better, and he was still improving.

During his time of effective isolation, Ignis’ thoughts had drifted back to Noct’s foretold death. He did not have the books to continue his research in the manner in which he had before, Gladio had seen to that, but he had been able to peruse the notes that he had made and plan to return to a royal tomb to see if he could find any clues of use.

When he reached the tomb of the Wise it was swarming with daemons, the small prairie outpost nearby long since abandoned. For two days Ignis carefully observed the tomb and the daemons, stretching his senses to the fullest to determine his best opportunity to get inside. He settled on rigging up a distraction which should draw most if not all of the daemons away for a brief window, then a second in a different location he could trigger at a distance when he required an escape.

Once inside he found himself relatively safe, provided he did not make too much noise, but found infuriatingly little to assist him.

If the Kings of Old had been aware that one of their descendants would have to rid the world of the scourge, surely they would have wanted to leave a hint of how that individual could endure. However, the Wise had left no such clues that he could find, even after scouring the space for what felt like hours. Perhaps it was only something visual, a pattern that he could no longer see.

Ignis kicked the base of the tomb in a bid to vent some of his frustration, swallowing down the growl of rage that threatened to burst forth lest he attract unwanted attention. With the line of the Oracle broken and the last of the line of Kings relying on his success, the tombs were Ignis’ last link to those who may hold answers.

He slumped against the stone sarcophagus and slid down to the ground. This had been the most easily accessible tomb for him, many of the others buried deep within dungeons where going alone would likely be suicide, but he would take them one by one until he learned something beneficial.

The next on his list was the tomb of the Tall. Although the most expedient route would be to cut straight down to the abandoned Longwythe rest stop and take the westerly road across the Kettier Highlands before swinging down towards Fallgrove, Ignis first took a detour to Hammerhead to re-supply.

Then, upon reaching what was left of Longwythe, he went to turn his chocobo westwards but something made him reign in the bird. It squawked in protest at the sudden change in commands, having become used to Ignis giving it mostly free-rein to avoid obstacles. Something was drawing him south, towards Galdin Quay. A sense of nostalgic longing was tugging on his heart, yearning for a time when the biggest thing for him to worry about was Noct’s impending wedding.

Galdin was out of his way, but there was a tunnel connecting to the Fallgrove so he’d only be delayed by a couple of days. After taking a mental inventory of his supplies, he was sure the diversion was sustainable so he wheeled the chocobo around and set off southwards.

The roar of the waves beckoned Ignis closer to the shoreline, his chocobo nimbly avoiding the majority of the daemons, and outrunning the rest, heading for the haven. Feeling the bird’s muscles tense underneath him, Ignis prepared himself for the jump up and onto the rock. They landed with a good footing and he went to dismount, but the sound of a sharp bark almost startled him from the saddle.

Alarmed, Ignis hastily disentangled himself from the stirrups and summoned his daggers, alert for anything which could have bypassed the haven’s protective magic, though the only creatures close to him were his chocobo and something that smelt very convincingly of damp dog.

“Umbra?” He called the name of the only dog he could think of that could have made it all the way out here and received a small yip in reply.

Keeping one dagger at the ready in case of deception, Ignis knelt down on one knee and held out his free hand to feel something nudge against his palm and a wide, wet tongue lick his thumb exposed by his glove. It was the chirping sound the chocobo made which signalled it was hungry, instead of running away or panicking that convinced him, and he let his second dagger fade back into the Armiger.

“What are you doing here?” Ignis wondered out loud as he gave Umbra a good scratch behind the ears. The messenger dog enjoyed the attention for a short while before pulling free, claws clicking on the rock as he seemingly ran in circles.

“What do you…agh!” His chocobo pecked at the crest of his hair and stamped it’s foot, demanding food. Umbra would just have to wait for a few minutes. Shoving the bird’s beak out of the way, Ignis stood and, feeling his way to the right saddlebag, pulled out a bowl and a smaller bag with suitable greens.

Just as he was emptying a portion into the bowl, the large, impatient beak clacking dangerously near his fingers, when Umbra barked again, coming over and battering his calves with a wagging tail.

“Alright Umbra, just one moment.” He told the dog, ignoring the pawing at his leg and whining to finish dealing with the chocobo. Then he opened the bag with his own food supplies and broke off a piece of dried meat which he held out for Umbra to take.

With both animals satisfied for the moment, he set about pulling out his camping equipment but it did not take long before Umbra was pawing again at his leg, begging for more snacks. Letting out a world-weary sigh, Ignis fished out a bit more meat and tossed it towards the clicking of claws, a single clop of jaws indicating it never reached the floor.

“And that is the last you’ll get for now. I need to eat as well.” He told his new companion as he turned his attention back to making camp.

The task took a little longer than usual thanks to Umbra’s ‘help’, but he didn’t begrudge the dog in the slightest. He was another reminder of Noct and better times, making Ignis wistful.

The messenger had never appeared without a purpose before, and this was the first time Ignis had encountered him without Noct being present. He crouched down to stroke Umbra’s furry ribs, noting the absence of the notebook pouch, but aside from just being pleased to be receiving attention and food, he could not fathom what had brought him here.

“If you’re looking for Noct, I’m afraid you’re seven years too late boy.” Ignis sighed, then frowned as Umbra bit his sleeve and tugged on it, encouraging him to get to his feet. Puzzled, he did so and felt the ground lurch from under him, stumbled, one hand in contact with Umbra and his knees hit something soft, not the hard rock he had been expecting.

Reaching out to the ground he felt sand running between his fingers. Suddenly the sound of the waves rolling against the shore was no longer alone, there were sounds of splashing and laughter. There were people? Here? And in the distance, he caught a faint melody that was very familiar but he struggled to place.

He noticed himself quickly getting hot, was this the sun warming him? Amazed, Ignis stripped off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves to provide some relief, it had been so long he’d almost forgotten the sensations of being in a world of sunlight.

There were voices nearby. Ignis moved a little closer, feeling the temperature difference as he stepped into the shade of something. Then he heard a voice that almost made his heart stop.

“Hey, Specs?” It was Noct. Umbra had brought him to Noct!

His immediate instinct was to go to him, take his lover in his arms and never let him go again. He’d taken a step forward before he knew it, about to call out but someone else beat him to it.

“Yes Noct? And turn the line towards the fish.” Hearing his own voice made Ignis freeze, then withdraw back against the large object which was shading him.

“I know. I know.” The Prince paused. “After the wedding, you’ll still stay with me, right?”

Ignis turned away and covered his mouth to stifle a dry sob, something constricting painfully in his chest. He remembered having this conversation so long ago. He was near the fishing pier at Galdin Quay, the day of the attack on Insomnia. The fishing supply shop must be shielding him from view.

He truly was in the past and Noct was here!

He remembered his nervousness, walking the precarious tight rope between the actions he desperately desired and those permitted by his station, wanting to give Noct everything except knowledge of his feelings for his liege. And it had all been such a waste, denying what they both wanted for so long. He wanted to kick his younger self for his stubborn adherence to duty.

“…indispensable to the future King, but is that what you want?” He shook himself back to reality in time to catch Noct’s question.

“I could not think of anything better than being by your side, your Highness.” Ignis whispered alongside his past self, his heart pounding.

He remembered the intensity of Noct’s expression, the blush he’d outwardly brushed off as the beginnings of sunburn and willed his younger self to seize the opportunity and kiss his Prince, knowing with hindsight that Noct would never have pushed him away. He would have been able to feel those soft lips against his own so much sooner and have the gift of seeing Noct’s eyes flutter open after they parted, the love written across his face as plain as day. He would even have been able to comfort him better over the loss of his father.

“You should top up your sun cream your Highness, your face seems to be catching the sun.” The words came exactly as he remembered them and Ignis clenched his fists, angry at himself for being such a fool.

Thoughts ran through his head, could he warn them about the dangers to come? Give himself some clues to help keep Noct safe without having to sacrifice so much to do it. Could he perhaps force some sense into himself to not keep Noct at arm’s length, to embrace the man he loved for as long as he could and make him happy.

Making up his mind, Ignis turned to move towards the pier, taking a breath to call out when sharp teeth nipped at his leg through his trousers, Umbra giving him a soft growl.

“So, I cannot talk to him? Why bring me here then?” He hissed angrily, crouching down to rub at the spot that had been bitten. Now Umbra gave a soft whine and nosed against his palm, seeming at least a little sympathetic.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, anger reducing to a simmering frustration, Ignis thought over his situation. Being brought into the past would of course come with limitations. There must be something Umbra expected him to do here, but what could that possibly be?

If he wasn’t meant to change the past by warning himself or Noct about what was going to happen, was there something he had already experienced the consequences of that he was meant to set into motion?

“Hey Iggy! Can you come help with this shot? I can’t get my tripod stable in the sand.” A cold wave of fear washed over him as Prompto approached, not seeming to notice that he was a different Ignis to the one he expected.

Turning his face away and raising a hand to the side of his face to conceal his scars, he ignored his young friend, hoping that he hadn’t been the target of that question. Frantically searching his memories revealed that in experiencing this day for the first time, he’d stayed with Noct on the pier all afternoon and not once had Prompto requested help with his photography.

“Hey, Eos to Iggy? When did you change your hair and clothes dude? You look good though! Umbra! Who’s a good boy?”

Ignis stood up, still shielding his scarred appearance and contemplated making an escape from this interaction. As soon as Prompto saw his face he’d know this was not the person he expected. He wasn’t even sure talking to anyone was permitted, although Umbra had not given him a warning yet.

“Why not ask Gladio for assistance?” He replied, intentionally looking away from the direction Prompto had approached, keeping his voice low so those on the pier would have a hard time hearing.

“He’s also gonna be part of the shot.” The blonde said cheerfully, a hint of mischief playing at the edges. It was a tone that Ignis had learned usually meant trouble, drawing him back into the easy dynamic that they used to have.

“Prompto, what have you done?” He replied.

“Well, Gladio fell asleep sunbathing, so I kinda made him part of my sandcastle. You and Noct gotta come see my masterpiece before he wakes up!” Prompto laughed, coming even closer.

“You doing ok buddy?” There was the soft sound of sand being displaced under his friend’s feet, and fingertips brushed his shoulder. Ignis flinched away from the touch, instinctively drawing his hand away from his face to curl away and make his body smaller.

“Oh!” Prompto gasped, the scarring over Ignis’ left eye now obvious. “Wha…what happened to your…?” Ignis grabbed his friend’s arm, spinning him around and tugging him in close, covering his mouth with a hand to stop him from becoming noisier and attracting any more attention.

“Please trust me Prompto, if you can be quiet and a little patient we can talk. But not here.” He guiltily noticed how his friend relaxed against him after the initial shock had passed, uncomfortably aware of how Prompto’s feelings towards him might have been at this time.

Receiving no other indications from Umbra to suggest he was acting contrary to what was required, he released his hold on his friend.

“We can head to the haven, I guess.” Prompto suggested nervously, quickly stepping out of reach. Ignis’ swift actions must have made him anxious. Or he hoped his friend was only feeling anxious…

Drawing further away from Noct and his younger self, Ignis following the soft sound of footsteps in the sand ahead of him until the sound changed as they came to the rocks. He could feel Umbra’s tail swishing beside his leg as he walked.

“Here?” Prompto asked, stopping.

Tilting his head a little to one side, one hand slightly out in front of him, Ignis moved to the edge of the haven’s rise before turning and sitting down, his back against the rock. Umbra stretching out next to him, panting in the heat. “Yes, here will be fine. I could not risk Noct or myself overhearing us.”

“Yourself? I don’t get it. What happened to your face dude?!” His friend’s voice became louder and higher pitched as he went, seeming so pained by what he saw.

Ignis patted the rock beside him and he heard Prompto sit as well. This could take some explaining, though he wasn’t sure what was allowed or not. Best start with something truthful, but vague.

“At some point in your future I will be hurt. Badly. I apologise if my appearance distresses you. You can thank Umbra for bringing me here.” He absentmindedly petted the dog’s head and earned some tail thumps against his side.

“So, you’re like, future Iggy?” He felt a poke on his shoulder, as if Prompto was trying to reassure himself that the man in front of him was real.

“Yes, I suppose to you I am.”

“How did it happen? How were you hurt?” Prompto shuffled closer, probably to try and take a better look. Umbra shifted at his side, making Ignis aware he should answer carefully.

“I…cannot tell you. There is a lot, it seems, that I cannot say.”

“And, our Iggy’s got this to come?” His friend sounded worried and Ignis couldn’t blame him. Despite not being able to see how he now looked in a mirror, he’d traced the extent of his scars often enough.

“Unfortunately, yes. There are things which will happen that will affect you all.” Umbra let out a soft growl, letting him know he was on the verge of giving too much away, so he decided to change tack slightly.

“I would not be as well as I am now if not for your support.” Umbra settled back down. It seemed that conveying his personal feelings was permitted, but details of the future were not. “I want to apologise for what I will put you through. I ask you to be patient with me when I am being difficult, and remember that regardless of how I may act, I am eternally grateful and proud of you.”

“Oh, gosh!” Prompto mumbled and Ignis expected he was blushing under the sincere words. “I never thought that I’d mean so much to you.”

Ignis bit his tongue. He hadn’t wanted to encourage Prompto’s crush on him. Was it this conversation which had kept his friend’s feelings for him alive for so long? He thought back to when he first found out about them when they had left Cape Caem for the last time.

_“I wondered why you told me to be patient when we were at Galdin Quay. Ha, now I guess I know.”_

At the time, Ignis hadn’t had a clue what he meant, more concerned with the impact their mistaken kiss would have upon their friendship. But as far as Prompto had been concerned, this conversation had already happened for him. So whatever Ignis said, it seemed he could not alter the events which he had lived though. He was here to play his part, though he still wasn’t sure what he was mean to achieve.

“You will always be my friend.” Ignis said gently.

They sat quietly for a few minutes. Ignis had been so used to being around Prompto since Noct disappeared that being back with him was comfortable, even a version so much younger than he was used to, and gave him the opportunity to enjoy the sunshine while he considered his situation.

“So…” Prompto broke the silence before too long. “If you’re future Iggy, and you can’t say what’s gonna happen, why are you here?”

“I’ve been pondering that same question myself.” Ignis said, more to himself than to his friend.

Prompto had been the most significant person in his life over the last six years, with the exclusion of Noct. He’d already tried to convey his gratitude and apologise for when he had been the most broken, but perhaps there was something else he was meant to ask, or say. Something that Prompto was going to do between now and Altissia…

Ignis wracked his brain, searching for a connection that must be there, but he hadn’t acknowledged. There must be something only Prompto could do…The answer hit him like the proverbial ton of bricks.

Prompto had been the bridge between himself and Noct when he’d broken his Prince’s heart. He’d been key in convincing the Noct to try and reach out again, while also being there for him when Ignis couldn’t. And without Prompto dragging them all to see that wedding dress in Altissia and pushing Ignis’ longing over the brink, he may never have written that letter in which he confessed his feelings, changing how his relationship with Noct had developed, or perhaps eliminating it entirely.

The cost of certainty of his relationship with Noct was asking Prompto to actively encourage his best friend to embrace the person he cared about. It was a horrible choice with only one answer his heart could bear. He did not want to do this, but, as a serpent of guilt slithered around his heart, he frowned, took a breath, and spoke anyway.

“Prompto, there is something I need to ask of you...”

“What is it? I want to help you anyway I can!” Prompto interrupted him loudly, the enthusiasm taking him by surprise and making him feel worse.

“It’s about Noct, and my relationship with him.” He paused, hoping that Umbra would try to stop him from continuing, but the messenger dog just lay his head on Ignis’ thigh and huffed, as if to say ‘get on with it’.

“Huh? What’d ya mean?” Prompto sounded confused.

“I’m sure you have probably noticed by now, but I have very strong feelings for him that, for my own reasons, I have refused to openly admit.” The degree of understatement in his words made Ignis want to smile, though he kept his face neutral as the expression could be misinterpreted.

“Yeah, it’s kinda obvious if you watch the two of you.” Prompto sounded embarrassed but also a little sad. Ignis suspected he’d been watching for quite some time. “It really hurt him when you fell out cos of the wedding.” Then there came the tone that gave away his friend’s disappointment. So many years of determining his friend’s emotions through his tone had made him astute at detecting the small details he would not have not previously picked up on.

“I know.” Ignis turned his head away, ashamed of how he had acted back then. “And I hate to say that I will hurt him again before I come to my senses.” Umbra gave his hand a nudge with his damp nose, encouraging his continued confession.

“I am placing my complete trust in you. Regardless of how foolishly I act, I beg you, don’t let him give up on me. There is something coming that…” Umbra bit his arm, hard, causing him to yelp in pain and surprise. He’d gone too far.

“Umbra! Bad dog!” Prompto cried, grabbing Ignis’ hurt arm and pulling it towards him while the messenger dog whined piteously. “Oh good, you’re not bleeding.”

“It’s alright. He’s reminding me not to overstep on what I can say.” Ignis leaned his head back against the rock, this whole misadventure was draining him. “I’m sorry, it is very unfair of me to ask this of you.”

“It’s ok. You’re both my friends and I want you to be happy.” Prompto said softly, his touch lingering, only making Ignis’ feelings of guilt worse.

“Oh, and when you get to Altissia, Lady Lunafreya’s wedding dress is a sight to behold. I think you would enjoy seeing it.” The weight of Umbra’s head disappeared from his leg and the dog barked at him, signalling that he’d done enough.

“It seems my time is up.” He sighed, squeezing his friend’s hand for reassurance as he’d become used to doing, then got to his feet. “Take care Prompto.” Umbra barked again, and Ignis went to follow the clicking of claws.

“Wait! How will I know when I can talk to you about this?” Prompto called after him, but before Ignis could turn to answer he could hear an angry shout from Gladio, obviously not being pleased about waking up as part of a sandcastle. Then the ground lurched underneath him again, the heat from the sun disappeared. The cries of daemons dominated the aural landscape as he was cast back into the darkness once again.

Ignis didn’t bother with preparing a meal for himself that night, feeling sick with what he’d asked his caring friend to do, despite knowing Prompto’s feelings. He was not proud of what he’d accomplished under Umbra’s guidance, but to know that Noct would have at least a few weeks of happiness before his destined end made his sin against his friend worthwhile.

Umbra had disappeared while he was undressing so he once again climbed into his bed roll alone, exhausted by what he’d just been through. When he woke, he’d have to call Prompto and explain himself properly, but right now he was just too damn tired. Sleep beckoned him, his left hand tingling as he dozed off, wishing for pleasant dreams to counter his waking nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels a bit strange to be getting to write chapter prompts I've had noted down for ages. 
> 
> Thank you so very much for reading and supporting this story <3


	29. Chapter 29

Something about Ignis’ dream tonight was different to usual. As he succumbed to sleep in his bedroll, the tingling in his left hand became more insistent, then began to turn painful, until he was aware that he was standing in that luminescent void again.

Ignis had not returned to his eerily real dream since his revelation to lessen his research and give some focus to himself again, despite how much he had tried to cajole his mind into conjuring up that perfect illusion of Noct as he slept. Although some aspect of his blindness followed him into sleep, Ignis had constantly wished to return to that sparkling place, and now he was here again.

“Noct? Noct!” Ignis cried out, searching for that silhouetted figure that was so much like his lover.

There was a sound off to his right and he turned, unable to prevent his eyes from tearing up and a smile breaking out as the dark figure ran towards him, a very slight limp marring the grace of his movements, just like Noct.

“Specs! You’re back!” Noct skidded to a halt in front of him and they reached for each other before recoiling from the icy sensation which took the place of touch here. It seemed the same dream, same rules.

“I wasn’t sure I would dream of you like this again.” Ignis’ longing was evident in his voice and his expression. He wanted nothing more than to hold and kiss his lover, illusion though he may be, he was so lifelike that for once Ignis would allow himself a substitute.

“You look…Ignis, you look great!” Noct laughed, gesturing up and down his body. “I’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself. How long has it been? How long have I been gone?”

Ignis didn’t care that his dream figure should know the answer. Just to talk and hear Noct’s concern for him warmed his heart.

“It’s been seven years since you went into the Crystal.” He reached out, his fingers as close to touching his lover’s hand as he dared, the slight coolness of proximity the best he could do to provide comfort.

“So long…” Noct whispered, bowing his head, seeming to shrink a little.

“I have missed you Noct.” Ignis said quietly, wiping away his unshed tears of emotion.

“How’s Gladio? And Prompto?” Noct nervously shifted from foot to foot, turning his head to look off to the side, like he was having difficulty attempting to meet Ignis’ gaze, such as it was.

“They are both doing well, all things considered. I have not seen them for some time, but we keep in touch.” He admitted, pulling his hand back to fiddle with the buttons on his gloves, Noct’s anxiety making him feel nervous.

“What have you been doing? You look more confident.” Noct’s question drew his attention back to his lover’s silhouette.

How could he cover all the things he had gone through in one conversation? Here in this most special dream, he didn’t want to spend all of this precious time talking about himself so he gave a sad smile and kept it simple. “I have been recovering my skills, so I can keep you safe and adequately fed when you get back.”

“You’re still doing so much for me, even after everything.” Noct sounded hesitant, tentatively reaching forward a hand to brush down just in front of his shirt. A slight blush rose on Ignis’ cheeks remembering vividly what had happened the last time he’d had this kind of dream. The inability to reach out and make physical contact was causing a throbbing ache in his chest.

“Can I see how you’ve changed?” Noct still sounded nervous, though Ignis was uncertain as to why. Had they been too long apart? Was this subconscious representation of his lover slowly breaking down with the passage of time?

“Noct…I don’t think…” Ignis shifted his arms across his body, self-consciously covering himself more. Even in a dream, he did not want to face the disappointment from his lover because of the scars he had gained.

Unfortunately, Noct misinterpreted his defensive body language and abortive reply. Soon a tide of words was washing over Ignis before he had a chance to comprehend what he was hearing.

“Oh, gods, you’ve found someone else, haven’t you? I’m sorry Specs, I assumed…I thought maybe…It doesn’t matter. I’ve been gone too long.” His lover gabbled, a note of panic in his tone. “I hope you’re happy and they make you feel as special…as special as I wanted to. I dunno why I’m asking this, but was it Prompto you fell for?”

Ignis was speechless, unable to fathom why his lover had jumped to such a conclusion. If this was his subconscious trying to tell him something, he didn’t want to hear it.

“You did, didn’t you. And Astrals, I kinda encouraged it.” Noct groaned, tipping his head back to look skyward. “But, as long as you’re happy then I’ll get over it, right? You’ll take care of each other and I’ll be properly gone soon so…”

Ignis finally found his voice a cut Noct off mid-sentence. “Prompto is a cherished friend, but nothing more.” The shake of his head and a sharp hand gesture emphasising the point.

“Well, who then? Not Gladio!” Noct seemed aghast at the thought.

“Of course not, don’t be silly.” Ignis scoffed. “The man who holds my affection is immeasurably kind and seeks to make me kinder to myself. He often tests my patience but I feel utterly lost without him, my joy stolen away without his presence. He has faced, and overcome, the many difficulties life has thrown at him in ways I could not be prouder of. When I hold him in my arms, he calms me so that I never want to let go. I wish to be the best I can be for him, for he is my light in the constant darkness.”

“He sounds pretty damn perfect for you.” The words came through gritted teeth as Noct wrapped his arms around himself, partially turning away, his jealousy clearly evident.

“Yes. You are.” Ignis stepped in close, speaking low and soft close to his lover’s ear, his own arms trying to close around his lover in an attempt at an embrace.

Noct shivered and looked over his shoulder. “You feel like that about me? Even after so long, you really still love me?” Their faces were so close Ignis could hear his lover’s soft breathing. The proximity made his heart pound so hard he thought it must have been audible too.

“Did I really give you a reason to doubt me?” He asked quietly, eyes flicking over the darkness of Noct’s face, remembering precisely the line of his nose, the curve of his lips, the colour of his eyes. All the time wishing the cold feeling down his body and arms would be replaced by his lover’s warmth.

“I guess I…I dunno, probably not. I’m just…” Noct quickly looked away again, stumbling over the words he was trying to say, seeming to be having too many thoughts too quickly to be able to communicate them effectively.

“Noct, I will never stop loving you. You, my darling, are my light, and you completely have my heart. However long it takes, I will wait for you.” He hoped the real Noct would know the surety of his feelings when he returned, but he declared them to this facsimile of his lover with all the conviction and sincerity his heart contained.

The silence in response scared him for a moment until Noct’s breathing began to shudder, his shoulders shaking as he wept.

“I’m so happy I’ve still got you.” He hiccupped, seemingly finding difficulty in getting the words out.

“Always Noct, always.” Ignis murmured soothingly, wishing he could run his fingers through Noct’s hair, press tiny kisses against his temple and across his jaw to reassure him, wanting nothing more in that moment than to make sure Noct could be enveloped in his love.

“I love you so much, it hurts. I want you to stay. Why can’t you stay?” The words were so quiet Ignis only just caught them, creating butterflies in his stomach.

They stood there for a time while Noct calmed. Small cold patches appeared on Ignis’ sides and back as his lover tried to embrace him in return. It wasn’t the most comfortable but it was the closest they could get, and he took comfort from it all the same. Eventually, it was Noct who broke the silence.

“After the last time you came here, did you listen to me? Did you stop trying to save me?” Once again, his lover sounded nervous. Ignis couldn’t help but wonder why he seemed so scared.

“I…I did. For a long time. I justified to myself that by harming myself to find answers I would lose you regardless of whether you survived. But now I am capable again, I intend to seek clues in the royal tombs.” Ignis replied, trying to sound encouraging. Perhaps his dream Noct would be more in favour of his efforts this time, now he wasn’t slowing killing himself in his attempts.

“Please. Don’t. It’s really important you stop.” There was a sad, resignation to Noct’s voice. His lover shifted, moving back a step to look at him properly, forcing Ignis to drop his arms instead of bearing the horrible icy cold as their bodies passed through each other.

“I don’t understand. I am fit and able again. This is not a sacrifice for me anymore.” Ignis frowned, struggling to parse Noct’s intentions.

“Please Specs, there’s nothing in those tombs, you’ll just get hurt. Give it up. I don’t want to be saved.” Hands moved restlessly at his lover’s sides, as if he didn’t know what to do with them.

“Noct?” Ignis was terribly confused.

“Promise me! Promise me you won’t look for another way!” Noct’s responses becoming louder and more emphatic, a note of panic now evident in his lover’s voice as Noct reached out towards him in a vain attempt to grab his shoulders, the failure of contact created an agonising river of ice down his arms.

This did not feel like the Noct he knew, and he was sure this went again every subconscious thought he had. “I don’t understand.” He repeated. “Why would I promise that?”

“I can’t tell you. If I tell you it’ll ruin everything. I’m gonna sacrifice for Eos and you _can’t_ stop me.” This response baffled Ignis even more. The phrasing was peculiar and Noct’s tone was distressed, pleading with him. “If you really love me…really trust me, promise me you’ll let me go without a fight. I’m begging you.” The figure in front of him dropped to their knees, hands clasped together.

Ignis took an involuntary step back. Noct on his knees in front of him was not right. It should be he who was begging his lover, begging for forgiveness for his deficiencies, for not enduring more…for not being strong enough.

Right now, he was glad this was a dream, because if it really had been Noct asking that of him, Ignis wouldn’t have be able to deny him. He would suffer a lifetime of grief and loneliness so that Noct would not have to feel so scared and distraught. But this was just within his mind. In here, even if nowhere else, he could voice his selfish thoughts.

“Last time, I hated what you were asking but I could understand why. I was clearly unwell, but this situation is different. Why does my subconscious choose to use your voice, your passion, to try and dissuade me?” Ignis put his hands to his head, covering his eyes but still the iridescent light shone through, the kneeling figure still visible to him.

“I know that you’d find a way, somehow you’d find a way, because you are my brilliant Ignis. You’d do anything for me. That’s why I’ve got to tell you to stop, and ask you to trust me.” The figure reached out a hand to him, palm up. “I’ve got a good reason. A really, really good reason.” Noct’s voice contained a hint of laughter, like it used to when he knew a good joke and was just itching to tell someone. There was also hope.

“But you cannot say what it is.” The figure shook their head.

“Please trust me.” His lover’s voice whispered and every fibre of Ignis’ being wanted to listen, wanted to trust the person in front of him. He slowly stretched out his arm, his hand shaking, going to cover the offered palm with his own but halting just shy of completing the gesture.

“I trust Noct. You are just a dream.” He said sadly, his eyebrows drawing together into a frown as he spoke, trying to hold back the urge to cry. His words were harder to say than they should have been, sticking on the lump in his throat.

The figure reeled back like they’d been slapped. “Honestly Specs, it’s me! You’re really here with me, in the Crystal! What can I say to convince you? What can I do?” The pain in that voice struck him deeply, hurting far more than a dream should have been able to.

“I don’t know. Tell me something when you get back, something that you could never have discovered by any other means.”

The extended arm fell back to the figure’s side. Their shoulders dropped and they sat back on their heels. “It’ll be too late by then.” Noct’s voice was dejected and Ignis half turned away, the image of Noct on his knees was too painful for him.

“I’m sorry, if what you say is true. I am sorry for not doing more to keep you safe. I shall wait for as long as it takes, but once I have Noct back in my arms, I will _not_ let him go again.” Ignis’ hands clenched into fists and shook with determination.

“Please Ignis…please.” “Noct’s voice sounded feeble, defeated. “If you don’t listen, it’s gonna be really bad. You’ll get hurt even more for me. If I come back and you’re not there…” Noct’s voice caught, the figure slumping to one side, bringing their legs up to their chest to hug their knees, much like the position Ignis had first spied them in.

The urge to comfort the figure was almost overwhelming. This was his dream, it shouldn’t matter what he said or did in here, but Ignis could never bear for Noct to be upset.

“I have every intention of surviving, do not fear on that account.” Ignis sat down next to the figure, positioning himself as close as he dared. “Being with Noct again…” Ignis paused as the figure beside him shifted, something telling him to reconsider his words. “Being with you again…” He could sense Noct relaxing a little. “That is what keeps me going. Regardless of what happens before then, I shall be waiting to greet you with a kiss.”

“You’d better be.” Noct raised his head from his knees to look at Ignis. “I’m gonna fix everything, make everything right for us, but I’m counting on you Specs. Don’t stop me doing what I need to.”

Ignis lay back with a sigh. He could feel all his energy draining away. “I shall not give…up on you.” A wide yawn punctuated his sentence and his eyes felt heavy.

“Love you Specs.” Noct’s voice gently caressed him as the luminescence faded away and Ignis found himself waking to the sound of his alarm. He could still feel the coolness of an attempted touch on his forehead. Fumbling to shut off the noise from his phone, he flopped back on his bedroll, feeling as weary as when he’d lay down to sleep.

“I love you too Noct.” He told the empty tent, taking a moment to collect his thoughts while he massaged the stiffness out of his aching arm. Once again, that dream had seemed so real, Noct so lifelike. Could what he said possibly be true?

The chocobo chirruped and stamped outside the tent flap, having done with sleeping for the time being, motivating Ignis to sit up and begin to dress. Regardless of the accuracy of his dream, he could not afford to tarry, he first had to find some way to prevent Noct from dying. Once he had a solution, they could discuss the consequences later.

Before Ignis knew it, it was the tenth anniversary of Noct disappearing into that damned Crystal was upon him and he had returned to Lestallum with Prompto and Gladio to hold their annual private vigil for their lost King, their friend.

The three of them were settling back into the small bedsit they used to share. It was still early, so Prompto pulled out a pack of cards with raised markings on them so they could play a few rounds together and catch up before the start time they’d settled on almost a decade before.

Ignis was by the sink, having just handed drinks to his friends and now fetching a water for himself when sudden, completely out of nowhere, it happened.

The reconnection with the Ring of the Lucii hit him like a truck, his magical connection with Noct, so feeble and dormant for the past ten years suddenly burst into life, brighter and more vivid than it had been, even in Zegnautus Keep. The glass slipped from his nerveless fingers and shattering as he collapsed to the floor with a cry of pain, his left arm and his head felt on fire, bring tears to his eyes.

The feeling of burning passed quickly but the tears remained because this phenomenon could only mean one thing...

“Iggy! What’s wrong?” Prompto was quickly at his side, helping him back to his feet. Gladio’s large hands helped support his other side as his legs now felt like jelly.

“Can you…feel that?” Ignis managed to form words from the tiny part of his mind that was not currently being overwhelmed by these reignited sensations. He could feel a confusion and dread which wasn’t his, accompanied by a tugging sensation in the bond, pulling him towards the south-east.

“Feel what?” Gladio asked as they walked him over to a chair so he could sit, the crunch from the broken glass sounding under the soles of his shoes. He could smell the tang of a salty breeze in the air, and there was the faint sound of rolling waves off in the distance.

“Noct’s magic.” Ignis laughed, for once glad of his blindness so he could better appreciate the beauty of the connection singing inside of him. His tears spilled over to run down his cheeks, his reaction uncontrollable. “He’s come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon, there will be a new dawn. 
> 
> I might be taking a bit more time on these last few chapters to try and do justice to what I have planned, making sure things tie together properly. Although this one is not overly long, it took quite a while for me to be happy with it. Next one is going to be a big one and should put a number of events into context.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. It's really awesome to see your feedback through kudos or comments <3


	30. Chapter 30

Noctis felt a phantom burst of sensation across his cheek and heard Ignis give a sound of pain. Ever since he’d put on the Ring of the Lucii, Noctis had felt his magical connection to Ignis more strongly than ever before, occasionally receiving traces of emotion and the ghosts of other sensations along that chord.

The daemons were endless, for each one cut down another rose up from festering pool of ichor which was spread across the floor of the hanger in Zegnautus Keep.

Breaking his concentration from dispatching the daemon in front of him, he saw Ignis thrown to the ground by the force of a blow.

“Specs!” Noctis shouted, fearful for Ignis’s safety. Fighting their way out of the Keep had been a mistake. He blocked a blow almost too late as he made ready to warp to his lover’s side but found he did not have enough magic left to complete the action. He’d exerted himself too much while trying to find his best friend.

“Focus, Noct! I’m fine.” Ignis shouted over the roar of battle. Noctis watched as his lover scrambled to his feet, his heart almost stopping as a reaper’s scythe swung for Ignis’ neck. He couldn’t act fast enough, couldn’t get there in time.

“Iggy!” Prompto gasped, gun firing, the bullet deflecting the blade enough that it only appeared to graze instead of decapitate. Noctis barely had time to breathe a sigh of relief before he was pushed onto the defensive by the swarm surrounding him, forced to look to his own safety.

Ardyn’s voice drifted smoothly over the tannoy. “You know, there are stories of the light of the Crystal having the power to purge daemons. That sort of power would be useful about now, don’t you think? It’s so close now. Wouldn’t it be a shame if something were to happen to your friends if you did nothing. Don’t you care for the welfare of dear Ignis? Do you really think you can fight your way out of here by yourselves?”

Ardyn was right. They could kill daemons all day and still not reach the outside, each moment wearing them down, making it more likely to make a mistake. He was already drained of magic and regardless of how amazing Ignis was, without his sight it was only a matter of time before something slipped past his guard and stole him away.

The sounds of daemon cries increased; even more were coming.

Noctis knew his lover would be upset with him. This whole situation was the perfect trap and he was choosing to take the bait, but as long as it kept Ignis safe and alive he was willing to pay whatever price it took.

“Self-sacrifice, the mark of a monarch! Step forward, your Majesty.” Ardyn crowed as Noctis turned away from the fight and began running towards where the Crystal called to him. A wave of fear washed over him, whether it was his own or Ignis’ he couldn’t tell, but he hoped he could make it in time.

The Crystal was suspended in a large open chamber, something about its glow called to him in a manner he’d never noticed when they had both been back in Insomnia. He slowed his pace as he approached down the long, metal walkway. What if he was doing the one thing that would make everything worse? What if the Crystal wouldn’t lend him the power to dispel the daemons and he’d just abandoned his companions to die? Even with that risk, he could not afford to delay. Any second now a stray blow or a mistimed dodge could result in Ignis being taken from him. He’d been forced by circumstance to move past the death of his father, Clarius, Luna and so many innocent people, but Ignis was the one person he was sure it would kill him to lose.

Noctis approached the light shining from within the Crystal, holding out a trembling hand.

“Please…help me stop the daemons.” He begged. “Help me keep them safe.”

The light brightened, tendrils of radiance unfurled and wrapped around his outstretched hand, gripping him tightly and beginning to pull him closer.

“Ah!” He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it wasn’t this. Planting his feet, Noctis struggled against the grip on his arm, free hand pushing against the outer rocky surface, but despite his resistance he felt himself being drawn further inwards, the grip becoming harder and painful.

Ignis’ vision had said nothing about this! He had no idea of what would happen to him when he was pulled inside, but he experienced an overwhelming sense of loss of what could have been.

“Unharmed by the Light. The Chosen King indeed.” Ardyn’s voice accompanied the steady, unhurried footsteps coming down the walkway towards him. He might have listened more closely to Ardyn’s tale if he hadn’t been suspended by one arm, his feet having left the floor as he was consumed by the object which he had relied upon to help his friends.

As more and more of Noctis’ body passed into that light, unable to pull away, he could feel his connection to Ignis flaring, making his chest hurt on top of everything, his heart racing with adrenalin. His lover would somehow help him, gods only knew how but Noctis knew Ignis would never give up on him. He’d never leave him alone.

“Claim the Crystals power. Arise as it’s champion. Only once the Crystal and King are no more, can I know redemption.” Ardyn glared at him in triumph, but he had little interest. He had to know that Ignis and his friends were safe.

Noctis struggled harder, his connection to his lover singing a beautiful harmony within him. His legs and right arm had been completely consumed by now, feeling like they’d been submerged in ice water, and that sensation was working its way up his stomach.

“Come back soon. I shall keep your friends company until you are ready.” The words almost didn’t register, because at that moment a person stumbled onto the walkway, cane and dagger in hand and paused, seemingly in awe.

Noctis reached out, his breath coming in pants as he fought the Crystal’s grip as much as he could.

“Noct!” Ignis shouted for him, running for him, disregarding any danger for himself, and Noctis felt the light of hope within him.

Just a few more seconds, just hang on a little longer and those gloved fingers would be wrapped around his. Ignis would be able to pull him free and they be together again, holding each other tightly. They could work through this together, just a couple more seconds…

“Ignis!” The blinding light of the Crystal overtook him as he called for his lover. His whole body was now encased in ice, making everything numb except his nerves which were alight with pain, and Noctis screamed out all his hurt and frustration. It didn’t take long for all the sensations to overwhelm him and he blacked out.

When some kind of consciousness returned to him, he stood in a vast space, glowing with iridescent waves of colour. His body no longer felt ice cold except where the Ring of the Lucii sat on his finger, and the faint background hum in his mind from his magical connection to his friends was dormant, so dull as to be barely there, even the one for Ignis which had been so strong just moments before.

It had to be something to do with the ring. Since he’d put it on for his own defence in the Keep, he’d been able to feel Ignis more clearly, almost as a part of him, snippets of emotion bleeding through the cord. He’d felt just how much Ignis loved him, how desperate he was to protect him.

He was tempted to take it the cursed object off and throw it into this featureless void. He didn’t want to be a part of this destiny to save Eos from the Scourge. He’d never wanted to be the Crown Prince of Lucis, the Chosen King. He’d just wanted more time with the person dearest to him in the world, and now even that had been snatched away from him, and he was left alone.

About to rip the piece of jewellery from his finger, he sensed something colossal but silent looming behind him and turned sharply, instinctively attempting to summon his blade but his connection to the Armiger seemed to be absent. It was a good thing at that, since he would have been about to attack a god.

“Gather strength, O Chosen one, for the fate of this world falls to the King of Kings.” Bahamut’s voice rang out, the sounds unintelligible to Noctis but somehow the meaning made itself clear.

He wanted to vent his anger at the god, scream out all his pain and grief and demand that the gods clean up their own mess. Only the ones he loved had made all the hardships bearable and Noctis hadn’t even been able to prevent them from getting hurt.

Unfortunately, the overwhelming presence of Bahamut quelled his burgeoning rage, leaving him almost mute, and only one question was able to leave his lips. “What is this place?”

“It is here that the King will gain the power to fulfil his calling. Only when the Ring is replete with the power of the Crystal can the True King ascend, and only by the True King’s hand can the Accursed be banished and the Light restored.

“Only at the throne can the Chosen One receive the power, and only at the cost of his own life. Many have sacrificed all for the King, and so the King must sacrifice himself for all.”

It had been hard to hear Ignis describe his vision, but there was something even more terrifying about having a deity confirm what was to be his fate.

A choked sob escaped Noctis’ lips. This was really it then. The next time he saw everyone, the world would be relying on him to bring back the dawn. He could perhaps buy himself a few days, debating strategy to return to Insomnia, but no more than that. He needed more time. They deserved more time.

By fulfilling his destiny, he would also be bringing Ignis’ nightmares into reality. They’d barely had the chance to do anything he’d hoped for, and Ignis would be left to pick up the pieces without him. His lover might even be forced to rule in his stead, after all, he was the most qualified, and knowing Ignis he’d do it with barely a complaint even while it slowly killed him on the inside.

Bahamut vanished and whatever force was holding Noctis on his feet disappeared with the Astral. He found himself crumbling to the floor, hugging his knees against his chest as the tears began to fall.

Even when there seemed to be no more tears left, he remained curled up, hoping, wishing, that he would not remain alone in this void. He had no idea how long it might take from the ring to be ‘replete’, as the Draconian had put it, but he didn’t know if he was strong enough to endure all by himself. He hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye.

“Hello?” A familiar voice called out, a little muffled despite the emptiness of the space.

Noctis raised his head to see a person standing a little way away. No…not just any person.

“Specs?” Noctis couldn’t believe his eyes. Ignis was standing there, looking exactly as he’d last seen him. How could he possibly here inside the Crystal as well? Had it consumed him as well?

“Noct!” Ignis cried out. It looked as if his lover was trying to move towards him, but was struggling against some invisible force. “No!” Noct reached out for him, trying to get to his feet but something chilled him to the bone, prevented him from moving any further.

“Specs, don’t go! Please, don’t go!” Noctis begged, forced to watch as his lover’s struggling form faded from his sight and was gone. “Don’t leave me!”

He couldn’t tell how long he stayed curled up in the same position, unable to think of anything beyond Ignis’ face as he desperately tried to reach him, both in the Crystal and in the Keep. After a while, he rationalised that his fevered imagination must have created that image of Ignis for him.

Hours, or days could have passed, neither the time nor the date on his watch appeared to change. There was always light around and he never seemed to feel tired beyond a sense of emotional exhaustion, so any consistent sleep pattern to gauge time by was impossible. It was a lonely kind of existence, with no end in sight.

Sounds other than that of his own making made Noctis jump, immediately scrambling to his feet as he tried and once again failed to call a blade to his hand for defence. He was more than surprised to see the form of Gentiana walking towards him, her heels clicking on the entirely transparent floor. At least, he assumed there was a kind of floor. They had to be standing on something, right?

As she came within a few paces, Noctis nervously stepped back and Shiva’s messenger persona seemed to take that as her indication to stop approaching.

“The Crystal welcomes the Chosen King.” She seemed no different to how she’d appeared to him before, hands together and held in front of her, a ghost of a smile upon her face.

This time, Noctis did not feel the same oppressive compulsion to remain quiet as he had with Bahamut and the questions erupted from him.

“Why the hell did this have to happen to me? Did dad know I’d have to do this? Did Luna? Why did they all hide it? Why can’t the Astrals take care of this themselves? What d’you need me for? Why do I have to die? Tell me!” The questions came faster and faster as each one left his lips, demanding answers. He needed to understand why fate had placed this burden upon him.

Gentiana patiently let him get it out of his system before choosing to give a selective answer.

“The Chosen King’s father and the Oracle desired a normal life for the King’s upbringing. Wishing for happiness which was unburdened.” She was as calm in her response as she always seemed to be.

Noctis was left momentarily speechless. This information made his dad’s farewell outside of the Citadel all the more impactful. Now, more than ever, he wished they’d been able to have more time just being father and son.

“How long did my dad know what was going to happen to me?” He asked quietly.

“Since the selection by the Crystal in infancy.” Noctis turned away, his hands balling into fists in his hair, unable to process what he’d just heard. That must be why his dad had always looked at him with a hint of sadness. He’d assumed it was because he’d taken after his mother in his appearance, but that didn’t seem to be the whole story.

His father, Luna, Ignis…they had all done their best to protect him and let him be happy. He wished he could have done as much for them.

“I don’t want to die. I don’t wanna leave my friends. There’s so much living I want to do.” His throat felt dry and his voice sounding hoarse and full of longing. Hands slipping from their place in his hair to cover his face.

“The King speaks of affection for the Advisor.” It was a statement, not a question. Had the gods been watching him all this time, even in moments he’d thought were private.

“Yes.” Noctis whispered. He could feel a blush of embarrassment rising across his cheeks and kept his face covered.

“Astrals are not free from the pain of loss. The Infernian has been corrupted by the Scourge and will be unable to be spared. This provides great sorrow.” Gentiana stepped closer, her hand touching his shoulder and he looked back to see the messenger’s dipped head; her usual implacable expression being marred by a look of intense sadness.

“I don’t want Ignis to have to bear that loss.” Noctis told her and she nodded sympathetically. Of course she would understand his heartache. Shiva had fallen in love with Ifrit and he’d been the first Astral to fall to Niflheim’s ambitions, signing his death sentence.

“If he feels for me like I do for him, he’s gotta already be hurting so much. He’s done everything that he was asked for, and so much more. We barely had any time to be with each other.” Noctis’ chest felt tight, only the contact of Gentiana’s hand prevented him from crumbling again.

“A promise to the Oracle shall be fulfilled, the King shall be given happiness.” She whispered, more to herself than to him so he barely caught her words.

“What?”

Gentiana’s head rose again, resorting back to her usual expression. “The Oracle wished for the King’s happiness. A vision was given by Pryna for the purpose of gifting that happiness.”

Noctis stared at her, horror crossing his face. “You tortured Ignis…for my happiness?” He found himself shaking with anger. Ignis’ nightmares had been caused by that vision. He’d suffered so much on Noctis’ behalf and it was made worse by the reliving those images night after night. Giving them to him had been cruel.

“Without motivation, the Advisor intended to keep the King at a distance. It was time which could not be afforded.” She inclined her head slightly. “Consider the time that was had as a boon.”

Noctis took a deep breath, shoving down the inside desire to punch a divine being and tried to consider her words in a calm manner, in the way Ignis attempted to guide him.

If Ignis hadn’t known what was to come, would they have ended up getting together? Noctis had noticed the change in Ignis’ behaviour after he lost his sight, which his lover himself had later confirmed as letting go of his fears of ruining Noctis’ rule through their relationship, as they were now meaningless.

Without that glimpse of the future, would Ignis have gently pushed him away when Noctis asked to make him his? Would he have re-established a distance between them instead of kissing him? How long would it have taken to get Ignis to uncover his affection, if at all?

As he thought through the ramifications, his horror dwindled, stoking his guilt from the feelings of gratitude he didn’t want to admit. “Wasn’t there another way? I wish you didn’t have to hurt him so much.”

“Nothing less than surety that no future awaited the King would have swayed the Advisor’s mind.” Gentiana seemed somewhat sad. Noctis knew his lover was so stubborn, keeping his affections a secret from everyone for so many years, that he could well believe that there hadn’t been any other options.

“Umbra will send the King’s Advisor into the past to ensure the relationship’s path. A brief time with the King at the cost of encouraging and rejecting the feelings of the King’s best friend. Any more and there would be consequences.” Noctis’ heart sank.

“So Prompto really does like him…” He muttered, feeling terrible for his friend. “But wait, I already know what’s happened, don’t I? I’ve lived it.” Noctis frowned, his head starting to hurt.

“Because of the journey the Advisor will make.” She told him patiently. “At one time, the journey did not take place and the Oracle’s wish not fulfilled.”

“So you’re doing this all for Luna?” He asked, but the only response he received was a small dip into a curtsey. Then, she seemed to change tack, evading a straight answer to his question.

“The loyal Advisor is even now searching for another way to save the King. This attempt may be successful, but the blood price to cleanse the Scourge cannot be prevented.”

Noctis frowned and shook his head, confused. “So, if it’s not me, somebody else is still gonna die?”

“Life the price of the Crystal’s power.” She stated, her words as immutable as the laws of their universe.

“No, that can’t be right. Specs is brilliant. He’ll find another way, one that doesn’t kill. He’d never give up on me!” He ended up shouting before he realised, stepping back so the contact between them disappeared. He didn’t want to believe her, wanted to trust in his lover instead, but he’d already spent his life watching the Crystal suck the life out of his dad in exchange for the Wall. He knew all too well about what it took in exchange for power.

“Does the King believe the loyal Advisor would not choose to sacrifice himself instead?” Gentiana asked mildly, sending a wave of fear down Noctis’ spine. That sounded exactly the sort of thing Ignis would do if it meant letting him live. And knowing him, he wouldn’t say a damn thing about the consequences until it was too late. If he believed the messenger’s words, could he risk Ignis taking the cost upon himself?

“If he doesn’t have to grieve for me, I have to grieve for him, is that it?” Gentiana inclined her head in agreement. “Bullshit! Absolute bullshit!” Noctis snapped, beginning to pace back and forth in his frustration.

“Emotional and physical loss must be endured to cleanse the Scourge, but there still is hope.” Noctis continued pacing while he waited for her to keep going, but she did not say anything further, only watch him calmly.

Stopping, he turned to face her. “What do you mean?” He huffed, fidgeting on the spot.

“There is no way to prevent the cost the Crystal demands, King disappearing though the ritual, but by the grace of the Astrals the King’s soul may be rekindled from the ash, and chance of a second life be granted.” Noctis felt his heart start to race with excitement. This seemed to be his only opportunity to have a normal life with the man he loved, but he was learning there was always some trade off to be done.

“What do you mean by a second life?” He asked suspiciously.

“Does it matter as long as the King and Advisor can be together?” Her reply made him pause, considering what was really most important for him.

“Will he get his sight back?” He eventually asked.

“Yes.” Noctis took a deep breath, almost surprised by the straight answer, his limbs suddenly feeling a little shaky.

“How?” He asked eagerly. “What do I have to do to get that to happen?”

“The King must persuade the loyal Advisor not to intervene, for only death waits on that course. The Scourge must be cleansed from the world for two souls to be tied together. If the Advisor falls before the King, the power of the Astrals will not be sufficient, and the King’s hope will be lost.” The spark of worry took root. If Ignis died, he’d lose everything.

“Well, you can just tell him with a vision again, can’t you?” Noctis tried to make light of her warning. A nervous laugh slipped out which quickly died when she gave him a stony look Ignis would have been proud of.

“Greedy you are with Shiva’s power, and visions take effort for those whose blood is not tied to an Astral. The Advisor no longer has faith in the gods, so the argument must come from the King.” She looked at him disapprovingly, like it was wrong to expect the gods who wove this horrible net to ensnare him, to use their strength to try and fix things.

“How am I gonna persuade him to not try and help if I can’t speak to him until I’m out of here?” Knowing Ignis, he’d readily work himself into the ground to ensure Noctis’ safety, and if the only ‘solution’ was another sacrifice, then he was so scared that his lover would throw away everything for him.

“A conversation will occur.” He stared at the messenger, but that seemed to be all the answer she would deign to give him. The vagueness of her responses was infuriating. He wanted a solid promise, but it didn’t seem that was something the gods did, until it was to foretell his end.

“Ok, so if I do what I need to, Ignis and I will get another chance to be together. He’ll have his sight and we can live our lives together?” He asked, trying to get as much clarity from her as he could.

“If the King fulfils the prophecy and sacrifices for them all, then yes, and the Oracle’s final wish shall be fulfilled.” Gentiana smiled.

As she turned away, message now imparted, Noctis thought he might have caught sight of the Crystal’s light reflecting off a single tear which fell to the floor. His eyes followed the motion of the droplet, and when he looked back up, she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and bearing with a longer wait than normal. This should put a whole lot of things into context. 
> 
> I was originally intending for this to be combined with chapter 31 but it was getting to about 12,000 words in its entirety so I decided to break it in two at the most sensible point. Don't worry though, 31 will be ready for posting within a day or so, so the wait should have been worth it. :)


	31. Chapter 31

Alone once again, Noctis began to wander aimlessly around the space, moving his body for something to do in the otherwise quiet and empty void. He couldn’t contain the anxiety that arose from his conversation with Gentiana, but there was also intense excitement, and he felt like he might fly into pieces if he stayed still for too long.

While he paced, he wondered how he would get a chance to talk to his lover, and what he might say to convince him to give up on his quest for another way to cleanse the Scourge, one that did not involve the death of the King, but also one that didn’t give him any rash ideas.

Gentiana had been right, Ignis had seemed to lose faith in the Astrals after he’d received that vision, and he knew his lover well enough to expect that he’d never trust the messenger’s words, suspecting them as nothing more than an easy platitude to convince him to sacrifice himself without a fight. It’d probably only make Ignis even more determined.

Thoughts swirled around in his head, wracking his brains to try and think of an argument that would satisfy Ignis, but nothing he came up with in their imaged conversations was good enough. Also, how would a conversation happened between the two of them while he was stuck in here?

He wasn’t expecting the voice eventually reached him.

“Noct?” Hearing his name in the otherwise silence of the Crystal startled him, stopping him in his tracks, but the voice made his heart race with excitement. Although everything told him he was just imagining things, he looked up and saw his lover.

“Ignis.” He whispered, reaching out, praying that he would not disappear again.

Ignis took one step towards him, then another, gathering speed until he was running. His steps did not faulter despite his new environment, and he certainly wasn’t relying on his cane as a guide. Noctis was surprised. It was almost as if his lover could tell precisely where he was and that there were no obstacles in his way. Had something happened to grant him his vision again?

Ignis slowed a little as he came close, Noctis stepping forward, arms open wide to receive him, but there was no solid contact as there had been with Gentiana, instead his lover passed straight through him. The sensation was very unpleasant, making him shiver, it was like someone had just walked over his grave. It must have been equally as bad on both sides, as Ignis cried out in shock.

“Ignis!” Noctis turned as his lover spun around, putting out his hands out again to accidentally feel them pass into Ignis’ chest. That unpleasant sensation returned but it seemed so unimportant next to the presence of the man who was standing right in front of him.

“You’re here? Is it really you?” He gasped, his eyes roaming over every detail of his lover’s form as he pulled his hands back.

“My darling Noct.” His heart gave a wonderful flutter at the love infused into those words. Ignis reached out towards his face, smiling at him and he instinctively tried to lean into offered palm. All of a sudden he realised just how touch-starved he was, but there was nothing solid behind the contact, twisting the shard of emptiness lodged in his heart.

“Looks like we can’t touch.” Noctis sighed, frowning, and Ignis’ smile faltered. Despite his hopes, however Ignis’ presence managed to be here in the Crystal didn’t seem to include physicality, unlike the Astrals.

“I miss you Noct. I miss you so much.” Ignis whispered, to him, bending a little as if to press their foreheads together, seeking some connection regardless. The reverence and longing in his lover’s tone almost brought tears to his eyes. It was obvious that he had been hurting, and badly.

“I saw you here before, but I thought I was hallucinating. How long have I been here?” He bit his lip nervously, swinging his arms at his sides in agitation. What had gone on in the world outside the Crystal?

“Eighteen months.” Noctis’ jaw dropped open in shock.

“What?” He shouted, stumbling back a couple of steps. How could so much time have passed? If asked to guess he would have thought a few weeks, maybe a couple of months at most. “How are Prompto and Gladio doing?” Guilt ate at him for having spent so long with his thoughts dominated by a future with Ignis that he’d barely wondered about his Shield and his best friend.

“They are both doing well, under the circumstances. They miss you terribly, but I seem to feel your loss more keenly still.” Ignis tried to smile but seemed to struggle to form the expression as his brow kept furrowing. Noctis found himself frowning in response, wanting to gently kiss away that tension and saddened that he wasn’t allowed to do something even that simple.

To distract himself from such a helpless feeling, he looked more closely at his lover’s appearance instead of just marvelling at his presence. Ignis’ cheekbones were more pronounced and he could just about make out a slight hollowness around his eyes behind the darkened lenses. He seemed exhausted, not standing as straight as he used to, shoulders slightly hunched, and the way he held himself suggested that everything hurt.

Stepping around his lover, he could see that the muscles in Ignis’ arms and thighs didn’t fill out his clothes as much as he remembered. The angles of his shoulder blades were evident against the back of his shirt where before they’d been softer and his trousers appeared loose around Ignis’ already slender hips. If it wasn’t for the suspenders, Noctis wondered if they wouldn’t slip down. It was quite a dramatic change, and he worried just what his lover had been putting himself through up to now.

“Your clothes look loose, have you lost weight?” He asked. Ignis patted himself down awkwardly, almost seeming a little surprised by what he felt, but waved off the concern regardless.

“Perhaps a little. I assure you I am fine.”

Noctis set his jaw in a disapproving pout and stopped in front of his lover once more, deciding not to contest the declaration right now. They’d just experienced the longest time apart since they had first met, he didn’t want to hurt Ignis any more by pushing him too quickly. It was clear that he’d not been having a good time out there. He felt like such a failure for being unable to prevent what had driven his lover to this point, and tried to turn the conversation to something more mundane.

“Those specs look good on you. Where’d you find them?” He asked, reaching up automatically to try and touch them, only to be surprised at his lover ducking his head out of the way.

Noctis hesitated and dropped his hand, sure his movement would have been silent. Could Ignis have regained some of his sight? Unable to stop himself, he peered more closely at Ignis’ eyes behind the glasses and was delighted to find them open and looking at him.

“Gladio found them, if you can believe it. I’m glad they are not hideous.” His lover let out a soft sound of relief.

“Nah, nothing you wear could look bad. You’re so handsome I think you’d look good even wearing a sack.” Noctis replied, words coming from the warmth he felt in his heart every time he looked at his lover. He could feel a slight blush across his face as he went on, his tone lowering, becoming a little seductive. “Though I prefer it when you don’t wear anything.” So Ignis had lost some weight, that wasn’t going to stop Noctis thinking his lover was the most gorgeous creature in existence.

“Flatterer.” Noctis grinned at the small, pleased smile that made its way across his lover’s face, entirely smoothing away the frown lines and softening his expression.

Unable to hold his worry back any longer, Noctis sighed and reached out in a vain attempt to seek some of the reassuring contact that they were used to having. “What’s happened to you Specs?”

“I have been…caught up in my work.” Ignis glanced away, evasive in his response and stoking Noctis’ fears further.

“You seem really tired. You’ve always pushed yourself too much, but you still managed to take care of yourself before. What’s changed?” Noctis’ voice softened, almost pleading for his lover to share what he’d been going through so he could do something to help. Nothing hurt him more than to see Ignis in distress and be unable to give him some comfort.

Swallowing hard, his lover’s words were wracked with emotion. “It is so hard to be without you, so I am trying to find some other way, so you don’t have to sacrifice yourself.”

Noctis’ eyes widened and all the blood drained from his face, his breath catching in his throat. No, no, no! It was the answer that scared him the most and last thing he’d wanted to hear. Ignis must have been trying desperately to find a way to save him, and at the cost of his own health.

“I don’t know how long I have to find a way, and without my sight my research is painfully slow. I fear I won’t find one in time.”

“Specs, I…” He stammered, feeling so horribly guilty that Ignis was in this position because of him. He’d do anything to stop Ignis from harming himself even more, but any further thoughts were interrupted before they made it to his lips.

“It’s just a small sacrifice in the short term.” His lover made an attempt to reassure him, but Noct shook his head hard, suddenly angry that Ignis still seemed to think of his own wellbeing was disposable.

“You said that about losing your sight!” He said, exasperated. “Think about how I’ll feel when I get back and you’re nothing but a shadow. I don’t want to be saved if this is what you have to do to yourself.” In frustration Noctis circled Ignis again, waving his arms wildly to let off some of his panicked energy instead of grabbing his lover by the front of his shirt and shaking him like he wanted to.

“I will take better care of myself once I find a way to dispel the Scourge without it costing your life.” Ignis began to argue back, stubborn as always when the conversation turned to keeping Noctis safe. “Why am I even justifying my actions to my own dream?” He finished bitterly.

Noctis halted in his pacing, astonished. Did Ignis truly not recognise this was real? “You think this is a dream?”

“Of course. I talk to you all the time when I am awake, but only in my dreams can you reply, even though I know what you will say.” Flabbergasted, Noctis couldn’t help but smile, some of his frustration dissipating. Ignis often knew exactly what he would say and could use that to help pre-empt any concerns or questions he had on any number of topics. That was what made him such a good Advisor.

“It’s cos you know me so well.” He gave a small snort.

“It is because you are only my mind’s projection of the one I love. The real Noct has gone somewhere I am not worthy enough to follow. And even though I cherish this glimpse of you, I know this cannot possibly be real.” The smile dropped from Noctis’ face as Ignis’ shoulders slumped. If only he knew how worthy he truly was.

The urge to confess the chance of their future together rose within him and he had to swallow it back down. Seeing Ignis so dejected reinforced his determination that they would have a life together, one where they could do things properly, where he could help Ignis recognise just how precious he was, how loved and how needed.

He reached up, the movement of his hand nervous, ghosting his fingertips over the plump softness of Ignis’ lips before continuing the motion to cup his cheek. The way his lover tried to lean into his almost touch, the skin between his eyebrows creasing slightly with the yearning for contact, brought a lump to Noctis’ throat.

“I can’t even comfort you properly.” His voice wobbled a little in his sorrow. “It’s not fair, Specs! You’re taking everything on yourself again, aren’t you? And I can’t be there to talk you down.” He guessed Ignis wasn’t letting anyone help him either. If he said his lover suffered from any sin, it was pride.

Noctis cursed under his breath everything that had led to him being ripped away from his lover, leaving him with such anguish.

Ignis reached up to try and cover Noctis’ hand with his own. The small hairs on the back of his hand tingled, registering the ghostly presence of another in every way but physical.

“I wish you were truly with me. I want nothing more than to hold you. Prompto and Gladio try their best, but I am so lonely without you.” Noctis squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall, his heart painful in his chest. He wanted Ignis to know he was really here, that this was real.

“What if this weren’t a dream?” Ignis shivered at the suggestion and the tip of his tongue briefly appeared to moisten his lips, the simple action distracting Noctis from his other worries and making him intensely aware that he had eighteen months’ worth of sexual urges built up which had chosen not to make themselves known until this very moment.

“I would be so happy, and so scared about what it would mean.” Noctis stepped closer, the only thought currently in his head was the need to be as close as he could to his lover. Although time had felt strangely contracted in this place, he now felt the full force of his lover’s absence. “I do not wish to think of you fully aware and all alone in a place like this. To be all alone for so long…”

It was made all the worse as, behind those partly opaque lenses, Ignis’ eyes flicked down towards his lips, and Noctis had to press them tightly together to prevent a small whimper from escaping.

“You’ve had your eyes open this whole time. Can you see in here?” He asked, hoping the answer would be yes. If this was a single opportunity, he wanted Ignis for once to be able to see what his lover did to him, as well as hear and feel.

“Not as I used to. Somehow, you are only a silhouette to me, but it’s more than I’ve seen of you for a long time.” There was a longing in Ignis’ tone, perhaps an edge of hunger, suggesting that Ignis had been neglecting his body in more ways than one.

Noctis tilted his head a little to one side and raised a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously, wanting to ask for intimacy but couldn’t help but feel shy about it. “Do you want to watch me touch myself?” He whispered, the proposition bypassing his brain so it took a moment for him to realise he’d spoken out loud. He was a little shocked by his apparent forwardness, but he didn’t retract the question.

“Pardon…?” Ignis seemed surprised, but not repulsed, giving Noctis all the encouragement he required. This was something they both needed, and he pushed forward, finding the confidence from somewhere. They were the only beings in this place, and if the Astrals objected to him expressing his love for Ignis, well they could damn well look away. He didn’t want to let this opportunity slip through their fingers. If he couldn’t be persuasive enough, it might be one of their last.

“I’m seeing you for the first time in over a year and you can kinda see me. It’s making me damn horny and you deserve a good dream for once.” If the thought of him being all alone in the Crystal for so long upset Ignis, he was willing to play along for now. Anything to help his lover feel more comfortable.

“So, if I touch myself for you, will you touch yourself for me, Specs?” He took a couple of steps back, opening up the distance so that Ignis would be able to see more. Then, he slowly moved his hands to the front of his trousers, popping open the button and lazily drawing down the zip of his fly, trying to be seductive but also giving Ignis plenty of opportunity to tell him to stop if he didn’t want to go any further.

“Can we tell each other what to do?” He added, remembering the lack of permitted contact and how that would make their usual touch filled love-making extremely difficult.

A slight groan slipped from between Ignis’ lips. “How could I not want to watch someone so beautiful? Why don’t you start?” His lover asked, voice low, biting his lip in a suggestive manner which only egged Noctis on.

Fly wide open, he pushed down the front of his underwear to expose his half-hard cock, taking himself in hand and leisurely stroking himself to full hardness, enjoying his lover becoming flushed as he stepped a little off to his side, eyes fixed upon Noctis’ hand moving up and down his shaft. It felt so good to be watched, to know Ignis was becoming aroused just by watching him if the tenting in his trousers was anything to go by, and they’d barely even started.

“First, take off your gloves, then unbutton your shirt.” He gave his first command, which Ignis hastened to comply with, so eager to obey the first couple of buttons on his shirt were open before Noctis could tell him, “slowly.”

Ignis’ fingers slowed their pace, taking more time with each one, teasingly revealing more and more skin and Noctis found he had to reduce his own rate otherwise the fun would have been over much too soon. They were both so hungry for each other, the lack of being able to touch exquisite torture.

It was only when Ignis’ shirt was untucked and fully open, his torso bared for him, that Noctis could see precisely how much his lover had changed in their time apart. It had been obvious that Ignis had lost muscle and weight, but his clothing had disguised exactly how much. The shock tore a gasp from Noctis’ lips and stilled his hand.

His lover had never been openly muscly like Gladio was, but he was firm and defined in just the right way to signal at the strength he possessed, the mastery he had over his body. Now all that seemed to have melted away, leaving pronounced ribs and collarbones, trousers barely clinging to bony hips since his suspenders had dropped and a stomach at looked almost concave.

Turning his back, Ignis covered himself again, a flush of shame overtaking his previous desire as he looked away, the movement snapping Noctis out of his surprise.

“Please don’t hide Specs.” He stepped up behind his lover’s back, pressing up as close as he dared and slid an arm around him in an attempt at an embrace. His other hand held his cock out of the way, not wanting to cause either of them discomfort by its intrusion.

“I understand if you do not find my current state appealing. Astrals, I’m scared of even an imagined version of you no longer wanting me.” His lover whispered, sounding so fearful of his reaction to his current state.

“Your body has changed so much, I wish you’d been taking better care of yourself. But I still love you and think you’re sexy, regardless of your scars or how toned you are.” The difference had been a shock, yes, but he did not love Ignis for his physical appearance alone. There was so much more to his lover than that. And if he was being honest with himself, he’d fallen in love with Ignis’ soul first and foremost, the body that the Crownsguard training had given him might have been a catalyst for Noctis’ sexual awakening, but it had always only been a nice bonus.

“Maybe I could convince you if you could feel how hard I still am for you.” His hand skated across his lover’s chest, down over his stomach and settled over his crotch. Stretching up onto his toes, he spoke softly next to Ignis’ ear. “I wanna take this chance to make love with you, however we can. But it’s ok if you don’t want to do anymore. I’m just so happy to have a bit more time with you, I don’t care what we do.”

Noctis dropped back on to his heels but keep his arm protectively around Ignis’ body, quietly giving him time to decide what he wanted.

“I would like to continue. Please, tell me what you want us to do Noct.”

“Okay.” Noctis smiled, and opened up a little distance between them again, his heartbeat quickening with nervous anticipation.

While they normally communicated verbally during sex, so much of their love was conveyed through touch as a substitute for Ignis’ sight. They were used to giving caresses and nudges to indicate what each wanted to do, and the squeezing of interlinked fingers giving reassurance and signalling pleasure.

It was a little strange to start with and Noctis was nervous he wouldn’t be very good at it, but once he could see Ignis was enjoying himself, he tried to put on a show and give his lover a wonderful memory. In return, Ignis paid him as much care and attention as he always had, making him tease himself until he was begging for more, on the verge of disobeying instructions.

His fingers felt nowhere near as good inside him as Ignis’s cock did, not being able to stretch him as much, or reach so deep. He so badly wanted to sit down on that exposed shaft, to feel entirely full with everything his lover had to offer.

“Do you want my cock?” Ignis asked while Noctis watched him touch himself over his shoulder. Twisting around to see was awkward, but he could manage, this was for Ignis first and foremost.

“Yes! I love it when you fill me Specs!” He gasped, so hungry for everything his lover could give him.

“Do you want to ride me, like you did when we first made love?” His lover’s voice was low, seductive, and punctuated with his own moans of pleasure.

Noctis’ thoughts briefing flickered back to their first time and just how good it had felt, how he’d gloried in the compatibility of their bodies and how caring Ignis had been, even when he was still recovering from his injuries.

“Hnngh! Want you! Need you!” Noctis threw his head back, squeezing his eyes shut in ecstasy as his fingertips pressed against that most sensitive spot inside.

It didn’t take long before they both came, Noctis making sure to immortalise his lover’s expression in his memory. Worn out, he rolled off Ignis and onto his side, panting from the exertion as he watched Ignis tidy himself up with a handkerchief before lying to face him, as close as they could get, a blissful smile on his face.

“I love you.” Noct whispered, grinning.

“I love you too.” The way Ignis’ expression softened with the endearment made his heart flutter.

“Did you like what you saw?” Noct chuckled, trying to squirm closer to his lover, but he ended up drawing back from the discomfort of their bodies moving inside each other, and not in the good way.

“It is certainly not something I will forget in a hurry.” Ignis gave a satisfied smile. “Even with partial sight, you are breath taking.”

Noctis blushed at the compliment, happy with his lover’s satisfaction and content in his afterglow, but he was reminded him that sexual gratification was not the only thing he needed while Ignis was here with him.

“Promise me something, Specs.” He said, reaching to take Ignis’ hand but drawing back just before making contact, fidgeting his own fingers together instead, nervous about what his lover’s reaction would be.

“Anything.” His lover attempted to gently brush his hair away from his face. It was the kind of intimate, affectionate gesture he had become used to receiving when they were alone, Ignis showing a softer side of himself that was only for him. The thought of never feeling his touch again, smelling his comforting scent…Noctis bit the inside of his cheek to distract himself from becoming overwhelmed with emotion, hoping this conversation would be enough.

“Stop trying to save me.” His voice came out so quiet for a moment he wasn’t sure if Ignis had heard him before his lover froze, almost stopping breathing.

“You cannot really be asking that of me.” Ignis turned his face away, hands clenching into fists.

“You just said you would do anything for me.” The words came out more accusatory than he’d intended as he desperately tried to think of how he could convince Ignis.

“You don’t know what you’re asking me to do.” His lover’s voice shook. “It will destroy me to lose you again.” Astrals, it was horrible to see the pain and fear written across Ignis’ face.

“No, it won’t. You’re an amazing man, Specs. Other people need you to help teach them what to do, otherwise they’d just make a mess of things.” Noctis tried to be reassuring, but all he could think about was the guilt of his disappearance playing into his lover driving himself to his current state.

“Eighteen months, Noct, and the loss of you still feels as fresh as the day it happened. How can you ask me to give up? Aren’t you scared anymore?” When Ignis’ voice cracked it nearly broke his heart. Against his bidding, a few tears fell.

“Yeah, I’m fucking terrified, but you don’t look well Ignis, and I’m the reason. That hurts more than how scared I am.” Noctis sniffed, trying to wipe away his tears but more kept coming. He wanted them to have a chance at another life together, but at the rate Ignis seemed to be going, he might work himself to death before Noctis could get out of this damned Crystal. He had no idea how he’d be able to cope.

“What’s the point in saving me and the world if you don’t make it through? You’d have saved me to suffer just like you’re doing.”

“I can’t…I can’t just give you up!” Ignis shook his head, his breathing becoming laboured and he pressed a hand against his chest. It scared him to see his lover so affected. He had to try a different way, pleading with him wasn’t going to work.

“What if I order you to stop your research?” He asked, experiencing a flash of guilt as Ignis flinched and bowed his head in submission. The deference made him feel a little sick, that an order would get through to his lover, but not his concern for his wellbeing. It was just like when Ignis was hiding so much in Altissia, trying to protect him but at the cost of his own health.

“You’ll listen to your King, but not to your boyfriend.” He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice, before he managed to ease his tone. “Please, just live a good life for me. You’ve already done so much, too much.”

“You should know by now by now that where you are concerned, nothing is too much. But when I next see the real you, we may have one night together, if we’re lucky. It’s not enough. Just for once I wish to be selfish.” Ignis so very rarely expressed a desire for himself that Noctis was caught off guard, totally unprepared for the confession that followed.

“I want us to have a good life _together_ Noct. I want to hold you each night when we sleep and wake to you each morning, want us to grow old together. Gods willing, I want to raise a family with you.” As Ignis voiced his desires, there was a passion to him that Noctis had rarely seen. Passion for them.

“Oh!” Noctis gasped, bringing his hands to his face in surprise as his lover let out a small laugh as his reaction.

No wonder Ignis was reluctant to give up. No one else had ever made him feel so adored. He thought about how much he wanted to share those experiences together, to devote his life to the man who loved him completely, even his flaws and deficiencies, wanting to give back as much as Ignis had given to him. And raising a family together…yes, he thought he would like that. He’d dote on their child in a way his dad wasn’t able to with him, and there was no one else he’d wish to take on such a responsibility with.

“We’ve got the same dreams, so why are we fighting Specs?” His voice wobbled, words slipping out past a sad smile. Rolling onto his back and folded his arms across his stomach, he gave his lover a moment to process what he’d just heard.

If pleading with him struggled to get past Ignis’ stubborn determination, and commanding him made Noctis feel ill, perhaps he should have faith in him instead, hoping the concerns would be rattling around his lover’s mind for some time. It was rare that Ignis completely dismissed anything he said.

“I don’t wanna argue anymore, so, I’m gonna trust you to do the right thing for _both_ of us. You’ve never steered me wrong before. I’ll wait for you Ignis. Whatever is after this life, I’ll find you. You’ve just gotta have faith that we’ll get a second chance.” He had to give his lover some hope to strive for.

He glanced away for a second as Ignis closed his eyes, but when his eyes flicked back his lover was beginning to fade before him, just as he’d done the first time he’d been in this place.

“Ignis? Don’t go, I’m sorry, I love you so, so much...” Noctis trailed off when Ignis was completely gone and sank his head into his hands, praying that Ignis had listened to him.

Not feeling affected by the cold in this place, it took him some time to summon up the energy to move and dress himself again. He constantly wondered how Ignis and his friends were doing, so many questions circling his thoughts.

Had his lover sought help? How much time had passed now? Would they meet again before the Crystal spat him back out? How long could he put off doing his duty, just in case they didn’t get another chance? How would it even happen, and what would it be like?

Noctis sat. He stood. He paced backward and forwards. But whatever he was doing, he kept asking himself so many questions and finding no answers, until eventually…

“Noct? Noct!” Ignis’ voice called out to him.

Turning towards the sound to see his lover standing only a little way away, he immediately broke out into a run. His heart was in his throat by the time he got close, skidding to a halt, overjoyed to see Ignis’ smile once more.

“Specs! You’re back!” They reached for each other before recoiling from the discomfort which took the place of touch here. Nothing had changed in that regard, but this time Ignis looked markedly different. He was filling out his clothes again and although he still looked tired, he didn’t appear to be under such extreme stress anymore. There were more fine lines visible on his face and his hair was longer, swept back rather than straight up as Noctis was used to seeing, a handful of greys flecking the dirty blonde at his temples. If anything, he was even more attractive than he had been and Noctis had to push to the side the desire that rose within him.

“I wasn’t sure I would dream of you like this again.” Ignis’ longing was evident in his voice and his expression, making Noctis’ heart beat faster.

“You look…Ignis, you look great!” He laughed, gesturing at his lover’s body. “I’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself. How long has it been? How long have I been gone?” He guessed this sort of recovery would not have been quick, but he hoped Ignis hadn’t been suffering for too long.

“It’s been seven years since you went into the Crystal.” Noctis mouth dropped open, his eyes wide. A small frown of worry creased Ignis’ forehead and he reached out for his hand, trying to provide what little comfort he could against the shock.

“So long…” Noctis whispered, bowing his head, his shoulders hunching. There was a hollowness opening up in his stomach as he tried to come to terms with how many years had passed. He should have done something to try and get out of this place sooner, to get back to those he loved. They must have got used to his absence by now…perhaps they’d started to move on without him…maybe Ignis had…

“I have missed you Noct.” Ignis said quietly, and Noctis’ response to the gentleness in those words was to feel even worse. Everything Ignis must have gone through in that time and he’d been absent, after promising to himself to give back all the care Ignis had given him, the guilt was terrible.

“How’s Gladio? And Prompto?” He shifted from foot to foot while speaking, turning his head off to the side, struggling to look Ignis in the face. How could he ever make this up to the man he loved so dearly?

“They are both doing well, all things considered. I have not seen them for some time, but we keep in touch.” Ignis replied, pulling his hand back to fiddle with the buttons on his gloves, now seeming nervous.

Oh gods, what if Ignis didn’t want to be here with him at all? What if he was now just a relic, only needed to do his single job and then let everyone get on with their lives. The best part of a decade was enough time for feelings to fade. What if Ignis didn’t want him anymore? Would Noctis be forcing him into a life together that he no longer wanted?

He rallied his voice, managing to hold it steady while inside he was quaking. “What have you been doing? You look more confident.”

Ignis paused for a moment before responding. “I have been recovering my skills, so I can keep you safe and adequately fed when you get back.” Noctis let out a controlled breath in an attempt to contain the hope that sparked in his chest. His heart felt like it should have belonged to a hummingbird, beating so fast the blood rushed through his ears in a roar instead of a pulse.

“You’re still doing so much for me, even after everything.” He said hesitantly, biting his lower lip and tentatively reaching forward to brush a hand down the front of Ignis’ shirt.

“Can I see how you’ve changed?” His heartrate hadn’t slowed at all and he was sweating with nerves, wanting desperately for Ignis to say yes, to reassure him that he wasn’t the only one still hopelessly in love. The blush on Ignis’ cheeks seemed like a good sign.

“Noct…I don’t think…” That hesitation sent a trickle of fear running down Noctis’ spine, or was it a bead of sweat? Ignis shifted his arms across his torso, body language defensive, a warning that he was uncomfortable with the proposition. There was only one conclusion that he could come to.

“Oh, gods, you’ve found someone else, haven’t you? I’m sorry Specs, I assumed…I thought maybe…It doesn’t matter. I’ve been gone too long.” He was beginning to panic. He didn’t know who he was without Ignis beside him and he’d have to spend the rest of his life thinking about the one he loved in the arms of another. “I hope you’re happy and they make you feel as special…as special as I wanted to. I dunno why I’m asking this, but was it Prompto you fell for?” His hands were shaking but somehow keeping his voice relatively even, hardly able to look at him for fear of breaking entirely.

“You did, didn’t you. And Astrals, I kinda encouraged it.” Noct groaned, tipping his head back, his hands raising to his throat, fingertips digging into the soft flesh there. Prompto was kind, and he’d take good care of Ignis, but that didn’t stop a spear of betrayal from lodging itself in his chest.

“But, as long as you’re happy then I’ll get over it, right? You’ll take care of each other and I’ll be properly gone soon so…”

“Prompto is a cherished friend, but nothing more.” Ignis cut him off mid-sentence, startling him with the amount of emphasis in the words, nearly rocking him back on his heels.

“Well, who then? Not Gladio!” Noctis felt his stomach twist. Were his two most esteemed retainers now even closer to each other than they were to him?

“Of course not, don’t be silly.” Ignis scoffed, briefly shaking Noctis from his thoughts before proceeding to stoke his jealousy even more. “The man who holds my affection is immeasurably kind and seeks to make me kinder to myself. He often tests my patience but I feel utterly lost without him, my joy stolen away without his presence. He has faced, and overcome, the many difficulties life has thrown at him in ways I could not be prouder of. When I hold him in my arms, he calms me so that I never want to let go. I wish to be the best I can be for him, for he is my light in the constant darkness.”

Noctis gritted his teeth and wrapped his arms around himself, partially turning away. Ignis was describing the kind of person he wished to be. He wanted Ignis to be proud of him as he couldn’t be proud of himself, so selfishly wanting all of his attention and love. He’d thought Ignis was his, and his alone. All that wasted time waiting, his own attempts to keep them together for nothing.

“He sounds pretty damn perfect for you.”

“Yes. You are.” Ignis stepped in close, speaking low and soft next to his ear, and arms tried to close around him in an attempt at an embrace.

It took him a moment for his brain to catch up with what his ears had just heard. Noctis shivered, feeling guilty for doubting his lover, and looked over his shoulder, eyes beginning to fill with tears. “You feel like that about me? Even after so long, you really still love me?” He could hardly believe it.

Their faces were close enough that he could hear Ignis’ breathing, but there was no sensation of the expelled air caressing his cheek, just another reminder that they weren’t entirely together. Not yet, but soon.

“Did I really give you a reason to doubt me?” Ignis asked quietly, his blind gaze behind the visor flicking over Noctis face, settling on his lips then somehow meeting his eyes, expression filled with devotion.

“I guess I…I dunno, probably not. I’m just…” He looked away quickly, knowing if he stared into those eyes any longer, he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together. Stumbling over the words he was trying to say, all at once trying to communicate his fear, guilt, relief and sadness, his mouth just couldn’t keep up.

“Noct, I will never stop loving you. You, my darling, are my light, and you completely have my heart. However long it takes, I will wait for you.”

The sheer sincerity in Ignis’ voice was what did it. Noctis breathing began to shudder when he couldn’t contain his emotions any longer, his shoulders shaking as the tears in his eyes spilled over in what felt to be an endless supply of joy and sorrow.

“I’m so happy I’ve still got you.” He hiccupped, seemingly finding difficulty in getting the words out.

“Always Noct, always.” Ignis murmured soothingly. Never had Noctis needed him more.

“I love you so much, it hurts. I want you to stay. Why can’t you stay?” His words were quiet. They had to get their chance to be together again. He’d make up for all those years of denial and longing, never taking Ignis for granted again, never assuming that this love would always be there for him. They could live such a happy life; he thought his heart was going to burst.

They stood together in that not quite embrace as Noctis wept. He even shuffled around slightly to try and place his hands against his lover’s back, wishing that they could be permitted to touch. Eventually he calmed down, then broke the silence.

“After the last time you came here, did you listen to me? Did you stop trying to save me?” He asked nervously, scared of what the answer could be but needing to know all the same.

“I…I did. For a long time. I justified to myself that by harming myself to find answers I would lose you regardless of whether you survived.” Noctis almost breathed a sigh of relief but it stilled in his throat as Ignis continued. “But now I am capable again, I intend to seek clues in the royal tombs.” His lover was trying to sound encouraging, but it only tore at his fragile emotions even more.

“Please. Don’t. It’s really important you stop.” There was a sad, resignation to Noct’s voice, so scared that Ignis would just continue his search regardless of whatever he said. He moved back a step to look at him properly and Ignis’ arms fell back to his sides.

“I don’t understand. I am fit and able again. This is not a sacrifice for me anymore.” Ignis frowned, justifiably confused. Noctis wanted to explain everything, but he daren’t fire up his lover’s determination by bringing Shiva into this. However, if Ignis kept walking this path for him, he’d lose his lover forever, whether through misadventure on his search or a sacrifice in exchange, they would be separated for good.

“Please Specs, there’s nothing in those tombs, you’ll just get hurt. Give it up. I don’t want to be saved.” His hands moved restlessly at his sides, fists clenching and unclenching with the amount of stress he was feeling. The only argument that may get through was his earnest concern for his lover’s safety.

“Noct?” Ignis’ frown had deepened, evidently concerned for him.

“Promise me! Promise me you won’t look for another way!” Noctis almost shouted. He wanted to talk to his lover in a reasoned manner, sensibly explain the risks and his concerns to convince him not to go ahead with his search, but he couldn’t get the words right. The only ones coming to his mind were anguished pleas.

He unthinkingly reached out for Ignis, to grab his shoulders, but his hands passed through his lover’s body causing a horrible jarring sensation.

“I don’t understand.” Ignis repeated. “Why would I promise that?”

“I can’t tell you. If I tell you it’ll ruin everything. I’m gonna sacrifice myself for Eos and you _can’t_ stop me. If you really love me…really trust me, promise me you’ll let me go without a fight. I’m begging you.” It all became too much. His legs wobbled and he dropped to his knees before his lover, hands clasped together, barely holding back a small sob when Ignis took a step back from him.

“Last time, I hated what you were asking but I could understand why. I was clearly unwell, but this situation is different. Why does my subconscious choose to use your voice, your passion, to try and dissuade me?” Ignis put his hands to his head, covering his eyes. Of course, his lover still thought he was dreaming all of this.

“I know that you’d find a way, somehow you’d find a way, because you are my brilliant Ignis. You’d do anything for me. That’s why I’ve got to tell you to stop, and ask you to trust me.” He reached out a hand to his lover, palm up, wishing he would take it.

“I’ve got a good reason. A really, really good reason.” He almost laughed, albeit verging on the hysterical. He placed all his hopes on Ignis trusting him, like he always had.

“But you cannot say what it is.” He could almost feel the disappointment as he softly shook his head.

“Please trust me.” He whispered. This pulse quickening as Ignis slowly stretched out his arm, hand shaking, about to cover the offered palm with his own, but halted just shy of completing the gesture.

“I trust Noct. You are just a dream.” He said sadly, his eyebrows drawing together into a frown as he spoke. Noctis felt something inside of him crack, reeling from the sudden, intense heartache.

“Honestly Specs, it’s me! You’re really here with me, in the Crystal! What can I say to convince you? What can I do?” He pleaded. He’d do anything to make his lover see, anything.

“I don’t know. Tell me something when you get back, something that you could never have discovered by any other means.”

Noctis’ arm fell limply back to his side, shoulders dropping as he sat back on his heels. “It’ll be too late by then.” He was defeated. If Ignis couldn’t trust what he was saying, then he had little hope at being able to convince him of anything, even if he could tell the whole truth, and his lover half turning away from him pained him more than any of the words that had been said.

“I’m sorry, if what you say is true. I am sorry for not doing more to keep you safe. I shall wait for as long as it takes, but once I have Noct back in my arms, I will _not_ let him go again.” Ignis’ commitment to him was incredible, making him marvel at the man to whom he owed so much.

“Please Ignis…please.” His voice came out feeble, defeated. “If you don’t listen, it’s gonna be really bad. You’ll get hurt even more for me. If I come back and you’re not there…” He couldn’t stop his voice from catching. Slumping to one side, he brought his legs up to his chest and hugged his knees, aching for Ignis’ comfort and so scared of never receiving it again.

“I have every intention of surviving, do not fear on that account.” Ignis sat down close next to him. “Being with Noct again…” Ignis paused as Noctis flinched beside him. “Being with you again…” The correction helped Noctis relax ever so slightly. “That is what keeps me going. Regardless of what happens before then, I shall be waiting to greet you with a kiss.”

“You’d better be.” Noctis raised his head from his knees to look at his lover, marvelling at his determination, but praying that he stayed safe. “I’m gonna fix everything, make everything right for us, but I’m counting on you Specs. Don’t stop me doing what I need to.” He tried one last time, hoping that something would filter through Ignis’ stubborn skull.

Ignis lay back with a sigh. “I shall not give…up on you.” He yawned; eyes fluttering shut.

“Love you Specs.” Noctis told him, leaning down to place a kiss on his lover’s forehead as he faded away.

Noctis was once again alone with his thoughts, filled with the fear of never seeing Ignis again. How much longer would it take? He wanted out of here right now, but time continued to pass in such a way that he had no idea how long he’d been waiting.

At one point he scratched his chin to find his slow growing stubble had turned into something like a short beard, and he’d barely noticed how long his hair had now become, there being no breeze around to ruffle it out of place and into his face.

A bark roused him from his worried contemplations, drawing his attention to Umbra trotting towards him.

“Hey boy.” He managed a half smile and dropped into a crouch to pet the messenger dog, one hand focusing on his head and the other reaching to open the pouch on his back. Noctis was surprised to find there wasn’t the notebook he expected to find inside, but a bunch of soft, fragrant sylleblossom petals and a folded piece of paper.

Curious, he unfolded the paper to read the words written upon it, rubbing one of the petals between his fingers.

“Be waiting in Hammerhead with a kiss” the note said in Ignis’ handwriting. Some of the dots on the i’s had wandered, and the spacing between a few letters wasn’t quite right, but it was distinguishable all the same. He raised the paper to his nose and sniffed, detecting a hint of his lover’s aftershave before crushing it against his chest to try and soothe the intense ache that bloomed there.

“Sorry Umbra, I’ve not got any treats for you.” He mumbled as the dog pawed at his knee, focused on the feel of the petal, and the scent of Ignis that ignited his dulled senses after so long.

Umbra pawed at him again and shoved his head up at Noctis, licking him across the face. “Argh!” He squawked, losing his balance and toppled backwards, landing on his ass.

“Hey, what was that…for…” He trailed off, gaping at the bright white light of what seemed to be a doorway that had opened up before him, Umbra standing in front of it, wagging his tail.

“Is that for me?” Noctis scrambled to his feet, adrenalin flooding his system. “Can I go home?” He asked. Umbra gave a soft wuff of a response and turned to walk into that light, his tail continuing to wag. Well, if Umbra seemed to think it was ok…

More than a little nervous, Noctis stepped forward and tentatively put a hand into the light and felt the same searing cold he’d experienced when entering this place. Uncertain, he glanced around the featureless void, reasoning that there was nothing to keep him here. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he stepped into the light.

When he opened them again in the pitch black, he panicked and flailed about thinking he’d gone blind, but after a few scarily long moments, his eyes adjusted and he found himself in only almost complete darkness instead.

Being back in the world again hit all of his senses at once, the salty smell, taste and sound of the sea, a breeze brushing over his exposed skin, raising goosepimples along his flesh, and, blazing brilliantly within him, he could feel the dormant magical connections to his friends bursting to life. It was like he was filled with light but being weighed down by the heaviness of the Ring of the Lucii.

Feeling a flash of pain in his arm, then a sudden indescribably joy and love brought tears to his eyes. He could almost perceive Ignis’ heart beating in time with his own through the thrumming of that chord.

Only a small amount of light illuminated the confines of the small room he now found himself in, and it was coming from another doorway. Hurriedly, he stumbled outside, his awareness screaming at him for the unnaturalness of being in such an enclosed space after so many years in the void, and found himself on a beach, surrounded by the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore. The sky was clear, the starlight was bright above him, and he found himself easily mapping the constellations he and Ignis used to trace in their astronomy book when they were children.

Umbra barked at him from a small jetty a little way away, where Noctis was astonished to find the royal yacht moored. He spun around, looking up at the stone arches which towered over him and the structure he’d emerged from, knowing exactly where he was. Angelgard.

Clutching Ignis’ note tightly in his hand, he hurried over to Umbra and onto the yacht. He had to pull his torch out to have enough light to check the controls, thankful to see there was fuel in the tank and praying it would start after all this time.

Turning the key, the engine coughing into life underneath the deck, he looked out across the waves to see the landmass of Lucis looming before him, the chord tying him to his lover tugging him the that direction. It shouldn’t take long to get to shore, then to head on to Hammerhead, to his friends…to Ignis. Noctis grinned. He could hardly wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience, I hope you think it was worthwhile. As promised, here's the latter portion of what would have been a mega-chapter, and even then it's still long in it's own right.
> 
> Sorry to keep the anticipation so high. Their reunion will happen next time, I promise. We've all been waiting long enough ;3


	32. Chapter 32

Ignis remaining sitting for a time, coming to terms with the whole array of new sensations which had opened to him while his friends stayed nearby, anchoring him. Gladio’s large hand was resting on his shoulder and Prompto knelt before him, holding both of his hands. His connection to Noct was so much stronger than it had been before, even with the chord stretched thin as it was from the distance between them.

It took a while, but he managed to push his awareness of Noct to once side so he could properly breath again. As marvellous as it was being able to sense a part of Noct inside of him so clearly, it was something his lonely, affection starved mind wished to submerge itself in until he was utterly consumed. However, that knee jerk response was irresponsible of him when soon, possibly within hours, he would be able to hold his lover again.

He had no way of knowing what had happened to Noct after he’d been taken by the Crystal. Ten years was a long time, and even though Ignis’ love and devotion had not changed, he was aware that time had affected him. He’d imagined their reunion so many times, but with their experiences so different for a third of their lives, would it be possible to just pick back up after their separation?

Then his thoughts wandered to Noct’s experiences in the Crystal. Had he effectively slept the whole time, or had he undergone some similar moulding at the hands of loneliness as Ignis’ rare and precious dreams had suggested?

All the time the tears ran down his face, morphing from joy into despair. He’d waiting so long for this moment, through all the years of grief, self-inflicted isolation and suffering, and now he was terrified of there not being enough of him left. What if he was now too broken for even Noct’s kind heart to love?

He could feel the scabbed over wound of Noct’s loss begin to pain him again. So close, he was so close to having him back again and, somehow, he was even more frightened than when Noct disappeared. He’d have to tell Noct everything, having promised never to hide anything from him again. What would his lover think about how he’d acted for the last decade?

Echoes of concern and love came to him through the magical chord, as if Noct could sense there was something wrong, or so he thought. They did not erase his fears, but it was enough to let him take a breath again and give himself a chance to recover his wits. There was a little hope then, that he wasn’t completely beyond redemption.

As soon as his body had ceased shaking from the shock, Ignis reclaimed one of his hands and wiped the tears from his face with an offered tissue. Unlike the first time he’d fallen apart over Noct, both his friends had stayed by his side the whole time, and he felt a rush of warmth for the two of them.

“You doing ok now?” Gladio asked, the squeeze and pat on his shoulder reassuring.

“Yes.” He nodded, still focusing on his breathing. “Yes. Being so aware of him again…it was a little overwhelming. Thank you, for your support.”

“Now you mention it, I can kinda feel him too, like, a sorta warm tickle, at the back of my mind.” Prompto said, shifting on the floor beside him. “Huh, I guess I’d never really noticed it before. What about you Gladio?”

“I suppose if I concentrate I get something...reassuring? You know I was never great with the magic stuff. Iggy was always the sensitive one. What does he feel like to you?” There was a rattle and thunk of Gladio pulling out another chair for himself and the faint rustle of clothing as he sat.

Ignis thought for a moment, trying to constrain the enormity of the connection he was experiencing into a few words.

“I am filled with such wonderous warmth and light so bright it would blind me, if I could still see.” He pressed a hand against his chest, feeling his own heartbeat pulsing under the skin but there was a ghost of another thrumming alongside. “We must find him.”

“But how? Even if we knew where he was now, I doubt he’s just gonna stay put and wait for us to find him with all those daemons out there?” Gladio asked.

Ignis frowned thoughtfully. The Shield had a valid point, even if he could gauge in what direction Noct was in it was too risky for them to try and tromp in a straight line over the countryside as they once used to do when performing hunts for cash. Also, Ignis had no idea whether the emotional flashes and pull of their connection was one-sided or not. It could turn into one wild goose chase, with a high likelihood of someone getting hurt, or killed in the process.

He heard Prompto take a breath in anticipation to speak when there was a scratching sound coming from outside the door of their small bedsit.

“What the…?” Gladio mumbled, before a bark rang out.

“Umbra?” Ignis called, following a hunch which was swiftly backed up by a soft whine and more scratching.

“I’ll let him in.” Prompto’s hand landed on his thigh, weight pressing down a little as he was used as a support while his friend got to his feet, footsteps retreating as he went over to the door.

“Gladio, would you start gathering our belongings please. I believe I have thought of a solution to your question.” The Shield gave a sound of acknowledgement and there soon came the sound of zips being opened on their bags over the top of Prompto fussing over the messenger dog.

Ignis’ mind was quickly turning over, his focus dedicated to seeing his love again now a means of communication between them had become available. If Noct had returned far to the south-east, he would need somewhere safe to head towards. Casting his mind over the few remaining safe havens, Hammerhead seemed the most prudent choice, even though it was unfortunately the closest to Insomnia, and his destiny. There was little point of Noct attempting to reach Cape Caem. That house had been overrun by the daemons years ago and, despite Ignis’ best efforts recently, it seemed like it would stay as such until the dawn arrived.

“Do we have any paper here, and a pen?” He asked, getting up and walking over the kitchenette to search through the drawer of odds and ends that every kitchen seems to contain.

“Here.” Prompto rummaged about for a moment, then gently took his hand and pushed a pen into it. At the same time there was the sound of a sheet of paper being laid on the counter in front of him. Smiling gratefully, his heart thrumming with excitement as he grasped the pen, Ignis wrote down a few words.

“Who’s the note for?” Gladio asked, the rustles of him hurriedly gathering up their belongings paused for a moment.

“For Noct. He needs to know where to meet us.” He replied softly, folding the note in half and called Umbra over. Bending down he slipped the note into the pouch the messenger dog was wearing again, detecting the scent of sylleblossoms from within.

“You’ll be a good boy and take this to Noct for me, won’t you Umbra.” Ignis scratched the dog behind his ears, hearing his tail swishing across the floor as Umbra happily received the attention.

“Alright! Gods I can’t wait to see him again. I wonder if he’s changed much.” There was the sound of Prompto’s boots bouncing against the floor nearby, his friend could still be so effervescent after all these long years of darkness.

The image of Noct from the vision rose to the front of Ignis’ mind, gifting him with both sadness and pride. “He will have matured into the King he was always meant to be.”

“Wonder what he’ll think of us too.” Gladio joined in. “We’ve all done as much as we could. I hope…well…I just hope the dawn will be worth the cost.” The Shield’s words set off an uncomfortable tightness in Ignis’ chest, triggering his feelings of guilt. What would Noct think of him once he knew…?

Collecting the rest of their belongings didn’t take long, all three of them used to travelling light nowadays, and they bundled into a truck carrying a shipment of supplies to Hammerhead. Umbra had vanished shortly after Ignis had handed across his note, hoping that the messenger would find Noct and help him stay safe. As an additional precaution, he made a few discrete calls to ask those he trusted in the area of southern Leide to prioritise assisting a long figure with a dog. He didn’t want to stir up too much excitement by revealing Noct’s identity beforehand, as that might provoke reckless behaviour on the part of some individuals. His lover had always been uncomfortable with the attention that his title gained him, but now that his role as saviour was widely known among the populace, Noct would likely find being hero worshipped even less to his taste.

He was caught somewhere between alarm and relief when his phone rang, cutting through the tense silence that he and his friends had been riding in. Ignis answered the call, refusing to let his anxiety show on his face, this call might be about something totally unrelated to Noct.

“Scientia.”

“Hey, it’s Talcott. Thought you’d want to be the first to know, I’ve got that person you asked us to look out for in my truck with me.” There more than a hint of awe in the young man’s voice as he spoke, like he couldn’t quite believe his eyes.

“Is he alright?” Ignis asked automatically, although thanks to their connection he could feel that Noct wasn’t currently in pain.

“Yes, he’s, he’s fine. Why didn’t you tell me to look out for His Majesty? I was totally…sorry? ...oh, right…Noctis. Sorry Your Maj…err, Noctis.” In the pauses between Talcott’s words, Ignis could catch the faint sound of Noct in the background, his heartbeat increasing as his body released adrenalin into his veins. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt quite so nervous to hear Noct’s voice.

“He said you’d meet him in Hammerhead. D’you want to talk to him Ignis?” Ignis froze and he heard a gasp of surprise from the other end of the line. He could feel Noct’s nervousness fizzing away inside of him alongside his own. What could he say that would ever be enough over the phone?

“Ignis?”

 _“Specs…”_ He could sense Noct calling for him, the cord inside of him tugged painfully. He couldn’t find the right words. Searching and searching for something appropriate to say and yet his mind remained a resolute blank.

He leant forwards and rested his head in his free hand, elbow propped on his knee.

“Ah…tell him I wish to greet him properly in Hammerhead. We are already on our way.” Ignis managed to say, somehow managing to keep his tone even and not let his agitation bleed through into his voice.

“Nearly there.” Prompto whispered to him as a gentle hand patted his back.

“Right you are. Guess we’ll see you there soon.” Talcott seemed genuinely happy to see Noct again and Ignis strove to push aside his looming dread of what was to come so he could just enjoy the time that they were given.

“Indeed.” He replied, quickly ending the call before he could hear any more sounds of Noct in the background.

A few minutes later, the truck slowed and took a sharp turn, heralding their arrival in Hammerhead. From the feeling of their stretched connection gradually relaxing, Ignis knew they wouldn’t have too long to wait.

Noctis’ heart leapt into his mouth and something tightened in his chest. Ignis was on the other end of that call. He would have seized the phone from Talcott if he wasn’t frozen clutching his seat with bone-white knuckles, fearing that only hearing Ignis’ voice would do nothing to soothe his longing, only increase it.

He remained unable to move while the call ended, trying to prevent the trembling of his hands being noticeable to the young man beside him. He’d sensed a spike of panic from Ignis, and with the phone not being passed over, it seemed like his lover did not want to talk then either.

“He said that he’d prefer to greet you properly in Hammerhead.” Talcott directly spoke to him, almost making him jump, but it freed up his limbs again for him to pat the pocket which held the folded-up note, letting him relax a little.

“How long have I been away?” Noctis asked, his mouth feeling dry.

“Gosh, it’s been ten years Your Ma…erm, Noctis.” Talcott replied, putting the truck into gear and pulling away now he was no longer occupied by his phone.

“Oh…” Noctis rested his head back and closed his eyes. Three more years since he’d last seen Ignis. Would anything have changed since their last declarations of love? Would Ignis feel awkward around him now he was no longer a dream, and did he have the courage to tell his lover otherwise?

Most importantly, how long could they afford before needing to make their way to Insomnia…to his throne…to his death…

“I beg your pardon Your…Noctis.” A smile curled the edge of Noctis’ lips as Talcott caught himself again, finding the hesitation amusing despite himself. “You don’t seem very surprised.” The hint of a smile disappeared, and Noctis sighed heavily.

“I knew it’d be a long time, but not quite how long. I’m just too tired to react I guess.”

Talcott didn’t press him anymore and Noctis kept his eyes closed for the rest of the journey, already having seen as much evidence of the swarms of daemons roaming the countryside as he really wanted to while getting to the main road.

Asking for Talcott to call him by his name, not his title, was probably something many people wouldn’t like, but right now he didn’t want to be thought of as a King. The title invited admiration, perhaps even a form of worship, but if this was what Lucis was now, perhaps the whole of Eos, then he was no more admirable than everyone who had suffered and fought to survive these long years.

He’d been gifted the easy route, the hardship wouldn’t last long for him, and then…then he’d be gone, leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces. That wasn’t worthy of praise, it was the least he could do, pushing any fleeting temptation he might have had to run from his destiny to the side. Ignis had been right, he was far too soft hearted to do nothing, but he really, really didn’t want to die, and it broke his heart to think of leaving his lover again.

As the tyres rumbled over the tarmac, he prayed to Shiva that at she hadn’t misled him. That their conversation hadn’t been just a loneliness induced hallucination and he would be rewarded with another life with Ignis, somehow.

“We’re here.” Talcott said, slowing the truck and turning into the entrance of what was once such a familiar sight.

Noctis opened his eyes to take in how much had changed over the years. Hammerhead certainly looked more fortified than it used to, the floodlights keeping the daemons at bay lit the place with a stark, white light that was just shy of being harsh on the eyes. The faces of the guards who opened up the gate for them looked worn, weary and pallid through lack of sunlight. The place was far from deserted from what he could see, but there was a kind of hollow, emptiness to the place. There were people, but no bustle, no vibrancy and little life. They looked like they’d been ground down until there was just the hard core of determination to survive left.

It was as they pulled to a halt and he saw his friends exiting Takka’s Pit Stop that Noctis’ nerves overwhelmed all his other feelings. There they were. All alive, seeming all intact, and for all his excitement, Noctis found it took an incredible amount of willpower to even open the truck door and step down.

He noticed how Ignis cocked his head slightly at the sound of his boots hitting the ground and how Prompto tugged on his arm. He caught a sense of anxiety and excitement which mirrored his own, resonating up and down their magical connection.

“Hey.” Noctis said, his voice coming out of his dry throat as a croak, unsure whether the butterflies beginning to flutter in his stomach were his or a reflection of Ignis’. He’d wanted to say something smoother, but he seemed to have trouble forming the right words.

“Hey? That’s all you have to say for yourself after all this time?” Gladio spoke first, almost sounded affronted, but he was grinning. “It’s good to have you back Noct.” His Shield clapped a hand onto his shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze. Noctis smiled back, patting Gladio’s arm and marvelling at the sensation of touch again. So wrapped up in his own physical awareness, it took him a few moments to realise there was a shine of tears in his Shield’s eyes.

“Noct, it’s you! It’s really you!” Prompto seemed almost on the verge of tears as he flung himself on to Noctis, arms wrapping around him tightly.

“Seems to be, yeah.” He managed to almost laugh as he fiercely hugged his best friend back.

That his friends had managed to cope with what life being close to the Chosen King of Lucis had thrown at them made him so proud, and a small part of him was also very relieved that they hadn’t forgotten him.

“Well, well.” At Ignis’ words, Prompto pulled back and Gladio released his shoulder, giving him the freedom to move again.

“You kept us waiting.” There was so much emotion held in so few words that Noctis had to clench his jaw tight and blink rapidly to resist the stinging of tears his eyes.

He noticed Ignis’ hands were clenched into fists, almost completely hiding the tremble which shook them, and the soft smile on his face made Noctis’ heart skip a beat. Three additional years hadn’t seemed to have changed his lover much, or so he hoped.

Taking a few steps closer, his knees feeling weak, Noctis rested a hand on Ignis’ shoulder to help him stay upright. The fact that he was touching Ignis again made him shiver, and his stomach began to tie itself in knots at the way his lover’s eyebrows raised slightly, his lips parting a fraction with what almost seemed to be surprise at the contact.

“I’m sorry.” Trusting his legs to keep holding him up, Noctis let his hand slide down Ignis’ arm until he reached his fist, encouraging it to open up so they could hold hands. “I didn’t want to leave you Specs.” It came out as a whisper, so irrationally afraid of being rejected for taking too long to return even though he could sense the limitless bounds of Ignis’ love for him.

“I know darling…I know.” Ignis reached up with his free hand, unerringly accurately cupping the side of Noctis’ face, thumb left bare by those driving gloves of his he still wore skating across slightly chapped lips. Noctis found himself leaning into his lover’s hand, his eyes fluttering shut, intoxicated by the merest brush of affection from the man before him. Gods, he’d missed the pleasure of such a simple caress.

“I, erm, I got your note.” He managed to say after a few seconds of basking in Ignis’ presence, prising his eyes open to see that his lover had stepped in closer. Both of their heart rates had sped up, his lover’s beating alongside his in his chest. 

“I hoped Umbra would bring it to you.” There was a catch in Ignis’ voice, his forehead slightly creased in a frown as he seemed to be fighting to keep his outward display of emotion in check.

“Could you, maybe, greet me properly now? Like you promised?” Noctis felt his face flushing a little as, unthinking of their surroundings, his slid his arms up and around Ignis’ neck. In turn, Ignis’ arms slipped around his waist. No one and nothing else mattered right now, their responsibilities cast aside for a brief time to just permit themselves to be together.

“Of course.” Ignis murmured, moving in even closer. Noctis tilted his head a fraction to the side to stop their noses colliding and then their lips were softly pressing together, moulding against each other like they had always meant to be. It felt perhaps like what their first kiss should have been, soft, chaste, with a slight hesitation in case that other wished to pull away but neither did.

Their kiss only lasted a few moments, but they were the most perfect moments Noctis had ever experienced. He’d been yearning for this for so long and he could sense that Ignis felt exactly the same way.

“I’m so glad I can touch you again.” He whispered after they parted, their foreheads resting together while they held each other close, completely absorbed in each other.

Gladio cleared his throat, none too subtly trying to get their attention.

“Sorry to ruin the moment for you guys, but we should probably go inside and get Noct caught up on a few things.”

“Right.” Ignis sighed, his expression becoming intense as they began to separate again, although it softened a little as Noctis slipped one hand back into his, interlinking their fingers.

“Don’t let go.” He said quietly, feeling a little childish, but he feared what might happen if their contact disappeared all the same. He’d spent so long without anyone else that the simplest of touches electrified his skin, making him yearn for more. He wanted his lover to caress every inch of him, let him remember exactly how good it felt to held in the arms of another before he had to give it all up once more.

“Never again.” Ignis promised, raising Noctis’ hand to graze a kiss against bare skin, the warmth of his lips leaving behind a tingling sensation, though he wasn’t sure if he was imagining that or not.

“You must be hungry. We shall get you something to eat.”

Noctis chuckled. They’d barely been together for five minutes and Ignis was taking care of him again. Following Prompto and Gladio towards the door to Takka’s, he leaned his head against his lover’s shoulder. Despite everything, he was the happiest he’d felt for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, back together at last ^_^
> 
> Sorry that this took a bit longer than I would have liked, I'm trying to make sure I pace myself properly so I don't run out of steam before the end but I'll do my best to make sure the wait is worthwhile.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3


	33. Chapter 33

Noctis hesitated at the doorway of Takka’s Pit Stop, the prospect of going into a relatively confined space making him a little agitated. Having been adrift in an endless void for so long, the concept of walls and ceilings had become strange things for him. Talcott’s truck had been unsettling but having his eyes shut for most of the journey had helped. Him pausing also brought Ignis to a halt, his lover turning back to him, lines of concern creasing his brow.

“Noct? What’s wrong?” 

“I…erm…it’s, it’s stupid.” He said, feeling every pair of eyes that was now fixed on the two of them as they stood on the doorstep. He was drawing attention to them, something he didn’t want at all, and tried to lift his foot to step over the threshold but it resolutely did not want to move.

Glancing through the large windows, he saw his friend’s looking puzzled. Prompto started to get up but Noctis waved him back down. He could cope with this; it was just a room. Why was it such a big deal?

“Talk to me Noct. What is worrying you?” Ignis drew him closer, arm slipping around his waist while the hand holding his gave a small squeeze.

“There was nothing in the Crystal, apart from me. I mean, I guess I’m more used to open spaces now.” Noctis mumbled, trailing off, flushing with embarrassment at his own, admittedly ridiculous concerns. He was also very aware of the shocked gestures and muttering from their spectators, not thinking it was entirely from his presence, but also from how Ignis was holding him so closely.

“If it becomes too much for you then we can relocate, but I know you have the courage to overcome this. I shall be with you the whole time.” Ignis brushed a kiss against his forehead and embraced him gently, either not aware, or not caring about their audience. Noctis shoved his self-consciousness to the back of his mind took a few seconds to drink in his lover’s reassuring warmth. Yes, he could do this with Ignis’ support. It was just a room, no big deal.

Steeling himself, he took that first, most difficult step inside, and while his worries did not simply melt away, the fact that the room didn’t feel like it was going to immediately contract in on him was a good sign. Now he was inside, he thought he could tolerate the discomfort.

The inside of Takka’s Pit Stop hadn’t seemed to have changed much since Noctis had last been there. A couple of the booths were occupied by hunters, or so it seemed from the gear they carried, and there were boxes of armaments and supplies stacks on one table, otherwise the place was quiet.

Before he and Ignis joined Gladio in a vacant booth, Prompto dashed off to run a quick errand, the timing of which Noctis found odd but he didn’t question it, and once Prompto was back the talking distracting him so he barely noticed being enclosed anymore.

He kept his hand linked with Ignis’ the whole time he was trying to absorb the basic overview of the past ten years. The only exception was when they were eating, but then Noctis shuffled as close to his lover as he could on the bench seat, pressing their thighs and shoulders together. He’d never dreamed in the Crystal, any periods of sleep had only been an escape into darkness, but he was scared that if he lost contact with Ignis, even for a second, he’d find himself waking up in that glowing void, alone once more.

Ignis didn’t seem to mind his constant touch, in fact, every time Noctis spoke he noticed his lover looking towards him with a soft smile on his face, a gentle, warming vibration echoing up and down their magical connection. He felt himself blush each time, the corners of his lips curling upwards as well.

He’d found it strange about how Ignis had been very quiet during the conversation, barely revealing anything of his experiences over the past ten years even though he’d expected his lover to at least interject or expand on some details in places. Noctis hoped that he’d be willing to open up more in private, wanting to understand what his lover had been through all this time.

They’d been talking for about an hour, well, Prompto and Gladio had been talking at least. Noctis had been half-heartedly listening, but really focusing on Ignis so much that he had to ask them to repeat things more than once. He tried to keep his attention from drifting, he really did, knowing it was important to be aware of the critical work the Glaives had been performing in Insomnia, making it anywhere near possible for them to gain access to the heart of the city and the Citadel, but with Ignis beside him again everything else seemed to pale into insignificance.

“Look, I can see you’ve got other things on your mind.” The Shield sighed, sitting back and folding his arms. When Noctis tore his gaze away from where his fingers were linked with Ignis’, ready to give a blunt response, he saw that the big man’s expression was relaxed and looking fondly at the pair of them, the rebuke died in Noctis’ throat.

“Yeah, you guys should have a bit of time to rest. You’ve probably got a lot of personal stuff to talk about you don’t want us overhearing. Here.” Prompto fished a key out of his pocket and slid it across the table, possibly what he’d gone to get earlier.

“Oh, err, it’s ok. I’m listening, honest. This is important.” His protest came automatically, a reflexive response that he’d given to his teachers, and Ignis, many times over. He probably should feel guilty about being so distracted, but it was difficult knowing that the sooner he absorbed all the necessary information and they departed for Insomnia, the sooner he’d have to say goodbye all over again. He wasn’t ready for that, not yet.

Glancing at Ignis, he saw a quirked eyebrow which implied he knew full well where Noctis’ attention had not been focused, but there was no chastisement in his look, only affection.

“Noct, they are right. There is so much I have to say to you, then you should get some rest.” His lover told him quietly, reached forward and picked up the key. It was a tiny bit unnerving how his fingers accurately found the object without him even glancing in that direction while his unseeing eyes were intently trained on Noctis, never mind that vision was completely unnecessary for him now.

“Please?” Ignis squeezed his hand a little and Noctis couldn’t say no. He tried nodding his response, only remembering after a second to make an affirmative noise as well. Ignis was ‘looking’ at him with such intensity he half expected his lover to be able to see him again, like he had in the Crystal. That brought up memories which made him blush to be thinking about them in company, and he was eager to be somewhere private before he embarrassed himself even more.

Before they left the diner for the relative seclusion of the caravan, Prompto jumped up and tried to tug Ignis to one side to tell him something. Stubbornly, Noctis wouldn’t let go of his lover’s hand and was dragged sideways as well, making Prompto grin and roll his eyes.

Cupping Ignis’ ear with his hands, Prompto whispered something that he couldn’t hear, receiving ‘a look’, followed by a nod of apparent thanks, before he jovially went back to sit with Gladio, a spring in his step.

“What was that about?” Noctis asked, frowning slightly as his lover patiently waited for him to start walking out of the doorway.

“Just that we will have the caravan to ourselves, and…ahem…a little something about supplies.” A slight blush rose across Ignis’ cheeks and he cleared his throat, his shyness leaving Noctis little doubt about the implications.

“Oh…” Only a slip of air made it past his lips, his own blush deepening as he caught a hint of Ignis’ nervous excitement, stirring butterflies in his own stomach. It wasn’t far from the diner’s door to the caravan but Noctis’ sense of anticipation made it feel like a thousand miles.

Ignis paused when they reached the entrance to their temporary accommodation, unlocking the door with the key and opening it for Noctis to step inside.

Once again, looking into the enclosed space had Noctis hesitating again, his foot resting on the first step. He glanced back towards Ignis, the grip on his hand tightening before he took a deep breath and pushed himself forwards.

The gloom somehow helped, softening the edge of the familiar space and letting him adjust. The press of Ignis’ body against his back as his lover also stepped inside, combined with the sound of the door closing and latching it behind them made him jump a little, but his presence was reassuring.

“Do you not want to turn on the light first?” Ignis asked quietly, pressing a kiss into Noctis’ hair. It was dim in the caravan, but not completely dark thanks to the floodlights outside beaming their way through the thin curtains over the windows.

“I was surrounded by the light of the Crystal for ten years; some shadows make a nice change.” He replied, pushing aside his mild anxiety of the close quarters to focus on Ignis alone and the potential that this privacy afforded them.

Before he really acknowledged what his touch-starved body was doing, Noctis had turned around, his shyness dissipating in his need to be closer to Ignis than public propriety would allow, and pressed up against his lover, accidentally pushing him back against the door in the process.

“For so long, I couldn’t touch you, couldn’t hold you.” He mumbled, nuzzling against the crook of his lover’s neck, lips skating over the bare skin there, enjoying the faint whimper which left Ignis’ throat and the way arms firmly wrapped around him, gliding over his back and trailing up to cup the nape of his neck. How much longer could he have lasted without the touch of another before he’d lost his mind?

“Wait, Noct.” Ignis jolted, pulled back his arms to grasp Noctis firmly, trying to put a little distance in between them. “Before we rush into things, we should first talk.” He said quietly, and something in his tone made Noctis’ heart start to sink, ropes of worry pulling him down from his high. In his elation of being together again, he’d almost forgotten about what was on the horizon for them.

“Yeah, I guess we probably should, sorry. Just having you near again, I got a bit carried away.” Noctis took a step back but made sure to keep a hold of his lover’s gloved hands, calmed by the way Ignis’ thumbs massaged his skin.

“I do not wish for you to regret your actions. After hearing what I have to say, you may not wish to be with me in such a manner again.” Noctis sensed a flash of guilt from his lover that confused him, alongside his own cold wash of dread. What the hell was Ignis talking about?

“I don’t think that’s possible Specs. I love you too much.” He tried to laugh off his fear, though the pained look that crossed Ignis’ face suggested that he wasn’t convinced.

“I promised I would never keep anything from you again so I have something to confess.” Ignis bowed his head, flashes of shame coming through their connection. He could feel his lover’s fingers was trembling a little against his, and he tightened his grip.

“Relatively soon after you went into the Crystal there was an…incident, between myself and Prompto.” Ignis shifted nervously, as a pit opened in the bottom of Noctis’ stomach. He swallowed, dreading what was going to come next.

“Go on.” He said.

“I missed you so terribly, wished for you in my arms again. I would have done anything to feel your warmth beside me, and your statures are similar. Yet, I should not make excuses for such a betrayal.”

“What did you do?” His voice came out slightly hoarse, the moisture in his mouth drying up. Ignis gave a small shudder, as if building up the courage to frame the act in words.

“I kissed him.” Noctis waited for more to his confession given how guilt-ridden Ignis seemed to be about it, but none came. It pained him a little to hear, even though he knew he should give his lover some concession for the circumstances, but there was no metaphorical knife which slipped between his ribs to strike at his heart.

“You kissed him? That’s it?” He raised his eyebrows, staring at his lover in bemused surprise. He’d feared much worse, through with how devoted Ignis had proven himself to be he wasn’t sure why.

“Yes. It was a misunderstanding on both of our parts, however, I fear I am the one most to blame.” His lover looked miserable, keeping his head low but holding tight to his fingers as if he was scared that Noctis would push him away now he knew.

Laughter bubbled up inside of him. It was very sweet but a little absurd for Ignis to feel so badly over just a kiss when, as far as Noctis could tell, his lover had not been entirely rational in his grief.

At the sound of the burble of laughter, Ignis flinched away, frowning. He seemed confused by Noctis’ reaction, uncertain and still a little scared.

“No, don’t pull away.” Noctis released one of his hands to bring it up to his lover’s jaw, turning his face back to him and resting their heads together. “I forgive you Specs. To be honest, I thought you were gonna say you fucked him or something.” He chuckled, stroking Ignis’ cheek, feeling the scratch of stubble against his palm and relishing the way his lover leant into the touch. It seemed his lover hadn’t shaved for a couple of days.

“I was lost in my grief, ignoring all the signs...I so wanted to believe he was you; I might well have done.” Ignis said morosely, but he continued to press his face against Noctis’ palm and didn’t try to look away again.

“What stopped you?”

“I could not ignore that he didn’t have your voice. I have always loved your voice, and even more so now I can no longer see you. Hearing you say my name does things to me such that I cannot explain.” His lover brushed his lips across Noctis’ bare wrist, free hand stroking his side, his t-shirt riding up a little as gloved fingers made contact with his skin. He let out a small sigh, unconsciously arching his back and pushing closer.

“Ignis.” He whispered, hearing how his lover’s breath hitched in his throat. “All that waiting. Let me make it up to you, as much as I can.” For all his years of unwavering devotion, Ignis deserved so much better than the life he’d had. When all the debts of his bloodline were paid, Noctis swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to ensure Ignis’ happiness in whatever form their next life together took. But for now, he’d do as much as his lover allowed him to.

Noctis guided Ignis’ other hand to his waist, his own moving to rest on the firm planes of his lover’s chest, able to feel the quickened beat of his heart. Blinking up, he saw Ignis was looking down at him, unmoving and with an anxious look on his face.

“Sweetheart?” Noctis tested out the endearment, never being brave enough to try one before now, uncertain how Ignis might take it, but the warmth of the smile that broke out across his lover’s features showed him how foolish he’d been to worry. Stretching up, Ignis’ hold keeping him steady, Noctis eyelids fluttered shut and he gently pressed their lips together.

The kiss was soft and tender, so much communicated with this gentle act of affection. Parting a few moments later, Noctis dropping back to his heels, but Ignis bent his head to follow him, tightening the grip on his waist but resisting diving in for another kiss.

“Noct.” Ignis whispered, and Noctis was unable to prevent the shiver that the devotion in his quiet name provoked. He bunched his hands in the front of Ignis’ shirt, preventing his lover from moving away despite Ignis showing absolutely no signs of wanting to.

Staring into those unseeing eyes which still retained a hint of the vibrant green they once were, somehow unerringly holding his gaze, Noctis slowly shifted his face to brush his nose against his lover’s but waited for Ignis to make a move instead of simply taking more.

After so long apart, their relationship felt fragile, like a globe of incredibly beautiful but thin glass, and he was afraid if he tried to grasp it too tightly it’d crack and shatter. It was difficult to hold back though. This close he could take in how wonderful Ignis’ scent was, feel the caress of breath against his skin, feel the heat radiating off of him. Everything that had been missing from their interactions in the Crystal was here. He felt so alive and was hungry to experience as much of this closeness while he could.

“This is not wise. There is still so much I have to say.” Ignis told him, his voice still low, their lips almost touching as he spoke, however, he didn’t pull back or push Noctis away. “But…I can hardly restrain my desire for you.” He had the impression of a tug-of-war going on within his lover while he ached for Ignis’ kiss, his touch.

“We’ve waited too long Specs. Don’t hold back anymore.” His hands rose to cup his lover’s face, the tips of his fingers lightly tracing over scars as they went.

Ignis shivered beneath his touch, his breaths coming quick and shallow. A burst of intense desire came to Noctis across their magical connection, teasing a small moan from his throat which seemed to tear apart whatever feelings had been keeping Ignis restrained.

His lover surged against him, forcing Noctis to take a step back to steady himself or risk toppling over. Ignis seemed insatiable and Noctis eagerly opened himself up, their tongues dancing together as passions overcame them.

He let out a small squeak of surprise as Ignis’ hands drifted down over his ass, lifting him up and perching him on the caravan’s kitchen counter, parting his legs to stand in between them, continuing to kiss him with fervour.

Hooking his ankles behind Ignis’ thighs and snaking his arms around his neck, Noctis pulled them as close as possible, his burgeoning erection pressing against his lover’s as their bodies came into contact. It all felt so intense, more so than ever before. Was this a result of their long separation, or had his memories of their time together before simply faded? Regardless, this felt so right. Screw the Gods, screw the Scourge, nothing else was as important as the two of them being together and expressing their love for each other.

Ignis broke away from the kiss for a second, rummaging behind Noctis’ back. He took advantage of this pause to lean back a little to begin undoing the buttons on his lover’s shirt, revealing an expanse of skin which he dedicated his attention to, covering his chest with small marks of love. His fingers teased his nipples until his tongue could flick over pert buds, drawing small sounds of pleasure from Ignis that only spurred him on.

Cool, bare hands slipped under his t-shirt, breaking his concentration with a gasp. Long fingers trailed across his flesh, gloves discarded in favour of closer contact, Ignis remembering exactly where he was sensitive and even dipping tantalisingly under the waistband of his trousers.

“Shall we move somewhere a little more comfortable?” There was a huskiness to his lover’s tone which he enjoyed immensely.

“Not desperate enough to fuck me here on the counter then?” Noctis replied cheekily, moving up to nibble Ignis’ earlobe whilst wriggling to grind up against his hardness as much as their position allowed.

“Believe me Noct, I’ve been dreaming about making love to you in every conceivable way for years. I won’t be able to pleasure you as much as I would like to here.” The low purr of his lover’s voice next to his ear sent a bolt of need running down his spine and straight to his cock. He rested his head against Ignis’ shoulder, whining as their hips ground together again.

“Specs…” He moaned, fingers sliding up into his lover’s soft hair.

“Yes darling?” The breathy whisper was the sound of pure seduction, not that he really needed much more encouragement.

“Take me to bed.”

Ignis’ hands slid underneath the tops of his thighs, lifting him from the counter and carrying him towards the caravan’s double bed. Noctis was momentarily alarmed, his legs tightening around Ignis’ hips and hands grasping the back of his shirt, but relaxing when the surprise had ebbed. Deep down he knew he would always be safe in his lover’s arms, trusting him implicitly.

Ignis lowered him onto the bed and lay between his legs as they continued to explore each other once again, gradually removing a garment at a time until they were all discarded on the floor so Ignis could take them both in hand and gave them a few strokes together.

“Fuck! I’ve missed this. Missed touching you. Missed you touching me.” Noctis moaned, his hips moving of their own accord within his lover’s grasp, hands roaming over wherever on Ignis he could reach. He couldn’t get enough of this.

“Mmmh…there should be some appropriately supplies nearby.” Ignis peppered kisses over his neck and chest, slowing their pace to something more teasing, drawing out the sensations.

Noctis glanced to the side to see a small bottle and a rectangular box on the bedside table.

“I think I’ve found them.” He giggled, reaching out to open the box and pull out a condom, placing it within easier grasp for a little later.

“We should thank Prompto after we have taken advantage of his generosity. I was too surprised to do so adequately before.” Ignis murmured against his skin, the vibrations from his voice creating a slight tickling sensation.

As Noctis took hold of the bottle of lube, a thought cross his mind. He swiftly pulled Ignis down close to him and with an artful movement, flipped them over so he was now on top, his thighs straddling his lover’s hips.

“Would you mind if we tried something a little different?” He asked, dropping the bottle onto the bed and running his hands possessively down Ignis’ body.

“Whatever you want darling. As long as we’re together. As long as it makes you feel good.” In the dim lighting, he could just about make out the blush rising across his lover’s cheeks, but there was no hiding the hunger in his expression as Noctis slid down the bed and gently parted Ignis’ legs to lay between them.

“May I?” Noctis’ hand caressed his lover’s perfectly muscled thigh, while the other skated over his testicles and further down, giving his entrance the slightest brush. Ignis stilled, his hands grasping at the sheets in surprise.

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just thought, while we’ve got the chance, you might wanna try.” Noctis could feel himself blushing and began to withdraw. Perhaps this was too forward of him. Was now really the time to be messing about with experimenting? It was good enough when Ignis’ cock filled him…more than good enough, it was the best feeling in the world. Was he being too greedy to ask for more? With Ignis lying before him, needing his attention, his touch, wanting to give him as much pleasure as possible, was that not enough?

No, he wanted to give back as much as he received. There was still a possibility that Shiva’s promises would come to naught, and he wanted there to be no regrets, no missed chances, not anymore…not with the man he loved above all else.

“I must admit, I have become more curious about feeling you, inside me.” His lover mused, his grip on the sheets relaxing. That was a more positive response than he’d hoped.

Noctis bit his lower lip in anticipation, hands moving back in to graze over Ignis’ skin, enjoying the small muscle twitches and short gasps that he provoked.

“Yeah?” He placed a kiss to the inside of Ignis’ thigh, popping open the cap of the bottle of lube to squeeze a generous amount onto his fingers. “Okay. I’ll go slow. If it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop straight away. But gods I wanna make you feel as good as you do for me.”

Warming the slick substance between his fingers, Noctis shifted one of his lover’s legs over his shoulder to help give him better access. He kissed the tip of Ignis’ cock as he stroked over the tight ring of muscle, gently pushing against the resistance it gave, and as one finger began to slip past that opposition, he took Ignis’ head in his mouth, using his tongue to help distract him from any discomfort.

“Ahh!” His lover gasped, one hand fisting the sheets and the other buried in Noctis’ hair. He stopped at the first knuckle, allowing Ignis to get used to the sensation. After a few moments, his lover nodded at him, the furrow between his eyebrows softening.

“I’m alright Noct. Keep going.” Noctis obliged him, gingerly pushing in further, keeping his attention on all of Ignis’ responses, pausing when his lover needed it and waiting until an all clear to proceed.

That he could hear his Ignis’ reactions to what he was doing, then glance up and watch him writhe beneath the attentions of his fingers and mouth was next to divine, and Noctis found himself grinding his hips into the mattress to gain some much needed friction for his aching cock.

He was trying to take things steady, carefully preparing his lover for what would come next, not wanting to hurry too much from his own desire and end up hurting Ignis because of it, but it was a challenge. However, he’d already waited a decade, so he could be patient for another few minutes, gradually working his way up to inserting a second finger, then a third, stretching his lover and finding that place inside which made him cry out and draw his thighs close around him. At the same time, a flash of pleasure echoed across their connection, making Noctis moan around the cock which was throbbing in his mouth. Ignis’ grip tightened in his hair and pulled him off, though it wasn’t difficult when Noctis found his back arching in response to the unexpected feeling.

He paused for a couple of seconds, panting hard, taking in as much of the sight of Ignis laid out before him as the dim lighting would allow. The blessings from the Astrals and the Crystal granting him his magic and power seemed nothing in comparison to blessing of Ignis being with him now.

“So gorgeous! You’re doing so well sweetheart.” He praised his lover and felt Ignis’ walls squeeze around his fingers in response.

“Noct. I want…want you.” Ignis managed to raise himself up on a shaky arm and encouraged Noctis to move up to kiss him, his flexibility helping matters significantly since one leg was still over Noctis’ shoulder. “Want you to feel good too.”

“Seeing you like this, knowing that it’s because of what I’m doing to you…I really like it.” Noctis admitted, as shyly as he could when he still had his fingers buried deep inside his lover’s ass.

“I’m ready darling.” Ignis kissed him sweetly, repositioning himself so he could draw Noctis further up and over him.

“You sure?” Noctis tried to suppress some of his enthusiasm, accidentally wriggling his fingers as he moved, providing his lover with another bolt of pleasure and feeling it resonate down their bond. Both of them let out groans of need while Ignis kissed him fiercely.

“I want to feel you fuck me!” Hearing such a crude sentence fall from his lover’s lips stirred Noctis into immediate action, pulling out his fingers and reaching for the condom he’d pulled out earlier, enjoying the small whine at the void his fingers had left behind. Hastily tearing open the foil, he rolling it on, before liberally coating his cock with lube, biting his lip as he grunted at the sensation of briefly stroking himself to get good coverage.

Getting into a stable position, his lover’s legs splayed wide before him, he steadied himself and touched his cock to Ignis’ entrance, but then hesitated.

"Is this still ok?" He checked, running his hand up Ignis' side. "I won't mind if we..." 

"It's fine darling. You're fine.” Ignis grasped his hand, squeezing for reassurance and giving him an affectionate smile.

"Right..." Gods Noctis was nervous. He wanted this so much, to feel what it was like being surrounded by his lover's warmth, knowing that all those delicious sounds that came from him were because of his actions, but he didn't want to hurt him. It was Ignis' first time receiving, perhaps they should have spent more time preparing him. 

"I…I don't wanna hurt you." He whispered, bowing his head. This was something he’d asked for and now his worries were getting in the way, preventing in from acting on his desire. All he wanted was for Ignis to feel good, to have something he’d only ever accept from Noctis to reward him for being so patient all this time.

"Noct, look at me.” Somehow Ignis knew he’d looked away. His lover knew him better than anyone, even after ten years apart. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, Ignis’ echoing alongside his own, giving him the courage to meet his lover’s blind eyes.

“I trust you." Those three words and the sincerity with which they were spoken brought tears to his eyes. After their last conversation in the Crystal, those words were a balm that soothed his heart which he hadn’t realised had still been aching.

"Promise you'll tell me if you want to stop." Noctis smiled, rubbing his eyes against his arm.

"I promise darling. Come here." Ignis pulled him in for a kiss, taking charge for a moment. His lover stroked him back to full hardness after nerves and concern had caused him to flag before positioning him in place, legs wrapping around his hips to encourage him to press forward. There was a small amount of resistance as the head of his cock breached his lover's entrance, Ignis taking in a sharp breath, but once it was inside the experience was exhilarating.

"Ahh! Fuck! Specs, you're so tight!" Noctis groaned, pausing to let Ignis get used to the feeling, watching as his face flushed, brows knitted together in an intense expression that wasn't entirely discomfort. He was beautiful. 

Limbs pulled him closer, his cock slowly sliding further in until he was fully seated inside. He felt wonderful hot, muscles tensing and relaxing around him as his lover adjusted to the stretch. 

"Are you doing OK?" Noctis panted, supporting himself on one arm to find his lover's hand with the other, interlinking their fingers and pressing kisses against his knuckles.

Ignis nodded as best he could with his head thrown back into the pillow, chest heaving as he drew in deep, shuddering breaths.

There was a throb of sensation through their connection and Noctis suddenly experienced the feeling of his own ass being stretched and filled. He managed to hold himself still after his hips bucked once of their own accord, making Ignis cry out in surprise. It felt so good!

“Noct!” His lover gasped, only a partial admonishment.

“S…sorry.” He stuttered. “You’re just…this is amazing!”

“Mmmh, yes…Please, move.”

At his lover’s request, Noctis tentatively rolled his hips, managing to brush that sweet spot again, quivering as its effect reached him again, trying so hard to resist the urge to thrust into his lover with wild abandon.

“Ahh! Again!” Ignis moaned, and Noctis eagerly obliged, starting off slowly but quickly building his pace, revelling in the erotic sounds they were making. The slap of skin as they connected in each thrust, words of praise and adoration tumbling from his lips as he made love to the most wonderful man on Eos.

Every time Ignis keened when Noctis' cock brushed his prostate, Noctis could also feel that pulse of pleasure as if he was being filled as well. His hips snapping forwards, moaning against his lover's neck, he tried to pepper the smooth skin before him with kisses but his mouth kept falling open in ecstasy, the sounds coming from him matching Ignis' in fervour. Until it was all over in what seemed to be far too quickly.

“Come on sweetheart. Come for me. I wanna feel you come around my cock.” Noctis moaned against his lover’s ear, feeling is orgasm rapidly approaching from the dual sources of pleasure he was experiencing. He grasped the hardness trapped between their bodies, stroking it to help Ignis to his completion as well.

“Noct! I…ngh!” Ignis cried out, hands scrabbled over him as he came, scratching lines up his back but the sting was worth it to watch his lover melt underneath him. His expression was pure bliss while Noctis fucked him through his orgasm, spurts of semen splashing between them while Noctis emptied himself into his lover.

The intensity was unlike anything he’d experienced before, and the aftershocks lasted longer than normal as he kept rolling his hips, teasing out as much pleasure from their coupling as he could until they were both shaking, his cock and his ass feeling oversensitive.

Pulling out, Noctis retained just enough coherence to rid himself of the condom and hastily clean themselves up with some wet wipes, also thoughtfully provided on the bedside table, before he flopped down next to Ignis, still breathing hard, his heart racing. His lover lay still, blinking rapidly, his knees still bent and spread.

“Specs? Sweetheart? Was that…was I alright?” Gently he stroked some strands of hair from his lover’s forehead where his hairstyle had wilted from their exertions.

Ignis turned towards him, a relaxed smile appearing on his face as he looped one leg over Noctis’ and cuddled up against him.

“You were perfect darling.” He said, placing lazy kisses against Noctis’ bare shoulder, trailing up his neck to find his lips. “That was incredible. It felt like I experienced two simultaneous orgasms.”

“Yeah. Me too. Have you felt anything like that before?” Noctis wondered if perhaps their connection was really only one way, as he’d previously assumed.

“I have been able to sense strong emotions from you since your return, but also in Zegnautus Keep. It was how Gladio and I found you there.” That made so much sense. The trauma of being drawn into the Crystal had been so great that he’d never stopped to consider how Ignis alone had been able to find him and so nearly been able to reach him in time.

“So, you could feel it too?” He murmured. Amazed, he pressed one palm against his lover’s chest and the other against his own, their hearts seeming to beat in unison.

“It seems that whatever enhanced connection we have works both ways.” Ignis smiled. “It is certainly reassuring to know the one I love feels the same way about me.”

“Did you doubt me?” He asked, uncertain.

“Noct, you’ve been gone for so long I didn’t know if…” Ignis paused, then seemed to reconsider his words, finally settling on, “a lot can change in ten years.”

“I’ll always love you Specs. You’ve only ever been the one for me.” He pulled Ignis in as close as he could, his lover nuzzling against him, holding him tightly.

After a short while, he remembered the note on the bedside table. Despite how comfortable he was with Ignis cuddled up against him, he should read it, just in case it was something really important, like Gladio could be about to knock on the door any second because they’d taken too long.

Grabbing the piece of paper off the bedside table, he brought it close to his face, squinting in the low light, but he could barely make anything out. Sighing, he went to pull a little away from their embrace.

“Where are you going?” Ignis muttered, possessively entwined their legs further and holding him tighter, receiving a loving smile in response.

“I’ve got to turn on the light to read this note.” Noctis said, flapping the paper in the air so it made a snapping noise.

“A note?” There was enough light to see the furrow which formed between his lover’s eyebrows.

“Yeah, there was one with our sex supplies.” Ignis sighed at his phrasing but it only made Noctis chuckle. “Come with me?” He asked shyly, still loath to relinquish all physical contact. He kissed his lover’s forehead, then the tip of his nose and finally his lips before Ignis finally acquiesced to disentangle their limbs, allowing them both to head over to the light switch while still holding hands.

Flicking on the light, Noctis quickly glanced down at the note which was written in Prompto’s handwriting.

_Make good use of these and enjoy yourselves. We’re not going to disturb you until you come outside again._

_Prompto & Gladio xx_

“Looks like we’ve got all the time we want. No one’s gonna come and bother us.” He grinned, casting aside the note.

“I’m glad there will be no interruptions. I think Eos owes us a little time for ourselves.” Noctis found himself slightly puzzled by that statement. Ignis would almost never have admitted such a feeling before. Perhaps the last ten years had finally allowed him become more comfortable with wanting things for himself.

Thankfully, the anxiety of being enclosed had ebbed a little more now, though he tried to avoid looking too closely at his surroundings and instead focused on his lover’s naked form as he was gently pulled back towards the bed.

In the brighter light, Noctis could see details that he wasn’t able to in the previous gloom, most notable of which were the numerous scars which were now sprinkled across Ignis’ otherwise smooth skin, the sight of which filled him with a kind of confused horror. Several seemed like they would have been very serious injuries. Had Ignis gained these when trying to venture into the tombs for his sake? How had he not noticed them in the half-light?

As they lay back down Ignis immediately drew him closer so they were entwined once more, this time Noctis’ head resting against his lover’s chest, but he couldn’t stop looking at those scars, his fingers tracing one of the largest lines across his side making Ignis flinch at the deliberate touch.

“Noct…” Ignis said, a note of pleading in his voice as he grasped Noctis’ hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss, his expression becoming anguished.

All of a sudden Noctis was torn away from the bliss of the moment, Ignis’ scars a bitter reminder that his lover had stubbornly refused to give up on saving him from his sacrifice, that he hadn’t trusted the Noctis that he thought he’d dreamt. Gods Ignis must have come so close to losing his life before now.

Noctis’ voice wobbled, caught between anger and intense sadness.

“Is there anything you want to tell me Specs?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels good to give them a little bit of time to be intimate after their long separation. And sorry, not sorry for the soft cliffhanger at the end. The reason why the chapter cut is there will become clear next time...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and sticking with this story for so long <3


	34. Chapter 34

A fortnight after that achingly real dream of Noct, Ignis found himself back in Lestallum for the first time in months. The dream had hammered home just how much he was unwilling to let Noct go again, spurring him on to continue with his plan of re-examining the royal tombs.

The tomb of the Tall had been another frustrating dead end, giving him no additional information. There could be more on the casket itself, but that lay in the depths of Costlemark Tower, somewhere Ignis was not going to step foot without substantial preparation, and unfortunately, that concluded the very short list of tombs he would be able to survey single-handedly. The next on his list was the tomb of the Clever, and for that he would need help.

Prompto been overjoyed at Ignis’ arrival in the city of lights, emphasised by the sudden tackle of a hug which almost knocked him off of his feet, whereas Gladio had given him a good-natured pat on the shoulder. He and his friends were huddled around a small table, eating dinner, laughing and enjoying each other’s company again, when Ignis steeled himself to broach the topic of why he had returned. 

“Gladio, I need to ask a favour of you. And you too Prompto.” He carefully laid down his cutlery on the side of his now empty plate.

“Course Iggy, anything.” Prompto replied first.

“Sure, what do you need?” There was the remains of a smile in Gladio’s voice following the last joke that had been cracked.

“Your assistance in accessing the royal tombs again.” A hint of tension filled the air. Ignis kept his expression neutral, not wanting to give away his concern for how quickly the mood had changed.

“Why?” Gladio asked, that touch of a smile now gone.

“Because they may hold the key to saving Noct.” Ignis kept his back straight, face impassive while nervous adrenalin rushed through him. He had to get the Shield on side for his plans to work. Without the support of the remaining Guard and Glaives he would never be able to get access to the answers he sought, and Noct would be lost to him.

“Scouts were sent to most the tomb locations years ago to see if there could be anything of use in the fight, but their path was just swarming with daemons, too dangerous to approach. What makes you think we’d find anything different?” Ignis quirked an eyebrow at Gladio’s revelation, irritation flashing through him. This wasn’t something he’d been aware of before. Had he been in too fragile a state at the time for his friends to want to concern him with otherwise empty news?

“I have already paid a visit to the tombs of the Wise and the Tall, the daemons do not venture inside so it is simply a matter of getting past them.” There was a tense silence from across the table apart from Prompto sucking in a breath.

“You’ve been inside?” The blonde asked, his voice hushed in something between awe and fear, but Ignis wasn’t sure if it was for him or for what he had done.

“Yes, it was fairly straightforward to give the daemons the slip, but for the tomb entrances within narrow passageways that strategy will not be as effective.” Ignis continued, trying to keep a measure of professional distance. It would do no good to get caught up in a heated debate about what had already passed.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Prompto sounded a little hurt, something that made Ignis want to wince but he kept his reaction contained. A hand covered one of his that rested palm down on the table.

“I…” He hesitated, frowning, his hands gently retreating to his lap. “I did not want you both to worry.”

“Damn it Iggy! You always used to be the one to warn us about doing reckless things. We had no idea where you were. What if you’d not come back? How the hell would we have told Noct?” The note of stress was clear in Gladio’s voice, his hand slapping down on the table and Ignis narrowly avoided flinching instinctively.

“Which is why I am asking for your assistance now.” Ignis bit back before taking a long, slow breath to calm himself. “Please. There will be another way for him…I just have yet to find it.”

There was the sound of clothes rustling as his friends shifting in their seats, a boot accidentally nudging his foot under the table. No doubt they were having some kind of conversation through expression which he was unable to read.

“You both would give your lives for him, would you not?” He said. It was perhaps a little below the belt, but his heart was still aching from Noct’s desperation in that dream. How much longer could they afford to waste before all possibilities of keeping Noct alive dwindled away to nothing?

“Fine. We’ll go and take a look, but if there’s too many daemons for us to safely take on then I’m sorry Iggy, but we can’t afford to go in.” Gladio’s voice had softened, though he didn’t seem particularly happy. Ignis considered this compromise and nodded.

“We want to help, really.” Prompto added. “What do you think we’ll find?”

“Honestly? I do not know.” Ignis admitted. “I just need something to set me on the right path.” There was an awkwardness in the air for the rest of the evening while they made preparations to set off the next day, and Ignis lay awake for most of the night, hoping that something would finally start going his way.

It was a hard slog to make their way to the Balouve Mines. Their vehicle was attacked several times on the way south from Hammerhead, costing them time, energy and supplies to even reach the chain-linked fence which marked the pathway to the mine. Quiet in their approach, the ground rumbled underneath them with heavy footfalls.

“Giants…three of them. Doesn’t look like there’s space to get around.” Prompto hissed. Ignis had surmised as much himself from the frequency and pattern of the resounding steps.

“Where there’s a will…” He muttered to himself, carefully pulling a small device out from where he had stored it in the Armiger.

“What’s that?” Gladio whispered from right by his side.

“I have found that there are certain ways to attract the attention of demons. They are not the brightest bunch, but when provided with a distraction will seek to investigate. I set a couple up when I surveyed the area before returning to Lestallum, one for our entrance, and the other for our exit.” Ignis informed his friends, triggering the first distraction with the remote control.

A piercing wail sounded through the area, sounding vaguely like a human in distress, the origin a few hundred meters away. After a few seconds, the shaking of the ground began to subside and the sounds of a myriad of small daemons were moving away, leaving their coast clear to sneak up to the opening which would lead underground.

Even with the initial barrier of daemons withdrawn, there was still a swarm of smaller but just as deadly ones gathered in the first stretch of mine tunnel leading to the elevator down, and it was hard work to dispatch them all. Ignis and his friends were left breathing heavily from the fierce fighting, needing a break and the use of some curatives before they could think of continuing.

Not wanting to hesitate too long, Ignis called the elevator but a large hand on his arm pulled him back before he could step inside.

“Iggy, we need some back up to have a hope of getting through to the tomb. I remember how twisted this place was, Astrals only know what could be waiting for us further inside. I’m sorry. It’s too much of a risk to go ahead.” Gladio sounded solemn, his grip not uncomfortable but firm.

“Fine, this stretch should be relatively safe for a time. Wait out here and call for back up. I am going in regardless; those distractions will only work so many times.” Yes, the daemons were not very intelligent, but certain groups did have enough wherewithal to ignore false signals if they were exposed to them too often.

“Look, Noct wouldn’t want us to give everything for him. If he’s gonna save Eos, how disappointed d’you think he’s gonna be with us if there’s no one left to save when he gets back.” Was that a note of pleading in Gladio’s tone? It shook Ignis enough to break his resistance momentarily, allowing the Shield to pull him back a few more steps.

“As long as he is safe, I don’t care.” Ignis steeled himself. Noct had never wanted all those people relying on him. It had all been thrust upon his shoulders without his request, and Ignis was more than willing to bear that burden for him, although the prospect of his lover’s disappointment in him hurt immeasurably. He couldn’t stop now, not when he’d already overcome so much.

“I’m sorry Iggy. I don’t want Noct to die, but we’ve barely got enough Glaives and Crownsguard to keep what ground we have left against the daemons. It’s too dangerous. One man for the world, even if it’s him, it’s not…”

It hurt to hear such a thing coming from Gladio, regardless of how remorseful he sounded. Something snapped inside Ignis and he wrenched his friend’s hand away from his arm, a nasty kind of anger bursting forth.

“Don’t say it! Don’t you dare say he’s not worth it Gladiolus, because he fucking is!” He shouted, fury boiling inside, shoving his hands against Gladio’s chest, the large man putting up no resistance and giving ground. Ignis was a split second away from swinging for his friend, ready to brawl with him in possibly the worst location, anything to make him take back those words. Noct was worth it. He was worth the world. Why was Ignis seemingly the only one to be willing to risk everything to keep him safe?

“Iggy, maybe you should take a sec.” Prompto’s voice was soft. There was a touch at his shoulder as he bunched his fists, but Ignis harshly shrugged it away.

“I shall walk this path alone if I must. I will not just accept his fate, even if you will!” He snarled bitterly, turning back to the elevator and beginning to walk.

“It’s suicide!” Gladio shouted after him, a note of panic in his voice.

“Iggy, don’t! Please!” A hand caught his arm, yanking him to a stop and Prompto’s arms were wrapped around him from behind.

“Release me Prompto.” He snapped. If they weren’t willing to do what was necessary then he sure as hell was.

“Just come back to camp for a few hours and calm down. I don’t want you to get hurt.” The arms around him squeezed, fingers fisting his shirt in their grip.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to come. You shouldn’t have to be here for this.” Ignis harshly disentangled himself from his friend, feeling guilt at putting Prompto of all people through this. Then he ran for the elevator, slamming the barrier across before they could stop him and beginning to descend.

* * *

“I was unable to reach the tomb and nearly died in those mines. The daemons…they were too much for me.” Ignis said quietly.

“Gods.” Noctis pressed himself closer, gripping his lover tightly, feeling his shame through their connection. “How did you get out?”

“Gladio called the Lord Marshall as soon as I left them. By coincidence, he was already nearby with a team of Glaives, unbeknownst to myself. I have no memory of being brought out of those mines and woke up three days later.” Ignis’ words were calm, almost clinical, but Noctis could feel how clearly it was only surface level. Was this how Ignis had always been, calm veneer over a deep well of turmoil? He nuzzled against his lover’s neck, trying to impart as much comfort as he could, dreading what he might hear next.

“Gladio was right. You never would have approved of the human cost. I did not care and almost lost my chance to see you again. I’m sorry I have been deficient. For all the joy you have brought me, I seem to cause you nothing but pain.” There was a hitch in Ignis’ voice, the semblance of composure starting to break down, and Noctis made vague soothing sounds while Ignis clung to him.

“Specs, you’re the world to me.” He placed small kisses along his lover’s collarbone. “You make me so happy. Having you in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’ve never let me down. Not once.” Noctis’ lips worked their way up his lover’s neck and along his jaw in the small pauses between words. He tried to make sure that Ignis could sense all the love and care he felt, their connection practically vibrating with the intensity of their combined emotions.

“There is more I’m afraid.” Ignis murmured, placing a soft kiss into his hair as Noctis’ heart sank.

* * *

“Uhh…where…?” When Ignis came to he was laying somewhere comfortable and warm. Was he dead? The last thing he remembered was the cackling of daemons, the uneven, cold stone of the mine floor becoming wet with his own blood and intense pain from the blades that had been jammed into his waist and legs. He had been overwhelmed so fast he had been unable to heal himself before his consciousness slipped away.

“Thank the gods. Prompto! Hurry up with those drinks, Iggy’s awake!” Gladio shouted and a little way away there was the sound of clattering glasses.

“Iggy!” Hurried footsteps approached and a pair of hands clasped one of his. “You’re ok…you’re ok.” Prompto seemed to be trying to reassure himself, sounding a little like he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

“What happened?” He felt groggy, his mind fogged with sleep. The inside of his mouth felt dry and disgusting so he must have been out for a while, though now he dearly wished for a tooth brush and toothpaste.

“We’re back in Lestallum.” Prompto told him. “We were scared you weren’t gonna make it. If it hasn’t been for Umbra, we wouldn’t have found you in time. Here, drink some water.” The hands around his vanished for a moment, replaced by a cool, damp glass. Ignis tried to sit up and winced from residual pain, hands helping to steady him and get him mostly upright, leaning back against a pile of pillows.

“How are ya feeling?” Gladio asked after Ignis had taken a few sips and handed the glass back.

“Woozy, and sore. But never mind about me, did you get into the tomb?” Yes, the most important thing. Ignis worried that they might have missed something he would have picked up on, but he would have been relying on their eyes anyway. Regardless, any more information would be useful.

“I’m sorry, did I just hear you right? You do something so fucking reckless as running into a daemon infested mine on your own, we have to find you half-dead, _again_ , then wait three days for you to wake up, and all you can ask about is the tomb? Un-fucking-believable!” Gladio sounded really angry, the hand which had been resting on his arm tightened uncomfortably.

“We told you it was too dangerous! Where the hell did your judgement go Iggy, huh? You don’t know how many potions we had to use to stabilise you. A Glaive died so we could get you outta there!” Gladio pulled away from him sharply and there was a clattering sound of something hitting the floor, possibly a chair tipping over.

“Sacrifice yourself as much as you want, but if you say you don’t care about other people losing their lives, then you’re no longer the man I thought you were.”

Gladio’s words stung, and Prompto remained quiet, not defending his actions. They either must be in agreement or they’d had that conversation before he came round. Not for the first time and certainly not for the last, Ignis wished he could see his friend’s expressions. Gladio was angry, that much was clear, but he also seemed bitterly disappointed. Was that also how Prompto felt on the matter?

Ignis had not been the same since Noct disappeared into the damned Crystal. No, that was not quite correct. He had not been the same since he had received that vision, but it had been Noct’s disappearance which had broken him. He felt guilty about that Glaive’s death, but he would have thought it justified if it had led to saving Noct. His old self would have felt worse about it than he did now, the thought turning his stomach. Ignis had always been willing to give everything for Noct…but that sacrifice was something that his lover would never would have wanted. He’d never wanted anyone hurt because of him. That was why he hadn’t run away from his responsibilities when he’d had the chance. It was why he had given himself to the Crystal, so his friends wouldn’t be hurt when he could do something to prevent it.

Once again, he found himself back in the situation of hurting Noct to be able to save him. He’d unthinkingly put on the Ring of the Lucii all those years ago, willing to give his life for the one he’d loved from a distance for so long. If he hadn’t lost his sight then but found some other way to protect Noct, so much could have been different…he would not have been failing him now.

Ignis covered his face with a hand and the seconds ticked by in silence.

“You could have left me to reap the consequences of my actions alone.” He eventually said, his voice subdued.

“We couldn’t just leave you. Noct would never have forgiven us, and we’d have never forgiven ourselves.” Prompto said softly, the side of the mattress nearest his voice dipping a little as his friend sat.

“If you wanna do something so stupid again, don’t get anyone else involved, not even us. You think we enjoy watching you do this to yourself? What you’ve been putting yourself through all these years?” The Shield’s words so wrought with emotion it was difficult to tell if he was still furious or on the verge of tears. There was a bang of a chair being set back upright but Gladio didn’t seem to use it, footsteps pacing back and forth across the bottom of the bed.

“The tombs are my last hope for information Gladio. Do you want Noct to die?” Ignis said, his only appeal to justify his actions.

“Of course I fucking don’t! I’m his Shield. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect him.” Gladio’s steps slowed and the anger began to drain from his voice, replaced with a kind of helplessness.

“This whole prophecy is something so far beyond me. You’ve been thinking about this for years and even you haven’t come up with something Iggy. I don’t like it, but the best I can do is protect the people he cares about while he’s not here and make sure they get the chance of a good life. I think it’s time that you accept that too.”

Ignis curled his hands into fists to stop them from shaking, managing to hold his head up while moisture filled his eyes. Was giving up hope really his only option? Surely Noct’s best friend would support him.

“And what is your opinion Prompto?” He managed to get the words to come out steady and clear somehow.

“It’s been so hard seeing you like this again Iggy. Noct wouldn’t want you to throw your life away. I don’t want him to be gone for good, but throwing yourself at the tombs, getting hurt so bad and more people dying…this cost, it’s too much.” A warm hand covered one of his fists, giving it a small squeeze.

Ignis took a quavering breath. It went against everything he’d hoped and believed for so long, that there must be a way, if only he could find it, but now he’d reached the precipice, there was nowhere else to go. Without something from the tombs, he had so little to go on with almost no hope of finding a solution. His only recourse was to turn back to those books, and the possibility of returning to that hollowed out state scared him. Losing his one chance to see his lover again terrified him so much.

Was it finally time to acknowledge that he’d have to let Noct go?

Silent tears spilled out from behind closed lids.

“Alright…” He whispered. “I’ll stop.”

* * *

“I cannot save you, Noct.” Ignis confessed. “I am not capable enough. I have failed when you needed me most…I cannot forgive myself.” His lover shivered against him, voice cracking, while Noctis almost gasped as the sense of Ignis’ desperate grief hit him hard.

“No sweetheart, no. Don’t think that. Don’t ever think that.” Noctis shifted to sitting upright and pulled Ignis in so he was cradled his chest, holding on tightly, feeling hideously guilty in his relief.

“You shouldn’t have to bear this fate. I tried…so hard I tried…” Ignis gasped through his tears which now fell freely, making Noctis’ chest wet with them.

“I know Specs. I know you did.” He stroked a hand through his lover’s hair, feeling his raw, heart breaking pain alongside him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here with you.”

“I do not know how to let you go. I cannot go back to a world without you Noct. I can’t bear this darkness alone any longer.” Noctis felt some of his own tears slip free as he rocked the two of them slowly back and forth, not knowing what to say and unsure of what to do apart from be there.

He cradled his lover close, letting him cry himself to sleep, then gently tucked him under the covers and curled up next to him. In his sleep, the lines of tension were smoothed from Ignis’ face and Noctis couldn’t help but admire him for managing to endure everything the past ten years had thrown at him to be here now. Ignis thought he had been nothing but weak, though Noctis disagreed, it only meant he was human.

When they were growing up, Ignis never seemed to put a foot wrong, he didn’t make mistakes. He was loyal, hard-working, dutiful, good at anything he turned his hand to. A paragon of virtue, he’d once heard his lover be described, and all Noctis had felt at the time was jealous because he had always seemed to fall short of the expectations that were imposed upon him. It also made him yearn for Ignis’ affection and approval even more, because if someone so perfect approved of him, then maybe he wasn’t such a worthless Prince after all, and it had made being rejected by him all the more hurtful.

Should he tell Ignis about Shiva’s promise? Would that make things better for him, or could it make things worse, he wasn’t sure, and he was more than a little scared about what Ignis might do after he was gone. If he asked for his lover to take on a duty, then he would do it without question. Noctis didn’t want to think this way, but Lucis would need a capable leader to recover once the Scourge was gone. He’d never thought he’d make much of a King, and Ignis was the only one he’d trust to take his place, but after everything his lover had gone through it would be cruel to place that burden on him. He deserved to be at peace until they could be reunited once more, not trying to drag a country back from the brink while grieving afresh again.

Ignis stirred from his slumber, reaching out across the bed to find the sheets empty apart from himself. He had not slept so well for years and the remains of his dreams still clouded his mind. He’d fallen asleep in Noct’s arms after they had made love and he’d confessed his deficiencies, that couldn’t have been just another dream. Frantically, he began to search for evidence that all he remembered from last night was real, sleep addled thoughts turning to panic.

“Noct? Noct?!” He called out, his voice raw, his heart beating so hard in his chest it was painful.

Suddenly arms enveloped him, pulling him in close and holding him tightly. He pressed his face against the smooth plane of Noct’s chest, breathing in his scent, immediately beginning to relax into his reassuring solidity.

“I’m here sweetheart. I’m here. Shh. I’ve got you.” The mattress dipped as Noct climbed back into bed. It must have been tricky since Ignis clung to him, fingers gripping his naked skin hard enough to likely leave marks, but his lover did not give any indication of discomfort while he held Ignis close.

“I’m sorry. You were so peaceful; I didn’t want to disturb you.” Noct murmured, his voice soothing. Ignis wished they could stay like this forever, here in this caravan and forget the outside world. He would be more than satisfied even as the world crumbled around them.

He’d cried himself out earlier. He thought he’d moved passed that particular piece of guilt, but speaking of what had happened had brought it all back to the forefront of his mind, realising that even after almost three years to try and come to terms with letting Noct go, his apparent resignation had just been a lie he told himself to get through the days. He wasn’t ready. He would never be ready, but he had to make the most of what precious little time they had.

“Where were you? I thought…I thought I’d only dreamt of you again.” He sighed as a kiss was pressed against his hair.

“Just to the bathroom. Realised I hadn’t peed in like, a decade.” Noct gave a strained laugh. “And I couldn’t sleep...don’t want to sleep. I’m scared if I do, I’ll wake up in that place and you’ll be gone again.” Ignis felt a flash of his lover’s fear. What had that experience been like, he wondered, but earnest hoped that Noct’s time had passed more mercifully than this own.

“You remember what it was like inside the Crystal?” He asked, hands moving down to stroke Noct’s sides. He flinched as his lover traced the tip of a finger gently over one of his scars again, but hurried to recapture that hand as it hastily withdrew, feeling Noct’s concern, and placed it back on his skin. His lover should never feel hesitant to touch him, that wasn’t what he wanted.

“Yeah.” Noct paused. “And I think you do too Specs.” He got the impression that his lover was staring in earnest at him, feeling a quickening of Noct’s heartbeat, his own mirroring it soon after.

“Darling, how could I possibly do that? I did dream of you in a place filled with light when I was at my most desperate. But that does not matter now that you’re here.” Ignis lay back, encouraging Noct to lie against him wanting to drink every sensation of being with his lover. He would treasure these memories for the rest of his life.

“The Crystal was filled with light. It was so empty, so lonely, except when I had a couple of visitors.” The description did sound similar to what he had dreamt, but surely it could be nothing more than coincidence. Noct sounded so sad, shifting to lay completely over him, legs bracketing his thighs and soft hair tickling his cheek as Noct’s head rested on his chest.

“Really?” Ignis lightly ran his hands over his lover’s skin, earning himself a shiver and Noct moved to press their lips together.

“Yeah, Bahamut…” A pause made it seem like Noct was going to say more on the Dragonian, but then changed his mind. “Also Gentiana, and one more.”

“Carbuncle I presume?” Ignis asked, thinking that it would have been nice for Noct to have been able to see his dear childhood friend again.

“No. Actually Specs, it was you. I saw you three times, but I couldn’t touch you at all.” This also lined up with those strangely real dreams, and perhaps with this intense bond between them, then maybe…

“Mmm.” Ignis was distracted from this train of thought and brought back to the present by Noct’s lips against his neck, stiffening cock rubbing against his own. “But you can touch me now.”

“Yes.” Noct sighed, moving his hips in a way that provoked a delighted sound to leave Ignis’ throat. “I never want to stop.”

“Do you wish for me to make love to you Noct?” He asked, his hands drifting down over his lover’s body.

“More than anything.” Noct replied, diving eagerly back in for more kisses.

Their lovemaking earlier had felt somewhat rushed, both of them so desperate for each other combined with the new and interesting awareness of each other’s bodies through their magical bond, had led them to climax faster than Ignis would have liked. Now he took his time, reacquainting himself with every spot or action that Noct found pleasure in, worshipping his lover’s body, teasing him right to the edge before backing off, letting them calm down a little before starting again. Now he knew of what possibilities the bond could bring to life, Ignis tried to use it to its best effect, and soon Noct was a mewling, panting mess of need and desire. All for him. What he had done to deserve such fortune as to be loved by this man he would never know.

Eventually he gave in to his own hunger and Noct’s pleas for more, claiming his lover so that Noct would never be in doubt about how much he was loved. Cries of his name filled the caravan, almost certainly audible outside, but where once Ignis would have shyly tried to quieten Noct, he simply did not care about discretion anymore. Let them seize as much pleasure as they could before it was all taken away from them again.

The finish was no less intense than before as Ignis once again experienced Noct’s orgasm along with his own, he insisted on cleaning up before his lover could snuggle up against him.

“A boy or a girl?” Noctis sighed as they both drifted down from their euphoric combined high, running his fingers through Ignis’ hair.

“I’m sorry?” Ignis asked, caught off-guard by the question.

“Or maybe you don’t have a preference. I don’t mind either way.” Noct chuckled at Ignis’ frown. Now he was utterly confused.

“Noct, I’m really not following you.”

“I know it was a long time for you, but you can’t have forgotten telling me you want to have a family with me someday.” His lover’s voice was quiet, his hands stilling, and Ignis could feel something of the nervous butterflies he was experiencing.

“I have never told that wish to anyone…except…” Ignis fell silent as he processed the thought, the memory of a dream so long ago rising to the front of his mind, pieces falling neatly into place. There was now far too much evidence to be waved away as coincidence.

“Noct?” His voice came out hoarse.

“Yeah Specs?” Noct shifted beside him, opening up a little space, probably so he could watch Ignis’ reaction.

“That was…you were…real?” It was a struggle to frame the words in a coherent sentence as he could barely comprehend what he had just learned.

“Yeah. It was all real.” His lover softly kissed him as if he hadn’t just revealed something which re-framed almost the past ten years of Ignis’ life.

“I…” He was stunned speechless. That had really been Noct pleading with him to let him sacrifice himself, and Ignis hadn’t believed him. His lover must have had a good reason for asking that of him and he’d ignored it, very nearly getting himself killed the in process.

“You didn’t wish to be saved.” He whispered.

“No. But I still want you to have a good life. There is hope for us, you just gotta trust me. Can you do that for me Ignis?” Noct’s voice was soothing, a hand cupping his cheek. The evident relief he could feel through their connection as he nodded helped a little with the ache in his chest.

“I trust you.” He murmured, arms pulling Noct closer again.

“And Ignis?” Noct’s nervousness was back, the relief only lasting a moment, making Ignis very worried about what he was about to hear.

“Yes?”

“Marry me.” Ignis froze. That was absolutely the last thing he had expected. First Noct’s return, find out he’d seen him in the Crystal and now his lover was proposing to him…this could not be reality could it? He pinched himself hard and it hurt. Perhaps he misheard Noct say something entirely different.

“Would you please repeat that? I do not think I heard correctly.” Noctis gave a soft snort of laughter against his chest.

“Do you want to marry me Specs? If you’re uncomfortable about what everyone’s gonna think then we can work something out, but please let me be your husband, even if it’s only for one night.” Ignis’ heart thrummed with excitement. His King, his Noct, the boy he’d grown up beside and fallen in love with wished to marry him, even knowing all of his failings. There would never be anyone else like Noct.

“I quite frankly do not give a damn what others think anymore.” Ignis smiled. “I would love to be yours.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that. Sorry I didn’t get you a ring or take you somewhere romantic and go down on one knee.” Noct laughed, burying his face into the crook of Ignis’ neck. He wished he would see the blush he could feel spreading across his lover’s face.

“Noct, we just came down from seeing the stars, you could not take me anywhere better. And I think we have both had enough of rings for the time being.” Ignis couldn’t help but rub at the mark on the base of his finger which had been left by the Ring of the Lucii, a band of skin which was textured differently to the rest of his hand which always felt cool.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Noct took his hand, ceasing his focus on that spot, and linked their fingers. “Y’know, I thought about asking you in that rooftop garden in Altissia.”

“I will admit that was a very romantic setting.” Ignis smiled at the memory. The aroma of flowers all around them, the taste of the wine, strawberries and chocolate. Noct sitting beside him, laughing in between feeding each other treats and giving kisses before they retreated back to their room. “If I may ask, what held you back?”

“I was scared it was too soon. First proper date and a proposal in one evening’s probably a bit much.” Noct said shyly, squirming a little beside him.

“Certainly a faster courtship than typical I grant you.” Ignis bent his head to murmur against Noct’s ear. “But I would have accepted all the same.”

“You would’ve? Damn, to think you could have been mine back then.”

“Darling, I have always been yours in every way that mattered, but I had never dared to hope for this. Thank you for making me the happiest man on Eos.”

“Hey, that’s my line.” Noct struggled to finish his sentence before he gave a huge yawn.

“You should get some sleep Noct. All that exercise must have worn you out.” His lover gripped him tightly, a flare of panic reaching him. “I promise that you shall wake up in my arms, we shall have something to eat, and then, we shall be married.” He kissed his lover’s forehead, tucking the covers up around him and smiled at the good natured grumbling beside him, heart feeling lighter than it had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, sorry for such a delay between the last chapter and this one. I took a week's break from writing in there but for some reason this one was still a struggle. I'm not the most happy with some bits of this chapter, but I think I've managed to wrangle it into a reasonable condition, and right now I'm not sure if I can make it much better. If I came back to it in another month, maybe, but I don't want to keep you waiting that long for only a potential improvement. I do hope you enjoy it as it currently is.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and being patient with the slow pace of the updates <3


	35. Chapter 35

Noctis awoke from a dreamless sleep, eyes sleepily opening, basking in the warmth of a body pressed up against his back. He was being held, as promised, in his lover’s arms. In his fiancé’s arms, he reminded himself with a smile.

Turning his head to look back over his shoulder, he noticed that Ignis was laying on top of the covers, partially dressed in long black trousers, a pair he didn’t think he’d ever remembered seeing him wear before, while most of his own, still naked, body was tucked beneath the sheets.

“Did you sleep well darling?” Lips kissed Noctis’ bare shoulder, as he raised a hand to rub the sleep from his eyes. Yawning, he shuffled around to face his fiancé, Ignis repositioning his arms to keep one draped across Noctis’ waist and the other to rest under his head.

“Yeah.” Noctis raised a hand to cup Ignis’ cheek, noticing the stubble he’d had the night before had gone, thumb gently brushing the bottom edge of the scar around his left eye. “Looks like you didn’t sleep though.”

“Well, I had some things to arrange, didn’t I?” His lover replied, a smile playing across his lips. Noctis frowned, glancing down at the patterned vest Ignis was also wearing. Perhaps it was the fog of sleep, but those clothes looked familiar.

“Are you wearing a Kingsglaive uniform?” He wondered out loud, confused.

“Most of one, yes. And I already have your outfit prepared. I’m glad you woke when you did, otherwise we would risk running late.” Ignis moved in for a kiss, Noctis’ body moulded against his, running fingers into soft hair.

“But, why?” Noctis asked after they separated. He knew he was missing something in the way Ignis smiled at him.

“It is the closest thing to ceremonial dress I could access at such short notice. I hope you do not disapprove?” Ignis’ smile stayed in place, but Noctis could feel the flicker of worry within him. It seemed that the longer they had together, the more in tune they seemed to be becoming, and now he could sense smaller, more subtle emotions through their connection than he had when he’d first woken on Angelgard.

He frowned, still not piecing things together, but Ignis explained before he could even ask another question.

“I could not possibly marry you in my ordinary clothes. I must admit, I am pleased the uniform fits so well.” Ignis chuckled as Noctis’ eyes widened.

“N…now?” He stuttered, surprised. When he’d proposed he’d anticipated having a couple of days of preparation before anything happened. That, or have no time at all for such frivolities, Ignis’ acceptance and their exchange of feelings the night before enough for it to count for him, blessings of the Astrals be damned. Such an immediate turnaround was completely unexpected, but then again, this was Ignis he was talking to.

“Well, as soon as you are up, washed, dressed and fed, yes. I even found something most suitable for you in the Armiger of all places.” Noctis glanced over to where another set of clothing was hung off the top of a cabinet door.

He recognised the golden chains and shape of a half cape over the suit his dad had insisted he had made for him for when he became King. He thought he’d left it wrapped up and mothballed in his wardrobe back in Insomnia, lost in the Imperial assault, but somehow it had made its way into the Armiger. He certainly hadn’t moved it there, and it seemed neither had Ignis, so perhaps his dad had made sure it was there for when he needed it.

Before they’d left Insomnia for the last time, he’d thought the suit was a strange preparation. The King had been getting frailer but Noctis didn’t think he was ready to retire or give out yet. However, given everything that had happened it had turned out to be a prudent decision and he was reminded of how his dad had known of his fate for so many years. It suddenly hit him all over again, the loss of everything and the responsibility he had to bear, all symbolised by those clothes, a complex mixture of emotions bubbling up inside of him.

Ignis paused, feeling his distress. “If the memories are too painful, I can find you something else.” His fiancé added quietly, stroking his arm with cool fingers. For a moment Noctis was surprised before he remembered that Ignis had come with him to the tailors for the fittings. Of course he knew exactly what clothes he was laying out, and the impact they might have.

“He knew what I’d have to do, y’know.” Noctis sniffed, just about holding back the wave of sadness that was threatening to sweep him away as he hid his face against his fiancé’s neck.

“Who knew darling?” Ignis cradled Noctis’ head while he clung to his clothes.

“My dad. He knew I’d been chosen by the Crystal when I was a baby. Everything he did…he did knowing that…” It was a struggle to get the words out and not break down. He’d had so long in the Crystal, why did he only seem capable of processing this now?

“Oh Noct, I’m sorry. I did not realise. I shall find you something else...” He could feel Ignis’ sympathy and regret as he went to disengage, but Noctis clung on, preventing him from going anywhere.

“No, it’s fine. Dad would be proud.” Noctis swallowed down his loss. It didn’t benefit him now, and wearing something that had so clearly been left for him at this time, well, it would almost be like having his dad there for his wedding. “I think…I think he would have loved to have you as a son-in-law.”

Ignis stilled, and Noctis pulled back to see the complex emotion Ignis was feeling evident on his face, a mixture of pride, joy and sadness. He muttered something to himself, and Noctis felt a stab of sorrow hit him in the gut.

“What is it?” He asked, hand running gently up and down his fiancé’s side in a comforting manner.

“I could not be prouder of the man you have become. Noctis deserves happiness. He deserves to feel loved as strongly as he loves.” Ignis spoke in a hushed tone, his words reverent. “His Majesty told me that after I put on the ring. Perhaps, somehow, he knew of our feelings.”

Noctis swallowed hard. Ignis had never said he’d spoken to his dad, only that he’d pleaded with the Kings of old to be able to save him.

“A small lie of omission, only so you would not hurry to take on more of the burden before you were ready.” His fiancé explained, leaning into his touch and lightly kissing his palm.

“How can you remember that so clearly?” Noctis asked, the marvel of Ignis’ memory not quite overriding the pang of jealousy he felt. Why hadn’t his dad appeared to him when he’d put on the ring?

It surprised him when, for a moment, Ignis almost looked about to laugh.

“That was a day is one I will never forget, and nor would I ever wish to.” He brushed his lips against Noctis’ forehead, the soft affection smoothing the frown of confusion away. “It was the last time I will ever see your face.”

Any thought of jealousy disappeared when he heard that, reminded of everything Ignis had done for him. But things weren’t going to end that way. He’d make things right, Ignis would see him again, and they’d be able to be happy…he had to keep believing in Gentiana’s words.

“You should start getting ready Noct, otherwise we will be keeping the priest waiting.” Ignis told him after a few moments of quiet for them both to gather their thoughts.

Finally clambering out of bed, Noctis didn’t let go of Ignis’ hand, putting off their separation for as long as possible until he climbed into the small caravan shower. The cubical was much too cramped for more than one body at a time, and Noctis was continually banging his elbows on the walls. The water may have only been lukewarm and the soap basic and industrial, but at least he came out cleaner than when he went in.

Once he stepped out, Ignis was there with a towel in hand to dry him. It was a little threadbare in places, but it did the job. A part of him wanted to take the towel in his own hands for speed, but Astrals did it feel nice to be touched with such care, even for such a mundane and functional purpose. He was barely going to get used to contact with another human being before…well, whatever happened after he died.

“Do you want me to shave?” Noctis asked, kissing Ignis before playfully rubbing their cheeks together, short beard scratching against smooth skin. “Don’t want to look scruffy on the photos.” He half grinned, his heart sinking as he remembered that all his fiancé would have of this day would be his memories, photographs would be useless to him.

Ignis froze for a moment, and Noctis could almost hear his mind turning over the potential, accompanied by a small fluttering of hope and a bone-deep yearning.

“Unless your ability to grow facial hair has significantly improved, shaving could buy us a few days. Perhaps, you could even…” Ignis began to say, and there was a quaver in his voice.

Noctis squeezed his eyes shut, a lump forming in his throat as he could perfectly pre-empt what suggestion was going to come next. Hurriedly, he pressed his fingers against Ignis’ lips, his chest tightening painfully.

“We can’t. I wish…but I can’t…” He whispered, resting his head against his fiancé’s shoulder as arms encircled him. He felt it as that flickering candleflame of hope was once again swallowed by the darkness and to Ignis’ credit, he didn’t try to talk Noctis around or convince him that they could postpone the conditions set in his messenger-given vision to give themselves more time.

It was really good that he didn’t, because Noctis wasn’t certain he’d be able to say no right now. If they started off down that path, it would only get harder and harder to say goodbye while the world around them suffered. Ignis may be able to resist the guilt, but it would almost certainly tear Noctis apart…that is if all the tired, worn-down, scared people outside wouldn’t get to him first, hating that their supposed saviour so selfishly clung to life while they paid the price.

“I’m sorry Noct, I should not have said anything. I forgot myself.” The embrace tightened around him. “I trust you.” Ignis repeated his promise, pressing a kiss to Noctis’ temple.

The mixture of pride and sorrow he could feel coming from Ignis made him unable to speak, having to settle for nodding against his shoulder to communicate, biting his lip hard to put off the tears which threatened to fall. The last thing he wanted was for his friends to remember him having red, puffy eyes at his wedding.

“Let’s get you dressed darling.” The suggestion was gentle, much like the hands which rubbed soothing circles on his back. He had no idea how Ignis did it, maintaining such a calm front when inside he held such passionate emotions.

Ignis helped him dress like he always used to for formal occasions, but now instead of a keen eye for inconsistencies he found them by touch, smoothing away any unwanted creases and ensuring the cape was positioned correctly over his shoulders. Letting somebody dress you was an intimate thing, even if you were royal and it happened on a regular basis. He’d known from a young age that he’d only ever permit such intimacy with Ignis.

Once he was ready, he picked up his fiancé’s coat, brushing it down with a hand.

“Now let me help you.” He got Ignis to turn around and slipped the coat up his arms, settling it in place before running his hands down the sleeves. Then he moved around to Ignis’ front, swatting down the fingers which had come up to fix the buttons and tending to them himself.

Standing back, he looked Ignis up and down, taking in how well the uniform suited him.

“How do you always look so good in everything?” He marvelled as his fiancé gave a soft chuckle.

“I remember you look rather dashing in a suit yourself.” Smiling, Ignis ran his fingers through Noctis’ hair, brushing it back off of his face and tucking a few strands behind his ear.

“Is this really happening? Are we really about to get married?” Noctis fidgeted with his hands, feeling the joy and excitement sing between them. That was what he should focus on now, just this moment, forget about what was coming and enjoy something he never thought he’d be able to do.

“Of course darling. This is real, and I am so very happy. It will not have the usual pomp and ceremony of a royal marriage, but I think we can stand to be a little less grand given the circumstances.” There was a flutter of nervousness, but he wasn’t sure which of them it originated from. Feeling Ignis’ heartbeat alongside his own now felt as natural as breathing.

“As long as we’re together, I don’t care how it happens.” How Ignis had found someone capable and willing to perform the marriage rites within a few hours Noctis would never know.

He smoothed the front of his fiancé’s coat down one last time, relishing the feel of the firm body underneath those clothes.

Ignis quirked an eyebrow, anticipating his thoughts with a devilish grin.

“You may take as much time as you like to undress me again later. But for now, hand me my visor if you please.” Noctis grabbed the item from the counter top, unfolding the arms and sliding it onto Ignis’ face, stealing a quick kiss or two…or three, until a soft tapping at the door drew their attention.

Ignis smiled, no doubt feeling Noctis’ small amount of disappointment which was coupled with a pout. Another soft tap sounded.

Joining their hand’s Ignis made his way to the caravan’s door, continuing to amaze Noctis, moving so confidently through the space it was hard to believe he was blind. Opening the door, Prompto’s grinning face was visible through the narrow opening.

“Enjoy yourselves?” His best friend winked suggestively and immediately could feel heat rising in his cheeks. Had they really been that loud? Ignis cleared his throat.

“Is everything ready Prompto?”

“Yeah, we’ve got stuff arranged like you asked. Taka’s got some breakfast for you both, but Noct, there are so many people who want to see you, you’ve gonna have to eat quick to talk to them all!”

“After the ceremony, perhaps.” Ignis said firmly, his impatience only thinly veiled.

“Get a move on Your Majesty, your public await.” Came Gladio’s amused voice, his presence still shielded by the partially closed door.

Noctis was confused. There hadn’t been more than a dozen or so people aside from his retainers at Hammerhead when he’d arrived, and they’d already seen him.

“A few of our friends in Lestallum wished to make the trip here when they heard the news.” Ignis murmured against his ear, squeezing his hand for comfort.

“I…err…ok.” He wondered how many there might be, he’d always disliked being subjected to the attention of large groups of people. Ignis’ thumb started rubbing calming circles against the back of his hand, feeling his apprehension.

“You ready?” Prompto asked, and after moment, Noctis nodded. He couldn’t stay in the relative safety and isolation of the caravan forever.

“Citizens of Lucis.” Gladio called out. “Make ready to greet your King.”

The door was opened before him, and he was stunned to see the number of people in the forecourt of the garage. There must be close to fifty or sixty people here, and one by one silence fell as they all looked up at him, each with a kind of awe plain of their faces. Many were familiar, to a greater or lesser extent.

“Err…hello.” A bit of a flat greeting perhaps, but any other words had immediately vacated his brain. He was ten years out of practice with formal protocol after all.

Then, one by one, they all saluted him, right arm held across their chests’ and took a knee, bowing their heads. Even Prompto and Gladio had moved a little away from the door to face him and bow, both dressed in Kingsguard uniforms like Ignis.

“Please don’t…” He began, but stopped when he felt the firm squeeze of Ignis’ hand around his. He glanced back to see that even his fiancé was bowing to him. This wasn’t right. He didn’t deserve this. Only an accident of birth put him in his situation as the saviour of Eos, it was everyone else who had paid the price to get him here. He knew he should say something inspiring, give them hope that all their suffering had not been in vain and he would bring back the dawn, but he actually felt a little sick.

“We’re about to get married, you don’t bow to me anymore sweetheart.” He said quietly, tugging gently on Ignis’ arm, getting him to straighten. If he was going to try and do this properly, then he was damn well going to have Ignis standing tall at his side as he should be.

They wanted a King to lead them, someone who seemed in control of the situation and would raise their spirits, someone like his dad who made the best of any opportunity available to him. Noctis had always felt uncomfortable making speeches, even though people seemed to listen to him, he wasn’t sure why. But he needed to give that illusion of confidence. They had waiting so long for him to return, and he felt the pressure of needing to give them reassurance. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and began to speak.

“Brothers and sisters, brave people of Lucis. You have done well these ten years, and I thank you. You’ve done so much, all for my sake…” He could hear a few sniffs among the crowd and at least one person was trying to hold back their sobs. Noctis tightened his grip on Ignis’ hand.

“We’ve all lost friends and loved ones along the way, but the one thing we’ve never lost was hope. This time of darkness will come to an end, and I need you all to stand with me a little longer to make sure the future of Eos is filled with light.”

He wasn’t sure where the words had come from but they seemed to have been good enough when a smattering of applause spread and rippled through the crowd until the cheering drowned out the sounds of nearby daemons.

“Well done Noct.” Ignis whispered close to his ear, radiating pride. Noctis smiled and stepped down from the caravan as Gladio straightened from his bow, tilting his head towards the diner.

“Let’s get some food in ya.” At the suggestion, Noctis’ stomach gave a loud gurgle and he realised just how hungry he was, uncertain of how much time had passed while they’d been tucked away in the caravan. The constant darkness, just like the constant light of the Crystal, was disorientating and made judging the passage of time difficult.

He raised a hand to the assembled people, gesturing for them to stand, while the cheering continuing. A few started to approach, looking as if their either wanted to talk with him or praise him, but thankfully Prompto headed them off, telling them His Majesty would welcome conversation after the ceremony.

Breathing a small sigh of relief, they headed into the diner to find one of the tables spread with a small assortment of breakfast goods. He hoped it wasn’t just for him, despite his stomach’s loud demands his nerves about getting married were suppressing his appetite.

“You may not feel like eating, but you need your strength.” Ignis told him as they sat down, hands carefully reaching out to find the edges of the dishes and then skilfully choosing a selection for the both of them.

“How d’you manage that Specs?” Noctis asked, looking down at his plate of scrambled eggs, toast and bacon.

“My spatial memory has improved significantly with my...condition. Plenty of practice. Go on, eat up.” With the encouragement, Noctis picked up his fork to take a mouthful of egg. They were nice, but a touch on the bland side, they were missing the freshly chopped chives that Ignis always used to add, one of the only green presences he would eat without a debate.

“Not as good as yours.” He mumbled, catching himself too late to stop the words from slipping out.

“Well, once we’re on our way from here, let’s see if we can remedy that.” Surprised, he glanced to the side to see Ignis’ faintly amused smile.

“Could ya stop yapping and eat. _Someone_ insisted the ceremony should be as soon as possible, so we’re just waiting on you.” Gladio playfully nudged his shoulder with an arm, and that was when he realised that his friends were there, but weren’t sitting with them. They both stood at ease beside the table, one looking towards the door and the other further into the diner, alert for trouble. Noctis didn’t like it. They felt more like his bodyguards rather than his friends, and right now, he just wanted a bit of time to be with his friends.

“Sit down won’t you? This food can’t be just for us.” He said, nodding at the empty bench seat across from himself and Ignis.

“We’re your sworn protectors Noct, now people know you’re here we’ve got to at least try to do our jobs.” Gladio snorted, glancing back over his shoulder, his words gruff but without any bite behind them.

“No one’s going to attack me here, and you can’t protect me from what’s coming for me big guy.” He said quietly. One of Ignis’s hands covered his. “Can’t we just have breakfast together like we used to?”

They all exchanged looks and it was Prompto who caved first, sliding into the bench seat and pinching a slice of toast from Noctis’ plate.

“Thanks Noct.” His best friend bit into the bread with a crunch.

“Hey!” Noctis grinned. “You don’t have to steal off my plate.”

“Tastes better that way.” Prompto fired back, mouth full and shedding some crumbs.

Gladio sat down as well, reaching for some bacon, laughing along with Ignis at the pair of them. It felt good for the four of them to be like this again. They laughed and joked as they ate, no mention of the hardships of the last ten years or fear of tomorrow, just a good time between friends.

When all the food was gone, Ignis ushered them out of the diner and towards the garage. Prompto and Gladio moved towards the front of the garage, flanking the priest, but a gentle hand stopped Noctis from following them.

“I thought perhaps we would walk down the aisle together.” Ignis asked a little hesitantly, his excited butterflies mirroring Noctis’ nervous ones.

“Okay, you ready?” Ignis nodded, linking their arms and letting his fiancé take the lead, which Noctis was intently focused on not tripping over his own feet and embarrassing them both.

There probably should have been music playing when they walked between two groups of people. At the front there were a few individuals seated on mismatched chairs and notably Cid’s sun lounger with the old man reclining on it, but everyone else was standing, turned to watch them pass.

As they got closer to the front, while Gladio looked like a professional Guardsman, he noticed Prompto giving him a grin and a double thumbs up, though there was something in his eyes that seemed sad. Then he and Ignis stopped and turned to face each other when they reached the large, open doorway of Cindy’s garage.

The priest, a balding man in late middle age dressed in his robes of office, lightly took hold of Noctis’ right hand and Ignis’ left, raising them both to around chest height and called out.

“Astrals, we beseech you, give your blessing to the union of these two kindred spirits who stand before you.”

Firmly, the priest lowered their hands, turning them so that Noctis’ was resting palm up, with Ignis placed palm down over the top. Instinctively, Noctis rubbed his thumb against Ignis’ little finger, he couldn’t stop smiling, heart racing, still uncertain if this was really happening. Ignis seemed to mirroring his elation, the small curl of a smile at the corners of his mouth had not dropped once since they left the caravan.

“Those gather here now will bear witness to the marriage of these two individuals. May the love and dedication they have for each other only grow as time passes. Does anyone here present know of any reason why these two should not be bound together in matrimony?”

The priest seemed to leave an uncomfortably long time for someone to speak out. Noctis’ heart pounded in his chest while they waited, dreading that someone would say something and spoil this happy moment, but thankfully there was only silence in response.

Next a long black ribbon was produced from within the priest’s voluminous sleeve, and it was laid over the top of their joined hands, passing an end to each of them. Noctis had never had the chance to go to any weddings in person but he did know enough through cultural osmosis to have an idea of what was required.

“You may now exchange your vows. Would his Majesty wish to begin?”

Noctis’ stomach squirmed uncomfortably. He’d not had time to prepare anything, what the hell was he going to say? And in front of all these people! He didn’t want to blurt out something that should just be for Ignis’ ears alone. Oh no! Maybe this spur of the moment marriage was a bad idea after all.

“Noct, it’s alright. Would you prefer I go first?” He looked up from staring at the ribbon to Ignis’ kind smile, but he could feel his nervousness as well, but Noctis just nodded. If he opened his mouth to speak right now, he doubted anything was going to come out.

“I, Ignis Stupeo Scientia, take you, Noctis Lucis Caelum, to be my Astral blessed husband. I swear that for the rest of my existence, I shall be loyal only to you.” Ignis wound the ribbon around their hands. “Love only you.” Another wind. “No matter what fate may throw at us, I shall forever stand by your side, my light in the darkness of the world.” A third wind.

He could feel all the love Ignis had for him, their magical bond so full and bright with it he had to resist the instinct to shield his eyes. Now it was his turn.

“I, Noctis Lucis Caelum, take you, Ignis Stupeo Scientia, to be my Astral blessed husband.” He paused, trying to get some moisture back into his dry mouth.

“I swear to love you, only you, until the end and beyond.” Now he passed his portion of the ribbon over their hands. “I swear to repay all the love and care you have given me all these years tenfold, so you will never question how precious and special you are.” A second wind of the ribbon, and he noticed a single tear run down Ignis’ cheek from behind his visor.

“Regardless of what happens next, I swear…” Noctis’ voice cracked with emotion, his words faltering. “I swear…” His hand holding the ribbon for the final wind shook. “I won’t ever give up on you and our future together.”

He draped the end of the ribbon over their hands for the final time, his eyes filled with so many tears it was hard to see. He would stay true to his promises, he had to.

The priest took the ends of the ribbon and firmly knotted them together, symbolising the bonding of their lives now as one.

“I now pronounce…”

The sharp sound of high heels rang across the quiet courtyard, quietening the priest who, Noctis noticed, had gone very pale and looked like he was about to pass out, before throwing himself to his knees, bowing so low his forehead touched the floor.

“Chosen King.”

“Gentiana…” Noctis whispered, dread filling him as he hastily wiped away the moisture from his eyes with his free hand. What was she doing here? Was so about to scold him for this frivolous waste of time when he should be headed to Insomnia and his fate this very moment? Had she come to tell him that despite everything, he and Ignis wouldn’t get their second chance after all?

“The High Messenger greets the Chosen King and the King’s Consort.” She inclined her head, wearing that enigmatic smile, raising a hand, and Noctis shivered with a momentary feeling of intense cold.

“The blessings of the Astrals has been conferred upon this union. May all promises to the Chosen King be kept.” She announced, giving Noctis a flare of hope.

“Thank you.” He bowed his head in return, and when he looked back up, she had vanished.

A murmur passed among the crowd, astonished by what they had just witnessed. Shakily the priest got to his feet, Prompto taking his elbow and helping him stand, while Gladio carefully watched the group of witnesses for any panic or distress.

“You doing ok?” Prompto asked, the question was directed at the priest but his eyes flicked to Noctis and Ignis. They each nodded in turn, but it was obvious the priest was shaken. Messengers of the gods visiting low ranking members of the clergy just didn’t happen.

“Do you feel able to continue?” Ignis asked calmly, and Noctis could feel his agitation, his desire for their union to be properly announced. The priest took a few shaky breaths and nodded again.

“Yes, your Highness.” The man replied and a variety of expressions flashed across Ignis’ face, from excitement for how the title represented their marriage, to horror that those words now described him.

“Now you get to know how it feels.” Noctis whispered, unable to help himself, gripping Ignis’ hand from within the binding ribbon.

“I now pronounce you King and Consort. You may now kiss your husband.”

They both leant in, hearts filled to bursting, kissing softly while the spectators erupted into applause, cheering, and even a couple of bold wolf whistles.

Afterwards, everyone in attendance wanted to speak with the newly wedded couple. If he’d been worried about the reaction to their marriage, it was assuaged by the gleeful faces that greeted them.

They left the binding ribbon around their joined hands while speaking to the first few people before it became uncomfortable on the wrists, which was when they slipped it off, not disturbing the knot, and put it safely in the armiger.

Most of the people he didn’t know very well simply offered their congratulations and mentioned they were praying to the Astrals for the King’s safety in turning away the Scourge. Those sorts of comments left them both feeling uneasy, no matter how kind the intention behind them.

Those Noctis knew much better received much more involved chats. Iris was a sight for sore eyes, her reputation now as a fierce daemon slayer made her almost more intimidating than her big brother. Talcott’s crush was obvious by the way he hovered around their conversation, but hardly said anything, most of his attention on her.

Cindy stood by her Paw-paw, smiling brightly when they came over to talk. It seemed Cid was getting frailer but still had his sharp tongue and will of iron. He’d insisted on being a part of the party travelling from Lestallum, despite the risks given his advancing years, and Noctis was glad he was just the same as ever.

At some point, Ignis received a voice message on his phone from the Marshall, congratulating them from inside the walls of Insomnia and saying that he was looking forward to seeing them in person again soon. When they listened together, it was a subduing reminder, and they hurriedly went around the others who had not yet been spoken to before they could consider their obligations complete and free to withdraw.

Nobody said anything when the royal couple slipped discretely away to the caravan, locking the door behind them. Tomorrow they would leave Hammerhead for Insomnia, and Noctis’ fate, but tonight, that was all for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get together what with other commitments recently. I hope it was worth the wait ^_^
> 
> There might have been a better way to portray the details of the ceremony and make it more tailored to the Astrals and Cosmogany, but I just don't have the brain power right now to do it decently so just blame it on needing to have a paired down wedding without the flourish and peripheries.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for all the support from the kudos and comments. It really does mean so much <3


	36. Chapter 36

The wedding night was spent with Noctis and Ignis blissfully absorbed in each other, no more painful revelations or bittersweet reminiscing, they tried to forget about tomorrow and relish in the now. Plans were going to be discussed tomorrow about pushing on into the daemon infested Insomnia, but until then, Noctis wanted to really cherish the brief chance to be domestic with his new husband. Food, water and other supplies had been provided for them in the caravan, and everyone seemed content to leave them be so they could focus on making new memories, and having a taste of what life would have been like together as a married couple, desperate to grasp some small piece of normality before it was all over.

When they began to get hungry, Ignis said he would prepare something, standing up from where they had been cuddling together on the bed, and deftly feeling his way around the surfaces of the kitchenette to pull out ingredients. It was when the very sharp looking knife appeared that worry began to twist in Noctis’ gut. Standing up as well, he shuffled towards Ignis to be able to get a better look, biting his lip nervously.

"You don't have to be concerned Noct, I have had quite some time to practice." Ignis told him as he hovered off to the side of the small work surface, eyes glued to the knife that his husband was using to deftly slice an onion.

“Sorry Specs, I just can’t help it.” Noctis said, itching to take the sharp implement away from his husband in case he hurt himself, even though he could sense through their bond how relaxed Ignis felt with a knife in his hand. He almost commented about how _he’d_ not had time to practice watching Ignis cook again but held his tongue, trying to focus on just how grateful he was to be able to taste his husband’s cooking once more, something that he’d never thought would be possible.

Ignis sighed fondly, carefully placing the knife on the chopping board and drew Noctis into his arms, letting his husband lean back against his chest.

“If it would help you feel more comfortable, you could help me make dinner.” Ignis offered, pressing a kiss into Noctis’ hair, arms wrapped securely around his torso, grounding him, helping him feel safe and reassured.

“I suppose I could.” Noctis said, only a little reluctantly, finding Ignis’ hands and linked their fingers together, bringing one up to kiss his knuckles. “What were you going to make anyway?”

“I thought the mother and child rice bowl would do nicely since fresh fish is hard to come by nowadays. Here, why don’t you rest your hands on top of mine.” Ignis unwrapped his arms from around Noctis’ stomach to hold them out in front of him, waiting for his husband to do as he asked. Hesitantly, Noctis did so, feeling a swell of affection warm him through their bond as Ignis slightly repositioned his hands so they were laying over Ignis’ wrists, only the tips of his fingers resting over the backs.

“I shall go slowly, and if there’s anything you don’t want me to do, you don’t even have to speak, just tap with your fingers and you can take over. How does that sound darling?” Ignis’ voice was gentle and soothing, following up with a kiss to the side of Noctis’ neck.

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good. Thanks Specs.” Noctis agreed, glancing back over his shoulder to receive another kiss on his temple, and smiled.

It took longer than usual for the preparations, Ignis going slowly through the steps to give him a chance to stop his husband if he wanted to. There were a few hesitations where Noctis raised his fingers to tap, but then he changed his mind as he watched up close how capable Ignis was without his sight. It was reassuring to have Ignis’ warmth at his back the whole time, and knowing he could take control if he was worried for Ignis’ safety helped to lessen his anxiety.

The end result of the cooking was as good as Noctis remembered it being, and he made sure Ignis knew exactly how much he appreciated it.

“You’re just amazing, y’know that right?” He said softly while they lay in bed, naked and sweaty from exertion after consummating their marriage, limbs comfortably tangled together.

“There is no need for flattery Noct, you already know you have me completely wrapped around your little finger.” Ignis deflected, although the warmth that travelled along the magical cord which connected them hinted at just how much the words had meant regardless.

“It’s not flattery. You’re incredible Ignis. No one else would have done even half the things you’ve done for me. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve always felt like the luckiest man in the world to have you by my side.” Noctis had made a solemn vow, in front of a god no less, to make sure Ignis knew how special he was.

“Even when I kept trying to feed you vegetables?” Ignis chuckled, receiving a playful nudge in return.

“Even when we fought. Even when I was a dumb teenager and thought you were a stuck-up goody two shoes, I still fancied the pants off of you. You help complete me, Ignis. I wouldn’t be the person I am right now if I hadn’t’ve met you. I love you so much.”

His faith in Gentiana’s words had been renewed with her appearance at their wedding, but he still had no idea of how much more time Ignis would have to spend alone after he’d done what was needed, or what form their second chance would take. There was so much that he’d never said aloud before, only thoughts kept deep within his heart, but he was going to share as many of them as he could now, while there was time.

While Noctis continued to speak, a tear ran across Ignis’ cheek to soak into the pillow and he smiled through it all.

“I love you too, my light. My husband.” Ignis said with such reverence that Noctis thought his heart may burst with all the emotion. Yeah, it was going to be hard to get used to hearing that, even though his new title meant much more to him than Prince or King ever had. Those had been a heavy burden of responsibility and sacrifice, service in the name of his people over himself that had been shoved onto him from birth. In comparison, being Ignis’ husband was a gift, the one thing in his life he had been able to choose for himself and something he would be eternally grateful for, even though it came with its own set of responsibilities, they were the kind he would willingly perform.

It was difficult to get to sleep that night, even though both knew it was necessary, but there was such happiness laying in each other’s arms that neither wanted to relinquish this experience to the realm of sleep. It was inevitable though and eventually both of them succumbed. For the first time in a long time, both were peaceful.

Noctis woke to the sound of knocking on the door of the caravan, and Gladio’s voice came from outside. He groggily checked the time, groaning as he saw that it was half an hour after they’d agreed to start the briefing.

“C’mon you two, rise and shine. We've got a lot of stuff to cover.” His Shield didn’t sound frustrated about them over sleeping, just resigned. It was a similar tone to the one Ignis used to use on him as a teenager after he’d slept through his fourth alarm.

Rubbing his eyes, he glanced over at his still sleeping husband. All lines of worry were smoothed from his face, his breathing deep and even, finally at peace, not hounded by nightmares either sleeping or waking. He was beautiful, and he was Noctis’.

Noctis lightly brushed his fingertips across Ignis’ cheek, following the line of that high cheekbone, feeling the transition from smooth skin to rough scar tissue and back again, memorising this sight and locking it safely away in his heart. He’d give anything to wake up each morning to this wonderous man sleeping peacefully beside him.

The world could last without its sun a little longer, right? People had managed to make it work for a decade, what would be a few days more, or perhaps a month? Or two?

A year at most.

The people wouldn’t begrudge him that small amount of time, would they? After all he was giving the rest of his life for them, it was only fair if he got a chance to live a little before he had to give it all up…

Another knock on the door jolted him from his revery. Astrals, that had been dangerous! One tiny slice of domestic bliss and Noctis had been so tempted to give in and have his happiness with Ignis now… The squeeze of discomfort at the ramifications of those thoughts made Noctis’ heart heavy in his chest, a dark contract to the slow, tranquil pulse of Ignis’ beside it. It was a good thing he had agreed that today was when he and his three dearest friends would make plans and leave Hammerhead for Insomnia. If he delayed any longer, he’d never be able to let Ignis go, regardless of future promises and possibilities.

Still, with Ignis so calm, perhaps he could buy just a bit of time to let his husband sleep a little longer. Only for an hour. Prompto and Gladio would understand.

Noctis tried to very gently to extricate himself from Ignis’ grasp in an attempt to slip over to the door and catch Gladio before any more noise and woke Ignis.

“If you don’t answer I’m gonna have to come in there.” Gladio called a little louder than before, and this time Ignis stirred, bringing his hands up to rub at his face, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

“Alright Gladio, we’re awake. Give us ten minutes, yeah?” Noctis called, cursing his Shield under his breath. He’d just wanted a little longer, damn it!

“Ok, I’ll be back in ten then.” Noctis rolled his eyes at the faint sounds of boots outside, moved away, turning his entire focus back to Ignis.

He kissing his husband’s forehead while Ignis mumbled something that sounded very much like “Five more minutes…” and arms reached out to pull Noctis back into his embrace. Not only being awake before Ignis but seeing him in a sleep-addled state, loathe to leave their marriage bed, was a situation Noctis never thought he’d witness, and it hurt to not be certain when he may get to experience something like this again.

“I wish we could. I’m sorry sweetheart, but it’s time to get up.” Noctis kissed his husband once more before gently removing the arms arounds him and reluctantly flipped the covers away, his bare skin goosepimpling as it was exposed to the cool air of the caravan.

Their honeymoon was over. The liberation of Insomnia was about to begin.

What followed was hours of getting up to speed with the current situation in the Crown City, going over and adjusting plans for infiltration of the Citadel, which was apparently where Ardyn had holed up, gathering supplies and weapon maintenance. The whole thing was exhausting, but somewhere in between climbing out of bed and walking into Takka’s, all of Noctis’ fear and anxiety had ebbed away. Instead, there was a numbness that took hold, calmly allowing him to take in the necessary information without wanting to rebel and scream his defiance at the everything that had condemned him to this fate.

Through the preparations, everyone was anxious about being able to destroy the Scourge and bring back the dawn, but his friend’s faces specifically were drawn, their complexions ashen. Ignis stuck to his side, more often than not holding his hand so tightly he could clearly feel his trembling. It seems nobody else had been told about the consequences of his victory, a lie of omission he understood completely, but the knowledge was taking its toll.

All the resources available were being put into getting him inside the Citadel to confront Ardyn, but it was hardest when the discussion turned to plans for what might happen within the Citadel itself.

“Whatever’s in there, we’ll get you through safe Noct.” Gladio said, a frown of determination twisting the scar across his brow.

“Yeah, we’ll be with you dude! We’ll give you as much help as well can.” Prompto almost sounded enthusiastic.

“Gotta admit, it’s gonna feel real good to take a swing at Ardyn for everything he’s put us through.” The Shield’s suggestion caused a cheer to be taken up by the other Hunters and Guard in the building, all clearly wishing for that same opportunity.

It was only then that Noctis realised what his friends were suggesting. They’d go with him right to the end, even do what they could against Ardyn if it would help him. Their words felt like a punch to the gut, but he couldn’t say anything right now, not when there were so many others listening in, so he forced himself to smile and mumble something vaguely positive sounding but non-committal, receiving a heavy pat to the shoulder from Gladio and a nervous thumbs up from Prompto.

Ignis remained silent, the promise that Noctis had already extracted from him hanging heavy in the air between them. Despite Ignis’ incredible ability to keep his face impassive, Noctis could feel the pain stretching out over their magical connection, threatening his own emotional detachment. When it was about to become too much, Noctis gently patted his husband’s shoulder, withdrew his hand, and excused himself to step outside alone to breathe. 

It hurt him that Ignis was in pain and he knew that by separating himself to calm down and remain somewhat detached he was making things harder. Noctis had to squash down his feelings of guilt from being aware exactly how much Ignis did not want to leave his side, finding the intensity of their bond a burden right now. The temptation to ease Ignis’ suffering and cling to him, damning the world as a consequence, was creeping back in, but he couldn’t give into it. He’d resigned himself to do this over the last ten years, or however much he’d actually felt of them, he couldn’t afford to be swallowed by the pain of sorrow and loss, and he didn’t want any more needless sacrifices on his behalf. This numbness was good, it would help him do what was needed to pave the way for a future, for everyone, himself and Ignis included. All it took was hurting the people most precious to him to do it…in the end, he knew he’d have to take the last steps alone.

Before it really registered, the time was beginning to get late and all the preparations that could be made were done, leaving the four of them sat subdued around a booth table in Taka’s, debating solemnly about whether to sleep in Hammerhead one more time and move out once they were refreshed, or bite the bullet and push on to Insomnia.

His husband’s feelings of grief hadn’t let up over the hours of prep, and it seemed Noctis’ continued numbness had only made things worse, almost as if deep down Ignis was hurt he wasn’t feeling the same sense of loss, but they hadn’t had the space today to talk about it. In a small gesture that could never be enough, he rubbed small circles with his thumb onto the back of Ignis’ hand as reassurance.

“Are the haven’s still safe?” Noctis asked. He didn’t want to stay in Hammerhead for one more night, scared that another night alone with Ignis would fracture the resolve he was managing to hold onto, but they did need sleep. He wasn’t going to lose his friends and his chance for happiness at the last minute because of self-imposed fatigue.

“Yeah, they still keep the daemons away.” Gladio said, scratching his beard thoughtfully.

“And there is one not far from the old Insomnia checkpoint.” Ignis said quietly, his head bowed, pressing his side firmly against Noctis as if he might be able to store up the touch for when there would be no more.

“Why don’t we sleep there then? Be just like old times. You still got the tent and stuff, right Gladio?” He noticed Prompto looking up in surprise at the suggestion.

“Yeah, might be a bit dusty though.” Gladio smiled, and even Ignis seemed to brighten a little.

“Dude, do things in the Armiger get dusty?” Prompto chimed in, chipper, but with what might have been a small quaver in his voice, and with that it was decided.

After a round of goodbyes with every individual in Hammerhead, the four of them walked out of the gates to a small crowd cheering and waving them off. It made Noctis uncomfortable, like they were cheering for his death. He tried to smile and wave back as they went, but it was made even harder by being able to feel Ignis’ bitterness while he fought to keep his emotions suppressed. The people were just happy to see their saviour setting off to do that prophesised saving, although he thought there’d been something very final about Cid’s parting shot, like he somehow knew they’d never meet again.

Unfortunately, the daemons weren’t going to make their last journey an easy one, and they had to fight their way to the haven’s swirling patterns and soothing blue light.

It was agonising when the first group of daemons appeared on the roadway. The memory of Ignis’ impaired fighting ability back when he had been newly blinded was still vivid for Noctis, threatening to break his calm as he mentally replayed seeing Ignis struggle to keep the enemies away and keep himself safe brought with it an accompanying gut-wrenching terror. The thought of one mis-timed move, one silent strike could end Ignis’ life. That could not happen! No matter what, Ignis could not go before he did!

“Stay back Specs.” Immediately, Noctis positioned himself between his husband and their foes, summoning his sword in a shower of crystalline sparkles.

“It is alright Noct. Trust me to keep you safe like I used to.” Ignis stepped up next to him and summoned his daggers as the daemons pulled themselves out of the vile, oozing puddles on the ground.

Ignis’ grip on the hilts looked comfortable as he held them at the ready in such an elegant fashion, radiating confidence in his abilities. He was no longer weighed down by the need for a cane, limiting to only one weapon, and Noctis forced himself to think of how easily Ignis had handled the knife for cooking before. He had yet to experience the effect of ten years of surviving had had on his husband, but standing beside him wasn’t the Ignis he had unwillingly left behind in Zegnautus Keep.

“Don’t worry Noct. Iggy’s got moves.” Prompto beamed, positioning himself on the other side of Ignis while Gladio joined Noctis’ open side, his greatsword resting casually on his shoulder.

“Together then gentlemen?” Ignis said as the squelching noises of the daemons’ appearance died away, letting their bays and growls take over.

“Together.” They all raised their weapons, and charged.

Even only catching glimpses of Ignis mid-battle was enough to tell Noctis that his husband was more than capable, dashing around and flipping over daemons, delivering efficient strikes to any foe that came within his range. The anxiety and fear he felt for Ignis’ safety didn’t go away but it ebbed in favour of experiencing such immense pride. His husband was by far the most remarkable man he’d ever known. Who else could overcome such a disability and manage to exceed even his previous skill?

When the last of the stinking daemon corpses had boiled away into nothingness, Noctis was bent over, his hands resting on his knees and breathing hard while the others hardly looked put out by the fight. Either Noctis lost some of his stamina while he was in the Crystal, or his husband, his best friend and his Shield had far surpassed him in the time he’d been gone.

“Noct, you’re not hurt, are you?” Ignis was instantly by his side even though he must have been able to feel that Noctis was suffering from nothing more severe than a stitch, he insisted on carefully feeling him over just in case.

“Nah, I’m good. Just tired.” He puffed, slowly getting his breath back.

“See, this is what happens when you do nothing but sleep and slack off training.” Gladio said, a hint of teasing in his tone but his large hand patted Noctis’ shoulder comfortingly. His Shield must have mellowed out a little over the years, because Noctis could have sworn that apparently being so much out of shape would have had Gladio chewing his ear off in the past.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” His Shield asked more seriously and Noctis could feel how Ignis stiffened at the question. “You could take some more time to…”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s keep going.” He straightened up, cutting Gladio off sharply. He didn’t need the temptation, or the excuse. Giving Ignis a quick kiss on the cheek, Noctis started walking, his friend following close behind only for them to be ambushed again a couple of hundred meters further on.

Fight, move on. Fight, move on. It was a slow, tiring grind to even get to the haven, but when they finally arrived Noctis experienced the most incredible rush of nostalgia, a soft pulse came from his bond with Ignis and he was feeling the whole ten plus years since they last did this, all four of them together. But while setting up camp that nostalgia shifted into melancholy. There was no sun to set over the horizon, no regalia parked nearby after a long day of driving, no stars speckling the darkness with pinpricks of light, forming shapes and patterns for him and Ignis to identify. It was the same, but different in such a way that made Noctis wonder if he’d made a mistake in suggesting this for their final night together.

“Now everything is in order, I suppose I should start preparing dinner. Any requests, given our meagre list of available ingredients?” Ignis stood by the cooking station, a small smile upon his face, and Noctis could feel his happiness to be doing this once more, despite all the other emotions he was enduring.

Gladio shrugged, giving a non-committal mutter, while Prompto didn’t beat around the bush and just looked to Noctis. His friends wanted him to have his choice of a last proper meal. It was kind of them, but he thought of a better way.

“Why don’t you make what you want to Specs? Whatever you want. Anything at all, and I’ll even eat the carrots.” He said, looking over to see his husband’s expression of surprise.

“Oh…I’ll see what I can whip up.” Ignis replied softly, a gentle smile on his face as he turned to the cooking station and to the small cooler of food they had brought with them.

While Ignis was busy pulling out ingredients, Noctis pulled Prompto and Gladio over to the other side of the haven to be able to talk to them with the veneer of privacy.

“Err…while he’s busy, I just wanted to say thank you, for taking care of Ignis while I wasn’t here.” Noctis looked earnestly at his friends, keeping his voice low so he hoped his husband wouldn’t be embarrassed by overhearing them.

“You saw how he doesn’t need any help with killing daemons, didn’t you?” Prompto replied with a smile, also keeping his voice quiet.

“I meant in other ways too.” He hadn’t meant to imply anything sinister or sound in any way accusatory, but by the way the smile faded from his best friend’s face he knew he could have phrased it so much better. He wanted to talk about what Ignis had told him and tell Prompto that he wasn’t angry about one mistaken kiss years ago. Astrals, he needed more time, but he’d already delayed too long, been too self-indulgent. He took a breath to try speak again but hesitated too long and was interrupted.

“So, he tell you some of the stupid shit that he tried to pull when you weren’t here?” Gladio sighed, hands on his hips, tilting his head back to stare up at the star-less sky.

“Err, yeah, a little.” Noctis mumbled, distracted by thoughts of Ignis appearing to him, drastically underweight, then all the other confessions he heard the other night of what his husband had put himself through, unable to help glancing over his shoulder.

“That’s why I want to thank you. I don’t think he’d be here now if it wasn’t for you guys and…I don’t know what I’d have done…if he wasn’t here…” His lip began to quiver, tears beginning to flood his eyes unbidden, his detachment starting to fragment. Gladio pulled him into a one-armed hug, squeezing him tight enough that he almost didn’t notice the way Ignis had straightened up and the sound of chopping had stilled. Hurriedly, he tried to think of other things to manage his emotions, not wanting to upset Ignis because of it. He’d momentarily forgotten their connection worked both ways, and while he’d been feeling more from Ignis over the last few days, Ignis must be feeling more from him as well.

“Course we took care of him. It’s no biggy.” Prompto was shifting on the balls of his feet, arms swinging at his sides and seeming to have trouble making eye-contact. Seems he’d never lost the habit of fidgeting when he was anxious about something. “Besides, you asked me to, on the train to Gralia, remember?”

Yes, Noctis did indeed remember, though he’d had no way of knowing that wish of his would be needed so soon after he’d asked.

“Yeah, and I wanted to ask you if you’d both keep an eye on him when…well, y’know…I know it was really hard on him when I disappeared and he knew I’d come back. When it’s more…permanent…I don’t know…” He’d hoped to get this out quickly, but now he was saying the words his own anxieties were forcefully making themselves known and shattering his tranquillity of earlier, threatening to swallow him up, he could sense Ignis’ growing concern.

“We’ll keep looking out for him Noct.” Gladio reassured him, releasing him from the half hug and gently patting his shoulder.

“Always will, bud.” Prompto agreed. Then he added, almost too quiet to hear. “You don’t even need to ask.”

“Noct? I’m in need of another pair of hands. Would you be so kind?” Ignis called, making sure to speak more than loudly enough.

“Coming.” Noctis walked quickly across the haven, harshly rubbing any moisture from his eyes only to be pulled into an embrace as soon as he came within arm’s reach and held tightly, a kiss placed on his forehead.

“Why’d you need more hands when you’re not using your own.” Noctis tried to joke, but the sadness and worry he could feel through their connection quietened him.

“I can feel how distressed you are darling.” Ignis said quietly, resting his cheek against Noctis’ hair and rubbing small circles over his back. It was a soothing gesture, bringing with it memories of all the many times Ignis had held him through all kinds of hurt, and it completely crumbled the unfeeling wall he’d been struggling to maintain, allowing his emotions to wash over him.

“It’s impossible to hide anything from you now.” His voice cracked and he pressed his face into the crook of Ignis’ neck where his tears would be silently absorbed by cloth, fisting his hands into the coat over his husband’s back. “I was just saying…”

“I know darling, I heard.” Ignis said, so quiet the words were almost a whisper against his ear. Noctis found himself being rocked slowly, like one might do with an upset child, but he didn’t care. There was only the four of them out here, and it was the last chance of peace that they had, feeling ashamed of his grief for what Ignis had suffered without him was a waste of time.

As his tears silently fell, he could hear there was quiet conversation going on between Gladio and Prompto, but not the substance, the fire in the middle of their ring of chairs crackling pleasantly away. It took a few minutes for Noctis to regain some control, pressing his lips against Ignis’ neck before he pulled back slightly.

"I'll help you with dinner. Tell me what you want chopping." Noctis offered, it would give him something useful to focus on rather than be left to his thoughts. He listened carefully to the instructions and unquestioningly got to work. He wasn’t sure if he was actually more of a hindrance than a help, his husband just giving him something to do to help him feel a little better, but as always Ignis was efficient and before long their meal was plated up.

“Dinner is served! I call this, a feast for the divine.” Ignis announced, turning towards the campfire with a plate in each hand. Noctis felt a sensation of pride flow into him along their bond to stir within his chest.

“So, you finally got over your dislike of the Astrals now the High Messenger blessed your wedding?” Gladio asked, taking a plate for himself and passing another to Prompto.

“Not at all. I have named it for my husband.” Noctis could feel his cheeks heating with a blush as he accepted the offered plate. Looking closely, it appeared to have a number of items which appeared suspiciously vegetable-like, but he’d eat it all, no complaining, no pulling a face. Right now, he’d do everything possible to make Ignis happy, he owed him that much.

Settling into their camping chairs around the fire, Noctis pulled his close enough beside Ignis’ so they could press their knees together, providing the comfort of contact to them both.

It was quiet while they ate, except for complimenting Ignis for making something that good out of odds and ends of ingredients, but once the plates were cleared, that silence stretched on. Surely it should have been easier to talk and laugh like old times out here than in Taka's diner, but the cracking of the fire and occasional daemon cries were the only sounds. Noctis shifted in his seat, feeling like it was his responsibility to start up a conversation. Perhaps his friends were nervous because of how emotional he'd become before and were waiting for him to lead. Prompto certainly kept glancing at him and fidgeting, the stretched out silence becoming uncomfortable. 

What did people talk about now? What did he used to talk to his friends about, before the engagement, before being set on this path to his own destruction? 

“So, err, have you guys got partners now?” Noctis asked, rubbing the back of his neck, uncertain. 

“Nah, a few girlfriends here and there, but I never settled.” Gladio shrugged, subdued. “Too much to do trying to keep everything together, y’know.”

His Shield seemed almost regretful and Noctis felt a little embarrassed for showing such open affection with Ignis without any consideration for his friends’ feelings. They both seemed pleased that he and Ignis were happy together, but with everything else to catch up with, he hadn’t thought about whether it might hurt them. There was so much about his friends’ lives for the past ten years he’d never have the time to learn about.

“How about you Prompto? Did you ever get anywhere with Cindy?” He asked, hoping his best friend had been more successful in spending time with the woman he’d crushed so hard on.

“Ahh…we had a thing for a bit a couple of years back. Didn’t work out though. We decided it was better to be friends.” Prompto replied with a shrug and a half -hearted grin. It was a weak response given how much Noctis remembered him pining after the blonde mechanic. Perhaps Prompto’s feelings for her had just faded over time?

“Anyone else?”

There was an uncomfortable pause.

“…Nah.” Prompto almost seemed nervous, clasping his hands together in front of him, his eyes flicking back and forth around the camp but decidedly not settling upon any of his friends.

“I’m sure I remember that red headed Glaive having a thing for you. What was their name?” Gladio chipped into the awkwardness before Prompto cut him off.

“Yeah, but nothing came out of it. Seems I can’t help but prefer blondes.” He grinned, finally looking Noctis in the eye, but his cheer seemed forced. The shadows underneath his eyes looked darker in the flickering firelight, giving him a slightly haunted look. What made things even worse was the uncomfortable sadness that he could feel from Ignis, and Noctis regretted bringing up the entire subject.

“I’m sorry Prom, I didn’t mean to…I wasn’t trying to pry.” Noctis shifted in his seat. He’d hoped that from what Gentiana had told him in the Crystal, that Ignis rejecting Prompto’s unrequited feelings would have let them quietly slip away, but now he worried that that might not have been the case.

They used to tell each other everything, or so he thought. Prompto was the only person who he'd told about his feelings for Ignis before they'd left Insomnia, the most closely guarded secret he'd had. Now there was ten years of distance between them and that couldn’t even begin to be closed by a few hours around a campfire. In some ways, his best friend felt a little like a stranger to him now, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of grief for their weakened friendship.

“No, it’s ok dude. Things didn’t work out for me, but I’m glad you two are happy.” This time the smile seemed to reach Prompto's eyes, the statement felt genuine, but there was still something in the way his gaze quickly flicked away from Ignis that made Noctis uncomfortable.

Noctis felt a flash of guilt down the magical bond and he glanced at his husband, seeing a frown creasing his brow. Sensing the attention through some instinct, Ignis inclined his head towards him, blind eyes seeming pained behind his visor, but he didn't speak.

"Thanks Prom.” Noctis said, managing to summon a half smile from somewhere. He had to steer the conversation somewhere else, bury the discomfort that they didn’t have the time to even begin to unpack right now, and that left the subject he’d been dreading.

“Erm…there's actually something else I wanted to talk about, but it's not gonna be easy…" He took a deep shaky breath. “You all know what I’ve got to do in Insomnia…what I have to…to give up.” It was so hard to fight the words out. They formed a lump in his throat, choking him, making it difficult to breathe.

“I couldn’t have got this far without you guys. Thank you…thank you for staying with me. I know I probably made things difficult sometimes,” Gladio let out a chuckle at that. “But I’m so grateful…that you’re here…that we’ve come this far together…” Noctis faltered, his husband taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. Feeling Ignis’ love and trust in him despite the pre-emptive grief of separation once more, gave him the strength to continue.

"I know that with all the prep earlier, you guys assumed you’d be going with me, all the way...Thing is, I’ve made my peace and I can’t bear dragging you all down with me. I need to know...you’ve got to promise me, that when the time comes, you’ll get somewhere safe, and leave Ardyn to me.”

Logs in the fire snapped and crackled, some of the burnt through ones collapsing in on each other. He could see the rigid tension in Gladio’s jaw and the way Prompto’s bottom lip quivered. 

“And you’re ok with that Iggy?” Gladio asked, blinking rapidly like he had something irritating his eyes, his knuckles white as he gripped the arms of his chair.

Noctis felt a brief stab of resentment at Gladio not even directing the question at him. It was something his Shield often used to do with Ignis when they were young and Noctis had expressed a preference that Gladio didn’t agree with. It had irked him back then too, always feeling like he wasn’t responsible enough to have an opinion, and his future Shield and future Advisor would decide what was best for him. It took a moment, but he reined that feeling back in. Now wasn’t the time to be sorting through that particular can of emotional worms, and he could understand precisely why his Shield did not like the idea of leaving him to die alone.

“Not exactly, but, I trust Noct.” His husband said softly, keeping his voice calm, but Noctis could feel how this was tearing him up inside. He gripped his husband’s hand even tighter, the contact providing some small stabilisation for the both of them.

Gladio gave a choked back sob and Prompto suddenly stood, scowling as he scrubbed tear tracks from his cheeks and marched over to the edge of the haven, staring out across the daemon infested landscape.

“I know what you must be thinking. If it wouldn’t ruin everything we’ve sacrificed, I’d have you all with me for as long as you wanted to be there, but I have to face Ardyn, and the throne, alone.” He felt a bit guilty about subtly twisting the truth, referring to the ruin of his and Ignis’ future rather than absolutely sealing the fate of Eos, but he wasn’t exactly lying either. Ignis had sacrificed so much for him, over and over again, and he was going to give up his life so the world could go on, the chance at happiness seemed like such a small thing in comparison. His friends just needed to do as he asked, and things would turn out ok.

When Prompto turned back towards the campfire, Noctis could see that his friend’s eyes had become puffy and red from all the silent tears that were wetting his face. 

“But what if we could do something to help? What if we could help you tip the scales a little bit, so you could…” The question trailed off before the end but the anguish in Prompto’s face made it clear what he was trying to say.

“The prophesy doesn’t work like that.” Noctis shrugged, feeling helpless to provide any kind of real comfort for his friend. “You’ve all waited so long to see the sun, I can’t…I can’t risk screwing it up, no matter how much I want to be selfish.” Noctis got to his feet, his hand continuing to cling to Ignis’ as he could feel his husband’s hand shaking.

“No more sacrifice for me, please! I love you guys too much.” Noctis fought to get the words out before he was unable to say anything through the tears that had begun to fall. He’d cried so much over the last few days he was almost surprised that he had anything left within him, but unbidden the tears came, preventing him from seeing Prompto move until arms were wrapping around him, squeezing him tight. He tugged at Ignis’ hand, pulling him up and into the hug as well, a moment later joined by Gladio, all of them crying and supporting each other.

The four of them huddled together for a long time before eventually separating and retiring into the tent. Noctis watched as his friends efficiently stripped off their outer layers of clothing, leaving enough on underneath that they could be up and active again if necessary. It seemed that was the way things were done now, being always on the alert outside the safety of guarded, floodlit spaces, ready for whatever the constant darkness threw at you.

It was strange not having full skin on skin contact with Ignis as they cuddled together as best they could. Noctis had zipped two sleeping bags together to allow them to at least hold each other while they slept, and he’d had to make a conscious effort to remember not to strip off entirely. He was sad that his final night wouldn’t be spent giving himself completely to his husband, but the fact that they were here, together, at all was only just shy of a miracle, and he was relying on Shiva’s grace for a second.

Ignis’ arms felt strong and secure around him as they lay down, their legs entwined. Even through the stress of it all, feeling his husband’s heart beating alongside his own soothed him into sleep, letting him rest for the next day, and the remainder of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it took me nearly 3 months to get this chapter ready and I'm expecting this to be the penultimate one. The chapter total has even gained a number, that's how confident I am this this story will reach it's conclusion next time. I hope it won't take another 3 months, but I also want to make sure I do it justice.
> 
> It's taken quite a while and an awful lot of words to get to this point, so I just want to say thank you very much for reading and sticking with this fic, whether you've been following from the start or only found it recently, I really do appreciate it <3


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